Trolls
| “ | ...dang dirty trolls! | ” |
| Chris, Cwcville.com (since deleted) | ||
| “ | What a world we live in, with such trolls in it. | ” |
| Blake, in Sonichu 8 | ||
Trolls are the various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the Internet's most beloved and most hated autistic manchild, Christian Weston Chandler. Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites to making him take nude pics.
Pre ED
It is notable that Chris was trolled IRL before his discovery by 4chan and ED. It can be argued that the first known trolling of Chris occurred when his life-long-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, Sarah Hammer, locked him under the house when they were children. The next notable trolling occurred during the infamous mini-date with Hanna in 2005 which smashed his heart level to 15%. Around the same time he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through MySpace named Lindsay Kaye. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as 2003, when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of PVCC (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about Mary Lee Walsh and The GAMe PLACe hijinks.
But this was was all child's play compared to what happened next....
The Few, the Proud, the Elite
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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Alec Benson Leary
Creator of Asperchu.
BILLY MAYS
An individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS. Was declared the mayor of CWCville by Chris on March 3, 2009 while under pressure from Max. Now dead.
Blanca Weiss
"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his Sonichu medallion. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of videos featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.
Note that while they did get Chris to send nude photos, they are not to be confused with LordSillyNipples who was the first to do so using the same identity.
BlueSpike
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", AKA "Julie", AKA "Max") is a 13-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris' sweetheart "Julie." He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous hour-long audio recording in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion in his ass. The incident later started a troll war on ED and a couple of other troll message boards.
Bryan Bash
Bryan Bash is a close friend of the late great Clyde Cash. He is the one who sent hookers over to Chris's house, as well as the person who called during the infamous Bob Walks In audio file and is responsible for leaking an image of Chris having sex with the members of his Guitar Hero band (including a niggo). Additionally, he leaked the Father Call and the Kacey and Liquid Call to /cwc/ on 11 November, 2009, and he has also leaked conversations between Chris and Jack Thaddeus.
Clyde Cash
The nefarious Clyde Cash is the most infamous and legendary of trolls. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of trolls. He posed as Shigeru Miyamoto, raped Chris's beloved PandaHalo, and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial. He died an honorable death in the line of duty, and is remembered for his brave and fearless service for Anonymous everywhere.
"Now cracks a noble heart;
Good night, sweet prince."
P.S He came back to life.
Emily
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the Jew in the Pickle Suit.
Evan
A drawfag and 4channer who provoked the fury of Chris and unleashed his dark side, showing us Chris's weak spot. He later became the creator of Simonchu, who was stolen by Chris and warped into Simonla, sparking a long and furious war that would pit CWCipedia and Asperpedia into a fierce rivalry.
Jack Thaddeus
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various PSN-related trollings and also for the CWCipedia ads.
The Jew in the Pickle Suit
An IRL pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.
Liquid Chris
A YouTube troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. The TRUE and HONEST Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu. He was impersonated by an angry troll named Ian Brandon Anderson who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.
Lordsillynipples
The epic winning ED troll, who was responsible for impersonating Blanca and being the first to obtain the now infamous Chris-chan Noodz on September 11th, 2008, along with Chris's DVD. She is also responsible for creating the Man in the Pickle Suit.
Mao Ling
The webmaster of Asperpedia. He earned several death threats and curses due to associating with Alec Benson Leary, in spite of not doing anything to Chris at all. Needless to say, after Chris started including Mao in his threats for no real reason, Mao joined the trolling scene, with a series of videos and CWCipedia ads made to piss him off. Mao is also responsible for hijacking the CWCipedia and opening the site to edits by TRUE and HONEST fans of Sonichu.
Sean August Watley
The author of Sonichu is Dead, Sonichu is Gay and Moon-Pals. (All now on Asperpedia). He also became Chris's target by association with Alec. For some reason though, Chris said that he 'had less offense with Sean', despite Sean going out of his way to offend him more than anyone else.
Surfshack Tito
Troll who managed to invoked Chris's wrath on two separate occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with the wallflower.
Vivian Gee
The creator of the Sonichu audiobooks and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former White Knight who turned troll after she realised Chris was a hopeless, thick-skulled moron.
Devil Trolls
Aside from several notable figures above, Devil Trolls are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's Sonichu comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in Sonichu 9 and make their first full appearance in Sonichu 10.
Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such stress over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.
The Devil Trolls make their first, mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "IBAChandler" after Sonichu defeats him in Sonichu 9. They make their full appearance in Sonichu 10, as Chris-Chan Sonichu encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble those old Troll toys, minus their gems, with long tails and demon like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.
Trolls trolling trolls and other faggots
Geneva
A TRUE and HONEST pedofork whose days are numbered. Parodied Chris by taking credit for the CWCki's downtime in mid-August 2009.
Svenka
A now inactive white knight who made several anti-troll videos on YouTube.
The Pinch
Youtube counter-troll who made several empty threats to various cwc trolls, first threatening them that they would get a visit from the Partyvan.[1] When this didn't work, he began making more threats, each less believable than the last.[2][3] Despite his efforts to seem intimidating, Pinch's tendency to delete his Youtube accounts within minutes of contacting a troll made him an even less credible (albeit annoying) figure. He finally fucked off when a few clever trolls began impersonating him.[4]
Motivations
Many people troll Chris, or try to, and for many different reasons. Some do it to win the admiration of online communities like 4chan or Encyclopedia Dramatica. Some see it as a just response to his sexism, homophobia, welfare-leeching, and other offensive behavior. Some are genuinely sadistic — Chris is an especially easy and entertaining target for bullying. Some are driven by intellectual curiosity, and troll Chris as a way of trying to figure out how he ticks. Some just do it as a hobby, a way of passing the time.
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a Mailbag correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:
| “ | "Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of Sonichu first, or that I am more Artistically Talented than they are." | ” |
| Chris, Mailbag 5 | ||
This is consistent with the advice given many children who are IRL trolled in school: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. (However since most trolls/bullies are usually in position far superior to the one being teased it is a bit redundant.) Since Chris never moved past high school mentally, he still believes he is hated because he is so much better than everyone else, and not because he exudes fail and is offensive towards everything and everyone.
From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll and then claimed that no, he's a fat idiot like we always thought. Chris believes that trolling has two steps--pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. This is how his perception of forum trolls operates--Silvana thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be Meg Griffin, kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight--as a result Chris walks away happy and unchanged, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him. Any sane troll with the power of shape-shifting would have morphed into the most flamboyantly homosexual looking guy (or failing that, a giant penis) the moment Chris closed his eyes and went for the kiss.
Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is message he wrote in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added Twitter and how they could talk about him behind his back.
Sauces
See also
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