Bob Chandler
| “ | Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now. |
” |
| Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack | ||
Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.[1] (09 February 1928[2]–soon) is Chris's father.
He never washes his hands.[3] This causes Chris as much, or perhaps more, stress than the slanderous trolls. Chris says he starts more arguments "than flies on a garbage dump."[4] He also invented a control panel for plastic molding machines, and declared that Barack Obama would paint the White House black as soon as he became president.
Despite being a racist, homophobic redneck, Bob's become a firm favorite with trolls in the CWC world recently, due to Chris's intense dislike of him, along with Bob's infamous cameo in the Chris-chan caught fapping incident and threatening to cut down Chris's internets. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes precisely from this phrase. Later, Bob chaperoned Chris to his date with Emily.
Biography
Most of the details below were provided by Bob, Chris and Barbara, and have not been independently verified.
Service and education
Bob was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.[5]
Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out in 1947, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.[5]
Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.[5] As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.[6]
Career
Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.[5] He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.[7]
With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. Barbara claimed, in an e-mail to Miyamoto, that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).[8]
As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.[5] A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...[5][8]
World consciousness
...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.[5]
Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.[7] Bob traveled the world in his day for business and pleasure.
In a potentially damaging moment on 18 February 2009, Bob doubted the existence of Molvanîa, Julie's fictional country of origin.[9] However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.[7]
Health and late life
Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to all the Cherokee in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.[7]
Bob hasn't really had people to chat with, so he sits around and listens to music.[7]
A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.
Relationships
Past families
Bob is out of contact[10] with his son David Alan Chandler and daughter Carol Suzanne Chandler, who both lead successful careers.
Barbara
To continue with the music theme, Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.[11] According to Chris, Barbara did the persuing: "She chased him down the hall." In contrast, Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.[10]
They got married in 1980.[11]
According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.[12]
Cole
Bob married Barbara when her son Cole was 17. Around this time, Cole left to lead his own life.
Bob and Cole share a mutual hatred. Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate[13] "when that fuck Bob finally drops."[14]
Chris
Bob wishes Chris were more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond the places he's been in Virginia.[7]
| “ | well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements, annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded. | ” |
| Chris, IRC (31 December 2008) | ||
Audio and video appearances
- 14 February 2009: Bob Walks In to Chris mass debating.
- 18 February 2009: In BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5 and 3.7, Bob rambles to Julie.
- 15 March 2009: Bob talked to Robert Simmons V at church while Chris went to shit himself.
- March 2009: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with Emily.
- 27 March 2009: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the Tour of Christian's House, but is not visible.
Gallery
Notice Chris's discomfort.
Bob with Aunt Corina.
"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."
Bob: fashion icon.
Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.
Bob at Christmas time.
The epitome of handsome.
Bob and Barbara Chandler, before she evolved into Snorlax.
Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
Sauces
- ↑ Email to Blanca
- ↑ Image:457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG
- ↑ IRC (31 December 2008)
- ↑ IRC (20 January 2009)
- ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 5.5 5.6 Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)
- ↑ Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 7.5 BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7
- ↑ 8.0 8.1 Miyamoto Saga#Barbara
- ↑ BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5
- ↑ 10.0 10.1 6 March 2007 email, page 2
- ↑ 11.0 11.1 Mumble 3.5
- ↑ IRC (27 December 2008)
- ↑ 6 March 2007 email, page 2
- ↑ Email from Cole to Chris
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