Julie Reveals Herself

Mumble chat in which Julie reveals herself.

Transcript

eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)

Max: Christian Chandler, hello!
Chris: Hello.
Max: Aw, why so down in the dumps?
Chris: Come on, you know why.
Max: Why? Tell me!
Chris: Because you stole my PSN, you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
Max: And what did you pick? Tell me.
Chris: Picked Julie.
Max: Chris...
Chris: 'Cause I love her.
Max: ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in 5 seconds: Julie or everything else.
Chris: Wait what you say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba—what you say?
Max: No, I'm not going to go back. No.
Chris: I want Julie.
Max: Really? You sincerely mean it?
Chris: Yeah.
Max: Well, if you don't yell at me one more time you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your fangs! [maniacal laughter] Are you constipated? [high-pitched squealing in delight] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump... Oh, look out. You're not mad, you pathetic wimp.
Chris: [angry constipated sound]
Max: You disgust me! Oh, why don't you smack the [wildcat?] around some. You're a bitch. You're not going to get my sister that way.
Chris: [sigh] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get—you want me to get angry, I got angry.
Max: That's not angry, you're a—you're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
Chris: No, no, no.
Max: No. It's going on eBay.
Chris: No, you leave it off!
Max: Yes! eBay!
Chris: No! No. Look. Look, look, stop.
Max: [laughter] eBay... eBay!
Chris: No! No! Stop. Stop it.
Max: Why should I stop? Why should I stop?
Chris: [sigh] Stop. I want Julie.
Max: Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
Chris: [sigh]
Max: Face it, Chris, it's mine.
Chris: No, no, no, no. No.
Max: No matter how many times you say no like that, it's not going to change it.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
Chris: Okay.
Max: Say [incoherent].
Chris: I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
Max: Say that "I'm a homo."
Chris: [grudgingly and incoherently] I'm a homo.
Max: [laughing] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
Chris: [muffled] I'm a homo.
Max: Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
Chris: I'm a hommomu-
Max: ...eBay.
Chris: No.
Max: Eithe—then say it louder.
Chris: [screams] I AM A HOMO!
Max: eBay.
Chris: No!
Max: Yes.
Chris: No! No. No!
Max: [mockingly] No, that's not okay, mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
Chris: No. You have got—No no no! No, don't you dare!
Max: I want to call me a fucking... whatever you call me.
Chris: No.
Max: Start swearing before I change my mind.
Chris: ...rrRRRRGHHH YOU FUCKING SUCK SO HARD!
Max: And you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong, prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
Chris: [angry muffled noise]
Max: Oh, I'm making the manchild—are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna—you're just, you just really are dumb. It-it's going on eBay.
Chris: No! No! No!
Max: [laughing] Yes.
Chris: You leave it off eBay.
Max: eBay, yes, yes. eBay.
Chris: No.
Max: eBay.
Chris: Stop.
Max: eBay.
Chris: Stop.
Max: eBay.
Chris: Stop!
Max: Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
Chris: Stop it, alright look—
Max: Alright, listen, listen, I'm willing to make you a deal. Can you calm down and sit down please?
Chris: Yeah.
Max: Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I'm putting it on eBay.
Chris: No.
Max: eBay.
Chris: You're not putting it on eBay.
Max: Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
Chris: No.
Max: Well, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your fangs?
Chris: [sigh]
Max: It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
Chris: Stop.
Max: No. No, I'm opening eBay right now.
Max: eBay. eBay. [keys clicking] eBay dot com.
Chris: Stop. Stop. Stop!
Max: Start auction...
Chris: No, stop! What do you want?
Max: I want to sell your PSN on the—
Chris: [pitch rising, he's getting desperate] No! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme back. I made the right choice, give it—
Max: No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN if you pick Julie.
Chris: Look, please. Alright fine, listen—
Max: Start auction...
Chris: No stop, stop, just listen, listen to me.
Max: Umm, how should I label this? Oh! A thousand dollars worth of PSN.
Chris: Stop! Stop!
Max: Hacked by Max Movada.
Chris: Stop. Stop.
Max: Starting bid... a hundred and fifty, no, one thousand and fifty.
Chris: Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
Max: Alright, I can have it? Okay!
Chris: But just leave it off of eBay! [high-pitched] Take it, just take it! Ju-just leave it off eBay please!
Max: It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
Chris: Yes, but please just don't sell it on eBay.
Max: Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay because I'm about to, tell me why?
Chris: Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
Max: I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
Chris: How many gigabytes does your PlayStation 3 have?
Max: What? I think it's like an 80 gigabyte, I can't even believe you're selling something.
Chris: Well my PSN account, it's gonna require more than 80 gigabytes I'll tell you what.
Max: Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
Chris: No, no, look, no. What if you wanted to redownload that stuff?
Max: Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though. Let's see...I think I might have a friend in New Brunswick who wants this, I don't know.
Chris: No. No. No.
Max: Where's my phone, oh here it is. [dials]
Chris: Listen, you keep my account, you keep my account and—
Max: And I'll put it on eBay.
Chris: —leave it alone. No.
Max: No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake and he's going to defile your name.
Chris: No, leave it off, no no.
Max: I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
Chris: [screaming]
Max: [laughs] I'm going to give it to 4-cent-garbage and Encyclopedia Dramatica. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that, they're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
Chris: Stop, stop, stop.
Max: Donation: $1000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
Chris: [getting louder] No just stop just sto-p!
Max: Yeah, why don't you yell some louder, why don't you wake the dead with your howl, like... Come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
Chris: [yells] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Max: You, you yell like a pussy.
Chris: [yells] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Max: You're a bitch, yell louder.
Chris: [yells] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Max: Uh-oh. I won't like you when you're mad. Oh, wait, I do because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey Chris, here. I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
Chris: Alright...
Max: Suck my dick.
Chris: How can I do you—how can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
Max: I'll go to Virginia. Will you do it? Will you suck my dick? No, wait, even better. I want you to go to the Game Place, apologize to the manager, and suck HIS dick, and I want you to record it, and put it on YouTube.
Chris: Aaaaah. Please, don't be, don't be such a meanie.
Max: Oh, "meanie"? Fuck you! Suck your manager's dick.
Chris: Look, look, listen, alright, listen, just listen.
Max: Listen to what?
Chris: Max, Max you are a great being, you're a humble person, please. I'm only a—I'm only a lowly servant below your tressels.
Max: Wha...uh...
Chris: I only ask you, I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
Max: Sh-shut up! You can have, you can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
Chris: Liste—
Max: No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
Chris: No stop, look, I'm putting my—I'm putting myself on your mercy here, please just leave my, leave it off of eBay!
Max: Fine, do a dance. Dance for me, dance. Dance you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance you fucking monkey! [squeaks/laughs] Alright, you—Stop. Stop right now. Now dance like Michael Jackson.
Chris: [makes panting sounds, presumably dancing]
Max: [laughing] Oh, what the fuck? Oh, don't, don't, no, no more! No more. When you grabbed your crotch, that was enough. Hey Chris, can I tell you a secret?
Chris: What?
Max: eBay.
Chris: No!
Max: Yes!
Chris: No.
Max: I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
Chris: No.
Max: Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, thousand dollar worth PSN account hacked...I'm going to start the bid at five hundred dollars.
Chris: [sigh] You win.
Max: What? It's mine? It's gone.
Chris: Yes, but just leave it off of eBay. Please? Look, you can have it—
Max: I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED? And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with the cat crap you slip on. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
Chris: [sigh]

Chris holds Max at Duck point (11:16-14:00)

Max: What are you going to do, mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man? You fucking pussy. Come on. No. "But" nothing, you're a bitch. No, sit right there, like a bitch, stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there, you are a bitch. You've got a big old set of... ovaries... NO! NO, NO! DON'T! Ok. Ok. Ok. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you pedo... fork. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? I can report you to the cops right now for illegal indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
Chris: Nothing was actu-, nothing was actually exposed.
Max: Well, whatever. Just don't even... just don't show me your dick. Please. J-just don't.
Chris: Fine.
Max: That's where I cross the line.
Chris: Fine. Selling my PSN account on Ebay, that's where I cross the line.
Max: Well its going on Ebay.
Chris: You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
Max: It's going on Ebay.
Chris: No.
Max: Yeah.
Chris: You cross that line...
Max: Yeah go ahead, it's going on Ebay no matter what you do. It's going on Ebay no matter what you say. You don't even have the ball to do it any more, you pussy. It's going on Ebay. It's going on Ebay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick it's going on even lower so that any old [indecipherable] can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on Ebay. Uh-huh, Ebay. Ebay, Ebay, Ebay, Ebay.
Chris: You take it off of Ebay and-
Max: No. It's, it's already on Ebay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move from the chair for a minute? There's something behind you, move so that I can see behind you... oh! That's the cup from Target, isn't it?
Chris: No.
Max: What is it then?
Chris: It's the... the McDonald's tea cup!
Max: Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some man-tits going on. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off Ebay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on Ebay for one dollar.
Chris: Wait. What?
Max: And if you fucking... start with me one more time it's going on Ebay for a dollar.

No Julie, Dance like a Gay Man(14:00-15:38)

Max: Hey, can I tell you a secret?
Chris: What?
Max: I actually... I'm not going to send Julie over there anyway. I'm not going to help her to see you.
Chris: No. No. You stop. Y - y - y - We had an agreement. I picked Julie.
Max: Really?
Chris: Yeah.
Max: Well she's going to have to find her own way over there because I'm not helping.
Chris: No! You help her over here...
Max: Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
Chris: Unless I can positively disgust you?
Max: Yeah, which you already do, so...
Chris: Look please, I'm begging you, begging you here, you actually need to send Julie over here-
Max: Yeah, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick, and take one in your ass. I am not going to give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: How about, Chris-
Chris: I throw myself at your mercy.
Max: I can't even see you.
Chris: I throw myself at your mercy, please.
Max: ...nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance for my amusement. Dance like a gay man.
Chris: [makes shuffling sounds]
Max: Alright, you know actually, I said do the dance like a - Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
Chris: No, Goodwill.

Medallion or PSN?(15:38-18:14)

Max: Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your medallion?
Chris: Because I promised you I wouldn't wear it.
Max: Put it on, right now.
Max: Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion, and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or, no, no, no. I'm not going to give you that... uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
Chris: No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me-
Max: -Nah, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
Chris: I might -
Max: You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
Chris: What about Julie?
Max: You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN, then you won't get Julie. I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
Chris: Hang on, I'm getting it.
Max: Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you shithead, I'm not.
Chris: I'm getting it, it's up, up here...
Max: Oh! And one more thing? Hey Chris, I want - I want you to jizz on it before you burn it. [laughs]
Chris: Jizz?
Max: Yeah, and oh, say one thing for me really quickly? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it. Say it.
Chris: Wait a minute. What does jizz mean?
Max: Oh, "what does jizz mean?" I'm telling you to masturbate on it, you stupid dick.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: But do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly, really quickly Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. Can you do this? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: Yell it. Yell it loud.
Chris: Billy Mays? Who the hell's he?
Max: Yeah, Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN!
Chris: ...
Max: Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can.
Chris: ...
Max: Come on, autism mental block. W-what, what the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides soldier.
Chris: ...I don't want my PSN any more. Go ahead, sell it on Ebay, I don't care.
Max: Alright I'm going to.
Chris: ...Go ahead.
Max: I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
Chris: ...

Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)

