The Wallflower

Ongoing The things described in this article are still happening, or are still being looked into. As a result, it may be subject to frequent change, and the information provided may not be entirely reliable.

File:Westerm-Wallflower.jpg

Erysimum asperum, better known as the Western Wallflower.

"The Wallflower" aka Damian Antaria is the heir to Megan Schroeder, a female friend Chris met some time around early 2010. She is one of the few girls Chris has managed to associate with in his post-high-school years who is not (as far as can be seen) a direct result of trolling. In March 2010, she joined the long list of would-be sweethearts with whom Chris has failed to lose his hated virginity.

Whether or not the Megan-esque ending of their relationship is actually to blame on the trolls or is a direct result of Chris being himself is unknown. There is evidence that the Wallflower has been made aware of the CWCki, but given Chris's past record of making an absolute tit of himself in every way imaginable, it is not unrealistic to consider that Chris himself scared the Wallflower away with his pungent aroma of sweat, shit, and AXE. Nevertheless, Chris has taken it upon himself to blame those god damn trolls for destroying yet another chance at getting some china.

References by Chris

Exactly when Chris first met her is not clear. While he has jumped at the chance to advertise his involvement with some of his other women friends to the world, he has only made oblique, passing references to her. (Also, less information has been forthcoming about this particular sweetheart than some because unlike, say, PandaHalo, she isn't actively leaking every detail of her communications with Chris to fellow trolls.)

The first signs of Chris's involvement with the Wallflower showed up in late January 2010. In Mailbag 46, answered on 26 January 2010, Chris claimed to have joined a "Young Adult Social Group" and "met a lovely woman there who likes me too; we are hitting it off like two hip wallflowers." Around the same time, in Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3 (which took place on 30 January), Chris said he was expecting a phone call that may have been from her.

In the 14 February 2010 edition of the CWC Blog, Chris declared that "currently, my girl friend and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly." When a correspondent in Mailbag 56 challenged Chris to prove the existence of his new "girl friend," Chris replied "She does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all."

In Sonichu 10, Chris mentioned that he had met up and had sex with his future wife, Lovely Weather in a page that was uploaded 9 December 2009. As it was considered unusual for Chris to write about an entirely fictional sweetheart, it's possible that Lovely Weather was based on this person.

It's not clear how far the relationship actually "progressed," however. Chris, we can be certain, had designs on a physical relationship with her from the start. He has no truck with the notion of "just friends." The Wallflower may have felt otherwise, which could explain Chris's angry remarks on the subject of the "friend zone" in the 15 January 2010 edition of the Mailbag. His abject plea to her from 14 March supports this supposition — in that video, Chris says that while they were acquainted, she told him she wasn't interested in a boyfriend.

Breakup?

How to troll both Chris and his trolls in one simple step.

When it was found out that Chris had a possibly non-troll gal-pal, most of the trolls agreed that the best course of action was to let the events play out on their own and have her find out herself what a racist, sexist, homophobic, lazy, unhygienic, narcissistic, hypocritical, naive, and overall creepy manchild Chris was. Despite this, one troll decided to fuck it all up and link her to the CWCki.

On 10 March 2010, Chris released A message to the Trolls. Emotionally distraught, he speaks in vague terms about troll interference in his life, and of the pains of a broken heart. At the same time, in a Captain's Log entry on the CWCipedia, Chris mentioned "BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME", which presumably refers to her cutting off all contact with him.

In the wee hours of 11 March 2010, Chris released a second video, mentioning a theoretical meeting between him and an imaginary Clyde Cash. He beats the shit out of himself and the air, pulls out a tiny little pocket knife and cuts the throat of his invisible enemy, making it seem as if he blames the loss of the Wallflower or some other troubles on his old nemesis Clyde.

On 14 March 2010, Chris uploaded a new video and appeared to shift the blame to another troll, Surfshack Tito. In between delivering bizarre threats of violence, Chris makes a resolution to "regain the love and trust and friendship" of his gal-pal. It is not clear why Chris believes he can accomplish this goal by donning a kilt, waving around a small knife, putting on a grotesque attempt at a Scottish accent, and generally presenting a hideous affront to the culture and people of an entire nation.

Later that same day, Chris made another video (in a different shirt, suggesting he woke up in the early afternoon) where he again referred to The Wallflower by her pen name, and literally begged her to sleep with him because his life was so hard, and otherwise he would have to pay $100 for sex with a hooker.

Anonymity

Originally, this article intruded into parts of the Wallflower's life that had nothing to do with Chris, prompting her to request that the article be reworked to refer to her under a pseudonym and avoid direct references to her personal life and identity. The CWCki's administrators reasonably agreed.

Chris is convinced that this change took place because of the angry threats he made in his video of 10 March 2010, when in fact it had nothing to do with him. The changes to this page led him to believe that he could insist on sweeping edits to many other pages, which he listed in the 14 March 2010 Captain's Log update on the CWCipedia. Those demands were ignored.

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