Chris and work

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[...] comments that are truly of Good Intentions of self-improvement and constructive criticism, versus the truly Bad Intentions of spamming actual hate speech (Get A Job).
Chris considers "get a job" to be hate speech and commentary from enablers kissing his ass to be constructive criticism.
Chris doing anything that doesn't revolve around daydreaming over his fantasies.

Chris is infamous for his laziness and his dependence on his elderly mother, which inhibits him from wanting to work. He briefly held one job - two if pushing it - in his early 20s, but was unsurprisingly fired from them fairly quickly.

Despite his crushing debt, Chris vehemently refuses to obtain any kind of employment whatsoever due to wanting to perpetually live like a child - a stance that has become so potent that he believes that suggesting it to him should be deemed as "hate speech".[1] Thus, as shown on the CWCki's Main Page, it has been 4012 days (more than ten years) since Chris applied for a job.

Reasons for Chris's refusal to work

Protip.jpg
PROTIP:

We shouldn’t have to tell you this, but Chris will NEVER get a job, let alone respond to your shitfoolery, no matter how many “Get a job” messages you send to him. Even if he decided to get one, his chances are slim with his current background.

External factors

Parental Influence

Chris's parents, but more so Bob, had encouraged him to not be employed, believing that his Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) is all he really needs to support himself - a belief that has ultimately proven to be false with the advent of the Financhu Crisis.

Fantasy and Financial Enablers

Main article: Enablers

In the wake of the Idea Guys, Chris's enabling has gone far beyond just his mother. Chris now has amounts of admiring fans that are willing to give him loads of money in order to support him.

Internal factors

Autism

Laziness

Past Stance on Employment

In the past, Chris has shown some degree of interest in pursuing a career, but only for his own personal gain, rather than so that he can move out of his parents' house and obtain a degree of self-sufficiency. For example, although he expressed an interest in becoming a comic book artist, working for either Archie or DC,[2], he has also stated, when he completes his Love Quest, that he would stay at home while his wife works, showing that Chris was somewhat hesitant even before then. Other sources point to Chris believing that obtaining a job is only necessary to pick up a girlfriend, which is evident when he decided to take up a job in Cutco Cutlery at the beginning of his Love Quest.

Key insight into Chris's attitude towards job hunting is found in his resume, which has not been updated in over a decade. In it, Chris shows he did not understand what constitutes work experience, let alone its importance. For example, he believes that doing "volunteer work" for the Pokémon Leagues at the GAMe PLACe counts as work experience. In reality, mere "volunteer work" does not typically catch the eye of most employers. Also, Chris was not a gym leader as he claimed, but rather was a substitute when the actual Gym Leader was not available. Finally, even if this could be taken into account, what experience he obtained is likely negligible, as he had no authority over the players, and was, in fact, carefully supervised by the staff. In the same résumé, he cites his production of comics as work experience, despite the fact that he was not doing this in a professional setting, and that the product itself leaves a lot to be desired.

The résumé also shows that, in his entire adult life, not even a fraction of his time was spent on an actual job, let alone one that is full-time in a professional environment. Counting all of the positions he had that did not involve being a Gym Leader's Assistant or working on his Sonichu comics, his total work experience amounts to a grand total of 6 months, at most. This estimate is generous because, while he claimed to have worked at Wendy's for 3 months on his résumé, he also claimed that he was already fired on 11 September to Kacey's father. Please note that this was only across an entire two-year gap between working each of the two positions he held.

While Chris has not lived a particularly good life unemployed, he also has had some bad experiences with the employees and managers of several of the places he frequented, which further shows some of Chris's views on what it means to be employed. The way he has treated such people provides insight into Chris's delusional ideas about the role of an employee. It is a manager's duty to take action in difficult situations, like if a customer is loitering or causing a disturbance, two things that Chris has done many times in the past. Chris however, unaware of how he should act in public places, only saw such actions as a form of discrimination, solely to keep him from doing as he pleases, whether it be soliciting a girlfriend, or vandalizing merchandise or property. These views are also apparent in some of his comics, where he depicts the employees and managers that have given him a hard time as corrupt tyrants abusing their power.

List of Jobs on Dimension 1218

Wendy's

Main article: Wendy's

The first place Chris attempted to work at was at his local Wendy's. While there, his primary duties were custodial in nature rather than food preparation or direct customer interaction. Despite painting himself as an employee that "serves the customers with kind, understanding help", accounts from employers and customers have shown him to be a rude and difficult employee to work with.

