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Chores

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Chris working in his father's garden.
 
 
I work hard for my father in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!
 

 

Chris on the "heavy burdens" in his life

Chores are menial tasks that Barb forces her son, Chris, to perform for her. Bob also did the same thing to Chris prior to his death. Since these chores are the closest thing in Chris's life to resembling actual work, and one of the few things taking him away from his video game, chicken-choking and burlesque time, they are a frequent source of stress and complaining for Chris. Except when he wants to prove that he's not lazy, in which case he believes these chores are a good example of what a hard-working, respectable, high-functioning autistic he really is.

Chris loves chores

"That thing had to weigh, like, 5, 10 tons!"
Bob working alone in the garden, on the verge of a 4th heart attack.

Chris's most notorious mention of his chores is in the Father Call, where he desperately tries to prove his worthiness to Matthew Devoria by listing some of the "hard work" he has done around the house, such as sitting on a riding lawnmower, moving chairs and carrying a doghouse across the yard. In fact, many of the "chores" he whines about are things he only did literally one time. He also compares his pulling weeds in the "hot, hot sun" to war veteran Matt's time served in the Gulf War.

Chris doesn't limit himself to only doing chores in real life. He also enjoys spending hours upon hours performing virtual chores in Animal Crossing. These are his favorite chores to do, because not only is he able to sit on his fat ass all day while tapping at his controller, he is also rewarded for performing these tasks! As fun as this sounds, by his early 30s it seems to just be another part of Chris's daily routine, at one point telling Julie that he had to take a break from his computer to "get [his] chores done in ACCityFolk".[1] He eventually stopped doing these chores all together after his GameCube disintegrated in the 2014 fire.

In Chris's other favorite fictional world, CWCville, Sonichu also does his share of the housework, as Chris elaborately explained in his CWCipedia bio. Between fighting evil-doers and saving the world from homosexuality, he even finds time to mow the lawn with his loyal wife Rosechu. After the kids have been sent off to school, Sonichu and Rosechu go out and vacuum to the extreme![2] Chris, on the other hand, is far too busy with his mayoral duties to worry about chores, so instead he makes his secretary, Allison Amber, do all of the work.

Chris dreams of one day being a "house husband", doing chores for his wife and daughter at home all day, while the wife goes to work and earns money for the family. In a chat with Clyde Cash, Clyde questions Chris's ability to take care of himself and his sweetheart. This causes Chris to go on for what seems like an hour, listing all the chores he is capable of performing around the house. He is very proud of his ability to load dishes into the dishwasher and put garbage into a trash can.[3]

Despite these many difficult, stressful, back-breaking chores that Chris spends his time doing, the Chandler family's house was still a disgusting pigsty that Bob falsely believed was on the verge of being condemned by the Greene County Health Department; before it actually burned down, the fire was being exacerbated by the mountains of junk held inside. In a call with Alec Benson Leary, when this conundrum is pointed out to Chris, he desperately mashes the buttons on his phone and hangs up to try and get out of explaining himself.[4]

Chris hates chores

Chris tries convincing his dead dog to finish his yardwork for him

Chris spends a lot of time trying to avoid doing what he is so proud of. Barbara constantly gets Chris to do things for her. This sometimes drags him away from his friends, love life and other business. He has also hidden out at the mall for hours, just so his mother's demands that he do a "hefty chore" wouldn't disrupt his creative genius.[5]

He also blames Barb for his house being so messy in the first place. His usual go-to excuse for the state of his house is to call her a "pack rat", even having the balls to call her lazy for not cleaning anything up. Barbara apparently leaves junk lying all over the house, but Chris would rather go days without showering than figure out how to move some of Barbara's junk to another room, claiming he "doesn't know what to do" with any of it.

Chris's parents also make him pay the family's bills, possibly as an attempt to make him feel like a real adult. Chris, of course, complains about having to give up a large percentage of his "tugboat" for these bills. He puts off paying them for as long as possible so he can use his hard-earned money for more important necessities. In one of her rare Mumble appearances, Chris lied to Barbara about paying the bills for that month, at first whining that he was being "honest", but eventually giving in to the fear of being punished by his mother and admitting he didn't pay ALL of them. But, he'll "be sure to pay the remaining differences next month"!

 
 
I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work. Back-breaking!
 

 

Chris explains why he hasn't had time to work on his comic

References

  1. BlueSpike Skype Logs 6
  2. A Sonichu Day
  3. Mumble 3
  4. Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8, 7:18 in
  5. Katie Bay E-mails 3