Max: ...Chris. Do what I want... or I'm not going to send Julie over there, how about that?
Chris: [sigh]
Max: That's a good boy.
Chris: No, you're sending Julie over here.
Max: No, no no, if you do what I want. There are two things that I want. First, and this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs, "Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville." Come on. Do it!
Chris: [in a droning voice] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
Max: Louder, you fucking pussy.
Chris: [slightly louder] Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville.
Max: Stop saying it in your fucking dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that stupid voice again.
Chris: [louder] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville!
Max: Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail... CWCville jail."
Chris: And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail.
Max: "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!"
Chris: ...
Max: Say this one really loud.
Chris: Where he will be raped by a bunch of... nnniggos.
Max: [giggling] No, say "niggers" you stupid twat.
Chris: Niggers.
Max: Louder.
Chris: [loudly] Niggers.
Max: Louder. [laughing]
Chris: Don't... don't trust them new niggers over there!
Max: No. Shut. Up. You ruined that fucking joke. Now. Chris. I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it... no, no, no, no, no. Masturbate on it first, then burn it.
Chris: [voice shaking] I'd rather just burn it please...
Max: No! You have to masturbate on it. Then burn it.
Chris: I can't get a hard on while I'm under a lot of stress.
Max: Well, I know, I know something that will help you get a hard-on; just think of men's dicks, that'll probably work.
Chris: No!
Max: [laughing] Yes!
Chris: Just the opposite!
Max: Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, men's balls sorry, men's balls.
Chris: That's not the opposite, I - that's not the opposite too.
Max: Yeah, you're right. Men's butts.
Chris: [enraged] THAT IS EVEN WORSE!
Max: Yeah, you're right. Men's... faces. Those persuasive eyes, they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
Chris: [screaming] THEY ARE NOT- YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD!
Max: You're gonna - you're gonna stick in your butt, in your butt, oh oh what what!

Losing the plot (20:40-22:03)

Max: Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there where I can see it.
Chris: [pissed off] I gotta get a match or something.
Max: Right, well, just make sure you light it where I can see it. I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned. You fucking dick, I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a third degree burn. [screaming] I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER! Oh, and after, after you, uh, after you burn it... shove it up your ass.
Chris: ...
Max: How does that sound chris?
Chris: [long pause]
Max: Hey Chris?
Chris: ...
Max: Chris,wait. It's important, damnit listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt, make your choice.
Chris: ...
Max: Ahh, interrogating autistics is so easy, its so easy, especially with you Chris, especially with you. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy.
Chris: [long pause]
Max: Christian, if you don't answer me within the next five seconds I'm putting it on Ebay and not sending Julie over. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Alright then, hey Julie you may get the money because Chris won't answer me.
Max: [the worst girl voice ever] Oh no!
Max: Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic, before I bust a fucking cap... or something.
Chris: ...
Max: Jerk. I mean, you are a jerk.
Chris: [rustling]

Wut wut?(22:03-35:20)

