Sonichu 10
Sonichu 10 is the eleventh issue of the Sonichu comic. Chris submitted the first page to the CWCipedia on 8 December 2009, shortly after finishing issue 9.
Background
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's Medallion of Fail had captured the imaginations of trolls across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart Blanca, convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.
For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his October 9, 2008 video, where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed.
In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his High School Ring implying its greater importance.
To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa October 14, 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the Anchuent Prophecy, establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.
Continuity
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of Sonichu #8, and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "time void" since the end of Sonichu #7, and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.
Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin Sonichu #9, Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.
Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu 9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on Sonichu and Rosechu. If he intends to use the material he's already published, he'll be breaking his promise within the first page.
Another continuity error in the comic is that Chris is wearing an orange shirt, even though he was wearing the classic red and blue-striped shirt when he entered the Time Void.
Cover art
Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with PandaHalo, and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.
Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities
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Ongoing
The things described in this article are still happening, or are still being looked into. As a result, it may be subject to frequent change, and the information provided may not be entirely reliable.
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The comic begins by recapping Wild and Magi-Chan's effort to rescue Chris from the Time Void. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the Sonichu 9 version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named Lovely Weather. Chris then goes on to reveal that he tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self, and then fucked his future wife while his future self was at work.
He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for homosexuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for some reason. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn Reldnahc back into Naitsirhc, whose one true love, Kel (?!) is worried sick about. He entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the Sonichu Balls Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse for him, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the usage of his real-life problems today: He calls out to Allison Amber and BILLY MAYS (apparently the couple here) to load up Son-Chu with his PS3, Guitar Hero and the instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; He tells Patti-chan that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other 5 Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped Crystal over to his office near his desk; He tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at 4-Cent Garbage's HQ by 2:30; and finally, tells Blake and Punchy to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild in on the action. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from Sonichu 9.
Chris, first, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (it says it was hosted by Tripod, one of the original websites where he hosted his stuff). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound... until the Devil Trolls emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspeciously like penises, especially when Chris grabs one by the tail, sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.
Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, as best he can, the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed Brutal Legend, though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to Teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs Chaos Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building (Why?!), erects a barrier around the building and blows it up! He, then, claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.
Chris, then burns down the bridge to Tripod (as he claims), then proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, then to set up everything for the CWCipedia before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. Chris-Chan Sonichu rapidly advances on the 4-cent_garbage.com Building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a Hex Bawx, the evil Jason Kendrick Howell prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.
Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation.
Chris also includes a plug for LittleBigPlanet (yay!), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PlayStation 3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of LittleBigPlanet for Wii or Xbox360, as if these even existed.
Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for Sonichu to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his Guitar Hero guitar. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.
Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of LittleBigPlanet to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong.
With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, Beel uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of Christian Weston Chandler. This causes his Medallion to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power.
Inside the cage, Chris notices his High School Ring sparking with energy. Sprouting fangs of confidence, Chris putts on his glasses and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted Sweetheart, Blanca (which is hilarious, especially after the additions).
Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.
The final page of the preview shows a photo of Jimmy Hill, who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and Bugs Bunny appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl "Jimmy!!" Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes Monty Python fags to cream their jeans or something.
Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.
While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that Naitsirch is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirch decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and gay. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two Sonichus fight it out until the two of them hit each other in their weakspots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirch manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirch asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."
He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitirch, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirch transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the completely non homo-erotic phrase, "Drink My Blood!" As he teleports Reldnach to Kel's waiting bedside, he laments that Natsirhc never never wore a shirt, but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a lowly woman and he has to save screentime for himself and his army of recolors. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their Guitar Hero gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the PaRappa the Rapper cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his ring reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and lie about a relationship he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page reused from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the Hedgehog Boys to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment.
The song they start to play is "Revive Zordon". As Chris rocks out, Beel (who's suddenly alive), Clyde Cash (who's making his first official appearance in the comics) and Jack Thaddeus (who's making his first appearance here) warn Jason Kendrick Howell that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Chris, portraying Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Chris portraying Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, Jack and Clyde hold hands as they leap down the 72 story elevator shack as the crew destroys the building.
Reaction
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to YouTube on 20 October 2008.[1]
See also
Sauces
External links
- Sonichu #10
- Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9
- Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions