Difference between revisions of "User:Old meme/Sandbox"

Latest revision as of 12:55, 24 April 2012

“

That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

”

A REAL AMERICAN HERO

A Jerkop is Chris's name for either a mall security guard or an "evil" police officer. The word itself is a portmanteau of "JERK" and "cop." Female Jerkops are sometimes called Janekops.^[1]

Chris included the Jerkops in his comics, where they served as the villainous private army of Mary Lee Walsh, until Sonichu liberates them from Mary's control in Sonichu #10

Creation of a Jerkop

According to the CWCipedia, Jerkops are normal men and women who ended up attending Slaweel Ryam's school, known as "Prowldent Virginia Community College." Upon entering the school for the first day, they are unwittingly infected with "brainwashing powder" that subconsciously affects them. They can live normal lives, but once Slaweel has need for them, she'll activate the brainwashing, and the Jerkops will don their uniforms and go cockblock Chris.

As seen in Chris's earlier documentation, the Jerkops also make use of a "Hypno-Gun" to add to their numbers, since they have such a hard time reproducing. In describing the hypno-gun, Chris made it very clear that the Jerkop brainwashing only worked on "slow-in-the-minds", and others of lesser intelligence. It wasn't until Sonichu #9 where any mention was made of the idea of un-brainwashing the Jerkops, and even then Chris makes clear that his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon have managed to actually kill several of the completely innocent retards in their fights.

Whatever the previous method of un-brainwashing the Jerkops that Sonichu and company manage not to outright murder, it becomes a moot point in Sonichu #10, when Ultra Sonichu uses his nigh-omnipotence to supposedly cure all Jerkops everywhere forever.

Interestingly, while Chris's later CWCipedia articles would explain that the Jerkops were simply brainwashed normal humans, his earlier documentation on Jerkops, particularly the "Backyard Safari" feature in Sonichu #4, seem to imply that Jerkops are anything but normal, saying that most, though not all of them were hideously deformed. He says that they wear black pants to cover their "agil [sic], yet ugly legs; viens [sic], hair, and sores oh, my!", that they have "sausage feet", and that some of them are forced to wear a black glove on one hand to disguise the fact that one of their fingers fell off while they were growing up. Why so many Jerkops coincidentally seem to have had fingers simply fall off at an unspecified time in childhood is never explained.

It's never quite clear why most Jerkops suffer from these conditions, but Chris has many times expressed the sentiment that the mentally disabled and physically deformed are interchangeable.^[2]^[3] Given that Chris established that only slow-in-the-minds can be made into Jerkops, it's entirely possible that them all being deformed is just Chris's prejudice against the disabled shining through.

Police?

“	And so, I urge you the citizens of CWCville to remember, with the police, only black and blue are true; all other colors are VICE!	”
Chris displays his irrational hatred of the Vice Squad, Sonichu #5, page 28

"Police-Women" on Chris's dating blacklist

While a common misconception is that Chris is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck tha Police" through the Jerkop characters, he clarifies in Sonichu #5 that brown (mall security) is wrong, while more common black and blue (police officers) are TRUE and HONEST. A lot of what Chris wrote about the Jerkops is a feeble effort to undermine the authority of private security staff by comparing them unfavorably with the police. So in mocking the Jerkops' "cracker" badges and hyping "the true police people", Chris ironically puts the police on a pedestal.

That said, Chris holds a very narrow definition of what a "true" police officer is. When describing the origins of the Jerkops on CWCipedia, Chris again points out that they wore uniforms "OF COLORS OTHER THAN BLUE OR BLACK." This seems to be a major sticking point for Chris regardless of his past run-ins with the law. As far as he's apparently concerned, the color of a cop's uniform is the sole signifier of his authority, even though many police officers wear brown or white uniforms whether Chris approves or not. Whatever he was wearing at the time, Marcus Baggett was definitely a real police officer when he arrested Chris in 2004. Nevertheless, Chris still lumped him into the same category as all the security guards who gave him a hard time. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay as long as they wear blue and black AND they don't try to arrest him for breaking the law.

