Sonichu 8
This issue is inspired by internet trolling just like the last one. The cover features most of the female recolors in bathing suits and has a Rosechu logo instead of a Sonichu logo. The original version had a lot of yiff art in it and was eventually censored. There were several months between the two episodes release dates due to the depression he suffered when he discovered that Blanca was trolling him. A troll by the name of Clyde Cash convinced him to complete the issue by making the claim that his brother Ryan had committed suicide because Chris wasn't doing any updates.
Development
A few months prior to episode 18, several plot points were leaked in audio conversations Chris had with his then sweetheart.
Public Service Announcement
Before the prologue, Chris has a disclaimer where Sonichu and Rosechu explain the morals of safe sex education.
Episode 17: Prologue
The story opens with random proclamations from Chris:
- Sonichu turned 19 on March 17, 2007.
- Rosechu turned 18 on December 22, 2006.
- As of November 3, 2007, the pair have been living in a house in the suburbs of CWCville. The house has been fully paid for with taxpayer dollars (although new Mayor BILLY MAYS may revise this item in the CWCville budget to fund smoking and drinking laws.)
Worth noting is that Sonichu and Rosechu's house is yellow and pink, just like its occupants.
Inside, Sonichu shows off his bare ass to the reader, while Rosechu emerges from the bathroom in pink lingerie. The pair engage in disgusting pre-coital banter, which may even be post-coital, since Rosechu suggests they just got done showering together. We also learn that Sonichu has a seven-inch cock, and requires "double-extra length" condoms for safe sex.
The two filthy, subhuman monsters engage in what they call "Missionary Cowgirl", apparently unaware that these are two completely different sexual positions.
In an illusory moment of mercy, Chris interrupts the action to discuss the nature of Sonichu and Rosechu's reproductive organs. In fact, the reader is subjected to a new kind of horror, as Chris clumsily attempts to explain how naked cartoon characters can have tits and balls. For the most part, Sonichu/Rosechu biology is a sick parody of human anatomy, with the following key distinctions:
- A Rosechu's vagina or "china" is normally hidden from view by some hideous flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a "psych-up" attack.
- Rosechu nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage". This would mean that Rosechus can only nurse their young when horny.
- Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a human uterus.
- A Sonichu's penis and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This presumably means Sonichu must be erect in order to urinate.
- Sex may be painful for Rosechu the first time, even causing her to bleed from her hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage".
- Sexually transmitted diseases are unheard of in the Sonichu/Rosechu population, which makes sense, given that there's fewer than twenty of the little freaks, and most of them were created abiogenetically.
- If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months", after which the Rosechu deposits a egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant Sonee or Rosee hatches.
Chris also declares that "most" STD's can be treated and removed, although it is unclear if he is referring to human STDs or bug-eyed furfag STDs. He refers the readers to local libraries and the internet for more information, and then returns to the hideous yiffing scene in the Sonichu household.
Chris treats the readers to a cock-eye view of Sonichu's penis falling out of his pelvis. As they sixty-nine each other, Rosechu emits disgusting blue fumes from her ungodly orifice, which Sonichu appears to savor. Sonichu finally penetrates Rosechu with his sickening yellow member, and Chris depicts numerous scenes of past intercourse between the two wretched creatures. Grasping Rosechu's tail, Sonichu pounds away at Rosechu's gaping hole, until the two finally reach orgasm simultaneously.
Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"
12 hours later, Sonichu seeks out even more putrid beast-sex from his sow, but Rosechu is too engrossed in her discovery of a website called 4-cent_garbage.com, which slanders the good names of not only Sonichu and Rosechu, but their father Christian Weston Chandler as well. Rosechu shows Sonichu various drawings of them and their friends (in fact, the Rule 34 images Chris himself uploaded to Encyclopedia Dramatica, and Sonichu humorously mistakes them for photographs.
