Michael Hirtes

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"Totem Sanic" redirects here. For the Relic of Fail, see Sonic Totem.
Everyone has an animal inside them struggling to be free. Don't be afraid to let him out! Yiff!
Hirtes to a newspaper reporter
I feel sorry for them in such pitiful conditions and whatnot. I do.
Chris, on weens like Hirtes[1]
Michael Hirtes
Hirtesrealface.jpeg
Information
Name Michael Jay Hirtes
Also known as MHirtes
Slep
Totem Sanic
Various others
Date of Birth 16 April 1964 (age 55)
Gender Male
Nationality American
Race White
Occupations A-Log
Ween
Unemployed

Michael Jay "Mike" Hirtes is a 55-year-old man from Council Bluffs, Iowa who has made a name for himself as both an A-Log and a ween. Hirtes, also known as Kiwi Farms member Totem Sanic, has created a multitude of Twitter accounts to follow Chris and spam him, as well as anyone he tweets to, with angry rants and accusations against him. Most of his rants against Chris consist of trite Chris memes and ad hominem attacks. Unlike the vast majority of A-Logs, including Anthony LoGatto himself, Hirtes's socks have actually been responded to by Chris, albeit rarely.

Hirtes was first discovered as a halal member of the Kiwi Farms, where he was outed as the operator of the Twitter account @RektByLife (since deleted), perhaps the most dedicated ween account following Chris at the time. Subsequent developments revealed that not only is Hirtes both older and more immature than Chris, but also that he, too, is unemployed, a furry, prone to tard rage, and has gotten into trouble with the law.[2]

Discovery

Many observers of Chris will have noted the presence of ween accounts in his Twitter replies for some time. However, much attention was not given to these accounts until Michael Hirtes was discovered on the Kiwi Farms.

Hirtes was first called out when Farms member yawning sneasel linked his Kiwi Farms account, Totem Sanic, to his @RektByLife (DaThingsIveSeen) Twitter account based on screencaps he had posted, which showed that he had the same Twitter profile picture as the one @RektByLife used. He was further incriminated when a post by him on the forums surfaced, where he praises DaThingsIveSeen for "doing GodBear's work". Furthermore, on the CWCki Club forums, user Hurtful Truth Level revealed that Totem Sanic had asked for credit mention for a tweet by his @EAT_SHITT_CHRIS (GIGANTIC_STRAW) account that Chris had replied to.

Hirtes subsequently complained about being banned in a forum post, which eventually culminated in his revelation as a gigantic laughing stock.[3] In response to backlash, Hirtes posted a series of angry rants against Kiwi Farms administrator Null and the forum in general on Twitter.

As a result, Hirtes now has his very own thread on the Kiwi Farms.

Twitter sockpuppets

From tugboat recipient to tugboat recipient.

On Twitter, both before and after he was discovered by the Kiwi Farms, Hirtes has used numerous sockpuppet accounts to reply to Chris's tweets. Most of these replies are cookie-cutter rants chastising Chris for behavior that he, too, has been shown to have exhibited, usually through the use of worn-out Chris memes and ad hominem attacks. When he is not autistically screeching at Chris, Hirtes is often found angrily tweeting at Donald Trump, or he makes rants about the Kiwi Farms and its users. His tweets are characterized by his usual writing style, along with a tendency to capitalize certain words (in contrast with Chris's style of only capitalizing the first letters of these words).

Hirtes sometimes uses other socks in order to reply to or like a tweet posted by one of his accounts. This is reminiscent of how Chris does the same thing with his NightStar2891 account.

He donated a cent to Chris in response to the latter asking for no donations below a dollar.

Other Internet Activities

Hirtes's a-logging isn't just limited to Twitter. Evidence suggests that Hirtes operated multiple sock-puppets in Kiwi Farms, not just his Totem Sanic account. Much like in Twitter, he usually a-logs Chris and occasionally other lolcows. In recent times, with Chris and others finding his Twitter socks more easily, Hirtes has since regulated himself to /cow/, where he continues to troll-shield himself and derailing threads over his hatred towards Chris and his vendetta against Kiwi Farms to this day.[4]


List of sockpuppets

Protip.jpg

PROTIP:

Not all weens are Hirtes. Just because they get angry over Chris on Twitter doesn't mean they should be included here.

IAmTheRealCWC

Christian W Chandler

Possibly Hirtes' first sock. Created on 22 July 2013.
@RektByLife

Dathingsiveseen

Hirtes' most well-known sock, and the one he primarily operated on prior to his discovery. Created sometime before 16 September 2016.
@S_kank_Hunt42

SkankHuntFortyTwo

Created on 15 November 2016
@Get_a_job_Chris

Chris is A MALE

Created on 29 March 2017.
@GamestopJerkop

Clyde Cash

Created on 14 April 2017.
@Ghost_bob_BoOoO

Ghost Bob

Created on 18 April 2017.
@shecameforcwc

shecameforCWC

Created on 21 April 2017.
@JULAYYYYYYYYYYY

Eviction Notice

Created on 21 April 2017.
@Nut_ward_nurse

Pickle Man

Created on 21 April 2017.
@CWC_Is_Ugly

Lord_Hater

Created on 29 April 2017.
@LiquidClyde

Clyde Cash

Created on 1 May 2017.
@BRRAAAAINSSSSSS

Zombie_Bob

Created on 17 May 2017.
@CHRIS_IS_MALE

Reality

Created on 24 May 2017.
@TROLLING_SUPER

TROLLING SUPER

Created on 4 June 2017.
@Brute_male_CWC

CWCs_Cumsicles

Created on 5 June 2017.
@CWC_IS_A_PEDO

Left_Side_Hater

Created on 12 June 2017.
@FUKK_U_CHRIS

CWC_IS_MALE

Created on 13 June 2017.
@EAT_SHITT_CHRIS

GIGANTIC STRAW

Created on 13 June 2017.
@CWC_IS_MALE

CHRIS_IS_A_FAT_MALE

Created on 24 June 2017.
@STINKO_MANBABY

CHRIS_CANT_STOP_ME

Created on 27 June 2017.
@PICKLE_RIIIIIICK

PICKLE_RICK

Created on 15 July 2017.
@FLIPPINGUDABIRD

BIRD_IS_THE_WORD

Created on 19 July 2017.
@DangDirtyTroll

ItsDahKrumpas

Created on 19 July 2017.
@YYAH_YYAH_YYAH

Dr_Hans_Asperger

Created on 20 July 2017.
@Nannas_4_Barb

FOR_THE_HOARD

Created on 2 August 2017.
@Bluearmsohno

MUGSHOT

Created on 4 August 2017.
@PICKLE_LICKER

DISASTERCHU

Created on 5 August 2017.
@He_Wont_Get_Any

CHRIS_WANTS_LUV

Created on 5 August 2017.
@VIRGINWITHRAGE

WANT_WOMAN

Created on 5 August 2017.
@FapToTheExtreme

JULAY

Created on 6 August 2017.
@PrayforSorbet

Sorbet

Created on 8 August 2017.
@PISSANDBURN

Karate_Cole

Created on 8 August 2017.
@silens_vigil

silens vigil

Created on 8 August 2017.
@CuntChan69/@TrumpChan69

TrueAndHonestChan/ChrisisTrumpson

Only sock that changed name. Created on 10 August 2017.
@ItsThisAsshole

MisterBungle

Created on 16 August 2017.
@MarinerSentMe

RepoMan

Created on 16 August 2017.
@Bend0verChris

Mariner Finance

Created on 16 August 2017.
@ScrewyouChris

Coca Cola

Created on 16 August 2017.
@GheyChris

Ghey Chris

Created on 18 August 2017.
@CwcCats

Dead CWC Cats

Created on 19 August 2017.
@ChristiansDuck

Pickle Man

Created on 26 August 2017.
@MANBABY_TANTRUM

CHRIS_IS_MAAAAD

Created on 27 August 2017.
@YoungTrumpChan

BlockMeChan

Created on 29 August 2017.
@Aspergercorn

DILDO_ON_FOREHEAD

Created on 30 August 2017.
@MariaJunice

Leslie Barker

Created on 30 August 2017.
@TheRealCWC93

Christine W Chandler

Created on 1 November 2017.
@GreedyChrisChan

Chris Wants Your Money

Created on 5 May 2018.
@chris_crybaby

Crybaby Chris

Created on 7 May 2018.
@AndTheCatCameB1

And The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day

Created on 17 May 2018.
@CHRIS_IS_DOOMED

CHRIS_CANT_BLOCK_REALITY

Created on 17 May 2018.
@AngerJack1

AngerJack

Created on 25 May 2018.
@GIMME_YER_MONEY

I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYYYY

Created on 26 May 2018.
@GOTTA_SPEND_IT

I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYY

Created on 26 May 2018.
@Stress_Sigh

Chris Blocks Me Cuz He Knows I'm Telling The Truth

Created on 28 May 2018.
@Homeless_Saga

Eviction Looms For Chris

Created on 28 May 2018.
@Dimwit_Chris

Chris Blocks, I make a new account

Created on 28 May 2018.
@Pay_Up_Fatso

CWCs_BIG_FAT_COURT_FINE

Created on 28 May 2018.
@ChrisInDenial

1 1/2 minutes to make a new account, Chris

Created on 28 May 2018.
@BackCwc

Bring_Back_Classic_CWC

Created on 29 May 2018.
@NNNNNNGGGGHHHHH

ChrisTard Meltdown

Created on 29 May 2018.
@They_Just_Dont

The Blocks! They Do Nothing!

