Sonichu chronology

Even Chris can't keep this shit straight.

The chronology of events in Sonichu, Christian Weston Chandler's magnum opus, is extremely complicated for a series that only saw 11¼ issues in a six-year period. As with most of Chris's work, only the CWCki is capable of untangling the mess to establish when the hell things actually happened, and in what order.

There is considerable confusion as to the passage of time in Sonichu. Although none of the characters seems to age at all (which would be consistent with most comics, video games, and cartoons), by late 2008 Chris had begun making it clear that several years had passed during the course of the storyline. We may never know if this had been his intent all along; it's equally possible that he suddenly made the announcement in reaction to trolls believing that Sonichu and Rosechu were underage at the time of their sex scene in Sonichu #8. Since then Chris has clarified that the adventures in Episodes 1–11 take place several years before he drew them. Stories involving Chris, however, such as the Sub-Episodes and Episodes 12 & 12.5, generally occur closer to the time-frame in which Chris drew them, usually to better coincide with the real-world events that inspired them. After that, however, events in the comic begin to fall behind real time; in mid-2008 Chris established the events of Episodes 13–17 as having occurred in the fall of 2007, nearly a year earlier. Later stories would make greater effort to show when they took place, which only served to show the gap widening. When Chris abandoned the series in February 2010, he had left off with a Christmas story set in December 2008.

Further complicating the continuity is Chris's gratuitous use of time travel. Although he wanted to show the Chaotic Combo hatching from eggs and growing up, this was at odds with his desire to make them contemporaries of Sonichu. Chris's solution was to reveal that the rainbow that created Sonichu and Rosechu created eggs that traveled backward in time, with most of them ending up (amazingly) in Virginia around the time Sonichu and Rosechu were born. In fact, nearly every major event in the comic's backstory that happened before the rainbow was caused by the rainbow. Later, Chris would devote all of Sonichu #7 to a time-travel story in which he visits his past self before getting lost in a time void where he can observe "future" events--that is, things that had already happened to the real Chris. The fictional Chris later travels to the future, and upon returning to 2008 coordinates to eradicate homosexuality by February 2009, even though the real Chris was writing all this in January 2010 and was fully aware homos still roamed the earth.

The following is a timeline of events depicted in Sonichu canon, either in the comics themselves or in commentaries by Chris on the CWCipedia and elsewhere. Where necessary, ambiguous events have been noted with speculated dates.

The distant past

• The Cherokian Clan (led by their ancient leader, later reincarnated as Christian Weston Chandler) feud with the Wasabi Clan (led by an ancestor of Wes Iseli) over the leader's queen (later reincarnated as Sarah Hammer).
• The two clans later join forces to defeat Count Graduon, imprisoning him within a magic scepter.
• Afterwards, the Wasabi continue to try to steal the Cherokian crown, but do not succeed.

1900

• The Sonichu Balls are created by the power of the Chaotic Rainbow, and sealed within the Ancient Tablet in the kingdom of RuleCWC.

1980s

1982

24 February

• Christopher Weston Chandler is born.
• The city of CWCville is founded by Bob Chandler, and apparently named after the initials of his infant son Chris.

1984

• Naitsirhc is born, son of Giovanni and an unknown mother.

1985

• The CWC-Cola bottling company in CWCville opens in this year.

15 May

• Darkbind Sonichu is born. Apparently coming from the same rainbow that vomited the Chaotic Combo, his egg was dropped in the middle of RuleCWC forest where he was found by a parody of Link.

1986

• Kel is born.
• DJ Jamsta is born

21 August

• Zelina Rosechu is born. Also conveniently from the same damn rainbow, her egg landed in the heart of the RuleCWC royal palace where it was adopted by a pair of (really desperate) childless monarchs.

13 November

• Bionic the Hedgehog is born.

1987

• Lolisa Rosechu is born.

1988

• Simonla Rosechu is born.

17 March

• The Pokémon who would become Sonichu hatches as a Pichu.

22 December

• The Pokémon who would become Rosechu hatches.

1989

1 February

• Silvana Rosechu is born on Earth's Moon, hatched from an egg sent from the future by the Chaotic Rainbow. Despite being imprisoned by the Cherokian Clan, and years away from release, Count Graduon rears the Pokémon and eventually grants her great power in exchange for turning her into an intersex shapeshifter.

2 February

• Many of the eggs created by the Chaotic Rainbow are sent through time to this date. These eggs would hatch into Sonees and Roseys that would later evolve into Sonichus and Rosechus, although these new species of Pokémon would go undocumented and unnamed until the creation of Sonichu and Rosechu in June 1998.

Chris has claimed that ALL the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon except Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake came from eggs sent back in time to 2 February 1989, but he's also established that Darkbind, Zelina, Jamsta, Lolisa, Simonla, and Silvana are too old to have been born on this date. Blazebob, Chloe, and Zapina are born much later for reasons unaccounted for.

• Episode 10: Wild, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, and Magi-chan all hatch from their eggs. They will later be adopted by various caregivers and evolve into Sonichus and Rosechus.

1990s

1990

• Blazebob Sonichu is born.
• The species of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon are finally classified around this year, despite the fact that the names "Sonichu" and "Rosechu" would not be invented for another eight years.

1991

• Chloe Rosechu is born.

1993

• Zapina Rosechu is born.

1994

26 February

• The Pokémon who would become Sonichu evolves from a Pichu into a Pikachu.

1996

Spring

• The Pichu who would become Rosechu is caught by a Pokémon trainer working for Professor Oak. She is later given to Kel, under whose tutelage she evolves into a Raichu.

13 November

• Chris Chandler, 14, is by now a freshman at Manchester High School, where he manages the varsity basketball team.
• Bionic the Hedgehog, despite being born in 1986, is nevertheless created, fully grown, when Chris is inspired to create him upon being struck in the head by an object he believes to be a basketball.
• The Chris, Sonichu, and Magi-chan of 2 November 2007 travel in time back to this date as they have realized that it was an errant Sonichu Ball, not a basketball, that hit Chris on the head. To protect the integrity of the timeline, the trio arrange events so that the Sonichu Ball is removed from the scene and replaced with a basketball to fulfill Chris and Bionic's destiny.

1998

• The evil wizard Clawdorf uses the Sonichu Balls to cast a sleeping spell upon Zelina Rosechu, moments before Darkbind Sonichu can propose marriage to her. The power of the Sonichu Balls simultaneously turns Clawdorf to stone. Darkbind swears to find all of the Sonichu Balls and lift the curse.

2 February

• Chris begins wearing glasses.

June

• The events of Sonic Adventure, in which Sonic the Hedgehog battles Chaos, occur in June of this year.

• Episode 1: In the final battle between Sonic and the Perfect Chaos Monster, Sonic uses the Chaos Emeralds to transform into Super Sonic. Meanwhile, a Pikachu rushes to the scene to help and inadvertently collides with Sonic. The collision creates the Chaotic Rainbow, a massive burst of magical energy that stretches across the sky. At the source of the rainbow, the Pikachu is transformed into a new species of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon that can talk like humans. After helping Sonic defeat Chaos, the new Pokémon names both itself and its species "Sonichu." The rainbow touches down at Kel's house, striking her Girl Raichu and transforming it into a similar hedgehog Pokémon, who names herself Rosechu.

Sonichu #0 says that Sonichu is 16 years old and Rosechu is 15, which would be true in 2004 when the comic was drawn but not in 1998, when Chris later declared the story took place.

• The Chaotic Rainbow magically creates "countless" eggs which are strewn across time and space. Additionally, it creates the Sonichu Balls, which are thrown back to the year 1900.

July

• Episode 2: After weeks of wandering through the forest like a wild Pokémon, Sonichu discovers the home of Kel and Rosechu and decides to ask for food. He and Rosechu instantly fall in love, and on 4 July they share their first kiss.

8/12 August

• Episode 3: Sonichu and Rosechu go shopping and encounter Naitsirhc, the 14-year-old son of Giovanni. Sonichu saves CWCville from Naitsirhc and meets Christian Weston Chandler, the mayor of CWCville, who congratulates him.

