Simonla Rosechu

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“	Simonla is of Construction-Worker personality; she rarely leaves a job undone, a bit tomboy, and spunky.	”
- Chris, lying as usual

Chris's "original" design of Simonla.

This picture is what sums up Simonla's character; Empty, soul-less and craving for a shit-load of Pickles.

Once upon a time, Simonla Rosechu (aka Simonla, pronounced [sɪˈmoːnlə]) was an orange rosechu with the intelligence of a "cinder-block" who could turn her arms into drills and dig underground. She also had a drill at the end of her tail. Then her guts were shredded by a tragic toilet explosion.

Originally a fan character submitted by Evan named Simonchu, Chris instead added breasts and a china and turned it into Simonla so he'd have something to masturbate to. Her bizarre name is probably meant to suggest "Simon the Rosechu", la being the Spanish word for "the"; c.f. Megagi La Skunk.

Background

Evan told Chris he got his drills from being raised by Beedrill, though any bona fide weeaboo knows the drills and the name come from Simon from Gurren Lagann. Interestingly, in his Apologies to Alec and Evan video, Chris pronounces Simonchu as Sie-Mon-Chu and not See-moan-chu, meaning that:

• Chris has never seen Gurren Lagann before, much to the relief of many fans and
• Simonla's pronunciation would be Sie-mon-la.

This is reinforced by other inconsistencies with the character, including mistaking Simonchu's cape for a shell on Simonla and that the Core Drill was a shark's tooth necklace.

Her actual character biography is basically non-existent. While the members of the Chaotic Combo all have their own retarded little backstories to explain where they came from and what they're doing together, Simonla just shows up one day, ready to strip naked and present backdrops. She only mentions being raised by Sandshrews in response to Evan's explanation of her origin.

Evan eventually presents his own version of events in it up in his Simonchu comic: Simonla is a female clone of Simonchu, sent back in time to befriend the other Electric Hedgehogs so that Chris can prove Wild is STRAIGHT to the trolls in order to cover up Alec's SLANDEROUS portrayals. This explains, somewhat, Chris's constant references to Simonla and Simonchu being siblings, though it may be more accurate to consider Simonla a daughter to Simonchu. Chris is sure to integrate this creative and interesting plot twist into his own comic immediately, just as he expects other people to change their comics to match his ideas. One should disregard Chris's claim that she was raised by a pair of Sandslash, as this violates the same "brother/sister agreement" Chris desired so much due to Simonchu's Beedrill parentage.

Simonla the pedofork

In the Dating Education episode, we see Simonla outside CWCville U talking to Zapina, the 14-year-old girl who wants to strip despite those "dumb child protection Laws" Chris and the Sonichu gang hate so much. Zapina refers to Simonla as "her best friend," which is creepy enough, before Simonla instructs her to get a "16-year-old boy".

One can only wonder why she would do such a thing, when any woman in her right mind would tell her to focus on her studies and hang out with friends her own age before worrying about boys, especially one two years older when she's clearly underage.

Development

Before...

On 26 August 2008, Evan posted on his DeviantArt account:

My Sonichu fancharacter.

Simonchu Age: 14 Ground/Electric

Simonchu was originally a Pikachu, raised by a swarm of Beedrill. However, when Perfect Chaos attacked Station Square, the Pikachu and Beedrills watched from a nearby forest. In the middle of the battle a flash of pure Chaos energy was released, killing all the Beedrills. The Pikachu, however, was able to absorb the Chaos energy and use it to evolve. Depressed due to his parents' demise, Simonchu took his parents' drills and dug deep underground, leaving no one in CWCville to know of this unique Sonichu and his awesome powers.

until today... ...

Now I really must send it to him and hope he includes Simonchu in another issue. He is JUST bad enough to fit into Sonichu.

