Sonichu 1 Official Videobook
Sonichu 1 Official Videobook is a series of videos made by Chris, in which he reads out the comics from Sonichu 1. He started uploading these videos on 11 September 2009.
- In Episode 4, the genesis of Black Sonichu! I mean, Blachu! I mean, BLAKE!!
Episode 4
| Videos | |
| Darkness, Speed, & Lightning! | |
| Genre: | Videobook |
| Creator: | CWC |
| Voices: | CWC |
| Cast: | Sonichu Sonic the Hedgehog Naitsirch Giovanni Bill the Scientist Black Sonichu Robotnik |
Transcript
Welcome back. Here's the next installment of the official comi- of the official audio-video book series. Book Number 1. Once again, all Sonichu material is copyrighted on March 17 2000 by me, Christian Weston Chandler, any names or persons illustrated in the Sonichu comics except for my- of myself that may seemilar- similar to anyone in real life, or fiction, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic. In this case, a little bit parodic. So anyway, Book Number 1.
Sonic is standing by Sonichu, and Sonic says, "Is that supposed to be your clone?"
- "Unfortunately, Sonic, yes!"
- "Chemical 'X'"?
- "No, cherry cola! What's wrong with you, this is the- this is not the Powerpuff Girls!"
Episode 4, Introducing Black Sonichu in: Darkness, Speed, and Lightning!
...with an accidental dose of Cherry Cola!
Over in, uh- the, uh- hhhh- the hou- in the house of Naitsirhc and his adoptive father Giovanni, Giovanni talks to Naitsirhc, and Giovanni says, "Naitsirch! Even though you have lost your battle with that hedgehog Sonichu, I am proud that you were able to obtain a sample of hi- of his DNA. I then located the base of Dr. Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik, and needless to say after I showed him the photo of that Pokemon, he was astounded! And we shook in agreement of Dr. Robotnik recr- reconstructing the DNA machine that was found on New Island. Soon, we will have a 'Sonichu' of our own, to send out and defeat the original. Naitsirhc, our victory is assured! Or I am not Giovanni, leader of Team Rocket! Heheheheheh!"
Meanwhile, in the underground lab, the, uh, scientists are putting toge- putting it all together. We've got Sonichu's DNA next to a can of cherry cola. Mmhh. Anyway, we've got the scientist working on it, uh, and then another scientist says, "Hey Bill! Bring me a DNA- bring the DNA sample to the machine!"
- "Ok! Oops!"
He hits the sam- he hits- he hits the can of cherry cola, it spills into the uh, DNA.
- "Uh oh! Oh well!"
Then he puts the sample in the thing, and then he takes it to the machine, then he puts it in the machine. Then the machi- then the machine initiates.
- "Analyzing data. Adding inputed data. Pokemon identified. Beginning cloning sequence."
[BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB]
- "Hmm... Maybe it's the liquid, but this Sonichu looks black to me!"
- "[robot voice] Attention! Attention! This is an audio record addressed only to the Sonichu in the tank. You are a Sonichu. You obey only Giovanni and his son Naitsirhc."
- Mmmmm... Sonichu... Naitsirhc...
- "You are dark, evil and very powerful. When awakened, you will ssseek and fight your original counterpart."
- Mmmm... Powerful... Counterpart? What information are these fools trying to brainwash into me? Eyeah, I'll do whatever I please! But I'll play along.
So now everybody's standing around the capsule with the hedgehog in it, and Giovanni says, "Well, Robotnik. Here's the result of our- of your skills and our genius! What is your opinion?"
- "He reminds me of another creature I released years ago! But I'm sure this 'Sonichu' is much stronger!"
- "Boss! I'm reading the brainwaves. Of the Pokemon. And they're racing!"
- "Well then, let's release him!"
- "I agree! Let's drain the fluid and raise the tube!"
- "Yessir!"
- "Eh, I'm not sure, but he looks black to me! Oh well, he'll still shock that hedgehog!"
[BEEP BEEP BEEP BOOP BOOP CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BLUBLUBLUBLUB PSHEWWWWWW]
- "Wow, he is black! Well, I'll just call him Black Sonichu."
