Difference between revisions of "Cole Smithey"
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{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole, [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 | {{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole, [[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 e-mail #3]]}} | ||
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|Barbara, [[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail #1]]}} | |||
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|Barbara, [[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 | |||
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;" | {| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;" | ||
|- | |- | ||
! colspan="2" | Chandler | ! colspan="2" | Chandler Family | ||
|- | |- | ||
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Colesmithey.jpg|200px]] | | colspan="2" | [[Image:Colesmithey.jpg|200px]] | ||
| Line 12: | Line 9: | ||
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey | ! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey | ||
|- | |- | ||
| '''Birth | | '''Birth Name''' | ||
| Joseph Cole Smithey | | Joseph Cole Smithey | ||
|- | |- | ||
| Line 32: | Line 29: | ||
|- | |- | ||
| '''Occupation(s)''' | | '''Occupation(s)''' | ||
| Film | | Film Critic | ||
|- | |- | ||
|} | |} | ||
'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara's]] first son, and one of the successful escapees from the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's | '''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara's]] first son, and one of the successful escapees from the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's e-mails to Chris]] revealed a lot about the Chandler family. | ||
==Relationship with Barbara and Bob== | ==Relationship with Barbara and Bob== | ||
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]] | [[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]] | ||
Cole isn't on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his stepfather Jerry with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios". Bob isn't exactly a role model either, as he worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. Cole has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 2]]</ref> | |||
Cole isn't on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his stepfather Jerry with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios. | |||
Barbara has lied about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to Jack Dale Smithey, Cole's alleged father, but rather Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts. | Barbara has lied about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to Jack Dale Smithey, Cole's alleged father, but rather Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts. | ||
| Line 49: | Line 44: | ||
==Relationship with Chris== | ==Relationship with Chris== | ||
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]] | [[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]] | ||
Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself.<ref name="email07-03-06p3" /> Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]]<ref name="email07-03-06p3" />, which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault. | |||
Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being | |||
Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ. | Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ. | ||
In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an | In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. When Chris's [[nudes]] were sent from his e-mail in [[September 2008]], Cole replied with "DO NOT CONTACT ME BY E-MAIL AGAIN." | ||
'''tl;dr:''' Barbara is a whore and Chris doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself. | '''tl;dr:''' Barbara is a whore and Chris doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself. | ||
===Cole in the comics=== | ===Cole in the comics=== | ||
Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave [[Kel]] the Pichu who'd become [[Rosechu]]. This means that even his ''brother'' is stuck in [[CWCville]]. | Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave [[Kel]] the Pichu who'd become [[Rosechu]]. This means that even his ''brother'' is stuck in [[CWCville]]. | ||
==Personal success== | ==Personal success== | ||
Cole resided in California for sixteen years and has been in New York since around [[1996]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 1]]</ref> Cole lives with his wife Katherine, is the self-confessed "smartest film critic in the world,"<ref>[http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]</ref> and plays wicked guitar in a jazz band.<ref name="email07-03-06p3">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 e-mail, page 3]]</ref> | |||
Cole resided in California for | |||
===Internet infamy=== | ===Internet infamy=== | ||
On 18 June 2010, Cole became the first person out of 131 reviewers to give ''[[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]'' a "rotten" review on the website [http://www.rottentomatoes.com Rotten Tomatoes].<ref>[http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/toy_story_3/comments.php?reviewid=1889775 http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/toy_story_3/comments.php?reviewid=1889775]</ref> (Only two other RT reviewers, a noted [[niggo]] troll-critic [[Wikipedia:Armond White|Armond White]] and "Movie Martyr" Jeremy Heilman, gave the film a negative review.) Immediately after posting this controversial review, Cole received hundreds of comments which relentlessly flamed his intelligence. This may prove that [[Internet]] infamy runs in the family. | |||
On 18 June 2010, Cole became the first person out of 131 reviewers to give ''[[Wikipedia:Toy Story 3|Toy Story 3]]'' a "rotten" review on the website [http://www.rottentomatoes.com Rotten Tomatoes].<ref>[http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/toy_story_3/comments.php?reviewid=1889775 http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/toy_story_3/comments.php?reviewid=1889775]</ref> (Only two other RT reviewers, a noted [[niggo]] troll-critic [[Wikipedia:Armond White|Armond White]] and "Movie Martyr" Jeremy Heilman, gave the film a negative review.) Immediately after posting this controversial review, Cole received hundreds of comments which relentlessly flamed his intelligence. This may prove that [[ | |||