1999

• Wild Sonichu's adoptive father, a Scyther, is captured by poachers, leaving Wild to become the guardian of the forest.
• Punchy Sonichu, having learned all he can at Shinabe's dojo, travels westward to China, Europe and America.

21/22 March

• Episode 4: Months after Naitsirhc collected Sonichu's DNA, Giovanni and Robotnik are able to use their cloning machines to create a clone of Sonichu that will be named Black Sonichu. Black Sonichu is "born" with the body of an 11-year-old Sonichu.

14 August (or 22 July)

• Episode 5: Black Sonichu kidnaps Rosechu to lure Sonichu into Giovanni and Robotnik's trap.
• Episode 6: With Sonic's help, Sonichu defeats the villains and rescues his heartsweet.

2000s

2000

• Having mastered all knowledge, Magi-Chan ventures out into world, leaving his mountain home for the first time.

• In recognition of their heroic deeds, Chris offers to provide a house for Sonichu and Rosechu in CWCville.

18 February

• Kel poses with Rosechu and her other Pokémon for a portrait commemorating her career as a Pokémon trainer.

27 May

• Construction on the house at 14 Brunchville Lane is completed on 27 May.

8 June

• Sonichu and Rosechu part ways with Kel, and move into their new home at 14 Brunchville Lane. Kel, who is 14, moves on to becoming a Pokémon Master.

Chris has also put this event in November 1998.

July

• Christian Weston Chandler begins working as Mayor of CWCville at the age of 18.

Note that this is years after he was shown to be mayor in Sonichu #1, and months after he used his mayoral stroke to give Sonichu a house.

2002

15 May

• Episode 11: Black Sonichu is sent by Naitsirhc to steal the Legendary Master Sunstone from Flame the Sunbird. Sonichu learns of these plans and plans to intervene. Both of them happen to encounter Wild, Angelica, Punchy, Bubbles, and Magi-Chan, who join forces as the Chaotic Combo to help Sonichu teach the black hedgehog a lesson.

2003

August

• Chris officially begins his Love Quest.

7 October

• While Chris is attending classes at Piedmont Virginia Community College and trying to attract women with his sign, Mary Lee Walsh flies toward him on her broomstick, destroys the sign, and tells him that true love is illegal.

2004

12 January

• Episode 7: On his daily run, Sonichu discovers an ancient cave, inadvertently triggering the Anchuent Prophecy that releases Count Graduon and bestows Anchuent Powers to Chris, Sarah Hammer, and Wes Iseli.
• Episode 8: Chris, Sarah, and Wes fight amongst themselves and sort out their personal issues.
• Episode 9: Using their new powers, Chris-Chan Sonichu, Saramah Rosechu, and Wes-Li Sonichu confront Count Graduon, who is now in league with Mary Lee Walsh, and prevent them from destroying CWCville with a golem.

ca. March

• Mary Lee Walsh unleashes her first wave of Jerkops to "Break Up True, Honest Relationships between True Lovers." It falls to Chris to save true love and honesty.

18 March

• Classic Sonichu Strips, 18 March 2004/Sub-Episode 3: Chris uses his newly gained Anchuent Powers to become Chris-Chan Sonichu and launch a counter-strike against Mary Lee Walsh for her crimes against love. He fails, so Sonichu has to bail him out.

Sub-Episode 3 is an expanded version of the original strip from 2004

5 December

• Classic Sonichu Strips, 5 December 2004: Chris-Chan Sonichu falls into a trap set by Mary Lee Walsh. He is nearly defeated, so Saramah Rosechu has to bail him out.

Date is conjecture based on when Chris drew it. Sub-Episode 7 presents it as a flashback, occurring "months before" the main story.

2005

late March

• Sub-Episode 1: Over nineteen months into his Love Quest, Chris is confronted at the mall by the Jerkhief, and transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu to defeat him.

29 March

• Sub-Episode 2: Nearly twenty months into his Love Quest, Chris meets Hanna, who pretends to want to date him. Rosechu alerts him to her deception and he bawls like a little bitch.