While CWCville has a police department in Sonichu, they rarely ever appear, except to support Chris and Sonichu while they defend the city instead. In Sonichu #5 Chris dismisses them from the battlefield as soon as he arrives, and in Sonichu #9 they're only mentioned as part of the city's defenses. Finally, in Sonichu #10, Chris introduces Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez, when Magi-Chan sends them to check Inos into a soup hotel.

Appearance and characteristics

Some Jerkops watch Chris-Chan Sonichu levitate in a 2004 short.

Jerkops typically resemble human beings wearing red, white, or brown police-style uniforms. As mentioned above, they usually sport physical deformities or other unattractive features, such as sores or visible veins. Being brainwashed, they're also completely loyal to Mary Lee Walsh and the PVCC. For unclear reasons, this brainwashing also makes them look constantly angry and makes them only ever think "evil and naughty thoughts". Chris explains most of this in Sonichu #4:

“

Let's look at one on this illustration. Now here, we see its head is a basic human shape, but it only thinks evil and naughty thoughts. Note, its eyes are frowning; the [sic] stay that way 24/7. With this face, they rarely attract any women. This "badge" is a phony; it's really a cracker, covered in glitter-glue. It wards away all who approach it with its out-of-date breadstick. They wear basic black pants to cover their agil [sic], yet ugly legs; viens [sic], hair, and sores oh, my! Some, not all, wear a black gove [sic] to cover the spot where one finger fell of [sic] as it grew up. They wear brown shoes, because of their sausage feet.

”

Rank and file Jerkops are depicted in an even simpler fashion than the other background characters in the Sonichu comics. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies. Their female counterparts, Janekops, look about the same, except for their prominent breasts and neck-length hairstyles.

Chris would later elaborate on the Jerkop uniforms on the CWCipedia. White uniforms were for low-class Jerkops, such as new recruits. Red uniforms were for an intermediate rank, possessing "Good Amount of Expierences and Combat Skills." Finally, brown uniforms were for the highest class, including Jerkhiefs and Jerkop Daitenzens such as Bagget.^[4]

Jerkop variants

You have the right to remain sexayyyyy

As well as the regular versions that Chris and his characters fight in large numbers throughout the series, several other variants of the standard Jerkop have shown up in the comics.

Janekops

Female Jerkops. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in Sonichu #4, by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. Presumably, then, any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at PVCC in Sonichu #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.

Why female Jerkops are not named the same as their male counterparts isn't ever said, but Chris most likely felt the need to give them a different name because his use of the word JERKS to describe anyone refers to men exclusively.

Mecha-Jerkops

Like Robocop, only... no, actually, they're nothing like Robocop at all.

Robotic minions of the Jerkops, the Mecha-Jerkops first appeared in Sonichu #3. Humanoid in appearance, the Mecha-Jerkops are about half the size of normal humans, and are dressed and armed to resemble human Jerkops in every other respect. Because of this, and Chris's inconsistent depiction of scale and perspective, it is difficult to distinguish Mecha-Jerkops from their organic counterparts, and they may have appeared in subsequent issues without being named.

In Sub-Episode 4, "McAttack Part 1", B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief informed him of Chris and his Love Quest. To help the Manajerks at Mal-Wart defeat Chris, the Jerkhief sent a pair of Mecha-Jerkops to help the B-Manajerk, and his partner, the Merried Seinor Comic. Before the Mecha-Jerkops could act however, they were cut down by Darkbind Sonichu, who had come to aid Chris in his battle.

The Mecha-Jerkops were never referenced again after that issue.

Equipment

“	MY WOODEN BADGE WAS DELICIOUS	”
Jerkhief, Sonichu #4 cover

A pistol, cleverly disguised as a duck.

Jerkops, in addition to their various differently colored uniforms, are also identified by their faux police badges, made of crackers, glitter glue, and tree bark.^[5]

In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry a stale breadstick, in place of a traditional nightstick. The Jerkops also used handcuffs on at least one occasion, although this may not be standard issue. The Jerkhief carries a "metal slingshot" and sometimes wears a suit of armor. Bagget, Jerkop Daitenzen, wields a sword, and his costume comes with a Power Rangers-esque helmet. His uniform seems resilient enough to protect him from the worst of Chris-Chan Sonichu's electrical attacks.