Notably, however, Cole's negative review may have a rational psychological basis and he shouldn't be judged too harshly. Consider these quotes and see if they sound familiar: | Notably, however, Cole's negative review may have a rational psychological basis and he shouldn't be judged too harshly. Consider these quotes and see if they sound familiar: | ||
<blockquote> | <blockquote> | ||
(...) the inappropriately [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cruel]] and [[For Julie's Eyes Only|drawn out climax sequence]] is too intense for [[Chris|younger children]] who will be lured into the "G-rated" film." ... Andy is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]]--something most boys do before junior high. | (...) the inappropriately [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cruel]] and [[For Julie's Eyes Only|drawn out climax sequence]] is too intense for [[Chris|younger children]] who will be lured into the "G-rated" film." ... Andy is off to [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], and must finally put away [[Toys|childish things]]--something most boys do before junior high. Talk about arrested development--[[love quest|this kid isn't getting any dates]]. | ||
</blockquote> | </blockquote> | ||
| Line 85: | Line 75: | ||
==Gallery== | ==Gallery== | ||
<center><gallery> | <center><gallery> | ||
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' | Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' | ||
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD | Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD. | ||
</gallery></center> | </gallery></center> | ||
| Line 97: | Line 86: | ||
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com] | * [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com] | ||
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes] | * [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes] | ||
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/1716056/2/meet_a_critic_cole_smithey_the_new_york_writer_with_a_rock_n_roll_past Rotten Tomatoes interviews Cole] | * [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/1716056/2/meet_a_critic_cole_smithey_the_new_york_writer_with_a_rock_n_roll_past Rotten Tomatoes interviews Cole.] | ||
{{Not_Jerks}} | {{Not_Jerks}} | ||
Revision as of 15:52, 1 December 2010
| “ | Let me know when that fuck Bob finally drops. | ” |
| Cole, 24 July 2007 e-mail #3 | ||
| “ | I do not regret giving birth to Cole. | ” |
| Barbara, 6 March 2007 e-mail #1 | ||
| Chandler Family | |
|---|---|
| |
| Cole Smithey | |
| Birth Name | Joseph Cole Smithey |
| D.O.B. | 24 July 1963 |
| Gender | Male |
| Nationality | American |
| Race | White |
| Parents | Ron Coleman Yeatts |
| Occupation(s) | Film Critic |
Joseph Cole Smithey (born 24 July 1963)[1] is Chris's half-brother, Barbara's first son, and one of the successful escapees from the Casa De Chandler. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole seems to be a pretty normal guy. Cole's e-mails to Chris revealed a lot about the Chandler family.
Relationship with Barbara and Bob
Cole isn't on good terms with Bob or Barbara. Cole was physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his stepfather Jerry with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios". Bob isn't exactly a role model either, as he worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. Cole has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."[2]
Barbara has lied about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence that contradicts her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to Jack Dale Smithey, Cole's alleged father, but rather Ran Coleman Yeatts.
Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.
Relationship with Chris
Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself.[3] Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the abusive babysitter[3], which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.
Cole visited for Chris's 18th birthday party in 2000. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him A CD For Cole Smithey! Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and everything to do with Chris, even featuring a picture of him on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by attempting to talk like a DJ.
In July 2007, Chris sent an e-mail asking for Cole's vote in the PaRappa contest. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the PaRappa contest than his brother's plight, showing just how self-absorbed he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris. When Chris's nudes were sent from his e-mail in September 2008, Cole replied with "DO NOT CONTACT ME BY E-MAIL AGAIN."
tl;dr: Barbara is a whore and Chris doesn't give a shit about anybody but himself.
Cole in the comics
Strangely, though, Chris still found a way to put his brother into his mess. According to the CWCipedia profile for Rosechu, there is a "Professor Cole" listed, being the one who gave Kel the Pichu who'd become Rosechu. This means that even his brother is stuck in CWCville.
Personal success
Cole resided in California for sixteen years and has been in New York since around 1996.[4] Cole lives with his wife Katherine, is the self-confessed "smartest film critic in the world,"[5] and plays wicked guitar in a jazz band.[3]
Internet infamy
On 18 June 2010, Cole became the first person out of 131 reviewers to give Toy Story 3 a "rotten" review on the website Rotten Tomatoes.[6] (Only two other RT reviewers, a noted niggo troll-critic Armond White and "Movie Martyr" Jeremy Heilman, gave the film a negative review.) Immediately after posting this controversial review, Cole received hundreds of comments which relentlessly flamed his intelligence. This may prove that Internet infamy runs in the family.
Notably, however, Cole's negative review may have a rational psychological basis and he shouldn't be judged too harshly. Consider these quotes and see if they sound familiar:
(...) the inappropriately cruel and drawn out climax sequence is too intense for younger children who will be lured into the "G-rated" film." ... Andy is off to college, and must finally put away childish things--something most boys do before junior high. Talk about arrested development--this kid isn't getting any dates.
The same goes for his personal issues with Snorlax.
Andy's careless mom--whose sense of parental responsibility is nonexistent, "accidentally" tosses out the trash bag filled with Woody's pals on the curb. ... abandonment is a distressing theme smuggled into the story.
Gallery
A CD For Cole Smithey!
As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Sauces
External links
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