Rocky Shoemaker

“	Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as retarded	”
Chris explains how Rocky helps him

“	She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.	”
Ivy's view

Rocky Shoemaker

Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, who advised Chris on several matters, going as far back as the Miyamoto Saga.

Biography

In the year of Our Lord 2009, she brought about the end of the Ivy Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy. This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - Julie and PandaHalo have both incurred her wrath in the past.

The last straw came in the form of Joshua Martinez, aka Vanessa Hudgens, who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a PSP. After that, Shoemaker made Bob Chandler and Barb contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing.

In a July 2009 IRC Chat Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to rape Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.

The ultimate white knight?

Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the Love Quest, it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for china.

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and Clyde Cash, it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his bigotry, selfishness, total disregard for others, gluttony, and rage.

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out another on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with Jackie).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to uncritically accept whatever she says.

Interaction with trolls

Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during a phone call in the run-up to his scheduled court appearance in December 2011. During this call it was revealed that Bob had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that 14 Branchland Court is so badly infected that Chris is forced to stay in his room to avoid being bitten himself.

See also

• Chris and religion
• Chris and sex

Sources

    People