December 2012 Facebook posts
I know that a lot of people want to catch em' all, but my job is a much bigger challenge. It is my goal to masturbate to all 898 Pokemon, plain and simple. I usually try to do it twice a day, regardless of the difficulties. At the end, I always win. I go on places like Deviantart, rule 34 and, occasionally e621 in order to achieve this massive goal, and when I finally do, I will become a Pokemon Master. Sometimes, it is easy. I can come in five minutes looking at Gardevoir or Lopunny pornos. Sometimes I come across major challenges that I have to overcome, in the case of Garbodor and Magikarp especially. I have to imagine the wet, sloppy fish mouth sucking on my cock without thinking about the actual fish itself. It is very hard, but the satisfaction you get when you achieve victory is immense. Not only do you get the generally pleasurable feeling from ejaculation, but you also know that you overcame an obstacle few men have dared to try. I have a total of 347 successful ejaculations total, but it only gets harder as I move on. When I see a Serperior, for instance, I have to think to myself "In what way can I imagine this creature in order to get off to it?" It is a puzzle for sure, considering I do not have a thing for (most) of these creatures, making it extremely entertaining and interesting for others to watch. I try to focus in on its somewhat beautiful face, and think about that more than the yards of snake behind it. I sometimes have issues with Pokemon like Machamp, who appear extremely male. But I always find a way. There has been no hurdle too steep for me. I want to be the very best. Anything lower does not cut it. And that is why I am beating off to pictures of Lucario on the Internet, mom.
EGGS, EGGS!
MY ASS IS TREMENDOUSLY WIDE
Yep, I suck cocks ascdseferfaer
I know that a lot of people want to catch em' all, but my job is a much bigger challenge. It is my goal to masturbate to all 898 Pokemon, plain and simple. I usually try to do it twice a day, regardless of the difficulties. At the end, I always win. I go on places like Deviantart, rule 34 and, occasionally e621 in order to achieve this massive goal, and when I finally do, I will become a Pokemon Master. Sometimes, it is easy. I can come in five minutes looking at Gardevoir or Lopunny pornos. Sometimes I come across major challenges that I have to overcome, in the case of Garbodor and Magikarp especially. I have to imagine the wet, sloppy fish mouth sucking on my cock without thinking about the actual fish itself. It is very hard, but the satisfaction you get when you achieve victory is immense. Not only do you get the generally pleasurable feeling from ejaculation, but you also know that you overcame an obstacle few men have dared to try. I have a total of 347 successful ejaculations total, but it only gets harder as I move on. When I see a Serperior, for instance, I have to think to myself "In what way can I imagine this creature in order to get off to it?" It is a puzzle for sure, considering I do not have a thing for (most) of these creatures, making it extremely entertaining and interesting for others to watch. I try to focus in on its somewhat beautiful face, and think about that more than the yards of snake behind it. I sometimes have issues with Pokemon like Machamp, who appear extremely male. But I always find a way. There has been no hurdle too steep for me. I want to be the very best. Anything lower does not cut it. And that is why I am beating off to pictures of Lucario on the Internet, mom.
MAWILE ANAL BEADS
BARB JERKS OFF PIGS. SHE GETS DOWN ON HER KNEES AND CRAWLS THROUGH THE PIGPISS MUD SLOP AND SNUGGLES UP TO THE PIG, HER FINGERS TRACING ALONG IT’S BELLY UNTIL SHE FINDS IT’S COCK. SHE BEGINS TUGGING AND STROKING AS HER TWAT MOISTENS, HER BREASTS SWELLING AND HER NIPPLES BEGIN TO STICK OUT LIKE ERASERS ON A FRESH #2 PENCIL. SHE GRUNTS WITH SATISFACTION AS THE PIG BEGINS EAGERLY THRUSTING INTO HER HAND, HER GRIP NOW TIGHTENING TO MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THE PIG’S GREASY CORKSCREW COCK. SHE LOWERS HER HEAD TO WATCH THE COCK WORK IN HER HAND, GROANS WITH SATISFACTION AND BEGINS WORKING HER CLIT WITH HER OTHER MUDDY HAND, HER HIPS GYRATING WITH THE RHYTHM OF THE PIG’S THRUSTING. “OH FUCKING JESUS GOD YES..” SHE GASPS. SHE CHANGES POSITIONS, STILL MAINTAINING CONTROL OF THE FEVERISHLY THRUSTING COCK AS THE PIG’S SQUEALING INTENSIFIES. SHE LEANS FORWARD AND WITH HER LIPS ALMOST TOUCHING THE PIG’S EAR, SHE WHISPERS COLE'S NAME AND BEGINS TO SHUDDER. SHE TURNS HER ATTENTION AGAIN TO THE PIGS SWOLLEN MEMBER ROCKING IN HER HAND. SHE PRESSES IT BETWEEN HER HAND AND HERFACE, THE PIG THRUSTING IT AGAINST HER CHEEKS AS SHE DROOLS. WITH A MASSIVE GRUNT AND A HIGHPITCHED SQUEAL, THE PIG’S BALLS EXPLODE, BEGINNING A MASSIVE SHOWER OF HOT, SOUR PIG JIZZ. BARB CUPS ONE HAND UNDER THEFOUNTAIN OF STEAMING GENETIC MATERIAL GATHERING IT IN HER HAND AS THE THRUSTING COMES TO AN END. THE PIG SHUDDERS AND BEGINS TO WALK TO THE TROUGH OF SLOP IN THE CORNER OF IT’S PEN, BUT BARB TACKLES IT TO THE GROUND. SHE LIFTS IT’S TAIL AND SMEARS THE HANDFUL OF PIG LOAD INTO THE PIG’S OWN FETID BUTTHOLE,TURNING FLAKES OF CRUSTY PIG SHIT INTO A PIGSHIT-PIGJIZZ MUD SLOP ON THE PIGS ASS. NOW SHE TILTS HER HEAD TO THE SKY AND SCREAMS CHRIS'S FULL NAME, NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THREE TIMES. SHE SLAMS HER FACE FULL FORCE INTO THE PIG’S BUTTHOLE AND IT’S WREATH OF SHITSEMEN PUDDING, HER TONGUE MACHINE GUN FLICKING THE RIM AND THEN BURYING ITSELF TO THE HILT INSIDE THE PIG’S HOT COLON. BARB WORKS HER TONGUE AROUND THE INSIDE OF THE PIGS ASS, ANDTHEN AS A FEW INCOHERENT SYLLABLES ESCAPED HER NOW BROWN LIPS, SPURTS OF FEMALE EJACULATE SPURT FROM HER PULSATING CUNT. EXHAUSTED, SHE COLLAPSES IN THE MUD, ROLLS OVER ONTO HER BACK, AND LIGHTS A CIGARETTE. SHE TAKES ONE LONGDRAG, LOOKS AGAIN TO THE SKY,AND SPEAKS HER NAME ONE LASTTIME BEFORE SHE DRIFTS OFF TOSLEEP. THAT’S BARB. BARB DOES THAT.
BIG BILL HELL'S
I really don't understand the hype for Drayano's rom hacks. I can never understand it, I've tried all of them and playing them feels more akin to ripping my teeth out with dental floss. In no other rom hacks or just vanilla Pokemon games have I ever seen Pokemon getting one shot by moves that they are strong against. Example of just a few moments ago, my level 25 Rufflet is fighting a level 27 Bellosom. Turn one Hone claws, and leech seed from Bellosom. Turn two aerial ace and only does a quarter of bellosom's health, and then out of nowhere a petal dance just one shots my Rufflet and no, it wasn't a critical hit.
It happens all the time, larvitar getting one shot by a three hit double slap from a togepi, Victini getting one shot by a seed bomb, pigeotto one shot by a bug bite, and my personal favorite Lucario getting one shot by a bite. I've played several of his hacks expecting them to live up to the hype, and then they're just awful to play, typings don't matter because my Pokemon seem to do reduced damage and all opposing Pokemon are dealing double if not triple what they should be doing, and don't even get me started on the near constant critical hits from opposing Pokemon.
