Sonichu 7
The eighth issue of Christian's Sonichu comic book. Although the cover was drawn in March of 2007, the rest of the comic was drawn in November, making this the first issue of Sonichu to be influenced by trolls.
Features
Episode 15: "Time for a Ball"
Hey, guys! What's Da Update?
Following the battle with Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, Chris and Megan,return to the Manchester High School basketball court with Magi-Chan, and Sonichu in search of the Sonichu Balls. There, Bionic the Hedgehog gushes about his new girlfriend, Megagi La Skunk, who then shows up to take him out on their second date. Chris envies his fictional creation, until Megan holds his hand, which cheers him up enough to make stupid animu faces again.
Magi-Chan makes up some bullshit about how the Sonichu Balls are scattered throughout space and time, and that he can somehow pinpoint the missing ball if he can find the person it came into contact with. Worth noting is that Chris has yet to explain what the Sonichu Balls are, why they would help, or why they even came here to look for one.
Chris comes over to ask the Sonichus for da update, and Magi-Chan somehow realizes that it was Chris who touched the Ball in the past. Magi-Chan reads Chris' mind, and somehow narrows down the exact date and time: November 13, 1996, 2:31:29 P.M. Coincidentally, this was the very moment Chris "created" Bionic the Hedgehog.
Chris confirms Magi-Chan's hypothesis, recalling that he thought he had been hit on the head with a basketball that day, but it must have been the Sonichu Ball from the future. Feeling self-conscious, Chris segues into a "Family Guy" style scene which he gives Seth McFarlane full permission to use.
The Family Guy "Skitch"
Chris remembers himself as having a Peter Griffin-style body and intellect, although ironically, this fat, stupid version of Chris is easily the most accurate self-charicature he's ever drawn. Visiting the headquarters of the Filmation Ghostbusters for no apparent reason, he excuses himself to use the restroom, and mistakenly enters the chamber the team on the cartoon used to change into their Ghostbuster uniform. What follows is a faithful, albeit crude, homage to the Ghostbusters transformation routine, except for the part where Chris would be bounced off a giant spider web. This part is omitted for being "too gross an silly", although it's more likely that Chris simply couldn't figure out how to draw a still picture of a figure bouncing off a web.
Finally, the fat, stupid Chris is dropped unceremoniously into the Ghostbusters' talking car, where it collapses under the the sudden impact, blowing its wheels clean off. Confused, Chris simply observes that this is not the bathroom, and a "PPFFFFFFT" sound effect indicates that he has shit his pants.
Disturbingly enough, the first few minutes of the Family Guy episode "Road to Germany" bears an eerie resemblance to this "skitch", suggesting that the manatees are running out of ideas.
Time Travel Crap
Returning to the main story, Magi-Chan explains that he can take Sonichu, Chris, and himself on a trip back to 1996 to retrieve the Sonichu Ball, but before they can leave, the fat, stupid Chris from the flashback appears to ask Chris for permission to keep the clothes he wore in the "skitch". Chris addresses this person as "Sammy", and informs him that the medallion he's wearing is merely an imitation of Chris' Sonichu Medallion.
Together, Sonichu, Magi-Chan and Chris go back in time, using Magi-Chan's telepathy and Sonichu... uh... running backwards really fast. Also, Chris wears glasses, so that might also have something to do with it. They leave a big pile of shit behind, and Kellie Andes briefly appears in a pointless cameo.
Episode 16: "Time Hogs"
Despite the dramatic potential offered by time-travel, the entire story is little more than a navel-gazing tribute to the "historic" day when Chris "created" orange, basketball playing Sonic the Hedgehog. It's like if Peabody and Sherman visited Thomas Edison on the day he invents the light bulb, only Edison was loitering in a high school gym reading R.L. Stein books. Also, Peabody and Sherman have a long, boring conversation about Futurama.
In the past, our heroes watch the Chris of 1996 have a dull conversation with his friend and fellow loser, Joseph Herring. After Joe tells a pathetic story of a date gone wrong, Chris reads a Fear Street novel, as the Chris of 2007 explains that he would imagine Sonic characters playing out the story (which some argue to be as a result of his autism and his inability to relate to people, leading him to relate to video game characters), and having to consciously remember what he looks like because he was too stupid to remember what his own face looks like.
The Sonichu ball falls on Chris' head, and Sonichu retrieves it before anyone can see him, thus preventing any possible contamination of the time stream. Because, you know, November 13, 1996 was a watershed moment in history.
For no apparent reason, Chris adds a scene lifted directly from "Beavis and Butt-head" to the story.
Returning to 2007, Chris tries to brace himself for the sudden stop, only to be thrown clear of the time-sphere, and launched headlong into the timestream by the power of the two Sonichu balls. Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing their respective sex lives to notice at first, and then Magi-Chan realizes he's stuck in the void of time, and can only be returned at some indeterminate point in the future, "richer or poorer in emotions".
Later that night, Sonichu explains the situation to Rosechu, and the two seriously worry about how they'll be able to defend the city without him. Sonichu gives Rosechu a reassuring hug, complete with a panty shot of Rosechu just in case things were getting too classy. Rosechu immediately suggests they make hot monkey love, and Sonichu makes a pathetic condom/raincoat joke.
At the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, pretty much every villain in the series so far gathers to hear Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon announce Chris' fate. They don't seem to have an actual plan or anything, but the group doesn't seem to mind. In addition to the established villains, this scene marks the debut of Jason Kendrick Howell and his "Woman Slave", Kathleen, who would be prominently featured in the next issue.
In the time void, Chris absorbs the two Sonichu Balls into his arms (?) and begins experiencing new memories from both his fake life in the comic, and his real life since the previous issue, including:
- Megan "dumps" him over the Chris Chan article on Encyclopedia Dramatica, specifically the picture he drew of the two of them nude and having sex. In this comic, Chris acts as though the events never actually happened, and he blames "4-cent_garbage.com" for the picture.
- Joshua Martinez offers to fix Chris up with Vanessa Hudgens, but she dumpes him in favor of Josh.
- Mary Lee Walsh invades CWCville, and the Sonichus and Rosechus manage to defeat them.
KCWC Segment
Chris introduces KCWC, CWCville's radio station, run by Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu. Jamsta quickly establishes himself to be an even bigger douche than most DJ's with the announcement that "Sonichu & Rosechu fanbase is on the rise to beyon the max thousands".
Jamsta interviews Blanca and Jiggliami about their upcoming performance at CWCville's Spring Break Concert. OH, MY GOD! HELLO JOE! HELLO JOE! JYNX! JYNX! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! AHHHHH....
Lolisa interviews Sonichu superfan Robert Simmons V, who explains how Chris inspired him to use a Furby doll to "relieve stress at home". Lolisa intros Boston's "More Than a Feeling", which proves that no matter how backward and out of touch Chris is, even he understands that Boston kicks ass.
Quotes
- "A drawing of me and Megan... intimate? And I drew that?" - Chris desperatly trying to deny creating the infamous rule 34 of him and Megan, even though he uploaded it on ED and later on Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack.
Extras
An ad for "Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles" appears.
Links
- Episode 15 Comic Audibook
- Episode 16 Comic Audiobook Part 1 Audiobook Part 2
- KCWC Comic Audiobook