Created on 31 May 2018.
@LookAtMeScowl

Frowngrade

Created on 31 May 2018.
@evianwater8

evian water

Created on 4 June 2018.
@BlocksDontWork

Im Watching You

Created on 14 June 2018.
@BLOCKSDONOTWORK

I GAVE YOU MY MOTHER! THERE IS NO EXCUSE!!

Created on 21 June 2018.
@BlockeeNoStopee

IT'ZA ME! GRADUON!!

Created on 23 June 2018.
@UMadYetChris

I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY

Created on 23 June 2018.
@BAAAAANNNNED

GROPEY CHRIS GOT BANNED FROM TOOMANYGAMES

Created on 23 June 2018.
@ChrisPerv

GROPEY CHRIS GOT THE BOOT

Created on 23 June 2018.
@BanDeeBanBanBan

Banned Chris is Banned

Created on 23 June 2018.
@WAAAAAUUUGGHHHH

*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*

Created on 23 June 2018.
@BannedChan

Chan Banned

Created on 23 June 2018.
@NoUcantNope

You Can't Block The Truth Away, Chris

Created on 23 June 2018.
@Skeevy_Pharmz

NOOOOL

Created on 27 June 2018.
@GetsAwayWithIt

Joshua Wise: The hero That CWCville Needs

Created on 14 July 2018.
@Buy_My_Blanket

Chris Chan, the Mom-Punching Floor-Sh*tter

Created on 15 July 2018.
@Mom_Puncher

The Blue-Armed Meanie

Created on 15 July 2018
@HNNNNNNNGGGGG

HOLY SHIT CHRIS CHAN IS SO FUCKING MAD!

Created on 22 July 2018.
@GrubbyGrabHands

Chris Chan's Comin' to Grope You

Created on 26 July 2018.
@BroniesBeware

Weekend at Chris Chan's

Created on 26 July 2018.
@BadBadTouches

Beware of Chris Chan

Created on 27 July 2018.
@starvingnalone

Barb Chandler, back at the house starving

Created on 27 July 2018.
@FilthAndFlies

The Garbage House at 14 Branchland Court

Created on 27 July 2018.
@NoGala4CWC

Chris Chan Vs The Velvet Rope

Created on 28 July 2018.
@NoCWCallowed

The Grand Galloping CWC-Free Gala

Created on 28 July 2018.
@BAWWWWWWWW

No Gala For Chris Chan

Created on 28 July 2018.
@Me_Want_Woman

Chris Chan's Bathroom Adventure

Created on 29 July 2018.
@yayKarma

Satanic Mechanic

Created on 29 July 2018.
@bronycons

No More BronyCons for Chris Chan

Created on 29 July 2018.
@NullEat

EatMyAssNull

Created on 30 July 2018.
@Righteous4CWC

Richard Righteous

An unusual sock where he strawmans a white knight of Chris. Created on 31 July 2018.
@acheekiebreekie

C͕̥̕ͅR͏̗̳͍A͓͍͔̜̟͢P̹̟̼̭̤͜ͅ ͍͈͈͜C̫͎͞H̷̤͓̼̥ͅÁ̵͏̣̜N͘͘

Created on 1 August 2018.
@CwcSaga

CWC's Homeless Saga

Created on 10 August 2018.
@yumadbruhhhhh

King Buddole I

Created on 4 November 2018.
@chan_again

ChrisChanLiesAgain

Created on 12 November 2018.
@WeAreNotAmusedd

Disapproving Sonichu

Created on 14 November 2018.
@PayUpChris

MIDLAND LLC

Created on 8 January 2019.
@nocum4CWC

nobodycomesforCWC

Created on 20 January 2019.
@AaaaaghhhA

AAAAAGHHH HATERS AAAAGGHHHH

Created on 26 January 2019.
@AmongWitch

Among Witch

Created on 29 January 2019.
@MungWitch

A MUNG WITCH

Created on 4 March 2019.

Notable quotes by Hirtes

We all know what a waste of an education was on you, Ian.
Hirtes replying to Chris' comment to Tara Strong. Surprisingly, Tara liked this reply.
YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME TO EARN GOING TO THAT CONVENTION YOU LAZY NAÏVE HACK THEIF[sic]
Hirtes reacting to his trip to BronyCon.
Next thing you know, Chris is gonna confess that he was also DoopieDoOver all along, and we're all gonna be so gobsmacked. Chris is so smart
Hirtes sarcastically commenting over the possibility of the Doopie Saga.
I feel sorry for all of the kids trapped in the same theater Fatty is going to stink up.
Hirtes' reaction to Chris and Jessica's upcoming movie date.
Did you spit or swallow Chris' spunk after you typed that?
Hirtes' response to a critic.
This is all just the calm before the storm, Fatty. When it happens, it will end you.
I know how to wait. ⛈️
Hirtes' thinly-veiled threats in response to Chris enjoying himself at MAGfest 2018.

