Difference between revisions of "Barbara Chandler"

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==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]


{{People}}
{{People}}

Revision as of 06:57, 16 August 2009

Barbara holding Scampers Desi the cat.
Get off. Before I go off.
Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with Sarah May
I don't need no back talk from someone on the internet.
Barbara, Mumble 2

Barbara Anne Weston Chandler[1] (born 01 October 1941[2]) is the wife of Bob Chandler and terrible mother of Christian Weston Chandler and Cole Smithey. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year 2000 Award Chris created for her.[3]

Appearance

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her massive size, she is affectionately referred to as Snorlax by trolls. When encountering Barbara, it is wise to use a Poké Flute.

Barbara's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot[4] and usually skips church.[5]

Barbara has no eyebrows, which has caused intense interest at PVCC.[6]

Cole and his possible fathers

Cole visits for Chris's 18th birthday.

Barbara grew up and raised Cole in Richmond near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.[7]

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran Coleman Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.[8] Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."[9]

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.[8]

Marriage with Bob

0033-MommasBirthday.jpg

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.[10] Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.[11] According to Chris, Barbara did the persuing: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.[10]

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.[12]

Pampering of Chris

Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the abusive babysitter.[13]

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.[14] As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that PandaHalo would not stop kissing him once she met him[citation needed].

Barbara was Chris's date to his seinor [sic] prom.

She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures which, while ruining the fun for trolls, does seem to indicate that she's not entirely stupid.

Audio Appearances

Gallery

Sauces

External Links

    People