The Wallflower
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Ongoing
The things described in this article are still happening, or are still being looked into. As a result, it may be subject to frequent change, and the information provided may not be entirely reliable.
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"The Wallflower" is the heir to Megan Schroeder, a female friend Chris met some time around early 2010. She is one of the few girls Chris has managed to associate with in his post-high-school years who is not (as far as can be seen) a direct result of trolling. As of 10 March 2010, the trolls may have added her to the long list of would-be sweethearts that they have ruined for him. Whether or not the Megan-esque ending of their relationship is actually to blame on the trolls or is a direct result of Chris being himself is unknown. However there is proof that shows the Wallflower has been made aware of the Cwcki, but given Chris's past record of making an absolute tit of himself in every way imaginable, it is not unrealistic to consider that Chris himself scared the Wallflower away with his pungent aroma of sweat, shit, and AXE. Nevertheless, Chris has taken it upon himself to blame those god damn trolls for destroying yet another chance at getting some china.
References by Chris
Exactly when Chris first met her is unknown. While he has jumped at the chance to advertise his involvement with some of his other women friends to the world, he has only made oblique, passing references to her. (Also, less information has been forthcoming about this particular sweetheart than some because unlike, say, PandaHalo, she isn't actively leaking every detail of her communications with Chris to fellow trolls.)
The first signs of Chris's involvement with The Wallflower showed up in late January 2010. In Mailbag 46, answered on 26 January 2010, Chris claimed to have joined a "Young Adult Social Group" and "met a lovely woman there who likes me too; we are hitting it off like two hip wallflowers." Around the same time, in Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3 (which took place on 30 January), Chris said he was expecting a phone call that may have been from her.
In the 14 February 2010 edition of the CWC Blog, Chris declared that "currently, my girl friend and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly." When a correspondent in Mailbag 56 challenged Chris to prove the existence of his new "girl friend," Chris replied "She does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all."
In Sonichu 10, Chris mentioned that he had met up and had sex with his future wife, Lovely Weather in a page that was uploaded 9 December 2009. As it was considered unusual for Chris to write about an entirely fictional sweetheart, it's possible that Lovely Weather was based on this person.
It's not clear how far the relationship actually "progressed," however. Chris, we can be certain, had designs on a physical relationship with her from the start, since "just friends" is not a notion he is interested in having any truck with. The Wallflower may have felt otherwise, however, which could explain Chris's angry remarks on the subject of the "friend zone" in the 15 January 2010 edition of the Mailbag.
Breakup?
When it was found out that Chris had a possibly non-troll gal-pal, most of the trolls agreed that the best course of action was to let the events play out on their own and have her find out herself what a racist, sexist, homophobic, lazy, unhygienic, narcissistic, hypocritical, naive, and overall creepy manchild Chris was. Despite this, one troll decided to fuck it all up and link her to the CWCki.
On 10 March 2010, Chris released A message to the Trolls. Emotionally distraught, he speaks in vague terms about troll interference in his life, and of the pains of a broken heart. At the same time, in a Captain's Log entry on the CWCipedia, Chris mentioned "BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME", which presumably refers to her cutting off all contact with him.
On the wee hours of 11 March 2010, Chris released a second video, mentioning a theoretical meeting between him and an imaginary Clyde Cash, in which he beats the shit out of himself and the air, and finally pulls out a tiny little pocket knife and cuts the throat of the imaginary Clyde, making it seem as if he blames the loss of The Wallflower or some other recent troubles on Clyde Cash.
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