The Jerkops also employ several Transformers for transportation and battle, collectively known as the Decepti-Clones. These include "Punislavs", which transform into brown police cruisers, "Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels", which transform into armored S.U.V.s, and "Crackders", which transform into dark blue jet planes. The Crackder model proved instrumental in Bagget's capture of Chris in Sonichu #4.

Weaknesses

This is how Chris deals with people who tell him to GTFO.

As demonstrated by Chris in the comic, the best way to reduce those who prevent you from violating the law to a quivering pile of jelly is a good kick in the balls, or as Chris calls it, the "Sourdough region." The lowest levels of Jerkop require only a single kick, while higher-level Jerkops such as the Jerkhief may require as many as five kicks, because their fat absorbs the impact.

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-[[Image:Bobbythebrain.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Example of a real life Manajerk.]]
+{{quote|[[Mary Lee Walsh|That *&^%$]] SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "[[Virgina is for Virgins]], NOT Lovers".}}
-'''Manajerks''' (a [[Wikipedia:Portmanteau|portmanteau]] of "manager" and "[[jerk]]") are villains featured in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], most prominently in the [[Sub-Episodes]], who regularly antagonize [[Chris]]'s [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic book counterpart]]. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his [[Love Quest]]. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly have to defeat.
+[[Image:146-Jerkop.jpg|thumb|A REAL AMERICAN HERO]]
-==Manajerks in real life==
+A '''Jerkop''' is [[Chris]]'s name for either a mall security guard or an [[Bagget|"evil" police officer]]. The word itself is a portmanteau of "[[JERKS|JERK]]" and "cop." Female Jerkops are sometimes called '''Janekops'''.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#Jerkops.2C_Janekops.2C_ATTACK.21</ref>
-Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.
-At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a [[Chris|patron]] who loiters in [[Target|the workplace]], purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be [[Chris and health|unwilling to shower]] and had numbers of pairs of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|dirty crapped briefs]], his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold [[Attraction Sign|a sign]] expressing his desire for [[Sex|intimate relations]] with young white women, it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron [[autistic|crude and bizarre]]. In situations like these, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes [[Chris and negotiation|unresponsive or difficult]], the manager may also be charged with contacting the [[Jerkops|proper authorities]] to have him escorted (forcibly, if need be) from the premises.
+Chris included the Jerkops in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], where they served as the villainous private army of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], until Sonichu liberates them from Mary's control in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']]
-==Manajerks in ''Sonichu''==
+==Creation of a Jerkop==
-In the pages of ''Sonichu'', manajerks, like [[jerkops]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|college deans]], [[CADD Chef|CADD instructors]], and other [[Jerkhief|authority figures]], are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing [[video games]], building [[Heart Torch of Fail|crude sculptures]] with [[Pixelblocks]], and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local [[GameStop]]),{{cite}} which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.
+According to the [[CWCipedia]], Jerkops are normal men and women who ended up attending [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Ryam]]'s school, known as "Prowldent Virginia Community College." Upon entering the school for the first day, they are unwittingly infected with "brainwashing powder" that subconsciously affects them. They can live normal lives, but once Slaweel has need for them, she'll activate the brainwashing, and the Jerkops will don their uniforms and go cockblock Chris.
-Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Chris-hating team]], with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-[[virgin]], anti-[[autistic]], etc.
+As seen in Chris's [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"|earlier documentation]], the Jerkops also make use of a "Hypno-Gun" to add to their numbers, since they have such a [[virgin with rage|hard time reproducing]]. In describing the hypno-gun, Chris made it very clear that the Jerkop brainwashing only worked on "[[slow-in-the-minds]]", and others of [[Christian Weston Chandler|lesser intelligence]]. It wasn't until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] where any mention was made of the idea of un-brainwashing the Jerkops, and even then Chris makes clear that his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] have managed to actually [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|''kill'']] several of the completely innocent retards in their fights.
-Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of [[CWCville]] during their invasions,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_25</ref> the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as [[Target]], [[Wal-Mart]] or [[McDonalds]], which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.
+Whatever the previous method of un-brainwashing the Jerkops that Sonichu and company manage not to outright murder, it becomes a moot point in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], when [[Ultra Sonichu]] uses his [[GodJesus|nigh-omnipotence]] to supposedly [[Chris and writing|cure all Jerkops everywhere forever]].
-Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of [[Fashion Square Mall]]; he's fighting in the ''Fa-Square'', of the ''Sho-Mall Region''. Target is similarly refered to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] refers to manajerk [[ScotPalazzo]] as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in [[CWCville]] that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.
+Interestingly, while Chris's later CWCipedia articles would explain that the Jerkops were simply brainwashed normal humans, his earlier documentation on Jerkops, particularly the "Backyard Safari" feature in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], seem to imply that Jerkops are anything but normal, saying that most, though not all of them were hideously deformed. He says that they wear black pants to cover their "agil [sic], yet ugly legs; viens [sic], hair, and sores oh, my!", that they have "sausage feet", and that some of them are forced to wear a black glove on one hand to disguise the fact that one of their fingers fell off while they were growing up. Why so many Jerkops coincidentally seem to have had fingers simply fall off at an unspecified time in childhood is never explained.
-===B-Manajerk===
+It's never quite clear why most Jerkops suffer from these conditions, but Chris has many times expressed the sentiment that the mentally disabled and physically deformed are interchangeable.<ref>Mailbag 5</ref><ref>Mailbag 11</ref> Given that Chris established that only [[slow-in-the-minds]] can be made into Jerkops, it's entirely possible that them all being deformed is just Chris's prejudice against the disabled shining through.
-[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Based on a True Story]]
-B-Manajerk was a manajerk first featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. To date, he is one of the only villains that Chris has ever been able to defeat single-handedly, as almost every other one-on-one fight Chris has ever had in the comics inevitably ended with him getting beaten half to death [[Chris and writing|until he was saved by another character]]. Not much is known about the B-Manajerk, not even his real name. What little we do know comes from Chris's own records of their encounters, as described below. If Chris's accounts are anything to go by, The B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart Chris got kicked out of, or else a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic". One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with [[Pixelblocks]]. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>
+==Police?==
+{{quote|And so, I urge you the citizens of CWCville to remember, with the police, only black and blue are true; all other colors are VICE!|Chris displays his irrational hatred of the Vice Squad, [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], page 28}}
-<small>{{quote|June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the [[McDonald's]] at [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]], and apparently complaints were made. The two [[Manajerks|manajerkss]], a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[Black]], Fat Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the [[Jerkops]] at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Mall]], whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]], like I have been doing for the past [[Love quest|over one-year and ten-months]]. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[Attraction Sign|sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblocks|Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” [[Virgin with rage|Verbal Combat]] had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Extract from [[CWC's Diary]]}}</small>
+[[File:IwouldntfeelcomfortableMySpace.jpg|thumb|"Police-Women" on Chris's [[dating]] blacklist]]
-The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "[[Mal-Wart]] Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the [[Jerkhief]], as Chris describes in his journal entry. He is also armed with a golden axe and a pair of large guns. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using [[Mecha-Jerkops]] on loan from the Jerkhief.
+While a common misconception is that [[Chris]] is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck tha Police" through the Jerkop characters, he clarifies in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] that [[Niggos|brown]] (mall security) is wrong, while more common black and blue (police officers) are [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]]. A lot of what Chris wrote about the Jerkops is a feeble effort to undermine the authority of private security staff by comparing them unfavorably with the police. So in mocking the Jerkops' "cracker" badges and hyping "the true police people", Chris ironically puts the police on a pedestal.
-Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and [[Darkbind Sonichu]] comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], and the "[[anime wings]]" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the power-up from ''Super Mario 64''. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his [[Love Quest]] and the absolute necessity of his [[Attraction Sign]].