That is a completely unfair way to "improve" the difficulty of a game, raising the level curve is fine, and completely ok, but just the amount of horse crap stacked on with some truly just awful Pokemon placement choices (Not being able to properly level Pokemon due to the enormous lack of diversity of Pokemon in specific areas, not being able to level half my team because there are no good targets for them to beat in a timely fashion) is just plain dumb.
Buffing up some weaker mons to make them more play accessible is fine, but I'm tired of seeing my Pidgey get one shot by a Caterpie for zero reason.
2012
| 21 December 2012
On a vacation with Bugsby and Chris. Some awkward silence from Bugsby on this trip; he looks pale and virgin, brooding in his chicken neck. I could swear somebody’s skin is farting, maybe Chris, but probably Bugsby. God. Just looking at this guy that I pretend to be friends with singes my nose hairs. Bugsby is a skinny guy; large Adam’s Apple, small neck crooked forward beyond his body, bulging eyeballs, recessed chin, and lips which would’ve been better placed on a preteen girl. Looking at him, you could swear his skin is crawling perpetually. An insect mind. Oddly, many people ask him about Buddhism, total strangers, out of the blue. What a sight. Chris in the back seat however, quite a gent. That might be why he asked this kid to come along with us for spring break. What a threesome. That’s Chris’s Christianity for you; thats what being a Good Samaritan gets you – a ride with a complete fucking freak. Nobody talks to this kid. Nobody likes him, and that’s just Darwin talking, man. Oh, enough bullshit – Chris is handsome. Lets just say he… breaks some of the Christian traditions. He goes down south from time to time. Oh my God, Bugsby is humming to himself over there. He’s swaying too. No wonder this kid gets bullied. You’d think Chris would break all the rest of his religious rules too, but unfortunately he truly has a heart. My hearts been blackened from these bastards years ago. Pall Mall. Cigarette gets pulled from the box. Lighter emits flame. For fucks sake, people! Time to break the silence, AGAIN! “Cigarette, anyone?” Bugsby clears his throat. “No thank you. You should quit that habit. Cigarettes are bad for you.” What I should do is kick your ass, little prick! “Hey, I’ll have one, man.” “Hey, cool! It’s Pall Mall.” A look of satisfaction on Chris’s face after exhaling smoke. Well, that got rid of Busby’s unclean, foul odor. Grow some balls, kid. Oh shit, we must be in Nebraska. Welcome to Nebraska. What a cunt state. Who the fuck lives here? Hahaha. I bet Bugsby commutes to school from here. Wouldn’t be surprised if his alien ass is spying on me and Chris. We’re gonna get probed, man! Ooooh! Hahaha! “These Pall Malls, man.” Chris shakes his head to the left and right, repeatedly. “Quite a cigarette.” “They’re the only cigarette. Pall Malls are the shit, man.” Bugsby holds his hands up to his ears. “Oh, my bad, man. Forgot.” “I forgive you.” Cunt! Cunt! Your mom’s not here anymore! She’s not fucking here anymore! Get a grip, you square whore! What, you want me to change the CD? Would fucking Buddy Holly suit your interests? It’s raining blood in my fucking heart! I wanna kick this kid’s ass so bad – God man, I need to chill out. Maybe if I just chill this trip would be a lot better. Right now its total ass. There I go again: Christ. I can barely even drive right now, because I feel so reluctant to go where we’re going. Shit. Alright, fuck chilling. I’m pissed, I have a right to be pissed, and I have a right to kick this prick out of my car if I have to. Thomas Becker clears his throat. “Anybody getting tired of Bad Brains? I’ve also got some heavy metal, too. Bugs, you like metal?” Yeah, just shake your bloated head left and right. No need to verbalize. God, this is bad. Actually, it’s funny. Yeah, I guess I could see it that way. I guess I could if I TRIED REALLY FUCKING HARD! FUCK. “Ashtray, Thomas?” “Just litter, dude. It’s just Nebraska.” Thomas sneers, seemingly proud of his mock. “Alright, I guess. Grass looks dry, is all. Wouldn’t want to –“ “Burn this sh – crap-hole down? Ask me if I care.” Bugsby holds his hands up to his ears. “Well, there are a few lives in this state. Very few, that is.” “No, ask me.” “What?” “Actually ask me if