Three months later, Chris did use the character, claiming that he had wanted to create a ground-type Sonichu or Rosechu character. He could have used Simonchu, as he had Evan's permission to, but, feeling that he had enough Sonichu characters (or, more likely, needing material to mass debate to), he decided to turn Simonchu into Simonla (playing off Simone, the feminine form of Simon), because to Chris, tits = better. Chris-chan also misinterpreted the cloak Simonchu wore as some sort of shell, judging by Simonla's line, "My shell is removable!" He also added red "secondary infrared eyelids" (commonly mistaken for eye infection) due to a similar mix-up with Simonchu's goggles.

Chris claimed on Simonla's CWCipedia page that in Episode 20 he will introduce Simonchu as a Ground- (and only Ground-) type. This never happened. Only in the next episode was Simonchu given a minor cameo (and then never fully identified) as Simonla's assassin.

...and after. Chris has the reverse Midas touch - everything he touches turns to shit.

Forced romance

“	plus pairing Simonla with Wild as a couple; that GIVES multiple meanings to the phrase "Opposites Attract."	”
Chris, completely failing to explain anything.

In Episode 19, Simonla attends the dating classes and is eventually paired up with Wild Sonichu. Chris-chan had previously revealed this to Evan in the ancient Sonichu IRC chatroom^{[citation needed]}, but it ended up creating one of the most horrific pages in Sonichu history.

Chris elaborated on their forced romance to Julie in Mumble 3, saying that he thought their romance seemed unlikely because they were so different. While it would be reasonable to assume he was referring to different cultural backgrounds or beliefs, he went on to clarify that he was talking about the fact that Simonla was a Ground-type and Wild was a Grass-type, two things he apparently believed had nothing in common.

Evan's response

In late December 2009, Evan e-mailed Chris, accusing him of lying about the resolution Chris claimed to have worked out with him. Chris ignored this e-mail.

Four mailbags later, Evan once again petitioned Chris, this time saying Chris was stealing his character. Evan politely asked Chris to kill Simonla in the comic, yet Chris responded by saying that he could not write out Simonla, as she was Wild's girlfriend, and that asking him to kill a fictional character devoid of any personality was monstrous.

Evan tried again, tired of it all, where Chris pointedly refused once more. Disillusioned with Chris, Evan allowed the creator of Asperchu, Alec Benson Leary, to feature Simonchu as one of Sonichu's friends. While Simonchu is portrayed as a homosexual in the comic, Evan confirmed in an e-mail to Chris that Simonchu is bisexual, and that Alec treated the character with far more respect than changing his gender without permission. Chris still persisted with his refusal, maintaining that killing Wild's girlfriend was evil.

The back-and-forth continued in Mailbag 43, where Chris responded with one of his most bizarre and megalomaniacal statements yet. He stated that Simonla "didn't want" to leave CWCville, and that Evan himself "moves on" under the influence of Chris's Directorial Powers. Chris would later claim that Simonla should be considered an original character, since Chris could have theoretically come up with the concept on his own, with the fact that he actually based her on Simonchu's design more or less a coincidence:

“	...IF I start with a Normal Rosechu, give her ground and dirt for skin, add some Drills, Natural Second Transparent Eyelids, an Armadillo Shell with a Drill Spot for a Marking on the front, and Construction Shoes, DOES NOT MEAN AT ALL of YOUR story of "Re-Modifying Simonchu with a Vagina"; THE TWO ARE SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS, so do us all a favor and QUIT B****ING AND STRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN PREMATURE DEATH.	”
Chris, Mailbag 44.

TL;DR Pointless, throwaway relationships = Rights to use a fan character, in Chris's mind.

Chris denies reality

Evan's response.

After all this back-and-forth in the Mailbag over what to do with Simonla, on 2 February 2010 Chris added the following note to his profile of the character on the CWCipedia:

I had previously stated inspiration from Evan George's Simonchu Character; that was a fabrication, and I apologize for leaving the lie up for this whole time.

Simonchu was Never an Inspiration, or had Anything to do with Simonla Rosechu's creation whatsoever.

Thank you for being patient while I had thought further on Simonla's Background Story.

This fooled absolutely no one. Evan and his fellows responded with a barrage of new advertisements at the top of every CWCipedia page, pointing out Chris's obvious lie.