+That said, Chris holds a very narrow definition of what a "true" police officer is. When describing the origins of the Jerkops on CWCipedia, Chris again points out that they wore uniforms "OF COLORS OTHER THAN BLUE OR BLACK." This seems to be a major sticking point for Chris regardless of his past run-ins with the law. As far as he's apparently concerned, the color of a cop's uniform is the sole signifier of his authority, even though many police officers wear brown or white uniforms whether Chris approves or not. Whatever he was wearing at the time, [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] was definitely a real police officer when he arrested Chris in 2004. Nevertheless, Chris still lumped him into the same category as all the security guards who gave him a hard time. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay as long as they wear blue and black AND they don't try to arrest him for breaking the [[law]].
-The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where [[Mary Lee Walsh]] announced Chris's disappearance into the [[Time Void]].
+While [[CWCville]] has a police department in ''Sonichu'', they rarely ever appear, except to support Chris and Sonichu while they defend the city instead. In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] Chris dismisses them from the battlefield as soon as he arrives, and in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] they're only mentioned as part of the city's defenses. Finally, in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], Chris introduces [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez]], when Magi-Chan sends them to check [[Inos]] into a soup hotel.
-Contrary to popular belief, this was actually not the last anyone saw or heard of B-Manajerk and his partner however, like it was for so many others before them. Though he was never actually ''seen'' again, the B-Manajerk was mentioned during the events of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']]. Towards the end of the issue, whilst [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] return from the battle against [[Naitsirhc]], [[Giovanni]] and [[Robotnik]], they recieve a psychic message from [[Magi-Chan]] informing them of the state of the battle. In the same textwall in which he announces the death of [[Ivy]] and the destruction of the [[Decepti-Clones]], he briefly mentions that B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic had somehow grown to a gigantic size and took part in the battle with the rest of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. The battle is never actually shown, but Magi-Chan assures Sonichu and the readers that they were defeated by the Kart Megazord owned by the CWC-[[Power Rangers]] and that the two of them were shrunk back to their original size. The Kart Megazord itself is briefly glimpsed in the background.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_93</ref>
+==Appearance and characteristics==
+[[Image:Jerkops2004.jpg|thumb|left|Some Jerkops watch [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] levitate in a [[2004]] short.]]
-This would be the last time the manajerks were ever seen or heard from in the comics. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], Chris would use his [[Colossal Chan]] form to completely destroy PVCC and undo the brainwashing effect used to control all it's members. According to [[Mailbag 52]], this freed all the manajerks too. Chris later stated that the manajerks were cleared by the [[CWCville]] courts for their crimes, due to the fact that they couldn't help their actions at the time, but that they were depowered before being set free.{{cite}}
+Jerkops typically resemble human beings wearing red, white, or brown police-style uniforms. As mentioned above, they usually sport physical deformities or other [[Fangs|unattractive]] [[Creepy stare|features]], such as sores or visible veins. Being brainwashed, they're also completely loyal to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. For unclear reasons, this brainwashing also makes them look constantly angry and makes them only ever think "evil and naughty thoughts". Chris explains most of this in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]:
-[[Chris and race|And yes, the "B" in "B-Manajerk" does stand for "black"]].<ref>In the [[videobooks]], Chris refers to B-Manajerk as "Black Manajerk", so the B must stand for "black".</ref>
+{{quote|Let's look at one on this illustration. Now here, we see its head is a basic human shape, but it only thinks evil and naughty thoughts. Note, its eyes are frowning; the [sic] stay that way 24/7. With this face, they rarely attract any women. This "badge" is a phony; it's really a cracker, covered in glitter-glue. It wards away all who approach it with its out-of-date breadstick. They wear basic black pants to cover their agil [sic], yet ugly legs; viens [sic], hair, and sores oh, my! Some, not all, wear a black gove [sic] to cover the spot where one finger fell of [sic] as it grew up. They wear brown shoes, because of their sausage feet.}}
-===Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby===
+Rank and file Jerkops are depicted in an [[Chris and art|even simpler fashion]] than the other background characters in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies. Their female counterparts, Janekops, look about the same, except for their prominent breasts and neck-length hairstyles.
-[[Image:MSC.jpg|thumb|left|You're missing both your arms, you work in a [[McDonalds]], and you have the most embarassing and incomprehensible name in the world. Obviously the answer is to go into supervillainy.]]