- "That's fine with me! But let's just shorten that to Blachu, deal?"
- "Huh? Uh, ok, yeah, sure, deal. I am Naitsirhc, your master. This is my fa- uh, my father Giovanni. Do not cross him. And that's Dr. Robotnik."
- "Eh, my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Black Sonichu."
- "Mine as well! Please accept these rocket boosters as your first birthday present! Hahahaha!"
And so Black Sonichu gets his rocket boosters, they increase his speed. Anyway, Naitsirhc approaches Blac- Black Sonichu and puts his hand across his shoulder and he says, "Come, Blachu, and we will brief you on your mission, birth and training."
Then three hours later in a briefing room...
"Lights on! So Blachu, if you have any questions please ask them now," says Giovanni.
"Yes sir!" res- replies Black Sonichu. "If I was cloned from Sonichu's DNA, shouldn't that make him my father? And also, why am I black and not yellow?"
Giovanni replies, "Astounding questions, Blachu! And with all due respect, I would not refer to Sonichu as your father, more as your brother, but do not ever look up to him. And as my scientist Bill reported, he spilled some cherry cola onto your DNA strands. The black and red chemicals must have overridden the brown and yellow pigment. Any other questions?"
Robonik comes in and he s- and he er- and he says, "Giovanni! I searched on the internet and found data on Sonichu from the Pokemon database!"
- "Well, let's see it! Hmmm, I'm reading over the papers, hmmm..."
- "Apparently it was reported to Professor Oak by a trainer named Kelr- Kel."
- "Excellent, Robotnik! Now we can compare these statistics with Black Sonichu's, and make him much stronger den- and faster. What's this on the other page?"
- "Oh! That'd be Rosechu! Also an electric hedgehog Pokemon. I also learned that she is Sonichu's girlfriend."
- "ALL SO PERFECT! Now we have the plan to lure Sonichu into our trap! After training our Black Sonichu, he will kidnap Rosechu! Haha, good work! Now make a machine to drain Sonichu's bowe- power, Robotnik!"
- "Yes, sir! Hahahahaha!"
Training days! [montage music] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dahhhh!
Speed test: Go! [SHHW!] Uh oh! Shoot, you got my clothes! And I cut hhh- cut myself with this tree! That swipped over with this high speed... [Chris giggles]
Strength Tench: [PSHH!] Breaks the brick wall. Destroy 20 tons.
Spin-dash test: Result: 200 rotations in a minute.
Target Practice: [PSHW-PING! PSHW-PING! PSHW-PING!] Result: 99.5% accurate.
And the result of the speed test was 200 kilometers an hour. The scientist comes in later and uh, give- r- reports to Giovanni and Robotnik.
- "Here the recorts- the reports you requested, sir!"
"Excellent!" says Giovanni. And in comparison, both of them have equal special attack, special defense, hit points and speed. But Sonic- but Black Sonichu has one attack point stronger over Sonichu, and Sonichu has stronger- has one defense stronger than Black Sonichu. "Well, they seem similar, but Black Sonichu has greater strength."
- "Yes! It looks like he's ready for the mission."
- "I agree!"
[PSHH!] Over lowvers- over the loudspeaker, "Attention Black Sonichu, please report to my office immediately, it's time for your mission," says Giovanni.
Then Black Sonichu thinks to himself, [sigh] I guess my training is complete. It's time to en- prepare to encounter my brother Sonichu.
To be continued in the next video!
Episode 5
Transcript
Epsiode 5, the Informal Meeting. Our first page is basically a layout map of where everything is in relation at this point, until later notice and updates, where Kel's house is located next to CWCville, and Station Square where Sonic and friends reside, even Pallet Town which is located next to Giovanni's gym base, followed by the zapbud fields, but we zoom in back to Giovanni's base. Naitsirhc and Blake are talking, and Naitsirhc says to Blake, looking at that same map,
I've sent my Zapdos to locate Sonichu and Rosechu. They are now in the zapbud fields. They will have to return to Kel's house, here. Your mission is to intercept them, kidnap Rosechu, and bring her here. Sonichu will come to rescue her, and when he does, we will have a surprise for him. [maniacal laughter]
Meanwhile, in the zapbud fields, Sonichu and Rosechu are sharing a tender, loving moment.