Using those advertisements as a wedge, the Asperpedia creators hoped to eventually force Chris to do away with Simonla. As chronicled in Alec Benson Leary's phone calls with Chris, this proved to be an uphill battle, largely because Chris still holds to a child-like belief that Simonla is, in some sense, real, and that killing her in the comic has actual consequences. Over the course of late January and into early February 2010, Chris continued to insist that Simonla had to remain a part of his comic.

Chris relented somewhat as the ads on the CWCipedia grew more and more offensive. On 6 February 2010, he posted a video where he conceded defeat of a kind, promising to kill Simonla and remove her entry in the CWCipedia at some time in the indefinite future. This wasn't good enough for Evan, who exerted legal pressure to have the CWCipedia locked to edits.

On 8 February 2010, in his final phone conversation with Alec, Chris claimed that he had given in, drawn the pages of Simonla's death, and had them ready for uploading. However, either he never bothered to follow through on that promise or he simply never got the chance. Early on 9 February 2010, all the CWCipedia's content was deleted from its server space.

Death

File:WildCADbortion2.jpg

How it happened.

On 9 February 2010, responding to the deletion of the CWCipedia, Chris admitted that his promise to get rid of Simonla was made under duress:

“	And I never wanted to kill Simonla! But I was practically back-BLACK mailed by that god damned by that god damned Evan...	”
Chris, 9 February 2010

Belatedly, however, he made good. On 13 February 2010, Evan released two pages he received from Chris, where Chris makes a rote apology (dwelling for some strange reason on the topic of hamster rape) and Simonla dies. In the pages, it is shown that Simonla is killed by a toilet bomb in the ladies' bathroom during a date at the movies with Wild. After being treated by Bill the Scientist, who has apparently quit working for Team Rocket in favor of emergency medicine, Simonla passes on. Wild mourns for exactly ONE PANEL before Magi-Chan deus-ex-machinas where her killers are and he takes off on a mission of revenge. Simonla is injured offscreen and dies offscreen, exactly the opposite of what Alec requested.

In what may or may not be a coincidence, Simonla succumbs to "her internal injury," the same fate that felled a number of Chris's Officer Nasty dolls.

Some days later, Chris released a revised version of Simonla's death, in which the drama takes place over several pages and the previously vague identities of the "murderer and his crew", was, through a couple of edits, established as being Alec and the Asperpedia crew. Furthermore; Simonla is revealed to have shat out an egg, which is in the care of Wild when Simonla goes asplodey. A time jump occurs and the egg hatches into Sandy Rosechu. Sonichu #10 culminates in the father-daughter team of Wild and Sandy cooperating to execute Evan in spectacular and gory fashion, thereby going against Chris's long-held assertion that he would never stoop to Alec's level and include gratuitous gore in his comic.

It's highly noted that the explosive toilet was ripped from the 1989 film, Lethal Weapon 2, where Mel Gibson's character pulled Danny Glover's character from a toilet that had a bomb attached, just like in the comic. Only instead of killing anyone, the toilet exploded and hits a car. The scene in question. It seems a bit uncharacteristic for Chris to steal from an "R" rated action film, but it should be noted that Chris has a strange habit of ripping off stuff he hasn't watched before, so he probably just knows of the infamous scene itself and not the source material.

Gallery

• 

  Chris subtly lets slip his pedofork tendencies through Simonla

• 

  this is God punishing Evan for sending him those e-mails.

• 

  The e-mail confirming Simonla's appearance.

• 

  Chris gives Evan his page(s)...

• 

  and starts with a wall of text

• 

  Chris kills off Simonla by having a toilet bomb blow up her china.

• 

  Alec Benson Leary offers his own take on Simonla's demise.

• WildCADbortion1.jpg
• WildCADbortion2.jpg
• WildCADbortion3.jpg

See also

For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Simonla Rosechu

• Evan

External links

• The TRUE, HONEST and PICKLE-HAVING Adventures of Simonchu and Niachu