Sonichu and Rosechu's children
Cerah (sometimes spelled Cera), Christine and Robbie are the inbred children of Sonichu and Rosechu. Cerah is the oldest, followed by Christine, and finally Robbie.[1]
It is probable that Cerah is named after Chris's childhood best friend and Robbie is named after either Chris's father or his childhood hero. Christine's name may come from the feminine variant of Christian's name (due to his narcissism) or his obsession with the name "Crystal". It should be noted that while Chris was uploading images to use as thumbnails for his character bio pages, he attempted to display a nonexistent image file entitled "CrystalRosey.jpg" where a drawing of Christine should have gone.
They are identified by their whiny, high-pitched voices and irritating speech impediments. It is notable that to date Sonichu or Rosechu have not been seen spending time with a child of the opposite gender. Rosechu spends large amounts of time with Cera and Christine in the kitchen, while Sonichu and Robbie do manly activities such as gazing into each others' eyes and talking about their Wii.
The little shits end almost every statement with "Yay!" It should be noted that this is how Chris talks, not how children talk. They are also known for their creepy, blank expressions and soul-less eyes.
The children are widely hated by everybody, even more so than the other characters. They make The Brood look adorable and charming.
Why Sonichu's kids are so terrifying
Although Chris is historically bad at character design, Sonichu's children are examples of nightmare fuel: artwork that is unintentionally disturbing. Although Chris didn't mean for them to look like hideous, unnatural monstrosities, they appear to be that way for several reasons:
1. Their bright green eyes with slits for pupils are reminiscent of a predatory animal.
2. Their pink, hairless arm-stubs among the most phallic things Chris has drawn.
3. Robbie's face is a jaundiced, emotionless death mask. He has also perfected Chris's creepy stare. Christine (the purple one) appears like the bloated, waterlogged corpse of an infant.
4. Their mouths are blood-red, gaping, toothless maws, from which needle sharp teeth could erupt at any second.
5. Although their bodies appear useless for any kind of physical motion, Robbie appears to be able to levitate under his own power.
6. The odd, hairless patch on Robbie's torso looks to be more a product of disease than of character design.
7. Like all male Sonichus, Robbie is naked except for his footwear. Male Sonichus have internal genitalia, but they're only one involuntary erection from indecent exposure at all times. With any other pantsless cartoon character this wouldn't be an issue, but Chris found it necessary to explain how his characters fuck in gory detail. Even though Sonichu is a children's comic. So as Robbie Sonnie is draining your blood, he'd probably become sexually aroused from your screams and would start having sex with your open wounds, because it looks like that's how he rolls.
Appearances
The kids' most prominent appearance to date is in the sign Chris drew to show his support for McIntire Park. They've also been seen in two pages of Sonichu Issue 9, as well as begetting a quick mention on page 41 of the same issue. They spend the rest of their time being watched over by their Spanish lesbian nanny, Heather Iglesias, while their neglectful parents waste time trying to assist their hideous father in his quest for balls.
The hellish abominations spawned from Rosechu's loins have also appeared in A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story, and in Sonichu 11. Sonichu 11 is where Chris started making comics of said Christmas Story. Here we learn that Christine is no longer a virgin, and Robbie replaces his R's with W's while speaking in an effort to be as saccharine and grating as possible. However, this could be interpreted as a way of Chris trying to pass of the extremely complex dialogue Robbie has as something a child would say, you know, because he's making malapropisms like those melon-headed kids in the funnies. Cera (formerly Cerah) breaks the fourth wall to say "I wuv you!" to Chris.
Robbie makes a brief appearance in Sonichu 10, describing an incident which involved him pissing on a lizard. Needless to say, cruelty to animals is one of the early signs of a potential psychopath.
The children also appear in Chris's disingenuous plea for helping Haiti.
Evolution
If we take what Chris said in his "business presentation" as canon, happiness/friendship is a major factor in the development of sonees and roseys. This, of course, raises the question of why these little fuckers haven't evolved and joined the legion of one dimensional sideshow attractions in Sonichu. The logical conclusion is that they are both mistreated and friendless. Given that Sandy evolved in a week after the toilet-related death of the mother she never knew, the level of abuse would have to be extreme violence or sexual assault. Still, since Chris has been known to rip off Pokemon mechanics on a whim, he could claim that the children are under the effects of an Everstone, which would prevent them from evolving. That, of course, raises the question:
Why are Sonichu and Rosechu keeping their children in an everlasting childhood?
Shiny
Christine is a "Shining Rosey" according to Chris.[1] Unsurprisingly, Chris has, yet again, ripped off an element of Pokémon canon (in the games, a Pokémon that has a different coloration from what is usual for its species is considered to be "shiny"), because Chris lives, breathes, eats, and shits Pokémon. Chris also seems to believe that his readers are also Pokéfags like him, because he assumes that everyone understands what the term "shiny" means, and thus neglects to elaborate any further.
It is believed that Sonichu and Rosechu claim Christine is a shiny to hide the fact her real father is either Magi-chan, Jamsta or Darkbind, which would explain her distinct purple coloring. Darkbind is often considered to be a more likely candidate, with Magi-Chan's obvious homosexuality. However given the possibility that Rosechu may indeed be a hermaphrodite, and with Magi-Chan's well-known sexual frustrations in mind, it is not entirely inconceivable that she and the lavender wonder got drunk one night at a bar and accidentally got knocked up with this little bundle of joy. Hell, maybe Rosechu is both the mother and the father.
It's also possible that Christine is in fact the daughter of Chris and Rosechu. Chris's hedgehog form is blue, and pink is a kind of red. Combine the two and you get purple. Chris is also an apathetic psychic, so it's not impossible for him to have wiped or altered Rosechu's memory of the event. Most damning of all is the fact that when uploading images to the CWCipedia for the character bios, he mistyped "ChristineRosey.jpg" as "CrystalRosey.jpg", suggesting that he at the very least sees her as a daughter and at the most another sue for Crystal. This would not be surprising considering Christine shares his strong narcissism to the degree that she is seldom seen without a mirror (often confused for a rattle due to Chris's shit art).
In Chris's live-action production of a day in the life of Sonichu, Rosechu extolled the virtues of Christine's shiny nature, implying, if not outright stating a bad case of parental favoritism. It's unknown if Rosechu loves Christine more than her other children because she's more valuable, or if it's because Christine is the only reminder she has of her forbidden affair with Christine's real father. At any rate, Rosechu seems perfectly happy to pander to Christine's bare-faced arrogance like the disgusting sycophant she is.
Fan art
The children of Sonichu and Rosechu are also a popular subject for fan art. In August, 2009, a large volume of art depicting Sonichu and Rosechu's frolicking children was emailed to Chris. He did not appreciate it, for some odd reason. Ironically, in a later comic, he all but confirmed this art as canon with the implication that Christine is not a virgin, most likely deflowered by Sonichu himself.
Sauces
See also:
- Sonee & Rosey
- Sonichu
- Rosechu
- Guro
- CWC Update 12 August 2009, in which Chris addresses the former.
- A Sonichu Day The first time the little abominations ever spoke
- A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story
- Wikipedia article on The Lurking Fear