So Need a Cute Girl
| “ | Such words were never more true, but if I didn't feel the sadness, lonliness [sic] or torture in my heart from after my first encounter with that Witch Bitch, I might be a fuckin' weak sap, instead of the SALTY, AGGRESSIVE, and TRULY SWEET TO THE LADIES and NOT TO MOST MEN type of MAN that I AM. | ” |
| Chris commenting on "So Need a Cute Girl", 11 November 2007, ED edit[1] | ||
"So Need a Cute Girl" is the first track off of Christian and the Hedgehog Boys. Chris describes it in an ED edit as his "sweetheart search theme song."[1] It is arguably his greatest hit, and certainly the Hedgehog Boys song Chris goes back to most often; as well as the performances listed below, impromptu features appear in a number of his videos.
Bizarrely enough, the song can be downloaded for 89 cents on Amazon's MP3 store since November 2013. According to the copyright date, Chris used Distrokid.com and some of his monthly tugboat to get it up on there. Of course, there could be the possibility that a troll put it up there and is making money off of Chris's work.
Song
| So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | August 2003 |
| Subject Matter |  Music,  Sex,  Virgin with Rage,  Love Quest,  Noviophobia
|
| Performance Style |  Crazy
|
| Other |  Audio
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special |
next So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video |
Lyrics
[sung over The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way"]
Hey! Look at me!
I'm sitting here sad and lonely!
Without a fire,
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
And I see da ladies walking
Along one by one,
And I never wanna hear,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage! *
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"**
And I have no fire
But a desire
To not hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
(Tell me why)
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Why do all of the jerks
Get all of the pretty girls? (Yeah!)
You may not notice,
But I want you to know
That I am a lonesome heart!
And I have no fire,
But a desire
To not, to not, to not
Heeeaaar…
Stuck as a virgin with rage!
So need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
(Tell me why)
I so need a cute girl my age!
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Tell me why
I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!
I so need a cute girl my age!
I ain’t never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"
Never say it, now!
* In some versions of the song, "as a virgin with rage" is replaced by the alternative lyric "in a sad, lonely cage."
** In a version of the lyrics posted by Chris in one of his ED edits, these lyrics are changed to "I mean it when I say, 'I NEED A SWEETHEART.'"[2]
Music video
| So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video (Featuring Performance of "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend") | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 20 December 2004 |
| Subject Matter | Music, Sex
|
| Performance Style |  Tragedy, Crazy
|
| Shirt |  The Classic
|
| Other |  Leaked
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous So Need a Cute Girl, Audio Only |
next So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance |
Filmed in December 2004 to promote Christian's Love Quest. Don't miss the rare B-side track, "All I Want For Christmas is a Pretty Girlfriend"
Introductory notes
Chris: Hello. My name is, uh, Christian Chandler. Age 22 at this time. I will be 23 on February 24, 2005. Anyway, for, uh, over a year now I've, uh, being trying to attract an 18 to 22-year-old boyfriend-free girl, 18 to 21 before February 24, 2004, which is this year. Anyhoo, been trying for over a year to attract a girl, boyfriend-free girl, and I have failed.
[sits down]
And, you know, when you get -- when you have so much -- so many failures in this time... you can't help but feel sad, you know? [begins to pet a stuffed cat sitting on the piano] And depressed... and here it is about Christmastime, and... well, all I want for Christmas is a boyfriend-free girl. And of course, uh, during the time, I have uh, been, uh, trying... I have written a few songs about my, uh, love quest. And so, for now -- for now, I'd like to sing to you my, uh -- two of my, two of my songs. First one I'm gonna sing is one I've uh, made up first -- written my own lyrics to and t-- turned it into a song.
By the way, this here is Sonichu. You can look him up on the web. It's my website. Just put in S-O-N-I-C-H-U as your web search term.
Anyway, here's my first song called "So Need a Cute Girl."
[Performs songs]
[Chris sighs] Well, at this time of year, all I can say right now is... that I hope Santa will comply with my request and bring me... a pretty girlfriend.
And so... happy holidays from... me, Christian Chandler—by the way, you can call me Chris in public... and... thank you.
Live performance
| So Need a Cute Girl, Live Performance | |
| Search for video | YouTube, archive |
| Stardate | 12 July 2009 |
| Subject Matter | Music, Sex
|
| Performance Style | Drunk
|
| Shirt |  The Referee
|
| Other |  Live
|
| OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos | |
| previous So Need a Cute Girl, Music Video |
next Harvey Birdman Commercial |
On 12 July 2009, one of Chris's "friends" uploaded Christian and the Hedgehog Boys giving their first public performance (sans the Hedgehog Boys, though Chris probably imagined they were there in his head), with their song "So Need a Cute Girl." Perhaps in an attempt to come off as less creepy, Chris opts to use the "sad, lonely cage" lyrics instead of the "virgin with rage" one. Although his performance is predictably sleep-inducing, for the most part, Chris's added "flourish" at the very end of the video makes for an unforgettable couple of seconds.
Transcript
Chris: (Fervently grabs crotch at the end) LADIES, ALL HANDS ON ME. (There are no takers, just laughter)
Man: (Bewildered) Oh ohh OHHH buddy!! Whoa-ho, you got that on film!
Covers
| So Need a Cute Girl, cover | |
| Stardate | 30 June 2009 |
| Made By |  Liquid Chris
|
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Other Info | Sonichu: The Animated Series response from the real Chris Chandler. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| So Need a Cute Girl, cover | |
| Stardate | 4 January 2012 |
| Made By | GUWANGE |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | From the album Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
| So Need a Cute Girl (Medley) | |
| Stardate | 11 June 2012 |
| Made By | GhostofBillRiley |
| Subject Matter | So Need a Cute Girl |
| Video Type | Song Cover |
| Other Info | A medley of several covers mixed together with the original. |
| TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos | |
Sources
See also
- All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend
- Chris and music
- Christian and the Hedgehog Boys
- Virgin with Rage
- Chris's Big Night Out II
| ⇐ Animal Crossing Documentary | Chris's videos | Harvey Birdman Commercial ⇒ |
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