Ah, this is nice. The zapbuds, the sky, the clouds, and you, Sonichu!
Yes! I couldn't enjoy this without you either, Rosey!
Aww.... [kissing noises]
As Rosechu kisses Sonichu, he kisses her back... And then she says,
You're so sweet! You're s....so sweet...
And he says,
I try!
[Chris singing]Da da da da da da da, her cellphone rings, da da da da da da da, excuse me!
Hello? Oh, Kel? Uh? Okay, we'll be home soon, bye now! That was Kel, it's almost dinner time!
That's okay, I was feeling hungry anyway. Shall I escort you back to your chateau, my lady?
Of course you-of course you may, sweet bolt!
As you wish, my heartsweet!
PSHOO. So they make their dash. To the house.
Meanwhile at the intersection between the uh... somewhere between Sonic's house and, uh, Station Square, he's on his way home but he's thinking, you know, he's forget-he's at the moment of confusion where he's confused and he's forget which way to go, and he's thinking, oh, no, I'm sorry, he says, uh,
Hmm, I don't want to go home yet, I think I'll go check out what's that way.
And so he, and then he's uh, pretty much on the approach to intercept Sonichu and Rosechu as well, while Blake awaits in the bush.
Eh, these branches hurt! Well, Sonichu's in my sight. I also see something blue coming as well. What a mess this will make! [laughter]Jeez, this is intense! I need a countdown! Okay, 5,4,3,2, ah, screw it!
PSHOO! He's, he's, right by Sonichu and snags Rosechu off of his arms.
He he he he!
And she doesn't even know yet, she has her eyes closed to keep the dust out, and Sonic and Sonichu are with-without realizing it, they crash right into without even seeing each other, crash and you hear[?] BOOM PFT PFT PFT!
Ow, that hurt!
Yeah, you're telling me! Eh....
She made like a cat and put her right arm over her eyes so that she made sure to keep the dust out.
Good thing I made like a cat to get that dust out of my eyes...Huh? GASP!
She looks up and she notices that it isn't Sonichu that's her carrier.
[shrieking]YOU'RE NOT MY SWEET BOLT SONICHU!
No, I'm not! [evil laughter]
Let me go, you creep!
NO! [more evil laughter] We're off to see my masters, Giovanni and Naitsirhc!
SONICHU! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
Meanwhile, the two hedgehogs are still in a daze over the crash.
You should have watched where you were going!
Speak for yourself! You could have easily seen a blue blur coming your way!
Hey, wait a minute!
Oop! And then they have an instant memory of where they seen each other back-a like-a back in episode 1.
YOU'RE THAT HEDGEHOG!
They both say simultaneously. And then we have this dialogue, here.
You're Sonic the Hedgehog, aren't you?
That's right! So what's your name?
Sonichu! I was originally a Pikachu until you ran into me with your power!
Oh yeah, I remember zooming into a poor thing, a poor animal! I didn't think it was a Pokemon! I apologize!
I accept your apology.
I was also powered up with the Seven Chaos Emeralds, the power must have caused your transformation!
I see. It's funny how we ran into each other like this!
Yeah.
I was on my way home with my heartsweet Rosechu. Where is she? Aw, man!
She's gone? She's gone missing? Wait, do you see those...?
They look down and now there's footprints.
Yeah, footprints!
Eh.... Ouch!
He puts his finger in one and it's like, it's really hot.
Ow! They're on fire! Rosey was kidnapped!
Well, let's follow them! I'll help you.[very quietly]Sonichu...
Thank you! Let's go find Rosechu!
Yeah!
To be continued in the next episode. Also in this little portion of the next page, is dedicated to autism awareness. To get more information on autism, which is NOTHING LIKE ASPERGER'S, ASPERGER'S IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Anyway, for information on autism, you go to austim.org. As I- as I am high functionally autistic myself, and ev-and I and myself and all of my Sonichu and Rosechu and everybody, we are in full support of autism awareness and finding the cure. And then the advertisement to the original Sonichu site, the address as it was back then, but currently it is also known as CWCipedia, which the address would be alongside this thing in the text with this video. Anyway, to be continued in the next video.
