Difference between revisions of "Sonichu 10"
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Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed. | Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed. | ||
[[File:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|thumb| | [[File:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|thumb|Uncensored version of what happened in the toilet.]] | ||
With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simonchu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth). | With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simonchu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from ''Gurren Lagann''). | ||
As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth). | |||
{{clear}} | |||
===Forgiveness...?=== | ===Forgiveness...?=== | ||
Revision as of 10:11, 8 March 2010
Sonichu 10 is the eleventh issue of the Sonichu comic. Chris submitted the first page to the CWCipedia on 8 December 2009, shortly after finishing issue 9. The final pages were uploaded on 24 February 2010, also Chris's birthday.
Background
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's Medallion of Fail had captured the imaginations of trolls across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart Blanca, convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.
For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his 09 October 2008 video, where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his High School Ring implying its greater importance.
To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the Anchuent Prophecy, establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.
Continuity
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of Sonichu #8, and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "time void" since the end of Sonichu #7, and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.
Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin Sonichu #9, Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.
Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on Sonichu and Rosechu. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.
Death of Simonla
During the production of Sonichu 10, Chris was also deeply embroiled in a feud with the forces behind the Asperpedia. More specifically, Evan was putting pressure on Chris to kill or otherwise remove from the comics Simonla Rosechu, whose creation had been based on Evan's original Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, Simonchu. Chris refused and actually retconned Simonla's entry on the CWCipedia to state that Simonla was his own original creation, and he had not based her on Simonchu. Shortly after these changes were made, the CWCipedia went offline, replaced by a notice from Evan's lawyers.
In order to recover the CWCipedia, Chris posted a two-page spread in which Chris apologizes for his trespasses against the Asperpedia team, and Simonla is killed by an exploding toilet. When he arrived at Simonla's death in the actual comic, however, he spread the events of Simonla's death over many pages, and introduced a new character: Sandy Rosechu, her daughter with Wild. Furthermore, the Asperpedia team are depicted as Simonla's murderers, and after a kangaroo court, are bloodily executed, with Sandy and Wild teaming up to maim and then murder Evan. Team Asperpedia was understandably upset with this development, and have since coerced Chris into the third of his seemingly endless rewrites of the end of Sonichu 10.
Cover art
Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with PandaHalo, and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.
Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities
Curing Da Homos
The comic begins by recapping Wild and Magi-Chan's effort to rescue Chris from the Time Void. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the Sonichu 9 version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named Lovely Weather. Chris then goes on to reveal that he tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self, and then fucked his future wife while his future self was at work.
He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for homosexuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for some reason. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn Reldnahc back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, Kel is worried sick about. The gate of the other syringe is never seen.
He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the Sonichu Balls Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and BILLY MAYS, who somehow survived Sonichu 9, to load up Son-Chu with his PS3, Guitar Hero and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells Patti-chan that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped Crystal over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at 4-Cent Garbage's HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells Blake and Punchy to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his imaginary band. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from Sonichu 9, sort of.
Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo
Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not-so-subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil Trolls emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like penises, especially when Chris grabs one by the tail, sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.
Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, as best he can, the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed Brutal Legend, though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs Chaos Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building and fucking blows it up! Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.
Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the CWCipedia before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. Chris-Chan Sonichu rapidly advances on the 4-cent_garbage.com building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a Hex Bawx, the evil Jason Kendrick Howell prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.
Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for LittleBigPlanet (yay!), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of LittleBigPlanet for Wii or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for Sonichu to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his Guitar Hero guitar. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.
Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of LittleBigPlanet to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, Beel uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of Christian Weston Chandler. This causes his Medallion to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his High School Ring sparking with energy. Sprouting fangs of confidence, Chris puts on his glasses and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted Sweetheart, Blanca (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.
The final page of the preview shows a photo of Jimmy Hill, who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and Bugs Bunny appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl "Jimmy!!" Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes Monty Python fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.
Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity
While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that Naitsirhc is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and gay. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two sonichus fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."