Assumed to occur on the same day the real Chris got cockblocked by the real Hanna.

17-19 June

• Chris attends the Anime Mid-Atlantic convention, where he "earns" a pair of Anime Wings.

Date is from when the real Chris attended the real con.

late June

• Sub-Episode 4: Over twenty-two months into his Love Quest, Chris is confronted in M-C-D-ville by the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic. Unexpectedly, Chris discovers the ability to use his anime wings to become Super Chris-Chan Sonichu, and (with the timely assistance of Darkbind Sonichu) defeats his transgressors, prompting the W-M-Manajerk to intervene.
• Sub-Episode 5: With Darkbind gone, Chris struggles against the W-M-Manajerk, so his sister Crystal has to bail him out.

Sub-Episodes 4 and 5 are based two real incidents that happened on 20 and 22 June; since Chris conflated them in his dramatization the exact date of the fictional version is not clear.

late June-early July

• Sub-Episode 6: Chris and Sonichu host a documentary on Jerkops, recalling a prior incident in which Chris and Crystal defeated the Jerkhief. ScotPalazzo watches in frustration.

Date is conjecture. Presumed to have occurred between Sub-Episodes 5 and 6.

20 July

• Sub-Episode 7: Still seething from an earlier defeats, Mary Lee Walsh summons Bagget to defeat Chris once and for all.
• Sub-Episode 8: Although Bagget successfully captures Chris and brings him to PVCC for execution, Crystal arrives to save Chris and together and cleanse Piedmont Virginia Community College of the corruption by the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens. Walsh and Graduon retreat to Menchi-Nasu High, which they plan to turn into a new PVCC headquarters.

The real-life events that inspired these sub-episodes occurred on 20 July 2005.

2006

17 March

• Sonichu and Rosechu are married. During the ceremony is held at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church, Black Sonichu intends to attack, but when he sees Bubbles serving as one of Rosechu's bridesmaids he is left dumbstruck and unable to interrupt the wedding.

Note that the wedding occurs on Sonichu's 18th birthday, and only three months after Rosechu's 17th birthday. Uh-oh.

29 May

• Episode 12: Sarah Hammer marries William Spicer, who inexplicably cosplays as a Yu-Gi-Oh character. Chris, using an invisibility barrier, observes the ceremony undetected, until Wes-Li Sonichu attacks and tries to kill Spicer. As Chris-Chan Sonichu, and with the help of Sailor Megtune and Megagi, Chris stops Wes and allows the bride and groom to complete their nuptials. In gratitude, Sarah throws her bouquet to Chris.

Date is from Chris's note that the story is drawn "for May 29, 2006"--presumably in reference to the real wedding of Sarah and William..

27 June

• Episode 12.5: Chris's dog Patti is transformed into the anthropomorphic Patti-Chan. Chris invites her to live in CWCville on the taxpayers' dime.

29 June

• Cerah Rosey, Sonichu and Rosechu's first daughter, is born.

7 October

• Christine Rosey, Magi-chan Darkbind Sonichu and Rosechu's second daughter, is born.

2007

26 February

• Robbie Sonee, Sonichu and Rosechu's first son, is born.

11 October

• Episode 13: Mary Lee Walsh's Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens launches a mass invasion of CWCville. Chris-Chan Sonichu, Crystalina Rosechu, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo barely repel this invasion with the timely arrivals of Sailor Megtune and Megagi La Skunk. In a parting shot, Mary Lee Walsh attempts to imprison Chris in a Dark Mirror Hole. The exposure of Chris's Sonichu medallion to the dark energy fulfills a section of the Anchuent Prophecy that causes Naitsirhc (who is miles away) to transform into Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc. Crystal rescues Chris from the mirror but is imprisoned herself.
• Episode 14: Mary Lee Walsh demands CWCville's surrender in exchange for Crystal's release. However, the arrival of Darkbind Sonichu and Patti-Chan turns the tide, and the PVCC forces retreat. After hours of trying to free Crystal, the heroes assemble to discuss how to obtain the seven Sonichu balls needed to break the spell of the dark mirror. Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc (as Reldnahc Ha-Taque) and Black Sonichu embark on a crime wave. Although Sonichu and Magi-Chan are able to appeal to Black Sonichu with reason, Reldnahc is only stopped through a pitched battle with Chris, culminating in the helpful assistance of the returning Bionic the Hedgehog
• During Chris's battle with Reldnahc, Black Sonichu is formally introduced to Bubbles, who reaches out to him and helps to redeem him. Later she suggests that he use the nickname "Blake," which he accepts appreciatively.