Episode 6
Transcript
[Narrating]The starling conclusion of this three-part episode. Episode 6: Black Meadow Combat. We're back at Giovanni's base, where splack where Black Sonichu has sussessfully put Rosechu in their cell, and now they wait.
Rosechu: [Chris squeaks] Aaa...darn it! These bars are rubber coated! Oh when Sonichu gets here, he'll give you all a real shock!
[ Chris pauses while switching his brain back to narration ] Hmm...ad then...oland then a little bit a distance away, Naitsirhc is talking to Robotnik:
Naitsirhc: So Robotnik, let's go over...once more. What'll happen when Sonichu comes to rescue his girlfriend? [evil laugh] heh heh heh.
Robotnik: All right, Naitsirhc [nearly identical evil laugh] hah hah hah hah. Well first, Black Sonichu will issue a challenge with Sonichu. Then during the battle, Blachu will lead Sonichu towards the X on the f-the X on the floor. Then I'll press this button which'll launch down launch the dome, and trap him in, and then I'll activate the energy drain, which will reduce Sonichu to a weakling in mere seconds. After that, you and your friend can do whatever you want to him. Recharge him, mi-mind control, string him along, heh heh. Why should I care, because [begin musical number] IIIIIIIIIIIIII'm Robotnik, Robotnik, I'm a mad genius! Robotnik, Robotnik, I creayse chaos with my machiiiiiiiines! I'm the dorkest evil and I mean I have a monkey and and a meeeean! I have a monkey in my robot! Wait, the monkey is a robot! I turned the animal into a robot with a process I call Robotization!
CWC: [much like a mocking Eric Cartman ] Hahahahaha! Oh, com-director commentary! Oh, that is so lame! I don't know why Sonic, I hate Eggman! [continues laughing], Oh I'm sorry, but that has to be the stupidest drawn thing I've drawn in my life! [laughs more]
[Very sudden switch to serious narration] Continue on with the story.
[jump cut]
Meanwhile, Sonichu and Sonic are closing in on Giovanni's base.
Sonichu: Rosey! I'm COMING!
Sonic: We must be close, I see a building ahead.
[back to narration, weak whistle noise to simulate shoes screeching to a halt] and they stop right in front of it.
Sonic: Sonichu, stop!
Sonichu: What's up, Sonic?
Sonic: I'm smell trouble.
[narration] He bends down and picks up the thing on the ground. It's a medal with Eggman's face on it.
Sonic: This da face of my nemesis, Dr. Eggman Robotnik. Hm. You lead on Sonichu. I'll back you up if there's a trap.
Sonichu: Okay.
[narration] And so they enter. "Naitsirhc! Release Rosey now!" Sonichu a-says, as the-ed-edder enters.
Rosechu: I knew you'd come for me, Sweet-boat.
[narration] Hm. [pause] Is that his? And then Sonichu [ he means Sonic, but he can't keep his various rip-offs straight ] thinks, "I know Eggman will have a grand trap in store. I'll get Sonichu out if needed. Oh is that his Rosechu? She looks lock-a-light Amy. Boy if those two mate [jump cut] if those two girls MEET, that is huh.
And Naitsirhc says:
Naitsirhc: Ah, Sonichu. How good it is to see that you [ slurring ] how good it is to see you again. Allow me introduced my father, Giovanni, and our 'sociate Dr. Robotnik.
Giovanni and Robotnik: Hello! [wild maniacal laughter]
Naitsirhc: I am pleased to say that we do have your girlfriend captive in our facilities. But t-to my dismay, it was not I who kidnapped your girlfriend, but allow to present the true culprit and your clone...
Sonichu: My clone?
Naitsirhc: BLACK SONICHU.
Black Sonichu: Just call me Blachu. AND NOW WE MUST FIGHT! [mouths a punch sound effect with a "psssh"] Mach Punch.
Sonichu: Oh, sneak attack, huh? Here's my counter, Spin Dash [psssh]
Black Sonichu: [quick pained grimace sound, then in an utterly lifeless tone] Er not bad. Now's time for me to dish it out. Thunderbolt! [pew, Chris adds, "Misses Sonichu."] heh heh heh heh.