Max: Come on Chris. Come on Chris. You have five seconds before I fucking send my, uh, you have five seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe...5..4..3-2-1-oh, too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me Chris, I have to tell you one thing first, you have an alternative; - are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
Chris: Yeah.
Max: Now you have an alternative; burn it, or shove it up your butt. [mocking] I hate you.
Max: Come on, what are you going to do?
Chris: ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
Max: You're? You're going to shove it up your butt?
Chris: Actually, I have another alternative...that's just about as good as either of the other.
Max: No, I want you to shove it up your butt, and you're stuck with that.
Chris: No.
Max: No, no, no. That's what you're going to have to do now, you said it.
Chris: You're going to see this.
Max: What are you going to show me? What-ah,uh,are,you, no,no if you burn it I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now.
Max: Chris, you burn it and I'll send Julie back to Europe...Dont. Even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my Grandmother. Don't. Do it.
Chris: [sigh] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
Max: Alright
Chris: I'm going to shove it up my butt...but I have to divide it.
Max: No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
Chris: You want me to shove it up my butt the whole thing?
Max: Yeah and don't- hold on [inauble] just leave it - Do it in a video.
Chris: [sighing and rustling]
Max: And make sure you take pictures!
Chris: [more rustling]
Max: Oh, get this! [laughing]
Chris: [sighing]
Max: Actually Chris, no, no, I decided, yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry about being so picky, yeah you have to cut it up first, so yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
Chris: [sigh] Uhhh
Max: No, better idea better idea, then shove it up your butt
Chris: No. Just let me cut it.
Max: Fine. Cut it into two. Two halfs, then shove it up your butt.
Chris: No, four pieces, four pieces.
Max: I didn't know that autistics had sharp [cutters?]
Max: [slips into his Massachusetts accent] Careful now, don't cut your fingah, oah, you cut your fingah. Yes!
Max: Oh no! Police! Help
Max: How does it feel chris to be destroying something you worked so hard on?
Max: tell me how it feels, tell me.
Chris: Better [might be "bitter"]
Max: How does it feel?
Chris: Horrible. Cold.
Max: [mocking] "cold."
Chris: Heartless.
Max: Oh me? I'm heartless?
Chris: No.
Chris: This act, I'm calling it heartless.
Max: Oh you can call me hearless if you want, you can call me any word.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: Heartless will help, call me a fuckin douchebag again as loud as you can.
Chris: You fucking douchebag!
Max: "You suck." "You suck niggerdicks"
Max: Oh, I have a nigger friend, want to suck his dick?
Max: I have a black friend Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no.
Chris: No.
Max: Alright, so you said "yes" so I'll call him.
Max: Hey Darnell, Darnell come over here
Chris: No. No!
Max: This guy wants to suck your dick!
Chris: I said NO!
Max: Well I think Darnell is too, umm, I think he likes you. I think, I think it should happen.
Chris: I said I said NO.
Max: No, No you didn't, I, I heard yes, Darnell, Darnell I think he said "yes"
Chris: I said no! I said no!
Chris: I said no!
Max: Fine, shit all over your butt, whatever. Darnell's going to watch though. Darnell likes to watch.
Max: Do you want be to shove Darnell out?
Chris: [sighing, grunting] I can't believe you're making me do this. [rattling]
Max: Come on, cut it! Also how about this, while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
Chris: ...No, this is bad enough.
Max: Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
Chris: [sighing and rattling]
Max: Alright fine, didn't work, just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity
Chris: [sigh] Don't worry, I've the camera on.