Rosechu goes on to show him the "apex" of the site, referring to numerous drawings of herself with male genitalia. Overcome with nausea, Sonichu vomits. Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality, Sonichu insists that Rosechu is female, and cites her photoshoot in "PokeBoy" magazine as proof of her gender. Thinking that the dickgirl pictures were created by mistake rather than malice, Sonichu suggests they "prove" Rosechu's womanhood to 4-cent_garbage's staff in person. He nearly faints with weakness, and Rosechu puts him to bed to sleep off the trauma of seeing cartoon penises on the internet.
Incensed, Rosechu decides to retaliate by producing her own amateur photoshoot and uploading it to 4-cent_garbage.com to balance out the dickgirl artwork. Her efforts are fruitless, however, as even more Rosechu-with-penis drawings are uploaded all the time. Rosechu decides to consult Bubbles and Angelica for help.
At 1:45 that afternoon, Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild Sonichu are teleported to the 4-cent_garbage Building in Clarksville, Tennessee, courtesy of Magi-Chan Sonichu. While Rosechu seeks to confront the head of the company and protest the website, Wild has been tasked with locating one of the Sonichu Balls, which Magi-Chan detected inside. While Sonichu contacted the mysterious head of the company to make their appointment, the only name given was "Jason". In a pathetic attempt at subtlty, Chris depicts Thurston Howell III and his wife walking down the street to hint at Jason's full name.
For no reason whatsoever, Wild expounds upon his childhood, telling some shitty story about how his father, a Scyther, was captured by poachers in the jungle. Wild turns invisible (a skill he learned from a Porygon), and slips into the building.
Sonichu and Rosechu enter through the main door, and find a demonic receptionist in the hellish atrium of the building. He rudely directs Sonichu to the 72nd floor (66+6). In the elevator, Sonichu angrily whines about the receptionist, until Rosechu reminds him of the story of Joseph, and its moral of forgiveness.
The Elevator Gags
| “ | You'll be seeing the following images AGAIN Soon Enough. | ” |
| Christian Weston Chandler, on the images he put on his ED user page, which would later be used in Sonichu #8 | ||
As Sonichu and his pink cumdumpster ascend the building in the elevator, Chris attempts to employ some of his trademark random-access humor, by showing wacky stuff on each floor. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at each floor to look at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever they see, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no good reason. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from Encyclopedia Dramatica, whether Chris understood their context or not.
- 2nd floor: Chris draws 4-cent employees passing out drunk at their workstations. When the second shift comes to relieve the first, they begin drinking "REEB" while the first shifters lay unconscious on the floor.
- 3rd floor: Pedobear in a bathtub with the Powerpuff Girls. Sonichu doesn't understand the joke.
- 4th floor: Banner reading "I hate SMRS", a reference to "Sonicrocksmysocks", from the ED aticle by the same name.
- 7th floor: A 4-cent employee works on a drawing of Rosechu with a dick. Rosechu angrily leaves the elevator to punch him in the face, shouting "I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!!!"
- 8th floor: Sonichu spin dashes a 4-cent employee working on a picture of Mary Lee Walsh, nude and leading Sonichu by a leash.
- 9th floor: Sonichu and Rosechu electrocute an employee as he works on a picture of Sonichu fellating Rosechu's cock.
- 10th floor: Chris emerges from the time void to attack an employee working on a picture of Chris using the Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail. Sonichu and Rosechu cheer him on in unison.
- 11th floor: Troll parody of artwork by Branca, a batshit insane fan of the Gorillaz
- 12th floor: Fan art of Knuckles as a gangster, surrounded by sexualized versions of female "Sonic" characters. Sonichu naively wonders when he became so popular.
- 13th floor: Female versions of Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails. Sonichu and Rosechu are dumbfounded.
- 14th floor; Pedobear, depicted to resemble Phoenix Wright.
- 21st floor: "The Large Bathers" an 1887 painting by Pierre-Auguste Renoir. The image has been edited with captions, referencing the "Branca" article on ED.