Sonichu: Megaaaa-kick! [Chris narrates, "Hits Black Sonichu on the head."] Eh-heh...getting tired Blachu? I'm just getting warned up.
Robotnik: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-HO! He's standing on the X. [Chris mouths a loud BOOP! sound effect followed by a psssh sound, giving the THX-like holophonic illusion that you're actually there in the room while Robotnik presses a button and drops a glass dome on top of Sonichu] I wouldn't waste my energy, Sonichu. [Chris mouths a few boops which sound uncannily like an electric-hedgehog Pokémon tapping on the glass] That's tempered glass. You won't be able to shatter it or sonic-or shock it. Heh heh heh.
Rosechu: Sonichu, no!
Sonichu: Why you...when I get outta here, I'll...
Robotnik: And now, I'll press the button that'll sap your strength and energy.
Sonic: Not if I have a say in it! Robotnik.
Robotnik: Wha?
[Chris mouths a "whoop-pew!" as Sonic spin dashes, then narrates, "Breaks the remote control. Sonic does."]
Robotnik: NOOOOOO! What? You?
Sonic: [laughs] Ehh, you expecting maybe Bugs Bunny? [laughs again] Let Sonichu and Rosechu go, and I may go easy on you, Eggman.
Robotnik: [angrily] That's Dr. Robotnik to you, Sonic the Hedgehog! Hah. I had something else planned for that Pokémon's escape. Heh. Now I'll send it against you, pesky hedgehog, haha. Go, my Metal Sonichu!
[camera zooms in on dark area of page with scary red eyes and flashing lightning bolts, then Chris mouths a quick tune that sounds like someone humming a funeral dirge through a ball gag.]
[narrating] And then emerges the Metal Sonichu, then Sonichu con-lookt-come-up-com-commentates.
Sonichu: Hey, he dudn't look a thing like me!
Sonic: Boy, Eggman [Chris: "Sonic says"]. You sure lack imagination. Compared to Metal Sonic.
Robotnik: Metal Sonichu, ATTACK!
[narrating] Shoots thunderboats, pew pew pew pew. Sonic dashes and he misses.
Sonic: [ekes out laugh, then a meh, a snicker, then a psssh sound as he slides to the side, another snicker] C'mon, is that the best you got?
[narrating] And then they're chasing each other, Metal Sonichu is chasing Sonic all over the creation. Sonichu's b-and then Sonichu [meaning Metal Sonichu] tries to go attack it but then he [Sonic] spin dashes away. And then hen-and-then heads toward the uh dome. Warning Sonichu first to stay out of the way, and he says:
Sonic: Come and get a...come and get me. Met-A-Mon.
[mumbling narrating] Sonichu says Soni-me sangs Sonic. And then Metal Sonichu [pssshew!] crashes right through the dome. And then Sonichu gets out and he sa-and he tells Sonic:
Sonichu: Sonic, spin dash towards me between my hands!
[narrating] He's gathering up an energy ball of lightning between his hands. So Son-so Sonic spindashes into between Sonichu's hands as Sonichu holds them like a ball and then he initiates a lock-on with the ready, aim, and then he fires a Zap Cannon attack using Sonic as the ball. And then Sonichu dashes towards Rosechu hesaidhesay:
Sonichu: [limp as a flaccid pickle ] Gotta save Rosey.
[narrating again] And as Sonic real and as Sonic'll-uh-go-uh-launches flyings towards Metal Sonichu so-Metal Sonichu realizes he can't do much so he goes to a Defense Curl and then Sonic collides with the Metal Sonichu, goes around the building, flow-goes ri-up to a cliff and he lauches up the ki-lips-it off the cliff like a Spin Dash and he d-he flies up TO THE MOON!
Meanwhile, back at the lab...
Sonichu: S-Rosey, stay back! [Chris mouths a sound effect that suggests Sonichu is unzipping the bars, but contradicts that by saying, "Cuts the bars."]
Rosechu: I'm free! Thank you Sweet-Bolt. [Chris feebly utters, "Yay."]