Max: So what? You're recording this too?
Chris: Yes.
Max: Oh God! You're recording it, AND you're showing it live. Really?
Chris: Yes.
Max: That is awesome.
Max: You can try to send it to me on Skype.
Chris: [sighing and rattling]
Max: Wait, are you recording it right now?
Chris: Yes.
Max: Ok. so yeah the camera saw you kinda...alright, thats... wonderful [laughs]
Max: Oh Chris one last thing, say one last thing before you shove it up your ass? Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
Chris: [sigh. system beep] Can I talk to Julie?
Max: After you do this, yes.
Chris: after i shove this up my rump.
Max: Up your ass, you have to say it up your ass
Chris: Up my ass
Max: Up your ass.
Chris: After I shove this up my ass.
Max: Hey Chris, while you shove it up your ass you have to scream "Zappin' to the Extreme!". You have to do this or I won't send Julie over.
Max: Ok?
Max: I wanna see you shove it up there and while you do it say "zappin' to the extreme" I want you to shove ever piece in there.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: [singing] Its a fat manchild, do-do-doo.
Max: [laughing]Come on hurry up. Oh! God its all up in my face, get it out.
Max: Chris are you really gonna do this, seriously?
Chris: Yeah.
Max: Oh damnit. Oh God damnit. Oh I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
Chris: ...Maybe.
Max: No, no, really. Tell me the truth, Did you?
Chris: Yeah.
Max: Ugh, right whatever, just, just, yeah, put it in there.
Max: Oh...Goodness. This is...Just hurry up please, don't make me watch this for too long please.
Max: [laughing] Insert Rod A into Slot B.
Max: Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [laughing] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it.
Max: More. Shove up, shove it up, up, up, up, up!
Max: More! More! MORE!
Max: Yes, yes. Please! Please do continue.
Max: Oh I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out
Max: Chris! Is your Hand stuck!?
Chris: [groan] I'm too tired.
Max: No, keep going, you're not going to fucking chicken out.
Chris: [uncomfortable groaning]
Max: How does this make you feel?
Chris: [grunt] Miserable.
Max: How miserable?
Chris: Totally miserable.
Max: Oh really? Too bad!
Chris: [grunting]
Max: Oh you sound like chewbacca, taking a shit. [does a chewbacca impression]
Chris: [does chewbacca impressions]
Max: No, no, no,no,no. Just, shut up. Shut up.
Chris: I Stop what?
Max: I said shut up, don't even ruin chewbacca.
Chris: [uncomfortable groaning]
Max: You miserable pile of dick. Ugh oh god, more. Shove it until I can't see it.
Max: Oh god, poor Sonichu is going to look like brownichu.
Troll: BLUESPIKE! NO. MORE.
Chris: [Groan]
Max: Brown stain Sonichu, with the power to cha-
Chris: [painful groaning]
Max: [mocking groaning]
Max: Keep going.
Chris: [painful groaning]
Troll 2: Bluespike, stop that shit.
Troll 3: This is awful.
Max: [background noise of small dog barking and door shutting]
Chris: [groaning]
Chris: [grunt] That won't go in.
Max: What?
Chris: That won't go in.
Max: Then keep trying.
Max: Make some room in there.
Troll: Bluespike, stop that shit.
Chris: [painful grunt]
Troll: Stop it. Really.
Max: Alright, fine. Stop.
Chris: Stop?
Max: Yeah, sure.
Chris: [groan]
Max: Don't talk them out though, I want them to be in there the whole, the rest of the time I talk to you.
Chris: [groan] Alright.
Max: Now pull your pants up.
Chris: One second.
Troll: Blue; let him-
Max: Yo Chris this is what I strive for watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing now that I've seen it.
Chris: [groan]
Max: Laughing
Troll: Blue; tell him he can take it out.
Troll: God Damnit.
Max: [laughs] Chris [inaudible]
Troll: God. Damn.
Chris: Be right back, excuse me.
Max: Chris, what the fuck? Seriously man?
Chris: I just want to wash my hands!
Max: No no no, you can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands I'll send Julie to Europe.
Chris: [groan]
Max: You cannot wash your hands.
Chris: Sound's like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)

