Sonichu and Rosechu's children

From left to right: Cerah, Christine, Robbie.

Cerah (sometimes spelled Cera), Christine and Robbie are the inbred children of Sonichu and Rosechu. Cerah is the oldest, followed by Christine, and finally Robbie.

They are identified by their whiny, high-pitched voices and irritating speech impediments. It is notable that to date Sonichu or Rosechu have not been seen spending time with a child of the opposite gender. Rosechu spends large amounts of time with Cera and Christine in the kitchen, while Sonichu engages in manly activity with Robbie such as engaging in eye contact.

The children are widely hated by everybody, even more so than the other characters. They make The Brood look adorable and charming.

Appearances

Sonichu: The comic that's not afraid to tackle child molestation.

The only insectivore that will ever wuv Chris.

The kids' most prominent appearance to date is in the sign Chris drew to show his support for McIntire Park. They've also been seen in a one-page insert in Sonichu Issue 9, as well as begetting a quick mention on page 41 of the same issue. They spend the rest of their time being watched over by their Spanish lesbian nanny, Heather Iglesias, while their neglectful parents waste time trying to assist their hideous father in his quest for balls.

The little shits end almost every statement with "Yay!". It should be noted that this is how Chris talks, not how children talk. They are also known for their creepy, blank expressions.

The hellish abominations spawned from Rosechu's loins have also appeared in A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story, and in Sonichu 11. Sonichu 11 is where Chris started making comics of said Christmas Story. Here we learn that Christine is no longer a virgin, and Robbie replaces his R's with W's while speaking in an effort to be as saccharine and grating as possible. However, this could be interpreted as a way of Chris trying to pass of the extremely complex dialogue Robbie has as something a child would say, you know, because he's making malapropisms like those melon-headed kids in the funnies. Cera (formerly Cerah) breaks the fourth wall to say "I wuv you!" to Chris.

Robbie makes a brief appearance in Sonichu 10, describing an incident which involved him pissing on a lizard. Needless cruelty to animals is one of the early signs of a potential psychopath.

According to CWCipedia, Cera grows up to marry Kyle, the son of Blake and Bubbles, whom she already knows in her Kindergarten class and on whom she is academically reliant. Most people are too affected by the Westermarck effect to ever see a childhood friend as a potential sexual/romantic partner, but then, Chris never understood psychology very well, and clearly feels no such effect himself. Furthermore, the Westermarck effect works as an innate safeguard against inbreeding, and since Cera has only got one grandfather and Kyle is her pseudo-cousin, maybe the effect just decided to give up on this particular family tree altogether.

Evolution

If we take what Chris said in his "business presentation" as canon, happiness/friendship is a major factor in the development of sonees and roseys. This, of course, raises the question of why these little fuckers haven't evolved and joined the legion of one dimensional sideshow attractions in Sonichu. The logical conclusion is that they are both mistreated and friendless. Given that Sandy evolved in a week after the toilet-related death of the mother she never knew, the level of abuse would have to be extreme violence or sexual assault. Still, since Chris has been known to rip off Pokemon mechanics on a whim, he could claim that the children are under the affects of an Everstone, which would prevent them from evolving. That, of course, raises the question:

Why are Sonichu and Rosechu keeping their children in an everlasting childhood?

Shiny

Christine is a "Shining Rosey" according to Chris. Unsurprisingly, Chris has, yet again, ripped off an element of Pokémon canon (in the games, a Pokémon that has a different coloration from what is usual for its species is considered to be "shiny"), because Chris lives, breathes, eats, and shits Pokémon. Chris also seems to believe that his readers are also Pokéfags like him, because he assumes that everyone understands what the term "shiny" means, and thus neglects to elaborate any further.

It is impossible for Christine to actually be "Shiny"--if we are to assume that pink is the normal color for a Rosey and purple is the "shiny" version, then that fails to explain why Sandy was initially white. This naturally casts her parentage into doubt.

It is believed that Sonichu and Rosechu claim Christine is a shiny to hide the fact her real father is either Magi-chan or Darkbind, which would explain her distinct purple coloring. Darkbind is often considered to be a more likely candidate, with Magi-Chan's obvious homosexuality in mind. However, given the possibility that Rosechu may indeed be a hermaphrodite, it is not entirely inconceivable that she and the lavender wonder got drunk one night at a bar and accidentally got knocked up with this little bundle of joy. Hell, maybe Rosechu is both the mother and the father.

It's also possible that Christine is in fact the daughter of Chris and Rosechu. Chris's hedgehog form is blue, and pink is a kind of red. Combine the two and you get purple. Chris is also an apathetic psychic, so it's not unlikely that he wiped or altered Rosechu's memory of the event. Most damning of all is the fact that when uploading images to the CWCipedia for the character bios, he mistyped "ChristineRosey.jpg" as "CrystalRosey.jpg", suggesting that he at the very least sees her as a daughter and at the most another sue for Crystal.

In Chris's live-action production of a day in the life of Sonichu, Rosechu extolled the virtues of Christine's shiny nature, implying, if not outright stating a bad case of parental favoritism. It's unknown if Rosechu loves Christine more than her other children because she's more valuable, or if it's because Christine is the only reminder she has of her forbidden affair with Christine's real father. At any rate, Rosechu seems perfectly happy to pander to Christine's bare-faced arrogance like the disgusting sycophant she is.

Fan art

The ugly truth.

Isn't he cute?

The children of Sonichu and Rosechu are also a popular subject for fan art. In August, 2009, a large volume of art depicting Sonichu and Rosechu's frolicking children was emailed to Chris. He did not appreciate it, for some odd reason. Ironically, in a later comic, he all but confirmed this art as canon with the strong implication that Christine is not a virgin, most likely deflowered by Sonichu himself.

Interpretation

It is clear through Chris's portrayal of the kids that he believes all children to be perfect little angels; Cera, Christine, and Robbie are all very pleasant and agreeable kids who enjoy spending time with and helping out their parents. Any of the alarming things they have done (such as the hint at rape or the urination on a lizard) were clearly intended by Chris to be endearing, and not as disturbing as they really were. The children are never shown misbehaving, throwing tantrums, or doing any of the less-than-wonderful things that anyone who has spent even five minutes with a child knows that they are prone to doing. This clearly demonstrates yet another facet of Chris's naïveté about the world. It's a good thing Crystal will never be born, because Chris would be in for quite a surprise...

Perhaps it's very telling that there is only one Sonee in the second generation of sonichus (Sandy included) and all the rest are female. It is even more telling that Robbie is supposed to be the avatar for Chris's childhood; this confirms the idea that Chris hates all men (besides himself and a few others, most notably Robbie's namesake, Bob), and now it seems to apply to children as well. This should come as no surprise, given that he had mostly female friends growing up. Therefore, Christine is obviously Crystal, the sister he wishes he had as well as the daughter he will never have, and Cerah is Sarah Hammer, the friend he couldn't keep. The fact that he was able to see Ms. Hammer as both sister and love interest is frankly alarming.

See also:

• Sonee & Rosey
• Sonichu
• Rosechu
• Guro
• CWC Update 12 August 2009, in which Chris addresses the former.
• A Sonichu Day The first time the little abominations ever spoke
• A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story
• A Very Sonichu Adventure
• Wikipedia article on The Lurking Fear