Magi-Chan
| “ | It seemed unlikely for a loong time. But Magi-Chan saw in a future a long-haired black Rosechu, who was born true of Venus on the Earth's Moon. Yet she would be cursed with a protrusion that can be undone by eliminating the one who had placed the curse. | ” |
| Chris describes Magi-Chan's yearning for love. | ||
Magi-Chan is a sonichu, and a member of the Chaotic Combo. He is most definitely gay (his name is Magi-CHAN, Chan being an affectionate Japanese term for girls, thus proving his sexuality) and emo. He's the serious know-it-all and the only character not interested in finding a sweetheart. He's also one of the major sources of deus ex machina in the comic, and by far the character most often depicted as just a floating head.
Magi-chan is probably the only sympathetic character in the whole series, due to his sarcastic and often serious mood unintentionally making him seem intolerant of Sonichu and Chris's bullshit, and the homosexual undertones in his character. He also remains girlfriend-free the longest of all the characters, and only complains about it when Sonichu boasts that he's going to be fucking his girlfriend all night.
He is also slightly annoying to other readers, simply because he is clearly omnipotent, but refuses to use his powers for any reason other than to exposit and teleport characters to where they need to be in order to do a job he could, himself, do in a matter of moments. However, some readers find this to be his most redeeming characteristic, as he clearly only puts in the bare minimum of effort to satisfy Chris's retarded whims.
Overview
Magi-Chan exists in this weird nebulous reality where, because he's supposed to be the smartest being alive, he's actually more intelligent than the creator of his own universe. So his is the experience of spending the entirety of his life enraged at the blatant retardation of the people and the world around him, and yet being completely unable to express it. He's keenly aware of how meaningless a character he is, and how quickly he could be tossed to the side, written off, or killed off-screen, never to be mentioned again. His only hope is that one day he will transcend the boundaries of Chris's terrible narrative and he'll evolve into a being unrestrained by the comic's conventions. An avatar for pure hatred. CWCville will be consumed by fire. But fear that day, my friends, because once he is done with his universe, he will move on to ours. And that will be a dark day indeed.
Magi-Chan is perhaps the most useless in Chris's canon of useless characters, rivaled only by Lolisa Rosechu. Despite being essentially omnipotent, he does little more than enable everybody else to do something by filling them in on all the exposition and teleporting them where they need to go, rather than make Chris waste his valuable time by (gasp!) building the world and building up suspense!
In recent comics, however, Magi-Chan has come in more handy as a sort of "right-hand man" to Chris, particularly in his fight against homosexuality. Chris has stated that Magi-Chan monitors all sexual activity in the city using his psychic powers, and later has Magi-Chan travel to the future in order to obtain a bulk batch of the cure for homosexuality. Magi-Chan would effectively contaminate the water supply of Cwcville with Chris's blood in order to cleanse the world of its homos.
It is an open secret that Magi-chan is the real father of Christine.
He is a combination of 4 characters:
Sonichu Babies
Magi-Chan's egg lands in a secluded cave in the cliffs surrounding CWCville. Upon hatching he is spoken to via telepathy by either a Mew or a Mewtwo; Chris's crappy drawings make it unclear. Anyhoo, this psychic what-the-fuck trains Magi-Chan Sonee to use his psychic abilities until he evolves in meditation one day. The first thing he does whilst in his new form is crack one off. Yes - Magi-Chan, the emo/goth, stoic and serious character, farts. Classy.
When Hedgehogs Meet
Magi-Chan stands over CWCville, his all-knowing mind seeing the impending fight against Blake. He sighs, heads on over where he meets the other Chaotic Combo members and seems to set himself up as the Leader within moments. The others seemed to accept this rather than asking "Who the fuck are you, you big purple fag?" Then they all beat up Blake to the point that his head is bleeding all over the grass.
Shattered Hearts & Entrapment
Magi-Chan and the other Chaotic Combo members are teleported into action by Chris. That's about it. The entire Chaotic Combo and Sonichu never fight or have any real dialogue in this issue. So what was the point in them even appearing?
Sonichu 6
While everyone is pretending to worry about Crystal, Chris and Magi-Chan try to figure out how to free her. Magi-Chan gives a bullshit theory about how the Sonichu Balls could break the dark mirror.
Then Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc attacks and Chris orders Magi-Chan and Sonichu to investigate with him. Magi-Chan does practically nothing from there on other than stopping Sonichu from starring in his own comic for a few seconds.
