Difference between revisions of "Patti Chandler"

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{{Quote|My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]] }}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, [[Asperchu|Mr. Leary]].|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]]}}


{{Quote|Let's hire a black tranny hooker to dig up Patti's corpse while yelling JULAAAAAYYYYY!|A typical discussion on [[/cwc/]]...}}
{{infobox
| title = Patti Chandler
| image = [[Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1  = Information
|label1  = Name
|data1    = Patti Chandler
|label3  = Date of Birth
|data3    = [[1988|17 March 1988]] (as reported by Chris)
|label4  = Date of Death
|data4    = [[June 2006|27 June 2006]] (aged {{Age|1988|3|17|2006|6|27}})
|label5  = Gender
|data5    = Female
|label6  = Breed
|data6    = {{w|Beagle}}-{{w|spitz}} mix
|label7  = Owners
|data7    = [[Bob]] (deceased)<br />[[Barbara]]<br />[[Chris]]
}}


[[Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|thumb|Patti Chandler, devourer of souls]]
'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[Chris]]'s childhood dog, a {{w|Beagle}}-{{w|spitz}} mix who was put down in [[2006]].<ref name="father call">[[Father Call]]</ref> As can be seen in Patti's eulogy below, Chris reports that her birthdate was 17 March 1988. It should be noted though that in an email Chris sent to [[The Wallflower]] on 28 [[February 2010]], he wrote that he learned what Patti's birthdate was after a veterinarian determined it for him.<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails 2]]</ref> It is doubtful that a veterinarian can determine the precise date in which a dog was born, making the birth date Chris reports as dubious. If it's even roughly accurate though, Patti lived a very long life for a dog.
[[File:PattiAbomination.png|thumb|Patti today]]


'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[Chris]]'s childhood dog who was put to sleep<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> in [[2006]]. Chris brought Patti back to life in one of his comics, where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for welfare in [[CWCville]].
As Chris tells in Patti's eulogy, he picked her up as a puppy from a litter at the house of his [[Aunt Corrina]]. On September 1993, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> This led to him being separated from Patti for 3 years, as Barbara did not accompany her husband and son, but rather stayed in the Chandlers old home along with the pets. Only in early 1996 did Barbara move to Chesterfield along with Patti and the rest of the family's pets.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>


Much like the [[Wikipedia:Flying Dutchman|Flying Dutchman]], who was cursed to roam the seven seas forever, Patti is cursed to [[Patti-Chan|wander in CWCville]] as she is not allowed to rest in peace.
Chris brought Patti back to life in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' 6]] as [[Patti-Chan]] (a character created by [[Megan Schroeder]] to help Chris [[Chris and coping|cope]] with the loss of his beloved pet), where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]] in [[CWCville]]. Patti is allowed no rest, as her soul remains in Chris's fantasy world, alongside [[Clover and Snoopy|an anthropomorphized version of Snoopy]] when that animal died over a decade and a half later. According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a video from January 2010]], Patti now feasts on human souls. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville ''is'' Hell.


There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, five, ten tons".<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he [[11042009 51 50|honestly believes that's how much it weighs]].
There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed between "5-10 tons".<ref name="father call"/> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to move the home of a deceased pet for the last time, Chris seems to [[11042009 51 50|honestly believe that's how much it weighs]].


When confronted about his [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]], or when someone tries to point out that he has [[Father Call|never once experienced true hardship in his miserable life]], Chris is always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his [[Aunt Corrina]] (who gave Patti to him in the first place). Chris seems to only mention his aunt as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a [[Ryan Cash|close family member]] and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.
When confronted about his [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]], or when someone tries to point out that he has never experienced any substantial hardships, Chris is quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti.<ref name="father call"/> Indeed, Patti seems to be the pet that Chris was closest to, being one of the only living things that he truly loved beyond a sense of obligation, and [[Borb]] more or less alienated the rest of Chris's family from him while hiring friends for him in school, so it makes sense that he'd point to Patti's passing as a traumatic experience.
 
It is entirely possible that Patti was the only life form to ever love Chris out of anything other than obligation. Patti was also probably the only acquaintance with which Chris has ever had very much in common. Not because they shared a mystical bond between man and beast, brought about through the wondrous unexplained mysteries of autism, but because they were both animals driven by brute instinct with no level of higher comprehension whatsoever.
 
According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a video from January 2010]], Patti now lives in [[CWCville|hell]] and feasts on [[Duck|human souls]]. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville ''is'' hell.