[narrating] And then our three main villains here are sh-in shock, and in awe. They're speechless, and then Sonic says:
Sonic: Well, Eggman, it looks like you are licked again. And shocked too.
Sonichu: Heh. Y'all should've learned never to mess with true l-with true Poké-love. Rosey? Let's bolt.
Rosechu: Oh. Just a moment. Oh, Black Sonichu?
[narrating] And he's in a daze after the battle, he's tired he's like:
Black Sonichu: Mm?
[narrating] And then she says:
Rosechu: THIS IS FOR KIDNAPPING ME!
[narrating] And she just lands the punch around day-or-ponch on his face and knocks a couple of his teeth out. Then meanwhile on the moon, we see an open crater with dats been cr-made. And there are couple a EYES lighting out of it. S-Metal Sonichu may make a comeback later. DUN DUN DUUUUN!
Uh-then a couple a days later, at the CWCville Mall at the edge of CWCville, Amy and Rosey are shopping, and they're about to meet each other. They dote have at meet each other yet.
Amy: Sonic's gonna really notice me in this new outfit.
Rosechu: Sonichu will want to snuggle me after watching this DVD. Heh.
Amy: One day Sonic and I'll be married!
Rosechu: Oh it's so cool that he enjoys romantic comedies too. Heh.
Amy and Rosechu: [they finally see each other] uh-then uh? Oh.
[pause, then narrates] W-uh-then they're thinkin', "Wow. That girl looks like me. Cute outfit, though. Heh." And then Rosechu and Amy go into their conversation. And Rosey says:
Rosechu: Oh, I love your outfit!
Amy: Oh, thank you heh heh. Heh. Yeah. Okay. [suddenly decides Amy should have a shriller voice than Rosechu] Anyway, I'm Amy Rose.
Rosechu: I'm Rosechu, but you may call me Rosey.
Amy: You shoppin' for anybody?
Rosechu: Just pick up a romantic comedy for me and my sweet-bolt Sonichu. [sing-song] He loves meeeee.
Amy: Oh, me too! I bought a a new outfit f-to wear for my Sonic. It's so hard for him to etspress his feelings, but I can tell that he isle-his-his-has some for me.
Rosechu: Oh my sweet-boat treats me [pause] so right. He knows the right things to say and he toad-ly respects me. We spend a lotta time together.
Amy: [gratingly shrill] NO WAAAAY! I can't even get Sonic to stand still! You are SO LUCKY!
[narrating] And then yudda-budda-yubba-yubba-yub [mouths sound effect of tearing paper as Peeping Chris busts into the conversation] I come in and I say:
CWC: Oh, pardon me. But they going to girl talk for a w-couple hours and I'd like to save time...AND MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING OVER TO GET-CO! [laughs]
[narrating] End of the episode. Stay tuned for da s-nest sub-episode.
Sub Episode 2
Transcript
[Recording starts abruptly mid-sentence]...move on to the Sub-Episode 2 I just would like to, uh, state a couple of things of fact from book number one. Yeah, the uh first episode happened around Station Square and then the beach around Kel's house respectively, and then duh all this in the Episode 2 is like scenario was around Kel's house and the river that flowed from there. And uh then back in the and then back in the and then in Episode 3 mostly happened arou-it mostly happened in CWCville Shopping Mall all the battle and everything. And uh you know, just like, you know, the rest of the scenario, like you know, but for what happened started off from Kel's house and then ended up over at the CWCville Shopping Center. So let's just update, you know, just try to make it update an audiobook, anyway. Anyway.
And also, Sub-Episode 1 was based over in Fashion Square Shopping Center of Charlottesville, Virginia. [Chris then realizes he just completely blew the HUGE SURPRISE that the events, people, and places in the Sub-Episode have IRL parallels.] Although I guess that's uh...nah never mind, I said it. I don't care. Don't come after me, especially since [Switches to a mocking voice, similar to that of the Gumbys on "Monty Python's Flying Circus"] I'M BEING A BIG BAD IDIOT. I'M A BLACK JERKHIEF WHO WORKS OVER THERE. DURR DURR DURR.
