Robert Simmons V
Robert Simmons V was an anti-troll that befriended Christian Weston Chandler on YouTube.
He put on his act copying down aspie traits pat, with a Sonichu medallion of his own (really just the classic Sonic colored yellow and with no Sonichu tail), talked in a loud monotone, liked Sailor Moon (and very kindly wished that CWC would also have Sailor Moon for a daughter), and performed a song he wrote for Chris-chan, complete with a sequence in which he heroically smote to death ED and the Robotnikjerks.
YouTube
The events that took place in Bob's life also coincided with Christian's life, from account hacking, to getting the medallion taken. Bob seems to have a slightly disturbing relationship with his sinister cousin Andrew Simmons I, who is not a good actor, that seems to parallel Chris' own Fem-dom/Male-sub kink.
Robert Simmons V has also appeared in Sonichu 7 in the radio interview with Jiggliami.
By 21 February 2009, Bob had taken down all of his videos and changed his profile to announce:
| “ | I decided to remove all of my videos because I have come to the realization that Mr. Christian Weston Chandler is a horrible person. It took me awhile to understand that Encyclopedia Dramatica did not slander Chris but rather was telling the truth. From lying to his fans about the Nintendo deal, to his perverted ways, I cannot bring myself to be a fan of his comics anymore (not to mention he doesn't even bother to update anymore). My only regret in this whole ordeal is that I wasted my time trying to defend such a self centered, arrogant, sexist, homophobic asshole. As my cousin said it himself about Chris " What a selfish Cow, bottom line lose some fucking weight, God Dammit!" | ” |
Although this would suggest Bob is finished with his performance, the profile page still stays in character, so it's possible that more hi-jinks are coming.
In March 2009, Robert Simmons V visited Chris at his church and was recorded by an undercover Man in the Pickle Suit, claiming that this message was because someone has hacked into his account.
Chris now knows that Robert Simmons V was a troll.
Fan art as drawn by Bob
Sometime after Andrew Simmons hacked his account, Robert uploaded a video of him displaying his Sonichu fan art. Some of this art was "Vandalized" by Andrew Simmons. Evidence of Robert being a troll is that the first three drawing are incredibly childish while the last four appear to be done with sophistication. The video has been deleted due to adult content, but one can download it here.
Church visit
On 15 March 2009, days before Emily's date, Robert and another troll drive to Chris's church uninvited. Robert goes up to Chris while the other troll remains in the background. Introducing himself with "Hi... I'm Robert," Chris recognizes him and they start talking.
The audio recording of this event lasts 1:47:48. Throughout, Chris's voice is much louder than everyone else's.
Chris says he's keeping his distance from instant messages. He'd rather not talk about who hacked his Yahoo! account. Bob is there, but Chris reveals that Barbara usually stays home.
Chris excuses himself to leave Bob to talk to Robert for a few minutes. Bob talks about jerks on the internet, Chris's condition, and early video games. When Chris comes back, he realizes that it's funny both Bob and Robert have the same name.
Chris talks about Robert's trouble with finding a girlfriend. Chris has made the final decision to talk to local girls instead of ones on the internet. He's gotten encouragement from Rocky with How to Talk to Girls. He talked to 7 girls just last Thursday at Alderman Library, but got a fake number. Chris was emotionally prepared for the fake number from Seinfeld. Bob mentions the Sonichu Girls club.
Chris rambles on about Family Guy and Stewie quoting the bible against homosexuality. His copy of the bible with Leviticus is different from the church's because it was a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of the Korean church in Chesterfield County. Bob talks about North Korea.
After asking Robert for a pen, Chris makes his signature and hands it to Robert, saying it could be valuable one day.
They start reciting verses and singing hymns for many minutes. Chris gets to pick a verse for everyone to sing. Bob gets the second pick. Then other people pick. Chris wails over everyone else in some of them.
Afterward, Robert reunites with the other troll. They drive away contemplating on Leviticus and raping Emiry.
See also
- CChanSonichuCWC -
a similar troll who acted like Chris but by pretending to be a better CWCthat is a god-damn lie, Liquid Chris is the TRUE and ORIGINAL.
External links
- Robert Simmons videos re-uploaded
- Videos in FLV format
- Abridged church audio
- Full church audio
1st YouTube accountClosed2nd YouTube accountClosed
| |||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||
| ||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||
| ||||||||
| |||||