==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
Line 25: Line 37:
<br>Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
<br>Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
<br>My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a [[CWCville|doggy heaven where she will be happier]], because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Robert Chandler]], and the [[Scampers Chandler|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.
<br>My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a [[CWCville|doggy heaven where she will be happier]], because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]], and the [[Chandler Cats|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.


<br>I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
<br>I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
<br>-When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
<br>-When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corrina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
<br>-The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.
<br>-The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the [[Chris's_homes#Newberry_Towne_Subdivision|Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia]].
<br>-The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
<br>-The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
<br>-The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
<br>-The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
<br>-The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
<br>-The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
Line 36: Line 48:
<br>-The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
<br>-The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
<br>-There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
<br>-There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
<br>-[[Wikipedia:Border collie|I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead]].
<br>-{{w|Border collie|I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead}}.


<br>When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Fail|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."
<br>When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Chris and English|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."


<br>But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></i></blockquote>
<br>But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></i></blockquote>
Take note that Chris actually shoehorned [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in his dog's eulogy.
Depressingly, it's also possible that the poor animal died in confusion and panic instead of peace and comfort after Chris left the room, given that her barking (presuming that it happened and that Chris didn't dramatize it for the purpose of the eulogy) could have been a reaction to Chris leaving her side in her final moments. While it's understandable that Chris couldn't bear to go through with it, Chris leaving the room may have put Patti in a state of shock as she was put to sleep.


==Current activity==
==Current activity==
Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and "bally-scratches" in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [[Dreams#The Patti-chan dream|assure her former master]] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, Chris has averred that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, consume their souls and kill them. Yet, as always, Chris still thinks of himself as a [[Chris and anger|kindhearted]], [[Chris and religion|Christian]] individual.
Patti's physical remains rest underneath her 10-ton doghouse in the Chandlers' backyard. The notion of exhuming and desecrating her bones has become a popular running joke among trolls, to the point that Chris, in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|a September 2010 YouTube video]], took the time to fiercely deny any rumors that the corpse of his dog was anywhere except where he had buried it.


Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and "bally-scratches" in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [[Dreams#The Patti-chan dream|assure her former master]] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Chris has averred]] that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them. Yet, as always, Chris still thinks of himself as a kind hearted, [[Chris and Religion|Christian]] individual.
Ironically, in a video created about a year after that one, Chris pretended (while dressed as a hooker) to [[It's not that cold|dig up Patti]] and repurpose her as a coat. It seems that not only is Patti an unholy weapon of soul-sucking revenge, but a snuggly, warm coat, too.


Patti's physical remains rest underneath her ten-ton doghouse in the Chandlers' backyard. The notion of exhuming and desecrating her bones has become a popular running joke among trolls, to the point that Chris, in a September 2010 [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|YouTube video]], took the time to fiercely deny any rumors that the corpse of his dog was anywhere except where he had buried it.
The doghouse [[14 Branchland Court#Tour of the Chandler Yard|still stands]] as of April 2019.


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
Line 52: Line 71:
<gallery>
<gallery>
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg|Patti relaxing.
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg|Patti relaxing.
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg|Waiting for her master's [[Chris and health|fat ass]] at [[McDonald's]].
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg
Image:0052-Patti.JPG|Patti full of [[stress]]
Image:0052-Patti.JPG|Patti full of [[stress]]
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg|Although Patti lived in a cage outside, it was at least 1000 times better than the disaster zone called the Chandler house.
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg|Although Patti lived in a cage outside, it was at least 1,000 times better than the disaster zone called the Chandler house.
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|Patti will devour your soul!
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|Patti will devour your soul!
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg|Even Patti is ashamed by Chris's [[chris and fashion|get-up]]
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG|Can you dig it?
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|"That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons."
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|"That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons."
Image:ModNation PattiChan.jpg|Her [[Patti-chan|horrendous furfag alter ego]] as seen in [[ModNation Racers]].
Image:ModNation PattiChan.jpg|Her [[Patti-chan|horrendous furfag alter ego]] as seen in [[ModNation Racers]].
Image:Itj5aFp.jpg|The doghouse in [[April 2015]].
File:Patti-Chancard.jpg|As a [[TSSSF]] card. Yes, that is a fucking crop-top.
</gallery>
</gallery>
</center>
</center>
==Sauces==
<references/>


==See also==
==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/PattiChandler Patti's YouTube channel]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's entry on CWCipedia]
*[[Pollo]]
 
