Difference between revisions of "Attraction Sign"
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[[ | {{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|Chris, talking in third person.<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}} | ||
[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]] | |||
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]] | |||
The '''Attraction Sign''' was used by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Incredibly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting sex with a piece of cardboard has not enticed any ladies to date. | |||
An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman",<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref> but more information about Chris (and demands about his partner) soon found their way onto the Sign. | |||
All of the original signs have likely been destroyed in the [[house fire]] of [[2014]]. | |||
==Signs== | |||
===The Sign, Mark 1=== | |||
The original Sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and amusing of them all. | |||
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign. Note the extra pink borders to attract those [[BlueSpike#Julie|totally real]] women.]] | |||
[[File:Chris holding sign.jpg|thumb|The sign in the field.]] | |||
:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...'' | |||
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]'' | |||
:''-[[Random-access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]'' | |||
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_'' | |||
---- | |||
:''...Seeking a CUTE 18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE <sup>♀</sup>FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]'' | |||
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single'' | |||
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area'' | |||
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality'' | |||
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]'' | |||
[image of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s face]<sub>[[Chris and copyright|©]]</sub> <font color="red" size="+3">➨</font> | |||
---- | |||
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...'' | |||
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]'' | |||
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)'' | |||
:''Have a nice day ☺'' | |||
Chris had other ideas beyond Signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."'' | |||
[[ | ==The Sign in College== | ||
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]] | |||
Many variations on the Sign were produced when Chris was in college, chiefly because [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. During this time, Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new Signs and plastering them all over campus - only to be torn down in turn by Mary.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref> Regardless of Mary's efforts, the Sign required updating annually, since the requisite age of the [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] was invariably 18 to whatever Chris' age was at the time. | |||
The attraction sign shows a truly desperate time in Chris' life, where he advertised his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] in the same way you would [[Craigslist#Son-Chu II|advertise selling a car]]. | |||
<center><gallery> | <center><gallery> | ||
Image: | Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS. | ||
Image: | Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls, written by his [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc|evil twin]]. | ||
Image: | Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23. | ||
Image: | Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign. | ||
</ | </gallery></center> | ||
</ | |||
==Hiatus== | |||
Discouraged by Barb, Chris retired the Sign proper some time before August 2009: | |||
{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref name=retarded>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}} | |||
In spite of this, the Sign would soon make its return in various incarnations. | |||
==Return of the Sign== | |||
=== The Sign in 2010 === | |||
[[Image:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|He never learns…]] | |||
In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "'''I Enjoy Vagina'''" and an exposed [[Muscle bra|bra]] saying "'''Want Woman!'''" over [[Obesity|his large gut]], a lazy and frank form of the Sign.<ref name="FAF">[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While this display is even more unpleasant and direct than the original Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girl]]s what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out-of-touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him "look retarded"<ref name=retarded></ref> in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it. | |||
[[File:CWC Pokemon.png|thumb|Artist's conception of Chris using the attraction rock of fail.]] | |||
A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract an unfortunate woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and ''throwing it at her''. Combined with the earlier "'''Want Woman!'''" tactic, this caused some [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to devolve into some sort of caveman. | |||
Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris had reverted to the original-style Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that children shouldn't be exposed to him in his [[sports bra]]. | |||
On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new Sign that read "[[Homos|'''Friendly and Flirty Man Zone''']]".<ref name="FAF"/> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what seems to be a misguided attempt to look fun and cool. | |||
=== The Sign in 2012 === | |||
In a February 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he planned to wear a Sign around his neck that says, "'''If you like me, tell me!'''"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>. Whether or not he actually did this was never documented, but knowing Chris, [[Honest Content|this was certainly not an idle threat]]. | |||
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status revealed that Chris planned to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]] | |||
{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#I have decided]]</ref>}} | |||
He later revealed in another note that he was lying in a baffling attempt to "troll the trolls".<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> | |||
=== OkCupid and the Sign in 2014 === | |||
[[File:Okcupid 8 jul 2014 4.jpg|thumb|Attraction Sign as of July 2014]] | |||
In [[July 2014]], Chris made a new [[OkCupid]] account, which resulted in a few new photos of him in full [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]] regalia. One horrifying picture shows Chris looking 20 years older than he is and brandishing a new Sign (made out of [[Legos]]) stating "'''HEY LADIES I'M SINGLE PLEASE ASK ME OUT'''". It is unknown if he uses or intends to use this new Sign in public (physically speaking; his OkCupid profile was a public site).<ref>[[OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile]]</ref> | |||
Chris's 2014 OkCupid account also revealed the fact that he has finally conceded to raise the minimum age of his [[heartsweet]], up to 23, probably having realised the minimum age of 18 was becoming [[Pedofork|very inappropriate]]. However, 23 is still a large disparity with Chris' age when he wrote it (32) and he still absurdly demands his sweetheart be younger than himself, even though he clearly wants them to serve largely as his [[Barbara Chandler|mother figure]]. | |||
==See also== | ==See also== | ||
* [[Red String of Fate]] | * [[Attraction Location]] | ||
* [[Business card]] | |||
* [[Red String of Fate]] | |||
==Sources== | |||
<references/> | |||
{{Articleofthenow}} | |||
{{PVCCSaga}} | |||
{{Relics of Fail}} | {{Relics of Fail}} | ||
{{Love quest}} | |||
[[Category:Relics of Fail]] | [[Category:Relics of Fail]] | ||
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]] | |||
[[Category:Love Quest]] | |||
[[Category:PVCC Saga]] | |||
Latest revision as of 21:01, 25 September 2024
| “ | The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of | ” |
| Chris, talking in third person.[1] | ||
The Attraction Sign was used by Chris during his Love Quest to get the attention of boyfriend-free girls. Incredibly, the sight of a fat, sweaty, smelly manchild soliciting sex with a piece of cardboard has not enticed any ladies to date.