Chris's view on Hirtes

Despite the effort Hirtes put into shitposting thousands of times about Chris, Chris himself barely pays him any attention. He was asked about Hirtes for a Q&A video, in which Chris responded that he felt pity for people like that[1]. In October 2017, nearly a year into Hirtes's spam crusade, Chris tagged his Twitter handle and said[5]:

While your comments do come into my view, I take them with the grain of salt, and shield my emotions and mind from your spite.

Amusingly, Chris came to Hirtes's defense in a tweet war between the latter and a white knight, saying, "Not all people who identify as furries are bad.[6]"

Chris shared an anecdote about Hirtes to a Planet Dolan member who had complained of being trolled by someone with multiple accounts. Chris said:

You block one, that same one comes back behind a different mask/account. Nowadays, I just make sure I do not have notifications turned on with this kid, and let him go on.
Hirtes only makes Chris stronger[7]

However, this reaction would not last forever as on 16 May 2018, Chris called out Hirtes for his weening. This would result in a flame war between the two people. This ended with Chris subsequently blocking Hirtes' socks from his page. Despite that, Hirtes continues to make sockpuppets to this day, trying in vain to illicit the same response earlier.

Gallery

"Fan" video

Michael J. Hirtes
Stardate 30 July 2018
Made By Spelling Bee
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

References

External links

Christian Weston Chandler's people

Chris himself:

Bill Riley | Carlos Chantor | Chloe | Junior Jenkins | Night Star | Stephanie Bustcakes | TwiSparLicious


Family:

At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Others: Anne Boleyn | Aunt Corrina | Cole Smithey | Daniel Weston | Minor Family Members

Future: Crystal Weston Chandler | Lovely Weather | Reginald Chandler


Friends:

Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | Julie | Catherine | Cryzel and Magi-Chan Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | PandaHalo

Minor sweethearts: Emily | Faeryn | Hanna | Jessica Quinn | Lori Lopez | Sarah Jackson | Vanessa Hudgens

Sweethearts-to-be: DoopieDoOver | Megan Schroeder | The Wallflower

Gal-pals: Anna McLerran | Clare Porter | Kellie Andes | Kim Wilson | Laura Dorazio | Sarah Nicole Hammer | Tiffany Gowen

White knights: Jacob Sockness | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | Robert Simmons V | William Elliott Waterman

Guard Dogs: Null | The Captain | Marvin

Others: DRWolf | Female fanbase | MLP voice actresses | Pokémon club friends | Rocky Shoemaker | Virginia Jeanine Sanford


Trolls:

The Miscreants: Arjen Van Dierten | The Asperpedia Four (Alec Benson Leary, Evan Christopher George, Mao Ling, and Sean August Watley)| Bryan Bash | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Joshua Martinez | Liquid Chris | Lordsillynipples | Man in the Pickle Suit | Sarah May | Surfshack Tito | Vivian Gee

Famous people: BILLY MAYS | Jay Z | Jimmy Hill | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Shigeru Miyamoto | Takashi Tezuka

Traitors: Arthur Spatchcock | Bryanfrogboy | CWCProtectSquad | Idea Guys | Jeff/Francine | Multidimensional White Knights | Teen Troon Squad | Sarah and Steve

Others: Johan | LadyOfTheCosmo | Sam and Ellen | Surfshack Tito | Thorg


Other enemies:

PVCC: Kene Meniru | Mary Lee Walsh

Jerkops: Bagget | Jerkhief

Manajerks: B-Manajerk | Kirby | "Lady" Manajerk | Michael Snyder | ScotPalazzo | Turdijerk | W-M-Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe

The GAMe PLACe: Daniel Mimms | Lucas

JERKS: Joseph Herring | Wes Iseli

Others: Abusive babysitter | Bruce Johnson | Kathleen | Lulu.com executives | Pmurt | Sonic Boom producers | Rob Bell


Miscellaneous:

Famous people: Pmurt | Barack Obama | George W. Bush | John Tesh | PewDiePie | Red Skelton | R.L. Stine

Orbiters: A-Log | DStecks | Michael Hirtes | Miss Cherry | MKRNightVee

Others: Adam Stackhouse | Caitlin | Mia Hamm | Ryan Cash

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Kimmi | Meg Griffin | Naru | Officer Nasty