Chris has set the date of the events of Epsiodes 13-14 to 29 April 2006, although that would be retarded even by Chris's standards, since that was months before Patti died turned into a furry and moved to CWCville.

2 November

• Kel informs Rosechu of a website, 4-cent_garbage.com that drags the names of Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu through the muck.
• Episode 15: Chris, Sonichu, and Magi-Chan determine that one of the Sonichu Balls is lost in the past, and travel to 13 November 1996 to retrieve it.
• Episode 16: After Chris, Sonichu, and Magi-Chan recover the lost Sonichu Ball, its power hurls Chris clear of Magi-Chan's time bubble, causing him to be lost in the time void. Sonichu and Magi-Chan return without him and worry for their mayor's safe recovery. Then Sonichu and Rosechu plan to buy condoms and have sex. At PVCC headquarters, Mary Lee Walsh and the assembled villains plan to exploit Chris's absence and launch the most audacious attack on CWCville yet. On station KCWC, Jamsta and Lolisa interview Blanca, Jiggliami, and Robert Simmons V.

3 November

• Zapina Rosechu has recently turned 14 years cute. ^_^
• Episode 17: As planned, Sonichu and Rosechu have graphic hardcore sex into the small hours of the night. That morning, Rosechu checks out 4-cent_garbage.com and finds salacious artwork of herself and her friends. Disgusted and outraged, Sonichu and Rosechu journey to 4-cent_garbage building in Clarksville, Tennessee to reason with the owner of the site. Wild accompanies them to look for one of the Sonichu Balls. When the evil Jason Kendrick Howell refuses to hear out Sonichu and Rosechu, Rosechu transforms into a unthinking beast and savages Howell. After Wild recovers the Sonichu Ball, Rosechu and her girlfriends (Angelica, Bubbles, Lolisa, Simonla, and Zapina) assemble at her house to plan a nude photoshoot to raise awareness of a woman's right not to be mistaken for a she-male.

20 December

• Ten weeks after being left comatose by Bionic the Hedgehog, Reldnahc awakens in the hospital and swears revenge (although he was at Mary Lee Walsh's meeting on 2 November).

22 December

• Episode 18 Prologue: Rosechu, mother of three, celebrates her 19th birthday.

2008

January

• Three months after their first date, Blake quits Team Rocket and moves in with Bubbles.

2 February

• Episode 18 Prologue: The Chaotic Combo (Wild, Angelica, Punchy, Magi-chan, and Bubbles) celebrate their 19th birthday at CWCville Mall.

17 March

• Episode 18 Prologue: Sonichu's friends throw him a surprise party for his 20th birthday.

21 March

• Episode 18 Prologue: Bubbles clandestinely visits Blake to celebrate what she considers to be his 20th birthday (he is in fact nine years old).

22 March

• Episode 18: The hedgehogs celebrate Spring Break in CWCville at the beach. Blake pretends to be a jerk so Bubbles's friends won't know she's fucking him. Bubbles locates one of the Sonichu Balls. A Squirtle yawns. Using her shapeshifting powers Silvana fucks Blake and almost fucks Bubbles, for no apparent reason. Wild and Punchy decide to attend Dating Education.

after 22 March – 6 May

• Episode 19: Wild, Punchy, Layla Flaaffy, Simonla, Reginald Sneasel, and Ivy attend Dating education classes at CWCville University. God and Jesus cause both Ivy and Chris to communicate across the time void.