-Merried Seinor Comic (not to be confused with the [[Giant Penis Comic]]) is possibly the most unfortunately named villain in all of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', as one can't even figure out what words [[Chris]] was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. The name of his real life counterpart, Kirby McDerbie, offers no insight into this strangeness. [[Trolls]] on [[Krapple|/cwc/]] have been speculating for as long as the character has been around, but no-one has ever been able to determine for sure what his name actually means, though some have guessed that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic".
+Chris would later elaborate on the Jerkop uniforms on the [[CWCipedia]]. White uniforms were for low-class Jerkops, such as new recruits. Red uniforms were for an intermediate rank, possessing "Good Amount of Expierences and Combat Skills." Finally, brown uniforms were for the highest class, including [[Jerkhief]]s and Jerkop Daitenzens such as Bagget.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#The_Construction_of_the_PVCCitizens_Building</ref>
-The Merried Seinor Comic appeared for the first time in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']], helping the [[B-Manajerk]] in his opposition of Chris's [[Love Quest]]. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of [[McDonalds|M-C-D-Ville]] of the Region of [[Mal-Wart]]. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from ''[[Monty Python]] and the Holy Grail''.<ref>[[:Image:MSCPython.jpg]]</ref> In the comic, (no pun intended), Merried Seinor Comic was defeated in a sword fight by [[Darkbind Sonichu]],  whilst Chris defeated his partner. In [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], which continues the two part story, the [[W-M-Manajerk]] arrives as back-up, but when he fails as well the McDuo flee the scene, with the Comic not seeming to even care about the recent loss of both his arms.
+==Jerkop variants==
+[[Image:Janekops.jpg|thumb|100px|You have the right to remain ''sexayyyyy'']]
-In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], the character appears at [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s villain convention, where he is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|removed in more recent versions]]. This is the last time the character is seen, but as mentioned above, he did participate in the Battle of CWCville offscreen, becoming a giant along with the B-Manajerk and fighting the Kart Megazord. It is presumed that he was depowered and set free like the other manajerks after [[Colossal Chan]] reversed [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s brainwashing.
+As well as the regular versions that Chris and his characters fight in large numbers throughout the series, several other variants of the standard Jerkop have shown up in the comics.
-===W-M-Manajerk===
+===Janekops===
-[[Image:W-M-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|200px|An average day, for W-M-Manajerk.]]
+Female [[Jerkops]]. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. Presumably, then, any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at [[PVCC]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.
-After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonalds, as was described above, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonalds, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|weeaboo magic spells]] at him. Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, [[2005]], Chris took revenge in the only way he could; by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his [[Chris and reality|fantasy life]].
+Why female Jerkops are not named the same as their male counterparts isn't ever said, but Chris most likely felt the need to give them a different name because his use of the word [[JERKS]] to describe anyone refers to men exclusively.
-In the [[You know what%2C I HATE ME TOO!!!]] segment Christian put on his [[ED]] page in [[March 2008]], he says he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from Sub-Episode 5 of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-Chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be crippled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.
+===Mecha-Jerkops===
+[[Image:Mecha-jerkops.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Like Robocop, only... no, actually, they're nothing like Robocop at all.]]
-The W-M-Manajerk character first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']] and reused in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. In the comic, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]] at the end of Sub-Episode 4. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on [[Wikipedia:Richard Nixon|Richard Nixon]] in ''[[Futurama]]''.
+Robotic minions of the [[Jerkops]], the Mecha-Jerkops first appeared in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu #3'']]. Humanoid in appearance, the Mecha-Jerkops are about half the size of normal humans, and are dressed and armed to resemble human Jerkops in every other respect.  Because of this, and Chris's [[Chris and art|inconsistent depiction]] of scale and perspective, it is difficult to distinguish Mecha-Jerkops from their organic counterparts, and they may have appeared in subsequent issues without being named.
-The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would. Just as Chris begins to lose hope though, he receives a vision from the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], who informs him that he must combine the powers of his [[Medallion of Fail]] with his [[Heart Torch of Fail]] to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Dream Sibling of Fail]]. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to Crystal, whom he had previously drawn on one of his home-made [[Yu-gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.