Anyway. Sub-Episode 2, starring myself again. "The Rise and Fall of My Heart." It's based on real life, actually happened March 29th, 2005. So I'm waiting in my usual place hoping to hope waiting for a girl to uh approach me. And then I'm thinkin' again. Eh, also like you know my heart was also, uh, shattered like a couple of y-l-shattered like a couple of years back by, uh, Sl-Slawee by uh Sl-quote-unquote Slaweel Ryam. Anyway.
[Narrating] At this point, it's been almost a year and eight months now since I've started my Sweetheart Search. I'll try attract after eat my, uh, eight chicken nuggets since I had a coupon. Maybe I'll get lucky today! And then all of a sudden this girl comes up, she's es-uh-es... [Abruptly switches to a dialog format]
Girl: [Chris doing a high-pitched pseudo-feminine voice] "Escuse me, but..."
CWC: "Huh?"
Girl: "I heard that you were looking for a sw-sweetheart, right?"
CWC: "He says uhhhhh uh yes! I happen to need uh a girlfriend. So uh what's your name?"
Fandanna: "My name is Fandanna."
CWC: "I'm Christian, but you may call me Chris."
Fandanna: "So I was wondering if you wanna have a coffee at the uh, shop with me that's nearby."
CWC: "Ugh. Okay sure."
[Abruptly switches back to a casual narration] Then she walks off and I'm a show like you know oh my god I was eating I was eating my lunch and then uh, suddenly this happened? Eh, ohboyohboyyeah. Eh. So it's like, you know, me and her in fifteen minutes it's like [voice crescendos] ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! YES! YES! MY SWEETHEART SEARCH IS FINALLY OVER! [singing] DAAAOOOH THIS IS HEAVEN! Heaven! [zooms in on the comic] Oh look there's a little St. Peter. Hehhehhehheh. Yay!
So moments later I'm at the nearby coffee shop, and I'm s-waiting for her to, uh, meet me here and she'slike-oh this is fantastic! A girl has finally noticed me! And we're about to drink together and talk? [sing-song] OH I'M SO ELATED! Oh and Rosechu comes in and she's like: [Another abrupt switch to the action]
Rosechu: "Oh I'm excited too, you know, you finally...did this and it's all going well for you?"
CWC: "Heh, oh yes Rosechu. I am also glad that all my hedgehogs are cheering me on too. Hey listen, why don't you go spread the word throughout CWCville? [Pause, switches to a darker brooding tone] Hm. She'll be he-she'll be here soon."
Rosechu: Okay pop, I'll check in later. [She walks away, and pulls out a cell phone. Chris mouths a sound effect that's supposed to be a phone speed-dialing but sound more like a computer on Star Trek calculating something, then says the most convincing line of the entire video] Hm. Bubbles? Yeah, this is Rosey. Uh, you are not going to buh-leeeeeve this!"
[Abruptly back to narration] ...as she walks off talking to her on the phone. And then a few minutes later, eh so Fandanna's sitting in front of me, she says like: [Back to dialog]
Fandanna: "So. How are you?"
CWC: "Oh, I'm okay. Uh, so what are your hobbies?"
Fandanna: "Oh well I enjoy playing my guitar, and reading Chuck Paladuck."
CWC: "Oh, I bet that uh you play very great numbers."
Fandanna: "Oh I've only practiced a couple of yeeeeears. But I may play for you sometime if you like."
CWC: "Oh yeah sure. That would be great. [Stealing Fandanna's next line] Also please tell me abou-oh wait no.
Fandanna: "Also please tell me about ye-about your necklace. Is it..."
CWC: [Interrupts] "Oh yes my Sonichu medallion! This is the place of my electric hedgehog Pokemon. Let me show you my uh Sonichu book.
[Immediate jump to narration] ...that I had on me that day for real. So I showed her a few pages.
[Jump cut]
So after I left, I gave uh Fandanna uh I look backed at her I gave her a DOUBLE-TAKE FLIRT. Which I learned that uh recently. Uh then I call my family and I retire to the spot by the tree in front of the uh Sun-Par. I started thinking in mind about steps for future dates and checked with my S-Nintendo DS game "Sprung" for uh more tips.