I care.” “Nah.” Chris and Thomas began to laugh. That was dumb, but it was better than silence, I guess. Shit fuck, empty tank of gas almost. I hope there’s a gas station in this shit hole. Oh, there’s one. “I’m gonna stop at this gas station, we’re running low on gas.” Bugsby decided to comment. “We are, are we?” What the fuck. What the shit fuck. “Yeah, man. Okay, guys. Here’s a chance to stretch.” Remember to wipe your fucking ass this time, kid! Shit, Bugsby is taking long enough. Fucking fuck. It’s one in the fucking morning, we’re not even past Nebraska, and this scrawny ass prick is holding us up with shitting all the worms he’s got holed up inside him. God, I don’t know why it never occurred to me to bully this kid. I’m truly too nice. I should be meaner. Teach these weak-asses their place. This world is for the strong. I am large and he is SMALL. I’ve got brains and he’s got none! I’ve got a big dick! I’ve got women! Getting rich wouldn’t even help this kid! I don’t even think he masturbates! Probably one of those celibate freaks! Click noise sounds. Well then, back to our little adventure. Oh, that’s right. We’re waiting on that freak. Here he comes. About fucking time. Hahaha! He’s walking crooked! Probably waited a week before going to the bathroom, huh kid? Couldn’t let that video game wait on pause. Ignore the normal person’s bowel regimen. You’ve got a fucking video game to attend to. Shit, I’d desire alternate reality too. Wait, what? Bugsby points at the nearby graveyard. “Oh, you wanna go there? What are you trying to say?” “Graveyard.” “Dude. What’s over there to see?” “Stones. Many stones. It’s metal, correct?” “Dude. Maybe if there were zombies. It’s just stones. Lets get a move on.” Busby shakes his head left and right, quickly. “God. What happened in the bathroom?!” Chris and Thomas laughed heartily. “I can make it worth your efforts.” “Now you’re talking. How much, bro?” “Five-hundred dollars.” “I wanna see it. Up front.” Bugsby pulls the cash out from his side pocket. The other boys look astonished. Where the fuck did he find that? His mom sell pills or something? “Well, hell – alright! Let’s go.” Bugsby held the cash out. When Thomas grabbed it, Bugsby tightened his grip. Thomas let out a sigh, obviously annoyed. Then, Thomas tries again. Now the money is in his hands. What the hell is wrong with this kid? Fucking psycho. “I’d rather visit the graveyard in the car, if you don’t mind.” “Sure, any way you want. You paid, after all.” Chris and Thomas shrug at each other. Bugsby is heaving! I don’t think Chris saw that. My god, any minute now and he’ll transform! His neck is about to bulge! Frog! What the hell, this is breaking the law. This is a sidewalk, not a fucking road! And it’s dark, and Bugsby is not even looking around. I’m starting to think he forgot his medication. Wait. Up ahead – what is that? My vision’s murky. What? That’s a man. He’s crouched down, facing us. Looks like a bull about to charge. He’s running towards us! No! Alien! Fine, wanna play games? We can play games. Full speed, buddy. Let’s see how you like… this! An alien gets struck by the car, but quickly gets back up and charges again at the same car. What the hell! He’s back! Fucking fu –. Bugsby grabs a shovel. He looks towards the alien, now retreating back into the woods from whence he came. Bugsby decides to speak. “Nofasu mukuloora. Jjaab!” “Moku.” I woke up in the morning at 7am and immediately went to wake up my parents. I explained to them how I'm dreamgender and dreamsexual but they didnt even know who dream is, boomers. I had to explain to them its a sexy minecraft youtuber and how Im connected to him emotionally and sexually. They didnt get mad at all (yay!) they just stared at me with a blank expression. I think theyre proud of me but just dont know what to think of it yet since it came as such as shock to them. I tried to show them a video of dream but they werent really interested and told me to go to school. One guy called me a fucking nerd. I challenged him to a duel in minecraft which he didnt even respond to and his friends were just laughing. Everyone else was silent I thought that they secretly supported me but just didnt want to face the same oppression dreamgenders and dreamsexuals have to face everyday. Then the teacher told me to get back to my seat