+In [[Sub-Episode 4]], "McAttack Part 1", [[B-Manajerk]] explains that the [[Jerkhief]] informed him of [[Chris]] and his [[Love Quest]]. To help the [[Manajerks]] at [[Mal-Wart]] defeat Chris, the Jerkhief sent a pair of Mecha-Jerkops to help the B-Manajerk, and his partner, the [[Merried Seinor Comic]]. Before the Mecha-Jerkops could act however, they were cut down by [[Darkbind Sonichu]], who had come to aid Chris in his battle.
-Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]] respectively, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.
+[[Chris and writing|The Mecha-Jerkops were never referenced again after that issue]].
-Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, were agents of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] lead by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the head-jar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.
+==Equipment==
+{{quote|MY WOODEN BADGE WAS DELICIOUS|[[Jerkhief]], [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] cover}}
-W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']], when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC.
+[[Image:Freudiangun.jpg|right|thumb|A pistol, cleverly disguised as a [[duck]].]]
-Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is actually pretty damn strong. It survives  several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift [[Obesity|the very heavy]] Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a soda fountain. The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s head. It can be assumed that the head-jar also acted as a kind of life support system.
+Jerkops, in addition to their various differently colored uniforms, are also identified by their faux police badges, made of crackers, glitter glue, and tree bark.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_56</ref>
-Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, [[Rosechu]] could probably beat him up now.
+In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry a stale breadstick, in place of a traditional nightstick. The Jerkops also used handcuffs on at least one occasion, although this may not be standard issue. The [[Jerkhief]] carries a "metal slingshot" and sometimes wears a suit of armor. [[Bagget]], Jerkop Daitenzen, wields a sword, and his costume comes with a [[Power Rangers]]-esque helmet. His uniform seems resilient enough to protect him from the worst of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]'s electrical attacks.
-===ScotPalazzo===
+The Jerkops also employ several [[Transformers]] for transportation and battle, collectively known as the [[Decepti-Clones]]. These include "Punislavs", which transform into brown police cruisers, "Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels", which transform into armored S.U.V.s, and "Crackders", which transform into dark blue jet planes. The Crackder model proved instrumental in Bagget's capture of Chris in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']].
-[[Image:SchuComic8Page36.jpg|thumb|left|170px|ScotPalazzo: a villain who has an uncanny talent of unnaturally bending his arms around tables at 90 degree angles.]]
-The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, and possibly the first manajerk Chris encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the [[Jerkhief]] and got trolled hard by [[Hanna]], but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until [[Sub-Episode 6]], when he expressed envy of Chris for his made-up TV show ''CWC's Backyard Safari''. Scot was clearly designed to resemble [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Lord Il Palazzo]] from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', and he is depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love itself for his mother's murder-suicide.
+==Weaknesses==
+[[Image:Cwckicktothenads.JPG|left|thumb|150px|This is how Chris deals with people who tell him to GTFO.]]
-Whether or not the real Scot Palazzo suffered such a traumatic life as his comic counterpart, the fictional Scot remained one of the only villains in the series to give any kind of reason for his actions. [[Wes Iseli]] was motivated by jealousy, Mary gave reasons for her own war on love in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s motivation was existentialism, and then there was Scot. Despite being one of the few villains to actually have motivation to do all the crazy super-villain shit the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] gets up to however, he never actually ''does'' anything. In his debut appearance, he hires more [[jerkops]] to take down Chris, but he never gets any kind of [[comeuppance]] for this and he never fights any of the heroes. He cameos again in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']] at the council of villains, and his character description says that he banned all [[virgin]]s from his region, but this is all he has ever been seen to do. In many ways, he is more like an actual manager than any of the other manajerks on this page.
+As demonstrated by Chris in the comic, the best way to reduce those who prevent you from violating the law to a quivering pile of jelly is [[CWC Fighter|a good kick]] in the balls, or as Chris calls it, the "[[Minor CWC-isms|Sourdough region]]." The lowest levels of Jerkop require only a single kick, while higher-level Jerkops such as the [[Jerkhief]] may require as many as five kicks, because their [[Obesity|fat]] absorbs the impact.
