Barbara Chandler

“	Get off. Before I go off.	”
Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with Sarah May

“	I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass down in the gutter and shut up!	”
Barbara, during a prank call, to a recording of her husband's voice

Chandler Family
Barbara Chandler
Birth name	Barbara Anne Weston
Nicknames	Snorlax, Barb
D.O.B.	1 October 1941 (age 70)
Gender	Female
Nationality	American
Race	White
Marriages	Ran Coleman Yeatts (1961-19??) Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. (1980-2011)
Children	Cole Smithey Christian Weston Chandler
Occupation	Office worker (retired)

Barbara Anne Weston Chandler (born 1 October 1941) is the widow of Bob Chandler and mother of Christian Weston Chandler and Cole Smithey. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year 2000 Award Chris created for her. She has not won the award since.

Family life

Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight overall) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896-1954) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911-1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph was around 30. Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.

Cole and his various fathers

Cole visits for Chris's 18th birthday

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother Cole in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash.

Based on the experiences with his various stepfathers, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."

Jack Dale Smithey

Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she actually wasn't.

In 1995, an internet post by a man claiming he was looking for his friend's absentee father, questioned the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.

Ran Coleman Yeatts

Cole's true and honest biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook

Records, which Cole later found after making a trip back to Richmond, show Barb married one Ran Coleman Yeatts in 1961. Yeatts was from South Hill, Virginia, and was enrolled at Wake Forest College as late as 1960. He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him and was introduced as a "friend" of the family when he was a child.

After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up the phone on him when he called to ask about his father.

Yeatts died on June 6th, 2007 in South Hill. His obituary made no mention of Cole and, curiously, none of Barbara either.

Jerry Harmon

Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of Cole Smithey, Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.

“	I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.	”
Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills

Marriage with Bob

She never was much of a looker

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing. Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards. According to Chris, Barbara did the pursuing: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.

According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after 14 Branchland Court. In Mailbag 32, Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they resided with Chris in their Ruckersville home. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the family home and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house.

Barbara became a widow on September 6, 2011 when Bob died.

Pampering of Chris

“	Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.	”
Chris, describing his Oedipus complex

Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris

Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the abusive babysitter while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the onset of the earliest symptoms of autism. After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.

While both Chris's parents are largely responsible for Chris's current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with Cutco to going as his date to his seinor [sic] prom.

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned for good, Barbara visited the GAMe PLACe attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with Michael Snyder, but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll get arrested and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's track record, she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a pedophile, as she thought it possible that he may have fallen for a To Catch A Predator-esque sting operation during the Julie fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who wasn't out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated Ivy for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is. As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that PandaHalo would not stop kissing him once she met him.^{[citation needed]} She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused isn't that he's a lazy dumbass, but that he's a "creative genius and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades, claiming that she didn't raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. She tried and failed to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

To cap off their relationship, Chris allegedly revealed in private conversations that Barbara occasionally spoons with him.

Health problems

Physical

Artist's depiction

File:Barb.PNG

Arrangement in Pink and Purple: The Autist's Mother

Like Chris, Barbara is obese. As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years, to the point of resembling an American Rose West. Due to her massive size, she is affectionately referred to as Snorlax by trolls. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot and usually skips church.

In October 2009, Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning. Barbara was diagnosed with colitis, a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, fans of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities. Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.

Mental

During the Ivy Saga, Barb threatened to her family that she might kill herself, as a response to the stress she was going through.

Legal problems

On 28 October 2011, Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with The GAMe PLACe, and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were released on bail, and Chris's hearing took place on 7 November 2011. It is currently unknown what happened during Barb's hearing.

Appearances

In the comics

Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son

Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in Sonichu #0.

Audio

• Private Skype chat with Sarah May
• 4 February 2009: In Mumble 2, Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's room.
• 17 February 2009: In BlueSpike PSN Chat 2, Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
• March 2009: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde calls after the date with Emily.
• November 2009: Toward the end of the Kacey and Liquid Call, Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
• Matthew Noble call: In this call, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
• Kacey Call 15: Chris keeps Kacey on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of humility, her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.

Videos

Barbara has appeared in two videos to date as of February 2012: off-camera in the Christian Weston Chandler Interview, and on-camera (for the first time) in You're Always Pretty.

Gallery

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  Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.

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  "Talk, you little idiot!"

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  This is when The Simpsons went downhill.

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  Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.

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  From her 55th birthday.

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  Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.

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  Barb with Aunt Corrina, Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.

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  The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.

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  Poor Barb, Chris put Sonichu on HER birthday cake.

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  It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.

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  Barb, talking to Tiffany, one of Chris's gal pals, at the prom.

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  Barb is always pretty.

External links

• GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF
• THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX
• Interview about Barb

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