Max: How does it feel Chris?
Chris: Terrible.
Max: How terrible?
Chris: [Ass stink/acheingly?] terrible.
Max: You're a bitch, for doing this, you know that? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
Chris: No, this is enough.
Max: No no no no, you're not the one making the choices.
Chris: Enough.
Max: Chris how about you, uh. Let's see...what should you do? Give me a minute to think...Umm.
Chris: Please this is enough, I'm tired and I'm-
Max: No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots. You fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you.
Max: OK? Are we clear?
Chris: Yes.
Max: Yeah.
Max: Let's see what shall I make you do, Chris? What should I do to you?
Max: So tell me, what do you want to do?
Chris: What do I want to do?
Max: Yeah, no, no, no, I mean, what could you do that might amuse me.
Chris: What could I do that would amuse you?
Max: I've a good idea Chris!
Chris: Actually I've just thought of something-
Max: -No,no I've just thought of something.
Max: Take out the medallion and burn it.
Chris: Well I told you that I could not find any matches at this time.
Max: No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. Go to the store and get some matches then.
Chris: [sigh]Anyway, I've got something for ya. [sings]I'm a little piggy here's my snou-
Max: -No! Stut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up! [laughs] Shut the fuck up.
Max: I've a good idea. Burn your house down.
Troll: God damn, you idiot!
Chris: No, I'm not going to burn my house down.
Max: Then the PSN is going on Ebay. And they money is going to ED. And Julie isn't coming-
Chris: -I just want Julie over here.
Max: Well you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down
Chris: If I burn my house down she won't have a place to come to.
Max: You will find some other place. Chris there is something, there is something-
Troll: -Bluespike; Stop it.
Max: Alright.

Mumble (37:51-??)

Max: Chris I want you to be in the Mumble, Julie's going to talk to you there.
Troll: 10 points.
Troll: Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
Chris: No unfortunately I can not-
Max: No, Chris you have to -No, no, get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there.
Chris: I can't the my microphone to work over there I've tried it-
Max: -Then use the PS-eye, thats the only chance you have.
Chris: [sigh]
Max: Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN.
Max: I haven't told Julie, I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your honest voice. To make sure its you.
Chris: [sigh] Fine.

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