-His given motivation conflicts with later revelations that all PVCC members, including the manajerks, were really just brainwashed slaves of Mary Lee Walsh. [[Colossal Chan]]'s power supposedly undid all brainwashing, and Chris's statements on the subject claimed that all the manajerks were cleared of everything. Presumably this can be taken to mean that Scot was also a victim, and that his jaded personality was reverted to whatever he was like prior to Mary's effect.
-===Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)===
-[[File:Get-Tar Manajerks.jpg|thumb|Behold, the two most harmless villains in the series.]]
-The last of the manajerks to be introduced, the duo of Turdijerk and his accomplice Trebor Capman first appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']], where they confronted Chris in the Get-Tar Region. The episode was based on an incident that occured in real life at a newly opened [[Target]] store in Chris's area. Attempting to start fresh in new [[Attraction location|prowling grounds]], Chris planned to pay a single dollar to receive a soda at their snack bar and exploit their free refill policy to keep refilling that same soda over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned officer [[Bagget]] to get him out of the store.
+==Appearances in comic==
+*[[Sonichu_0#Sub-Episode_1:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Jerkop-tastropie.22|Sonichu 0 Sub-Episode 1:Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-Tastrophe"]]
-Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until their later cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. In their initial appearance, the two manajerks walk up to Chris at his table and tell him that he was loitering and had to get out. Even in his idealised fantasy world where Chris whitewashes everything he does, the comic version of Chris is indeed loitering, and he also initially ignores the two managers trying to talk to him. Upon noticing them, he screams, and then somehow summons a tornado to blow them both away. It should be noted at this point that these two manajerks did not actually attack Chris, or even threaten him, meaning Chris just [[Chris and the law|assaulted two unarmed normal humans for telling him to leave their store]].
+*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_6:_.22Christian_Chandler.27s_Backyard_Safari.22|Sonichu 4 Sub Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"]]
+*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_7:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 7: "Off-Target"]]
-The names of the characters are puzzling. [[Trolls]] speculate that Trebor Capman might actually be an alias for someone called ''Robert'' Capman, given Chris's love for [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|reversing names]], and while the origin of Turdijerk's name is somewhat more ambiguous, the two most common theories are that the name was either derived from a stereotype of the Indian accent, (as the character has a vaguely South Asian appearance and his real life counterpart is probably the same), or that the name "Turdijerk" is merely Chris's [[Random-access humor|juvenile sense of humour]] and a way to insult the real life manager by giving him a nickname that sounds like "turd".
+*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_8:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target_part_2.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 8: "Off-Target part 2"]]
+*[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Sonichu 5 Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"]]
-==Gallery==
+*[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Sonichu 6 Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"]]
-<center><gallery>
+*[[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|Sonichu 7 Episode 16: "Time Hogs"]]
-Image:B-manajerk_real.jpg|Artist's rendition of what the B-Manajerk may have actually looked like, based on Chris's descriptions.
+*[[Sonichu_9#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|Sonichu 9 Episode 20: "CWC-Defense"]]
-Image:Bmanajerk-oblivion.PNG|[[Soul Calibur|Video game recreation]].
+*[[Sonichu_10#Episode_21:_Christian_Chandler_in_Director_Amenities|Sonichu 10 Episode 21: Christian Chandler in "Director Amenities"]]
-Image:Manajerks.jpg|Getting decapitated only pissed him off.
-Image:MSCsavestheday.png|Merried Seinor Comic, stopping the [[autistic]] wonder from [[Crystal Weston Chandler|procreating]].
-</gallery></center>
 ==References==
@@ Line 97: / Line 94: @@
 ==See also==
-*[[Fashion Square Mall|Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region]]
+{{Fan art|chris=Jerkops|linkname=Jerkops}}
+*[[List of Sonichu characters#Janekops|Janekops]]
+*[[Manajerks]]
 *[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
-*[[Niggos]]
+*[[Chris and the Law]]
 *[[Jerkops]]
-*[[PVCCitizens]]
+*[[Jerkhief]]
-*[[Love Quest]]
+*[[Manajerks]]
-*[[Walmart|Mal-Wart Region]]
-*[[McDonald's|M-C-D-Ville]]
+*[[Jerkhief]]
-*[[Target|Get-Tar Region]]
+*[[Bagget]]
-*[[Amanda]]
+*[[Punislav]]
 {{Sonichu}}
-[[Category:Manajerks]]
 [[Category:Villains]]
-[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Difference between revisions of "User:Old meme/Sandbox"

Latest revision as of 12:55, 24 April 2012

Contents

Creation of a Jerkop

Police?

Appearance and characteristics

Jerkop variants

Janekops

Mecha-Jerkops

Equipment

Weaknesses

Appearances in comic

References

See also

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Difference between revisions of "User:Old meme/Sandbox"

Latest revision as of 12:55, 24 April 2012

Creation of a Jerkop

Police?

Appearance and characteristics

Jerkop variants

Janekops

Mecha-Jerkops

Equipment

Weaknesses

Appearances in comic

References

See also

Navigation menu

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