Bagget
Police officer Marcus Baggett works for the Albemarle County Police Department, and is the "Jerkop of all Jerkops" who arrested Chris at the Target. Not much is known about his personal life, but we do know he was commended by the local House of Delegates for his selfless commitment to public safety after stepping down from his squad car to rescue two people from a smoking restaurant, shortly before it erupted into flames, on 9 March 2002.[1] He later participated in the shooting of Colby Eppard on 1 January 2010 after the 18-year-old nutjob stole a police car and shot at the jerkops. Baggett fired a stinger to burst Eppard's tires, and subsequently fatally shot Eppard alongside several other Officers.[2]
Naturally, despite his brave heroism, Chris goes to great lengths to demonize him, proving once and for all that no matter the great deeds someone has done, if they inconvenience Chris in any way they're evil. When Chris was being arrested for being autistic, Chris found the situation humorous when he learned the jerkop's name, thinking how "Baggett" sounds a lot like "faggot". Witty.
First encounter
| "July 20, 2005: … I was at the new Target store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do. Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of sausages on my 180-pound body was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl. They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my family. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall. So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my mother and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called Bagget (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how funny it was). |
You'd think that Chris would recall that he had previously said that all cops were good so long as they wore blue and black.[4] However, because Baggett, a real police officer, arrested Chris (for completely legitimate reasons), he is suddenly not a TRUE and HONEST police officer. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay if they wear blue and black and don't try to arrest him for breaking the law.
Fiction
Bagget appeared in Sub-Episode 7. In the comic he is portrayed as the "Jerkop Daitenzen", a sort of strange evil Power Ranger, and a reference to Excel Saga. He is in command of a great number of Jerkops, as well as a giant robot. Mary Lee Walsh seems to hold him in high regard. One of the more successful villains in the comic.
By retconning his name as "Dagget", Chris has forever tarnished the precious childhood memories of old Angry Beavers fans.
Sources
See also