==References==
<references/>
 
==External links==
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20160329095145/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's eulogy on CWCipedia]


{{People}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Pets]]
[[Category:Pets]]

Latest revision as of 04:58, 21 June 2023

The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.
Chris, respecting his deceased pet.
Patti Chandler
0054-Patti2.jpg
Information
Name Patti Chandler
Date of Birth 17 March 1988 (as reported by Chris)
Date of Death 27 June 2006 (aged 18)
Gender Female
Breed Beagle-spitz mix
Owners Bob (deceased)
Barbara
Chris

Patti Chandler (17 March 1988 - 27 June 2006) was Chris's childhood dog, a Beagle-spitz mix who was put down in 2006.[1] As can be seen in Patti's eulogy below, Chris reports that her birthdate was 17 March 1988. It should be noted though that in an email Chris sent to The Wallflower on 28 February 2010, he wrote that he learned what Patti's birthdate was after a veterinarian determined it for him.[2] It is doubtful that a veterinarian can determine the precise date in which a dog was born, making the birth date Chris reports as dubious. If it's even roughly accurate though, Patti lived a very long life for a dog.

As Chris tells in Patti's eulogy, he picked her up as a puppy from a litter at the house of his Aunt Corrina. On September 1993, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.[3] This led to him being separated from Patti for 3 years, as Barbara did not accompany her husband and son, but rather stayed in the Chandlers old home along with the pets. Only in early 1996 did Barbara move to Chesterfield along with Patti and the rest of the family's pets.[4][5]

Chris brought Patti back to life in Sonichu 6 as Patti-Chan (a character created by Megan Schroeder to help Chris cope with the loss of his beloved pet), where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for welfare in CWCville. Patti is allowed no rest, as her soul remains in Chris's fantasy world, alongside an anthropomorphized version of Snoopy when that animal died over a decade and a half later. According to a video from January 2010, Patti now feasts on human souls. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville is Hell.

There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed between "5-10 tons".[1] While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to move the home of a deceased pet for the last time, Chris seems to honestly believe that's how much it weighs.

When confronted about his insensitivity, or when someone tries to point out that he has never experienced any substantial hardships, Chris is quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti.[1] Indeed, Patti seems to be the pet that Chris was closest to, being one of the only living things that he truly loved beyond a sense of obligation, and Borb more or less alienated the rest of Chris's family from him while hiring friends for him in school, so it makes sense that he'd point to Patti's passing as a traumatic experience.

Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris


Patti Chandler
March 17, 1988 to June 27, 2006


Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006

Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.


My family, furry friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven where she will be happier, because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, Barbara Chandler, and my father Robert Chandler, and the cats who have grown fond of Patti.


I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
-When I picked her out of the litter at my Aunt Corina's house in Redoak, Virginia.
-The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.
-The time I watched my old best friend, Sarah Hammer, take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
-The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
-The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
-The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a "Bally-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.
-The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
-There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
-I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead.


When Patti was brought to the vet on that faithful day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying Sonichu face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."


But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.[6]

Take note that Chris actually shoehorned Sonichu in his dog's eulogy.

Depressingly, it's also possible that the poor animal died in confusion and panic instead of peace and comfort after Chris left the room, given that her barking (presuming that it happened and that Chris didn't dramatize it for the purpose of the eulogy) could have been a reaction to Chris leaving her side in her final moments. While it's understandable that Chris couldn't bear to go through with it, Chris leaving the room may have put Patti in a state of shock as she was put to sleep.

Current activity

Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and "bally-scratches" in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to assure her former master of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, Chris has averred that her vengeful spirit will seek out Alec Benson Leary and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, consume their souls and kill them. Yet, as always, Chris still thinks of himself as a kindhearted, Christian individual.

Patti's physical remains rest underneath her 10-ton doghouse in the Chandlers' backyard. The notion of exhuming and desecrating her bones has become a popular running joke among trolls, to the point that Chris, in a September 2010 YouTube video, took the time to fiercely deny any rumors that the corpse of his dog was anywhere except where he had buried it.

Ironically, in a video created about a year after that one, Chris pretended (while dressed as a hooker) to dig up Patti and repurpose her as a coat. It seems that not only is Patti an unholy weapon of soul-sucking revenge, but a snuggly, warm coat, too.

The doghouse still stands as of April 2019.

Gallery

See also

References

External links

    People