- 22nd floor: Yu-gi-Oh! Rule 34, from the ED article. Sonichu innocently considers it an impressive dark magic attack.
- 23rd floor: An anthropomorphized Charmeleon with her arms handcuffed behind her back spreads her asschecks, as it for sexual activity. More Rule 34 from ED's Pokemon article. Sonichu ignores the sexualized content, and boasts that he could easily defeat the Charmeleon. Well, duh, it's handcuffed.
- 24th floor: Hate art of Snapesnogger's hermaphrodite naga character drawn by Zeriara.
- 33rd floor: Rule 34 Art from ED's Transformers page.
- 34th floor: Sonic/Amy Rose Rule 34. Sonichu cheers on his "pal" as they watch him have sex in a position very similar to the "missionary cowgirl" used by Sonichu at the beginning of the story.
- 35th floor: Nude artwork of Amy Rose, Rouge the Bat, and Cream the Bunny. Sonichu and Rosechu shout "Holy Crap!" in unison.
- 36th floor: Strip Poker game featuring various female characters from Sonic the Hedgehog. The image has been adapted into a parody of a Magic: The Gathering Card.
- 51st floor: The entire White House, with John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hilary Clinton, looking on while Barack Obama paints the wall black. George W. Bush cheerfully knocks his eventual successor off his ladder. Sonichu and Rosechu offer no discernible reaction. Chris notes that his father Bob Chandler came up with this "joke".
- 61st floor: Erotic artwork of Dot Warner, from Animaniacs.
- 62nd floor: Erotic artwork of Lois Griffin, from Family Guy.
- 63rd floor: Erotic artwork of Marge Simpson, from The Simpsons.
- 64th floor: Rule 34 of Misty and a Staryu, from "Pokemon". Sonichu and Rosechu make out during this and the preceding three floors.
- 69th floor: Image of "XBOX 360-ko", an anime-style character patterned after design elements of the XBox 360. As the following floor features an XBOX360 console being destroyed, Chris includes a disclaimer, stating that his hatred of the Hex Bawx should not be connected to any lingering resentment of women.
- 70th floor: Drawing by Chris of an XBOX 360 console being chopped in half with a meat cleaver. Sonichu and Rosechu applaud the instrument's destruction. The imagery is a clear indication that Chris secretly desires to murder women.
- 71st floor: PS3 message congratulating whoever murdered the Hex-Box. It states that you may "now play your Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii in peace", as though the existence of a single XBox somehow interfered with such activity.
The Clarksville Address
On the 36th floor, Wild finds the Sonichu ball in a n empty room. Holding both of his balls somehow prevents Wild from using his invisibility power, or contacting Magi-Chan for extraction. Wild is left with no choice but to sneak out of the building on his own, which really isn't that big a deal, seeing as there's only three people in the whole place anyway.
On the 72nd floor, Sonichu and Rosechu confront Jason, who introduces himself as a 20-year-old Troll, and his companion Kathleen Nicole Wallace as his "minory 17-year old woman", with whom everything he does is "illegal in these 50 states". When he bids he hedgehogs to state their case, Sonichu delivers a moving speech:
| “ | Yes, sir, my loving, caring Sweetheart and I have come to discuss the web page in question. We humbly request that it would be removed from the internet for good. For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler's name in the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him. You've had your laughs, but ask yourself, is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders that drags the names of the good people within this country that was founded with love and peace within it that those before us have fought valently to withold, that I was born and raised under the old glory that is the red, white and blue. In my humble answer, I say nay! What is your answer, Mister, Howell? | ” |
| Sonichu, delivering the Clarksville Address | ||
| “ | I'd say, you are a sap. I am a troll with no such beliefs, I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of my pitiful life by tormenting every person within my grasp until they all die from the shame and the distress of their existance. The page will stay up; this meeting is over! | ” |
| Jason Kendrick Howell, speaking for us all | ||
Enraged, Sonichu attacks Jason, but is no match for his awesome powers. Rosechu elects to withdraw, preferring to forgive Jason since there is no reasoning with him. The two leave with their arms around each other, and Chris interrupts the story to pointlessly explain how the two crimes against nature can touch each other's spiny backs without injury.
Adding insult to injury, Jason tosses a pickle at Rosechu, striking her on the back of the head. Pushed to the breaking point, Rosechu crushes the pickle, strips nude, and leaps into the air to attack Jason.
| “ | I am the power. I am the warrior. I am the almighty woman! True to all of my gender, I will overpower any evil or good man who defies us, and make hum succumb to our will. I have the almighty uterus; that makes me strong and superpowerful enough to protect the loved ones within me, until they emerge to their glorious birth. By my ferocious will, I shall punish he who has defiled my people with the worst unnatural addition ever by this one's heinous hand! | ” |
| Rosechu's thoughts, apparently influenced by PCP. | ||
With ferocious roars, Rosechu lands pelvis-first on Jason's head, and wraps her tail and legs around his body. With sadistic glee, she claws open his head and bites down on the wound, then unleashes a powerful burst of electrical power. Though dark forces somehow sustain Jason's life, he admits that the attack would have otherwise been fatal. Exhausted, Rosechu gathers her clothes, and leaves with Sonichu. While he is impressed with her display of raw fury, Rosechu is horrified at her primal rage.
Outside, the three Hedgehogs reunite, and Magi-Chan teleports them back to CWCville.
Episode 17: Epilogue
Later, Rosechu hosts a gathering of other Rosechus to protest 4-cent_garbage and uphold Women's Rights by producing pornographic photoshoots. In addition to Bubbles, Angelica, and Lolisa, the group is joined by Simonla Rosechu, who supplies the backdrops for the shoot and volunteers her services as a model. The group is also joined by Zapina Rosechu, a fourteen-year old loli who desperately wants to "volunteer her services of cuteness" to the project and join in the strippin' fun. Citing "the dumb laws", Rosechu refuses her help, but Lolisa offers to supervise Zapina as she uses the light from her mutant ass to illuminate the photoshoot.
Episode 18 Prologue
Apparently still concerned that someone will accuse him of being a Pedofork, Chris establishes yet again that his characters are of legal age, this time by actually showing the birthday parties held for most of the main cast since Episode 17. Rosechu turns 19 on December 22, 2007. The Chaotic Combo turn 19 on February 2, 2008. Sonichu turns 20 on March 17, 2008.
Finally, Black Sonichu celebrates his birthday in a private get-together with Bubbles Rosechu. Blake disputes that he even has a birthday, being that he was cloned from Sonichu's DNA, but Bubbles insists that he is a 20-year-old "starting straight with a 2-year old body". Bubbles asks Blake what he wished for and he says "It's already come true", where Chris either butchering the classic teen film "Sixteen Candles" or the Family Guy parody of it. The two kiss, and Black Sonichu agrees to rendezvous with Bubbles at the CWCville Spring Break Concert on March 22.
Chris introduces Spring Break by ripping off a gag from a Family Guy episode, wherein Megan tries to ignore Spring Break by flipping channels, only to find that every station is covering Spring Break, including the news. Chris repeats the joke almost verbatim, except he fails to include anyone actually watching the television, thus undermining the premise. The scene is best remembered for the appearance of FQX newswoman Greta Squall, a hideously deformed woman with club-like arms and scars on her face which look like the numeral "2".
Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008"
The story proper opens with KCWC DJ's Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu covering the event.
| “ | We have a lot of great events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler that CWCville is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or somkey! We've got coolers and kegs full of our famously delicious CWC-Cola, Diet CWC-Cola, Lemonade, Grape and Orange Soda, compliments of our local CWC-Cola Bottling Company, founded and opened proudly in 1985; three years after CWCville was founded by our mayor's father, Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr. You can enter to win a 40-inch Sony HD-TV from Cwick-Circuit City, or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept. Also tonight, our rising star, Jiggliami will be singing her debut single, "War of Love" on the concert stage here at CWCville Beach. So stay tuned to CWCville, Virginia's number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more! | ” |
| Jamsta Sonichu, desperately craving nicotine and liquor | ||
Almost immediately, Lolisa excuses herself to take a swim.
On the stage, Jiggliami and Blanca eagerly await their performance. As in their appearance in Sonichu #7, both of them babble incoherently about their music. Blanca maintains that she will wait for Chris to return from the time void, ironic since Blanca had betrayed Chris long before this episode was uploaded to the internet.
On the beach, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon enjoy themselves. Like Franklin from "Peanuts", characters with suntans are depicted with vertical lines for shading. When Chris does it, though, it just looks like the characters are shaking uncontrollably, teleporting, or just soaked with gizz. While Sonichu heads off to surf, the Rosechus lay on the beach.
For no good reason, Bubbles explains that she has no need for sunscreen, because she is incapable of tanning and impervious to sunburn. This has something to do with her being a Water-type Pokemon, her body being composed of 90% water, and her fur being capable of adapting itself to her surroundings. This would beg the question of how any hedgehog Pokemon can tan, being covered with fur as they are.
The Rosechus notice a mysterious black Rosechu, and later catch up with Megagi and Bionic the Hedgehog. Sarah Jackson and PandaHalo make a cameo appearance as well.
Bubbles sunbathing is interrupted when Magi-Chan contacts her to collect a Sonichu Ball from the ocean. Before she can get up to find the ball, Black Sonichu kicks sand on the girls. Rosechu threatens to attack him, but Bubbles offers to do it herself, and pretends to force Black Sonichu away from the others. While she and Blake seem determined to hide their relationship, Rosechu and Angelica secretly know the truth, and laugh at the transparency of Bubbles' ruse.
Chris incorporates a drawing of Sonichu surfing by PandaHalo, yet he manages to dick up the continuity by drawing in different colored water around the edges of the picture. Also, Sonichu wasn't wearing his shoes earlier, but Panda's drawing shows him wearing shoes.
Elsewhere on the beach, Bubbles tells Blake of her mission to find the Sonichu Ball, and they agree to meet at Pier 969 later for disgusting sex. Little do they know that the black Rosechu from before has eavesdropped on their conversation. As she transforms into a duplicate of Bubbles, Chris introduces her as Silvana Rosechu and explains that hers was the sixth egg that emerged from the Rainbow along with the five eggs that became the Chaotic Combo. Silvana's egg wound up on the Earth's moon, where Count Graduon somehow made telepathic contact with her in 1989. As Mewtwo mentored the infant Magi-Chan Sonichu, so did Graduon raise Silvana. In addition to training her in the ways of evil, Graduon "upgraded" Silvana to have both male and female genitalia, and enabled her to change her shape.
In the Atlantic Ocean, Bubbles searches for the Sonichu Ball, passing by fan-favorite character Yawning Squirtle, among other crappily drawn Pokemon.
Meanwhile, Black Sonichu buys condoms in anticipation of the nasty, dirty animal sex he intends to share with his revolting mate. Silvana, posing as Bubbles, meets him, and convinces him not to wear a condom. Blake agrees, never suspecting Silvana's power to ejaculate a "paralyzing sleep solution" during intercourse. At Pier 969, Blake humps the foul creature, never suspecting that cock is ramming up against Silvana's own penis, which is surely withdrawn inside her vagina-thing. Blake passes out from the effects of Silvana's cum, and she teleports him to a closet in the CWCville Beach stage. From there, she returns to Pier 969 disguised as Black Sonichu, and lays the same trap for Bubbles.
Before Bubbles goes to the pier, she hands off the Sonichu Ball to Angelica to ferry back to CWCville Mall. As she flies off, Punchy and Wild discuss their sex lives. Punchy wants to bang Angelica, and Wild seems uncertain what to do about his own loneliness. The two resolve to enroll in a Dating Education course offered at CWCville University, thus setting up the next shitty issue.
At Pier 969, Bubbles meets Silvana, but before she can present her hindquarters for vomit-inducing copulation, she receives a telepathic message from Magi-Chan, warning her of the impostor. Bubbles is skeptical at first, but Jiggliami calls to inform her that she has discovered Black Sonichu in the stage closet. When Black Sonichu himself warns her of the danger, the stupid bitch finally begins to put two and two together. Bubbles exposes Silvana by asking her to attack her with Black Sonichu's electrical powers. Unable to duplicate that ability, Silvana uses her own psychic attack to simulate Blake's power, but Bubbles knows the difference. Silvana reveals herself, and teleports away before Bubbles can avenge Blake's manhood. Horrified, she returns to Blake's side to comfort him.
That night, Jiggliami finally performs the damned song Chris had been promoting for four months. Chris credits Blanca Weiss for composing the lyrics on August 20, 2008, which contradicts the premise of Jiggliami performing the same song on March 22, 2008. Also, the song, "War of Love", makes no sense whatsoever, and resemble the sort of crap Chris writes all the time.
As an epilogue of sorts, Chris establishes that Blanca found "her boyfriend" and returned to her home state of Kentucky, despite previously establishing that she intended to wait for Chris to return from the time void. Acknowledging his own personal life, Chris briefly discusses the three women he was involved with during the fall of 2008. Chris claims to have been uncertain about which one to pursue, and credits God and Jesus for eliminating two of them by having Optimus Prime kill Sarah Jackson, and revealing the second to be in alliance with the trolls. Presumably, this is meant to refer to Blanca, even though Chris has depicted her as his girlfriend in this very story. The third woman PandaHalo, Chris declares to be his True Sweetheart, and the person he would promise his first time to, although he would abandon her for dead within two months.
In a small note on the last page, Chris acknowledges the suicide of Ryan Cash, and admits a modicum of responsibility for his death.
Alternate versions
When originally uploaded to Sonichu.net, Chris offered multiple versions of the Episode 17, depending on which link the reader selected. These were based upon the ratings system used for television content.
TV-MA: The uncut version of the comic. This was quickly removed from the site altogether.
TV-14: A censored version of the uncut comic. Mostly, this is accomplished by Chris putting photographs of bananas over Sonichu's dick, and an orange over Rosechu's vagina. Other objects are used throughout the issue to conceal nude pictures Chris took from Encyclopedia Dramatica
TV-Y7: A version which omitted many pages of the original story. Chris appears to have created "Rage Against the Garbage" with these edits in mind, as the TV-Y7 pages are numbered normally, while the pages featuring nudity and sex were lettered (e.g. page 19-A, 19-B, etc.) As the sexual content in the story was gratuitous and pointless in the first place, removing it did little to harm the quality of the work, except that the plot is significantly altered. Since Rosechu's faceraping of Jason had to be removed, the TV-Y7 version implies that Sonichu and Rosechu left peacefully, never to revisit the matter again.
Chris would rearrange the content in the TV-14 version numerous times before finally settling on a single version of the story, with most of the nudity removed and Rosechu's facerape attack left in. The hedgehog porn was reportedly removed at the request of his parents, and Chris would later add a message to his site stating his solemn vow to never again depict his characters engaged in sexual activity. This promise was soon broken when Chris created Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack and snuck all of the deleted scenes there.
Links
- Examining Sonichu & Rosechu Audiobook
- Episode 17
- Comic
- Deleted scenes [1]
- Audiobook Part 1
- Audiobook Part 2
- Audiobook Part 3
- Audiobook Part 4
- Episode 18
Sauce