Barbara Chandler
| “ | Get off. Before I go off. | ” |
| Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with Sarah May | ||
| “ | I don't need no back talk from someone on the Internet. | ” |
| Barbara, Mumble 2 | ||
| “ | I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up! | ” |
| Barbara, during a prank call | ||
| Chandler family | |
|---|---|
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| Barb Chandler | |
| Birth name | Barbara Anne Weston |
| Nicknames | Snorlax |
| D.O.B. | 1 October 1941 |
| Gender | Female |
| Nationality | American |
| Race | White |
| Marriage | Ron Coleman Yeatts<br> |
| Issue | Cole Smithey |
| Occupation | Office worker (ret.) |
Barbara Anne Weston Chandler<ref>Email to Blanca</ref> (born 1 October 1941<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the wife of Bob Chandler and terrible mother of Christian Weston Chandler and Cole Smithey. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year 2000 Award Chris created for her.<ref>A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13</ref> She has not won the award since.
Appearance
As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her massive size, she is "affectionately" referred to as Snorlax by trolls. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7</ref> and usually skips church.<ref>Church audio</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article. for some strange reason.
Cole and his possible fathers
Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother Cole Smithey in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)</ref>
Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insisted that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed to be married, but records show that she actually married one Ran Coleman Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Ran Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.
During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.<ref name="email07-03-06p1">6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1</ref> Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2</ref> The translation would be "She likes to piss off everyone around her by dating assholes." The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian.
Barbara visited Cole only once in twenty-seven years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
Marriage with Bob
Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night in 1979. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">Mumble 3.5</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the pursuing: "She chased him down the hall." They married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />
According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>IRC (27 December 2008)</ref>
During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after 14 Branchland Court. In Mailbag 32, Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.
Instead of accepting that their marriage isn't what it used to be, that they have different goals for their son in life and move on like any other healthy human being, she is either too lazy, poor, and/or unwilling to explain to Chris the intricacies of a divorce and its effect on a family dynamic, thereby putting herself in the inescapable rut she is in today.
Pampering of Chris
| “ | Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her. | ” |
| Chris, describing his Oedipus complex (Mumble 10) | ||
According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the abusive babysitter.<ref>6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3</ref>
Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>Sonichu Girls and White knight emails</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that PandaHalo would not stop kissing him once she met him.[citation needed] This behavior extends to Bob to some degree as well, as she spends most of the Matthew Noble call denying that Bob was yelling at anyone.
Barbara was Chris's date to his seinor [sic] prom.
On at least two occasions, Barbara visited the GAMe PLACe attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake. In the fall of 2007, after a photo of Chris taken at the store wound up on the Internet, she interrogated Mimms as to the origins of the picture and threatened legal action. The next summer, after Chris was kicked out of the store for good, she returned to try and argue his case with Michael Snyder, but to no avail.
She is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll get arrested and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's track record, she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a pedophile, as she thought it possible that he may have fallen for a To Catch A Predator-esque sting operation during the Julie fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who wasn't out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years.
While having a special needs child is a major stressor in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.
Recent health problems
In October 2009, Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was a foodborne illness.<ref name="9 October 2009">9 October 2009</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with colitis, a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.
Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, fans of Sonichu have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>"Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>
A recent field agent report revealed that Barbara has lost significant weight as a consequence of her colitis.[citation needed] Nonetheless, the epithet "Snorlax" has been grandfathered (grandmothered?) and remains the preferred way to refer to the formerly rotund woman.
In the comics
Barbara made a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in Sonichu #0.
Audio appearances
- c. 1998: Barbara requests a song on KCWC.
- Private Skype chat with Sarah May
- 4 February 2009: In Mumble 2, Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's room.
- 17 February 2009: In BlueSpike PSN Chat 2, Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
- March 2009: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde calls after the date with Emily.
- November 2009: Toward the end of the Kacey and Liquid Call, Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
- Matthew Noble call: In her longest audio contact to date, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
- Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV: At the end of the video, she can be heard saying "hello" to Chris<ref>Jackie E-mails 16</ref>.
- SHUT UP!!! in which Barb yells over the phone.
Video appearances
Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the Christian Weston Chandler Interview.
Gallery
<center> <gallery> Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise. Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!" Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>DVD, note 2</ref> Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday. Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie. Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with Aunt Corrina, Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet. Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house. Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put Sonichu on HER birthday cake. Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date. Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to Tiffany, one of Chris's gal pals, at the prom. Image:Bob_80th.jpg </gallery> </center>
Sauces
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External links
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