Time Hogs
For no reason Magi-Chan, along with Chris and Sonichu, begins the hunt for the seven Sonichu Balls at the Manchester High School Gymnasium. Magi-Chan gives some made-up theory about how the Sonichu Balls can be scattered through time. He then realizes that Chris came in contact with the ball back in 1996 and the three go back in time to retrieve it. On the way back Chris gets lost in a time void and Magi-Chan explains the he will return eventually. Sonichu shows no real interest in his father's plight and makes a few sleazy sex references before leaving for his date with Rosechu.
Spring Break
Magi-Chan, being too lazy to do the task himself, explains to Bubbles that he has found a Sonichu Ball, and tells her to go get it. He also tries to warn her of Silvana's trap but Bubbles doesn't believe him despite the fact that Magi-Chan knows fucking everything. Eventually Jiggliami calls her and tells her that she found Blake unconscious and the two girls begin their fight. After Silvana leaves, Bubbles asks Magi-chan to teleport her to Blake.
Dating ED
Magi-Chan never appears in this episode, strengthening the theory that because he is gay, he will never be happy and paired up.
CWC-Defense
Alone among Chris's major characters, Magi-Chan has shown no romantic interest for any other character in the comic book. In Episode 20 page 65, Magi-Chan told the hermaphrodite Silvana that he was deceived by her "feminine charms." He pleads with her to stop working with Count Graduon and insists that he can restore her "birth gender." So Magi-Chan will one day cut her dick off and fall in love with her.
After his exchange with Silvana, Magi-Chan disappears from episode 20 almost entirely. He plays no significant role in the plot until the epilogue, where he shows up to provide a handy deus ex machina and randomly pull Chris out of the Time Void.
Christian Chandler in Director Amenities
Magi-Chan appears in the beginning of the story, having yanked Chris from the Time Void. After listening to how he raped his wife in the future, he is charged with gathering the homosexual cure and bringing it to the present. He does so, unable to stop Chris from destroying the 4-cent_garbage building and killing hundreds of trolls. He returns, declaring that his mission was a success and that in the future, Silvana would lose her dick and fall in love with him and that Chris's birthday would become Christian Love Day. Still obviously disturbed by what he came back to, Magi-Chan goes off on a tangent about how Chris is the only one who can save the world.
When Chris tries to apologize for his actions involving Alec Benson Leary, Magi-Chan stops Evan and Simonchu from trying to kill Simonla, but fails in stopping Sean's attempt. He's obviously guilt ridden when Wild's motherless bastard child Sandy is born, telling her point blank that it was Evan who killed him, planting some sort of horrible evil seed in her. He is present at the Asperchu Four's trial, planting evidence to convict them. He is last seen at Alec's execution, electrocuting him.
Mental illness
Recently, Magi-Chan has shown some signs of mental confusion, severe depression and aggression towards the Chaotic Combo. For much of issue 10 he appears confused and disorientated, and most of his speech is unintelligible. He talks to himself, and at one point reduces himself to tears. This raises fears that he is suffering from some kind of mental illness or deterioration such as Alzheimer's disease or cerebral palsy. It is possible that his unusually powerful intelligence is the result of some birth defect which is now causing him problems; he will need to be observed in the coming months to see if the deterioration continues or if he develops spasticity.
Fresh fears are raised every day; it was revealed on page 70 of Issue 10 that Magi-Chan's psychic powers had somehow "missed" a stereotypical Rastafarian living in a 'Dumbster' behind a soup hotel. This raised consternation even from the usually stoic Sonichu. It is becoming increasingly clear that something is dreadfully wrong with Magi-Chan. Christian must act fast to ensure that he gets the help he needs.
Outside of the comics
Magi-Chan is one of the more popular characters with the trolls due to his arguably homosexual tendencies. As such he is mentioned in Chris's mailbags quite frequently. This has caused a few new facts about the character to surface, notably that he is aware of any sex act that happens to occur within CWCville city limit and inform Chris if it doesn't fit his puritanical ideals. That's not creepy or anything.
Evidence that Magi-Chan is a homo
- "Chan" is an affectionate term used to address girls in Japan.
- The only girl he's remotely interested in is the chick with the dick.
- According to Mailbag 31, Magi-Chan uses his psychic powers to actually go looking for people having gay sex.
- He's fucking purple.
- He teleported for Wild but refused to teleport for his friends in general.
- Chris made him.
Gallery
Magi-Chan is too cool to smile.
THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE
Magi-chan hard at work.
