Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)

This article is about Chris's stupid imaginary twin sister. For Chris's stupid imaginary future daughter, see Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter).

Crystal in her human form.

Crystal Weston Chandler is the fictional twin sister of Christian Weston Chandler. Her role in his fantasy world stems from his long held desire to have a sibling to play with^[1] along with some narcissistic pleasure or even gender identity issue with seeing himself as an attractive female. Crystal represents one of the more embarrassing facets of Chris's mind. Since his notions of the perfect girlfriend, the perfect sister, and the perfect daughter so easily intersect, it is hard not to arrive at a conclusion involving incest.

Notice how the "girlfriend" in this pic looks like a crude version of Crystal, even down to the shirt. Freud would have a fucking field day with Chris.

He appears to have first created the character in 2004 as "Crystal the Female Twin" for his set of custom Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, although another of those cards depicts Crystal as "Girlfriend's Gift". In fiction, Crystal wears a Rosechu medallion correlating to Chris's Sonichu medallion and Reldnahc's Black Sonichu medallion; this is inconsistent (or is it?) with Chris's usual theme of Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake representing the hero, lover, and villain. In real life, Chris created the Rosechu medallion for his future girlfriend, which begs the question of how he expected to adapt this into the comics when his sister was running around wearing the same bauble as his fiancée.

Crystal's origin is depicted in Sub-Episode 5, where she is made manifest by Chris employing his anchuent powers and Heart Torch of Fail to split into two (nearly) identical beings. Chris and Crystal wear the same outfits and even have the same super powers, although she lacks her brother's heterochromia. Throughout her appearances in the comics, characters are constantly noting how attractive she (and, by extension, Chris) is.

In 2007, Chris attempted to shock Encyclopedia Dramatica into submission by posting his own Rule 34 drawings, including one of himself fingerbanging a nude brunette woman. ED users immediately concluded this was Crystal, a charge which infuriated Chris and therefore became the conventional wisdom. By the time Chris successfully convinced anyone that it was really Megan Schroeder in the drawing, the notion that Chris wants to bang his imaginary twin sister had already stuck. Nonetheless, Megan stopped being friends with him because of the whole business, so Chris lost on both counts.

The theme of incestuous narcissism is also prevalent in literature of the Romantic period, particularly that of Lord Byron, who apparently acted on Chris's fantasy. The theory is that the man in question is so much in love with himself that the only other person he could ever truly love is his closest genetic match. Furthermore, with the Romantic emphasis on sympathy through shared experience, great nostalgia for childhood, and desire to be "understood" (though complete disinterest in understanding) make a sibling an ideal sexual partner for the narcissist. Most of the Romantics saw the problem with this, and contented themselves with childhood friends, but then, Chris was never as smart as Wordsworth.

In the comic

Crystal's furfag form, Crystalina Rosechu. Also the only Sailor Soldier wearing sneakers.

The comic version of Crystal was first introduced in Sub-Episode 4, where she appeared to aid Chris during a battle with the W-M-Manajerk in the Mal-Wart Region. Beaten and nearly subdued, Chris had a vision of his Cherokian ancestor. He revealed to Chris that his Heart Torch is able to summon his "dream sibling". Crystal has also helped Chris battle Bagget and the Change-Bot Crackder in the Get-Tar Region, as well as Mary Lee Walsh at the PVCC.

Being Chris's twin, her powers are very similar to his. She can transform into a Rosechu called Crystalina Rosechu. When she and Chris-Chan Sonichu join together, they are able to form Chris-Chan Pure and execute a powerful ultimate attack known as Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance.

Personality-wise, Crystal is a bland, stereotypical girl, who overindulges in girly stuff such as shopping and perfume. Her fashion sense is every bit as shitty as her twin brother, as she wears the same stupid striped clown shirts and even has her own stupid fucking Rosechu medallion.

Crystal was trapped in the Dark Mirror Hole by Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon in Sonichu 5. In an attempt to save Chris and Sailor Megtune from falling victim to the Mirror, she pushed them both out of the way, becoming captive in the Mirror herself. After her capture, a few token mentions have been made of her plight - at one point, it was said that gathering the seven Sonichu Balls would allow Crystal to escape the mirror - but for the most part she was largely forgotten, especially while Christian himself was stuck in the practically identical Time Void.

Since Chris is ejecting everyone he created from his sweetheart search misadventures, the final fate of Crystal Weston Chandler seemed quite grim. Then, partway through Sonichu 10, Chris suddenly turned into Collosal Chan and rescued her by simply walking in, scooping her up in his arms and walking out of the mirror in the most anti-climactic way.