An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman",[2] but more information about Chris (and demands about his partner) soon found their way onto the Sign.
All of the original signs have likely been destroyed in the house fire of 2014.
Signs
The Sign, Mark 1
The original Sign, created in 2003 when Chris first started his Love Quest at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and amusing of them all.
- 21 and Single White Male...
- -Shy -Smart -Young at Heart -Computer skilled
- -Humorous -A great thinker and go-getter -"Natural salesperson" -Enjoys good parts of life
- -Diplomatic -Friendly -Loves his family -Peaceful -Very creative -_He's lonely_
- ...Seeking a CUTE 18-21 SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION
- *18-21 years of age *does _not_ already have a boyfriend *Single
- -Average to Slender Weight/Body Type -White -Lives in Charolettesville or Ruckersville area
- *Does NOT Smoke or Drink Alcohol -Happy, Positive Personality
- *Average/High Income -Drives a vehicle
- If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...
- MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
- (And to all MEN with girlfriends, except marrieds and blacks, go jump off a cliff)
- Have a nice day ☺
Chris had other ideas beyond Signs, but said that "Newspaper/Magazine Ads, Online Dating Sites, Video Dating Services to name a few; THEY COST MONEY."
The Sign in College
Many variations on the Sign were produced when Chris was in college, chiefly because Mary Lee Walsh kept confiscating them. During this time, Chris waged war by creating MySpace and Facebook accounts, then printing new Signs and plastering them all over campus - only to be torn down in turn by Mary.[3] Regardless of Mary's efforts, the Sign required updating annually, since the requisite age of the Boyfriend-Free Girl was invariably 18 to whatever Chris' age was at the time.
The attraction sign shows a truly desperate time in Chris' life, where he advertised his virginity in the same way you would advertise selling a car.
Hiatus
Discouraged by Barb, Chris retired the Sign proper some time before August 2009:
| “ | During all this, I learned from my mother that the sign made me look retarded, and eventually, I did away with the sign. | ” |
| Chris[4] | ||
In spite of this, the Sign would soon make its return in various incarnations.
Return of the Sign
The Sign in 2010
In June 2010, Chris wore a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and an exposed bra saying "Want Woman!" over his large gut, a lazy and frank form of the Sign.[5] While this display is even more unpleasant and direct than the original Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to boyfriend-free girls what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out-of-touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous sense of entitlement and that he never understood why the Sign made him "look retarded"[4] in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.
A few weeks later, on 4 July 2010, Chris attempted to attract an unfortunate woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and throwing it at her. Combined with the earlier "Want Woman!" tactic, this caused some trolls to assume Chris was beginning to devolve into some sort of caveman.
Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at Fridays After Five again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris had reverted to the original-style Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that children shouldn't be exposed to him in his sports bra.
On 16 July 2010, Chris again terrorized the poor women of Charlottesville at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new Sign that read "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone".[5] He also employed a portable mini fan and a hula hoop, in what seems to be a misguided attempt to look fun and cool.
The Sign in 2012
In a February 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he planned to wear a Sign around his neck that says, "If you like me, tell me!"[6]. Whether or not he actually did this was never documented, but knowing Chris, this was certainly not an idle threat.
An April 2012 Facebook status revealed that Chris planned to go back to his roots in stalking innocent women in public with the sign.
| “ | The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to Fashion Square Shopping Center in Charlottesville, Virginia, WITH my sign and going into my Sweetheart Search with Full On Guns a Blazin'. | ” |
| Chris[7] | ||
He later revealed in another note that he was lying in a baffling attempt to "troll the trolls".[8]
OkCupid and the Sign in 2014
In July 2014, Chris made a new OkCupid account, which resulted in a few new photos of him in full tomgirl regalia. One horrifying picture shows Chris looking 20 years older than he is and brandishing a new Sign (made out of Legos) stating "HEY LADIES I'M SINGLE PLEASE ASK ME OUT". It is unknown if he uses or intends to use this new Sign in public (physically speaking; his OkCupid profile was a public site).[9]
Chris's 2014 OkCupid account also revealed the fact that he has finally conceded to raise the minimum age of his heartsweet, up to 23, probably having realised the minimum age of 18 was becoming very inappropriate. However, 23 is still a large disparity with Chris' age when he wrote it (32) and he still absurdly demands his sweetheart be younger than himself, even though he clearly wants them to serve largely as his mother figure.
See also
Sources
- ↑ List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica
- ↑ White knight E-mails
- ↑ User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens
- ↑ 4.0 4.1 User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search
- ↑ 5.0 5.1 Fridays After Five
- ↑ Facebook statuses
- ↑ April 2012 Facebook posts#I have decided
- ↑ April 2012 Facebook posts#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D
- ↑ OkCupid#LevelUpKing Profile
 PVCC Saga
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