And uh, now we look in on Rosechu passing by the uh coffee shop talkin' to Wild Sonichu on her tele-on her cell phone, he say, "Oh yeah, Wild, her name is Fandanna. Yeah. You'd fall for her too if you were human. Oh, hang on, I hear some gossip." So she overhears. As I. Fandanna. [Immediately back to dialog]
Person 1: Do I hear wedding bells?
Person 2: Or, do you think he's dreamy?
Fandanna: Oh, well, I'll tell ya I never meant anything. I was yankin' his chain. It was my boss's idea. Heh. [gasps]
Rosechu: Oh my god, wow. Wow, d-I have to call you back.
[Narrating]] Rosechu says:
Rosechu: Oh poor Chris. I have to tell him. He'll be upset. But s-it's the right thing to do.
[Jumps back to narration] Meanwhile, I'm playing "Sprung" and sounds like you know I'm reading along he's like, [pensively] "So do angels have names...hmm...it sounds about right." Rosechu approaches me, "Uhhhhh, Chris?" "Yes. Rosey, what's up?" Looking very concerned and deep in thought, she says, "I'm sorry, but I have sumpin very important to tell you. I overheard Fandanna talking to her fellow employees? She said that she was playing you for a SAP. She's not really interst-in to you. [Dialog again]
CWC: [gasps] "I'M IN SHOCK. NO, IT CANNOT BE TRUE."
Rosechu: "I'm afraid it is."
CWC: [Grunts like Bruce Banner changing into the Hulk in the middle of taking a giant shit] Well, fine I'll go ask her myself. Rosechu, please watch my things and keep my spot warm. My usual spot I wait at that is at the mall.
[Narrates] So then a moment later I catch her attention and I say:
CWC: Fandanna?
Fandanna: Uhhhh yeah?
CWC: Listen. I just heard from a friend that you were yanking my you were pranking me and yanking my chain. [Dramatic] Please...say it isn't so!
Fandanna: Oh, I'm afraid it is. It's true. My friends wanted me to play around with you I thought it would be funny.
CWC: OH COME ON! YOU DIDN'T FIND ME A BIT INTERESTING? Didn't you care a bit about me? Didn't our mini-date mean anything to you? Didn't you want to see to...see me most often?
Fandanna: No.
CWC: [Tearing sound effect, gasps] My heart's been shattered again! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [becomes almost too soft to hear, then gradually louder] I'm cryin' wuh-tear we're falling tears it hurts so much it hurts so gawd dang much.
[Narration] But, uh, earlier during that mini-date, which I'm not even counting that as a date I never I'm not counting that as a date. I've never counted it as a date after it ended. Anyway, I had her e-mail address, so I sent her an e-mail reply saying:
"Fandanna? I just wanted to say that I appreciate you being the first to approach and say anything to me. I get very nervous and I was hoping for that to happen. Also, I preshu you taking the time to chat with me at the shop, and I was very elated an' at-cited an' butterfly-heartful for the positive events. [mildly scolding tone] But it was not very nice of you to have led me on like that! Just to pull a prank on me! I was terribly HURT! Before you stepped in my world, my heart was previously shattered due to previous events and it was 20 percent repaired. After you came in, my heart had a miraculous speedy recovery to a hundred percent! Then after I had learned from you that it was a lie my heart was shattered back ta 15 PERCENT! There is a lesson to learn to this. [deliberately] NEVER MAKE A JOKE OR PRANK AT THE EXPENSE OF ANOTHER PURSE'S FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS! [back to a polite tone] Still, after cooling off, I also want to say that I thought that you, Fandanna, looked very pretty, I enjoyed your charming wit and personality, and I thought you had some nice and lovely girl. If you should ever change your mind on how you feel about me, you may look me up. But please tell me two things in your reply. You don't smoke do you? That st-that stuff really turns me off. And, you don't already have a boyfriend do you?
Sincerely, Christian Weston Chandler.
P.S. You may take this as a clue, but KEEP IN MIND that I DAAAAYID graduate from high school with honor roll, I did make good grades at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. You may wanna look up...you may wanna look it up in the search."
I forget what I h-had written there. I just crunch-crossed it out. Hmm. Anyway. Stay tuned for the next book! Have a good day.