Cutco Cutlery

Main article: Cutco

The second and final job that Chris claims to have worked was through Cutco Cutlery, a marketing company that primarily sells overpriced knives. The company itself is deemed to be a notorious borderline scam that generally targets high school students, college students, and gullible idiots like Chris with no work experience. Chris claims to have lost this job after his boss "left at summer's end". Chris had obtained this job during the beginning of his Love Quest, which also showcases that Chris believed getting a job is only for people who want to have a girlfriend, even believing that having the job just magically improved his social skills. This job alone, believe it or not, was what made him believe himself to be a "Natural Salesperson". After this job, Chris would go out of his way to produce his Attraction Signs, and advertise this one quality in it.

Other Employers

Besides Wendy's and Cutco, Chris has attempted to apply for a handful of other jobs, to no avail, and has also held positions he believed signified employment, but was actually mere community service.

Current Stance on Employment

Therefore, for all of you Haterade-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress.
Chris claiming he's already employed in an alternate dimension

Considering how trolls, weens, enablers, and, quite frankly, Chris himself has completely mangled and destroyed his background check over the years, it is little wonder why he has lost any hope of obtaining a job. Chris even stated he was fully aware of this in a Facebook post he made on 3 April 2017. In the same post, however, he also claims that he would still refuse to obtain a job, even without all of the crazy shit that has happened in his life. He claims to fear the possibility of being discriminated against for being autistic, transgender, and having a lesbian soul. In the modern workforce, however, this misgiving is highly unjustified, as any kind of discrimination based on gender, disability or sex is usually frowned upon in the workforce, and leaves the employer liable for legal action or federal/state sanctions/fines. Besides the former two reasons, Chris claimed that gaining employment would be redundant, as he believes taking care of his aging parents actually counts as employment, despite not being paid for it.

Job as a Goddess

Chris now appears to believe that his true occupation at the moment is being the goddess of an alternate dimension, thanks to the influence of the Idea Guys, Jacob Sockness and several other influences. In the span of two years after the aforementioned Facebook post, Chris would state on at least two occasions that he believes that the ability to support himself financially by working a job is completely useless.[3][4] As a matter of fact, in one of these occasions, he had actually stated that he is far too enlightened and above societal expectations to obtain an actual job, simply due to an absurd comparison he makes between the amount of time the universe will exist for against how much time he would work at a job.[5] As evident in the same post, as well as in a subsequent one, he actually believes that obtaining a job should not be mandatory, and even goes so far as to state that the citizens of CWCville are not required to obtain a job.

Can Chris get a (real-life) job now?

Many observers have admitted that it is too late for Chris to get a job now.[6] In addition to his various run-ins with the law and his local reputation for public tantrums and violence, Chris is over 38 years old with only one bad month of employment back in 2001, a worthless CADD certificate,[7] and over a decade of unsavory information about him on the internet.[8] Chris has also not applied for a job since September 2009, and his Sonichu-laden resume is long out of date.

Even if Chris did get a job, there is a good chance that wannabe weens and A-Logs will harass his employer into terminating him, similar to how they harassed the management of The End Games and Anytime Fitness into banning him.[9] In short, Chris's claims that he can never get a job may be true, albeit for different reasons: nearly all employers are unwilling to tolerate a person with that kind of background.

Chores

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I work hard for my father in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!
Chris, telling a former U.S. Marine about the "heavy burdens" in his life

Aside from a few part-time jobs, from which he got fired shortly after being accepted, Chris is also responsible for doing certain chores around the household. To him, chores are menial tasks that Barb forces him to perform for her. Since these chores are the closest thing in Chris's life resembling actual work, and one of the few things taking him away from his video games, going into deep thought about other dimensions and attending BronyCon, they are a frequent source of stress and complaining for Chris. On the other hand, Chris also sees these chores as nothing more than to prove that he is not lazy, in which case he believes these chores are a good example of what a hard-working, respectable, high-functioning autistic he really is.

Chris loves chores

"That thing had to weigh, like, 5, 10 tons!"
Bob working alone in the garden, on the verge of a 4th heart attack.