4 June

• Episode 20: PVCC uses its army of Decepticlones to launch a full-scale invasion of CWCville. The Chaotic Combo, Bionic and Megagi, Darkbind, and the Samurai Pizza Bots do their best to turn the tide. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie is killed when her apartment building is set ablaze by the attack. Ivy O'Neil is also horrifically killed when she falls in an elevator shaft and is strangled by one of the cables. In a final last stand, Sonichu engages in single combat with Mary Lee Walsh, defeats her, and then simply lets her escape with her followers.

9 August

• Episode 20 Epilogue: Wild and Magi-chan rescue Chris from the time void.
• Episode 21: Chris explains that the time void temporarily left him in the year 2015, where he helped develop a homosexuality vaccine. He sends Magi-chan back to the future to pick up mass quantities of the vaccine to distribute in the water supply of the present day. Later, Chris travels to the 4-cent_garbage.com building, where his medallion is briefly stolen until he uses the real power in his high school ring to teleport it to safety. Chris then gathers his band to finally destroy 4-cent_garbage with the power of rock. Magi-chan returns from time traveling to explain that, by 24 February 2009, the homosexuality vaccine will be distributed throughout the world. Meg Griffin wanders by to make out with Chris, but it turns out to be Silvana trolling him. Using the power of the assembled Sonichu Balls, Chris and Sonichu transform into Collosal Chris-chan and Ultra Sonichu; they proceed to free Crystal from the mirror, un-brainwash PVCC's Jerkops, awaken Zelina Rosechu, liberate Asperchu and his friends, releases Count Graduon, and finally defeat Mary Lee Walsh. Chris delivers a mayoral address in which he effectively declares himself mayor for life. Alec, Mao, Sean, Evan, and Simonchu orchestrate the assassination of Simonla. Moments after Wild is told of Simonla's death, their child Sandy is born.

16 August

• Sandy evolves from a Rosey into a Rosechu.
• Episode 21, Original: One week after being arrested for the murder of Simonla, Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan are tried, convicted and horrifically executed for their crimes.
• Episode 21, Revised: One week after being arrested for the murder of Simonla, Alec, Mao, Sean, and Evan are tried, convicted and sentenced to live among the Amish for the rest of their lives, without Internet access and thus without the ability to troll.
• A week after the releasing of Graduon and the reversal of his spells on Silvana, Magi-Chan offers his friendship to Silvana. She cockblocks him.

Mid-September

• Episode 21, Revised: In the Amish community, Alec, Mao and Evan have a tedious conversation. Mao was apparently forced to take a wife.

12-13 December

• Special Episode: Sonichu and his family prepare to celebrate Christmas.

The future

Note that Sonichu continuity currently leaves off at 13 December 2008. So far, anything occurring after that is in "the future."

2009

24 February

• According to Magi-Chan, by this time the homosexuality vaccine he brought back from the future to August 2008 will have been tested and distributed throughout the world's water supply, and all homosexuals and asexuals have been cured. In honor of this event, the date is declared "Christian Love Day," in honor of Christian Weston Chandler rescuing millions of people from condemnation to Hell for their deviant perversions.

2015

• Chris is by now married to Lovely Weather and has a daughter named Crystal.

June

• The Chris of November 2007 is sent through time to this period. Lovely Weather mistakes the 2007-Chris for her husband, the 2015-Chris. The Chris of 2007 plays along and has sex with his future wife, losing his virginity through deception.
• Scientists have isolated the genes involved in causing people to become homosexual. The Chris of 2007 participates in a study to find a cure. His blood samples are used to develop the first successful cure for homosexuality, although it will take several weeks to mass produce. Chris is paradoxically the first test subject for the cure.
• The Chris of 2007 departs this time-frame to return to the time void. He takes with him two samples of the prototype homosexuality vaccine, so that he can cure Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.

31 July

• Magi-Chan arrives from August 2008 to pick up enough homosexuality vaccines to vaccinate every man, woman, and child in the year 2008.

2029

• Classic Sonichu Strips, 13 June 2004: Sonichu has by now evolved into Metonic. Rosechu has by now evolved into Vamprosa. Metonic could cut one hundred logs before breakfast, but he already ate lunch and since it is therefore not "before breakfast" he will not cut any logs. Also, he is a lazy cunt.