Attraction Location
| “ | As I sit and sigh, I watch the girls go by. |
” |
| Poem by Chris[1] | ||
An Attraction Location,[2] also called an Attraction Spot,[3] is a CWC-ism for any place where Chris sits passively, hoping to attract the attention of single women. Along with his Attraction Sign and Axe body spray, use of an Attraction Location has been a crucial component of Chris's Love Quest.
In practice, the Attraction Locations that Chris chose left him exposed to discovery by various authority figures, who take umbrage with his methods. He steadfastly refused to abandon his post until he was either banned or forcibly removed from the premises. Undaunted, he would go on to find new Attraction Locations, only to be banned from them as well.
It's interesting to note that the use of these different locations marks some of the few significant milestones in Chris's life between 2003 and 2008, and even this minor change in his routine was forced upon him. It's entirely possible that if Chris had made less of a ruckus, he might still be sitting in his original Attraction Location to this day, indifferent to the years wasted in his fruitless endeavor.
Attraction Locations
In Charlottesville
- Piedmont Virginia Community College - Until suspension on 16 September 2004.
- University of Virginia - Until December 2004; briefly returned during March 2009, following Julie debacle.
- Charlottesville Fashion Square - February 2004 until banned on 29 March 2005, briefly during March 2009, May 2009 until imminent permaban. Despite said ban, Chris is again using the mall as an Attraction location in 2012.
- Wal-Mart - Until kicked out on 20 and 22 June 2005.
- Target - Until arrested and thrown out on 20 July 2005.
- The GAMe PLACe - Although not primarily an Attraction Location, Chris met Megan there, and possibly considered it a good place to meet subsequent women, at least until being permabanned on 28 August 2008.
- Fridays After Five - Used in June 2010, sporting a muscle bra he'd written on; seemed to attract the attention of a few underage girls.
- Jefferson Theater - Along with his mother, Chris attended a benefit show at this venue on 9 March 2012, hoping to make new gal-pals.[4] He left the place early after having made new acquaintances, the genders of which he did not specify.[5]
In Ruckersville
- 14 Branchland Court - Since late 2008, Chris has mostly confined his Love Quest to the Internet. While perhaps not officially an Attraction Location, his basic technique of sitting around waiting for love to find him remains unchanged.
Attraction time
Chris's time spent at his attraction location would be called his "attraction time".[6] While waiting for a boyfriend-free girl to approach him, he would do things such as play on his DS, watch videos on his DS, pace back and forth, sing loudly, and so forth. These activities which, obviously, were rather distracting to mall patrons (and not terribly attractive to nubile passersby), would factor into his being banned from such locations.
Due to his imbalanced biological clock (typically causing him to crash into slumber at about 6:30 A.M. and wake close to noon) attraction time would generally take place in the mid-to-late afternoon. This time would conveniently (and to the horror of the female patrons of Fashion Square) provide a higher concentration of potential sweethearts for Chris to harass.
Anna McLerran's "The Tale of the Crazy Pacer" is the definitive chronicle of Chris spending his attraction time, when he moved from sitting in front of Abercrombie & Fitch to Pac Sun, where Anna was working at the time.
See also
Sources