Chris's most notorious mention of his chores is in the Father Call, where he desperately tries to prove his worthiness to Matthew Devoria by listing some of the "hard work" he has done around the house, such as sitting on a riding lawnmower, moving chairs and carrying a doghouse across the yard. In fact, many of the "chores" he whines about are things he only did literally one time. He also compares his pulling weeds in the "hot, hot sun" to war veteran Matt's time served in the Gulf War.

Chris does not limit himself to only doing chores in real life. He also enjoys spending hours upon hours performing virtual chores in Animal Crossing. These are his favorite chores to do, because not only is he able to sit on his fat ass all day while tapping at his controller, he is also rewarded for performing these tasks! As fun as this sounds, by his early 30s it seems to just be another part of Chris's daily routine, at one point telling Julie that he had to take a break from his computer to "get [his] chores done in ACCityFolk".[10] He eventually stopped doing these chores all together after his GameCube disintegrated in the 2014 fire.

In Chris's other favorite fictional world, CWCville, Sonichu also does his share of the housework, as Chris elaborately explained in his CWCipedia bio. Between fighting evil-doers and saving the world from homosexuality, he even finds time to mow the lawn with his loyal wife Rosechu. After the kids have been sent off to school, Sonichu and Rosechu go out and vacuum to the extreme![11] Chris, on the other hand, is far too busy with his mayoral duties to worry about chores, so instead he makes his secretary, Allison Amber, do all of the work.

Chris dreams of one day being a "house husband", doing chores for his wife and daughter at home all day, while the wife goes to work and earns money for the family. In a chat with Clyde Cash, Clyde questions Chris's ability to take care of himself and his sweetheart. This causes Chris to go on for what seems like an hour, listing all the chores he is capable of performing around the house. He is very proud of his ability to load dishes into the dishwasher and put garbage into a trash can.[12]

Despite these many difficult, stressful, back-breaking chores that Chris spends his time doing, the Chandler family's house was still a disgusting pigsty that Bob falsely believed was on the verge of being condemned by the Greene County Health Department; before it actually burned down, the fire was being exacerbated by the mountains of junk held inside. In a call with Alec Benson Leary, when this conundrum is pointed out to Chris, he desperately mashed the buttons on his phone and hung up to try and get out of explaining himself.[13]

Chris hates chores

Chris tries convincing his dead dog to finish his yardwork for him.

Chris spends a lot of time trying to avoid doing what he is so proud of. Barbara constantly gets Chris to do things for her. This sometimes drags him away from his friends, love life and other business. He has also hidden out at the mall for hours, just so his mother's demands that he do a "hefty chore" wouldn't disrupt his creative genius.[14]

He also blames Barb for his house being so messy in the first place. His usual go-to excuse for the state of his house is to call her a "pack rat", even having the balls to call her lazy for not cleaning anything up. Barbara apparently leaves junk lying all over the house, but Chris would rather go days without showering than figure out how to move some of Barbara's junk to another room, claiming he "doesn't know what to do" with any of it.

Chris's parents also make him pay the family's bills, possibly as an attempt to make him feel like a real adult. Chris, of course, complains about having to give up a large percentage of his "tugboat" for these bills. He puts off paying them for as long as possible so he can use his hard-earned money for more important necessities. In one of her rare Mumble appearances, Chris lied to Barbara about paying the bills for that month, at first whining that he was being "honest", but eventually gave in to the fear of being punished by his mother and admitted he did not pay ALL of them. But, he will "be sure to pay the remaining differences next month"!

I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work. Back-breaking!
Chris explains why he hasn't had time to work on his comic

See also

References

  1. https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1194090568898494464
  2. Chris's resume
  3. October 2018 social media posts#Response to "GET A JOB"
  4. June 2019 social media posts#Chris claims to be employed overseeing Dimensional Merge
  5. https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/1049442246116790272
  6. Law-Talking Guy (28 February 2020). Re: What will happen when Barb dies?. Kiwi Farms. Retrieved 17 July 2020.
  7. The CADD certificate is worthless, because, in addition to the fallout between Chris and Piedmont Virginia Community College, he only produced two menial pieces of work, and has not continued to develop his CADD skills after getting the certificate.
  8. Bombsaway (18 December 2019). Re: What will happen when Barb dies?. Kiwi Farms. Retrieved 19 December 2019.
  9. May 2018 social media posts § A new excuse not to get a job
  10. BlueSpike Skype Logs 6
  11. A Sonichu Day
  12. Mumble 3
  13. Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8, 7:18 in
  14. Katie Bay E-mails 3
Chris and...

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