and started the lesson like nothing happened. I told her I wanted to show the class a compilation of minecraft manhunt best moments but she didnt let me do it. After the class a bunch of my classmates came to me and asked if I was joking or what and I tried to explain it to them but they were just making fun of me and saying Im weird and a creep. it was awful. I was bullied a bit before but now nobody wanted to talk to me the entire day even when I tried to show my friends (not friends anymore, theyre nazis apparently) some dream videos and discussed minecraft speedrunning they didnt respond at all. I've been crying the entire day because I cant believe the people I thought were cool were dreamphobes/racists/nazis as well. sobsobsobsobsob its honestly really crushing how people are still like this in 2021. now Im starting to realize I dont need those kinds of toxic people in my life and the only person I truly need is Dream. Dream is my boyfriend, my gender, my sexuality, my identity and my best friend all at once, why would I need anyone |
EANUS
Oh my fucking god,i cant fucking STAND alolan ninetales,its free aurora veil,making me not being able to oneshot almost anything,so all of my 6 starters just fucking die,please fix aurora veil.
Dont even get me started on vikavolt,i use swampert,my only hope,just to get oneshotted by a energy ball,not making me able to play the game and spam earthquake. How can i counter this? I literally cant get past fortree,after getting past shelby,idk how to beat this trainer in the route next to fortree,so please,fix your goddamn game. Until you do,i wont play your shit rom hack.
Double Rainboom
ouhou 18, or Unconnected Marketeers, is a Japanese vertical “danmaku”, or bullet-hell, style game released in 2021. The game’s final boss, Chimata Tenkyuu, is a goddess of marketplaces. Her aim is to restore her fading power, which has been steadily waning due to the decline in physical trade and the rise of online shopping. In the game, Chimata is part of an effort to produce and distribute various card which contain different powers and abilities in an attempt to restore her own life force. Due to this seeming money-making scheme, combined with her status as a trade goddess, it seems simple to make jokes about how Chimata is “rainbow capitalism”. However, her character is far more complex and represents a tragic figure with heavy connections to the real world. Chimata represents physical marketplaces, which existed before capitalism, rather than money or profitable trade. Being a goddess of marketplaces, Chimata represents more than capital. She represents the physical interaction, face-to-face communication, and more lively activity that bustling streets and crowded cities provide. This interaction is actively stifled in capitalist societies, as, at least to mainstream capitalist theories, online shopping and isolated workers produce less costs for the same efficiency. Chimata’s musical title, “Where is that Bustling Marketplace” is itself a lament for the crowded urban streets brimming with life. When placed into the real-world context of the COVID-19 pandemic, and Touhou’s creator, Jun’ya Ota, places sorrow at the decline in human interaction into the game. Chimata also detests profit-chasing, supporting regulated trade, relinquishing ownership, and human interaction over the relentless pursuit of capital. In summary, Chimata is a goddess who represents the social bonding of market-based trade, rather than the accumulation demanded by capitalism. The true capitalist is Chimata’s tenuous partner, Megumu Iizunamaru, who starts the trading card scheme for profit.
WORDFILTER EDITION
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon |uVV!nG, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field 3gg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human h()td0g5, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to 4c|d 4rmor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an passionate Vaporeon would be incredibly moist, so wet that you could easily have passion with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide pepperoni secrets, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human h()td0g. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take h()td0g5 all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more