Patti Chandler

Patti Chandler, eater of souls.

“	My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.	”
Chris, respecting his deceased pet.

Patti Chandler (17 March 1988 - 27 June 2006) was Chris's childhood dog who died in 2006 of mysterious causes. Chris brought Patti back to life in one of his comics, where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for welfare in CWCville.

Much like the Flying Dutchman who was cursed to roam the seven seas, never return home, Patti is cursed to wander in CWCville as she is not allowed to rest in peace.

There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, five, ten tons". While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he honestly believes that's how much it weighs.

When confronted about Chris's insensitivity or when someone is trying to point out that Chris has never once experienced true hardship in his miserable life, he's always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his Aunt Corrina (who gave him Patti in the first place). Chris seems to only mention her as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a close family member and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.

According to a recent video, Patti lives in hell and feasts on human souls.

Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris

Patti Chandler
March 17, 1988 to June 27, 2006

Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006

Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.

My family, furry friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven where she will be happier, because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, Barbara Chandler, and my father Robert Chandler, and the cats who have grown fond of Patti.

I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
-When I picked her out of the litter at my Aunt Corina's house in Redoak, Virginia.
-The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.
-The time I watched my old best friend, Sarah Hammer, take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
-The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
-The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
-The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a "Bally-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.
-The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
-There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
-I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead.

When Patti was brought to the vet on that faithful day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying Sonichu face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."

But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.

Current Activity

Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and Bally-Scratches in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to assure her former master of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. More recently, Chris has averred that her vengeful spirit will seek out Alec Benson Leary and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them.

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See also

• Chris and death
• Patti-Chan
• Patti's YouTube channel
• Patti's entry on CWCipedia

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