He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the completely non-homoerotic phrase, "Drink My Blood!" As he teleports Reldnahc to Kel's waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never never wore a shirt, but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a lowly woman and he has to save screentime for himself and his army of recolors. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their Guitar Hero gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the PaRappa the Rapper cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his ring reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and lie about a relationship he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page reused from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the Hedgehog Boys to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.
POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH
The song they start to play is "Revive Zordon", a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris rocks out, Beel, evidently alive, Clyde Cash, making his first official appearance in the comics, and Jack Thaddeus, also making his first appearance, warn Jason Kendrick Howell that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in Sonichu, Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making homos look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with suicide personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.
As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 people in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too drunk to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375. A memorial would be put up in the ruins and Encyclopedia Dramatica and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.
Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to TMZ. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon, Rosechu and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about how he pissed on a lizard. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and being Big Brother. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called "Christian Love Day". He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and HONEST female from GodJesus and fall in love with Magi-Chan.
Chris trolls himself again
All of a sudden, Meg Griffin shows up and says that she's a fan of the comic series. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and sucker punches the guy. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually Silvana in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?
Ultra Sonichu and Collosal Chan
After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for Minnesota and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the Dark Mirror Hole and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his name change.
Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu needed to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he destroys various buildings with the power of rock. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.
In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a HEX BAWX "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an HP Pavillion), Chris inserts his finger into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off Shadow the Hedgehog by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the Asperpedia, ban Mao, Sean, Evan and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls") with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the bad art from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a retarded child.
While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the TRUE and HONEST Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.
At this point the group literally bows down before Chris and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the goddamn moon and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to physically assault him. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.
Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.
Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.
Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. Simonla specifically denounces Evan (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the Mailbag for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of Simonchu in his own comic. Allison Amber speaks poorly of Moon-Pals, but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.
Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from Alec's basement arrive in one of CWCville's many soup hotels. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. The rosechus, named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into Inos, a very high niggo, obviously another satisfied customer of Yawning Squirtle. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon some cops to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for the Moon, where certain people will know how to use it better. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every Jerkop in the city.
The Final Countdown
Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts Slaweel Ryam in the PVCC. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. Count Graduon had told her he could help her, but that obviously failed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of troll fan art as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates electric versions of Kratos's blades before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.
With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting Alec had a bigger fan base, Simonla goes to the bathroom, leaving Wild to tend to their egg. Deus Ex Machina that he is, Magi-Chan stops Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simonchu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann).
As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by Bill the Scientist and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into Sandy Rosechu. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).
Forgiveness...?
The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an apology to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back.
Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (who seems to be based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for attorney Marvey Blaziken to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, Chris Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, gory pages, and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders a beer float and pot stickers. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be executed by those they hurt.
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is flash-fried for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and drilled to bits by the infant Sandy, who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie and finally Chris breaks Mao with his psychic powers, making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just pages earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.
Although the battle with Mary Lee Walsh was the culmination of years of comics by Chris coming to a head, it is given far less time and importance than the trial and execution by the Asperpedia crew. Similarly, Crystal's rescue from the Dark Mirror Hole is done in about a page and a half, with no dialogue and no indication that it is in any way significant to the plot.
Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, Christian Love Day, and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to PandaHalo and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.
"Extras"
As a super special bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...you can guess exactly who. Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from his talks with Alec, Chris essentially tells his True and Loyal Fanbase to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take months. Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.
Reaction
Preview
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to YouTube on 20 October 2008.[1]
Simonla's Death
On 13 February 2010, Chris e-mailed Evan, revealing two pages that were slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) admits that Asperchu is not as bad as it seems, and begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, Simonla asks Wild to hold her bags while she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. Simonla has just enough time to tearfully hand Wild her special drill bit lucky shark's tooth before Bill the ScientistDoctor tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of her murderer, and Wild declares revenge.
The preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being Chris, refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it would upset Wild Sonichu[2]. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.
On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed Simonla and viciously slaying the four of them. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to Jack Thaddeus, who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with homo pickles. On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his Twitter account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make peace with Alec and company - probably in the hope that doing so will result in Jack removing his dreadfully pornographic ads.
See also
Sauces
External links
- Sonichu #10
- Sonichu #10 Preview
- Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)
- Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions