Mumble 12

The truly last Mumble audio, Mumble 12, in which Chris chats with Clyde, Jack Thaddeus, and others while thinking about how to reclaim his websites. During the chat, Clyde drops the bombshell that he killed BlueSpike, and Chris responds with the exact same level of empathy and concern he displays when something tragic befalls someone close to him (zero).

Highlights

• Chris is still sick, and as soon as this dang virus is defeated, he's going to go outside.
• Clyde warns Chris that the men in white coats are coming for him.
• PhinnyCupcakes from "Sonichu: the Animated Series" drops in briefly.
• Clyde gives Chris a special birthday gift. Turns out he killed Bluespike.
• Jack Thaddeus reveals that BILLY MAYS is going to make a run at mayor of CWCville. Chris, believing that CWCville is a real place, urges everyone not to believe the lies.
• Clyde asks how Chris got elected mayor in the first place. Since Chris is Mayor for Life, he never considered ever NOT being mayor.
• Chris vows to resume his IRL Sweetheart Search; Clyde predicts he will fail.

Transcript

[silence until 11 second mark, starts abruptly]

Chris: ...if anybody'll see him. Was he in here earlier?
Troll: Uh, I think he could, yeah I think he might come today.
Clyde: Hello there, Chris.
Chris: Well, speak uh the devil.
Clyde: How've you been?
Chris: Mmm, sick. I've been having a sinus affection.
Clyde: Well it is winter. [unintelligible. Guilty?]
Jack Thaddeus: What did you say your temperature was?
Chris: Ugh, last time I checked today it was 96.8.
Clyde: Not bad, not bad. Look, so, how've you been feeling besides the sickness?
Chris: [inhales, annoyed] Fair, okay? Look, I'm tryin' to get my website back, uh, I just having troubles a-tween the fact that my account was deactivated for a time, but then I had, but then I'm wor-and I'm waiting for to be reactivated from the people at Yahoo, I talked to 'em on the phone, so I know all about this, so, what do you want Clyde?
Clyde: I'm trying to tell you that the people at Virginia Mental Health have been trying to take you away.
Chris: [pauses] Well, I got news for you. My family is going to defend me ssss- and I am not going to get- go in to any institution, so you can just back off.
Clyde: But- No, I-I'm trying to warn you. Look on your latest video, you're talking about being a fictional mayor of a fictional town, known as CWCville. This is why they are after you.
Chris: Well, if they c-if they dare to come after me, they'll come after me in person. And until then, I'm not gonna fret about it.
Troll It'll be too late by then.
Sunshine: Ignoring the dirty troll...um, a- wha- Chris, I've been trying to talk to you on Skype. Uh, you haven't been answering me.
Chris: Well, I haven't been on the PC all the time. Uh but like I said, I've been waiting for me to be able to get back into my, uh, accounts.
Sunshine: I know, I'm sorry. Do you need any help with that?
Chris: Ugh, I'm working on it. I'll be fine.
Sunshine: Okay. Well, I just...I can't wait to see your latest comic, so I'm real excited. I think we all are, except for the trolls, though I don't know who the trolls are, so.
Chris: Eh, just leave 'em be.
Jack Thaddeus: Um, Chris do you [interrupted]
Troll: Hey, what the hell, I'm not a troll.
Jack Thaddeus: Chris, um do you know about the uh, you know those videos that um somebody was making on YouTube, that uh SpazKid guy?
Chris: Huh?
Jack Thaddeus: You remember that SpazKid video?
Chris: Spaz kid?
Jack Thaddeus: He was making videos about you?
Sunshine: Uh huh.
Brian Bash: The Animated Adventures of Sonichu.
Chris: [uninterested] Oh. Vaguely.
Jack Thaddeus: We also have the voice actor here. PhinnyCupcakes.
Chris: Oh, you do.
Brian Bash: Yeah, Phinny, would you like to have something to say? Heh.
Phinny: [In the voice of Chris from the animated series] Hey Chris.
Chris: Hello.
Phinny: I'm a big fan of your comics.
Chris: Thank you.
Sunshine: Do you have any updates for us?
Chris: Oh, like I said, I'm still working on trying to get the website back up.
Sunshine: What about Luv Shack?
Chris: What?
Sunshine: What about your, uh...
Chris: That'll be up that'll be back up when I get this thing back up.
Sunshine: You gonna post any new update pictures or anything?
Chris: Possibly. Ugh.
Sunshine: Oooo!
Chris: Hey, Clyde, some jerk, some jerk sayin' that he killed the 13-year old brat.
Clyde: Well, I did, that's what I said. Didn't you get that message?
Chris: What message?
Clyde: Happy birthday! I killed him! You wanted it, right?
Chris: Well I did not say kill him, for God's sake...
Clyde: You said "get him," I figured as much. And, I didn't like him anyway, so, happy birthday.
Chris: [sighs, then in the same tone of voice used when it rains after one washes their car] That's sad.
Troll: Yeah, you have to be careful with how you word those things.
Chris: And by the way, you know I took that video off of the YouTube.
Clyde: It's a little late for that.
Troll: [a soundclip of Phinny saying, "Floppin' Flounders!" plus laughter can be heard, making part of this line unintelligible] Kind of like what happened with Adams [unintelligible] after his sister, remember that? Yeah, you gotta be careful with that.
Chris: Right.
Clyde: And what's up with this BILLY MAYS thing?
Chris: I don't know, just some stupid thing that that 13-year old brat thought up.
Jack Thaddeus: Well there, um, there is some guy that's been like on YouTube posting things about how he's gonna become the next mayor of CWCville.
Chris: That's all I-I-I that's all just I'm sure that's all just a pack of lies and s-rumors. Don't don't never buy into them.
[crosstalk]
Troll: Like, never mind.
Clyde: You've never had elections in CWCville. It's a dictatorship.
Chris: [stress sigh]
Clyde: I mean, when were you voted into office?
Chris: I reveal that, I'll reveal that soon enough, all right?
Jack Thaddeus: What do you mean reveal that soon enough?
Chris: In a future book.
Jack Thaddeus: A book?
Brian Bash: A book?
Sunshine: Why can't you just tell us now?
Chris: Because I don't have the details in my head right now, I have to think about them. [crosstalk] I have to think about it.
Sunshine: Stop pushing him.
Chris: Right now I'm trying to think about right now I'm thinkin' about trying to get this website b-getting the websites back up, all right?
Jack Thaddeus: Hey, um Chris, I think you, I think the thing is that it's deleted, and so you have to just make a new account.
Chris: [stress sigh] It's not totally deleted. I'm working on I'm getting into the FTP to make sure of all of that.
Jack Thaddeus: Chris, don't you notice that when you go to it, there's a 404 message saying that, you know, the website cannot be found, that means it doesn't exist.
Chris: I saw that, I'm working on gettin' it back up there. I'm fin-I'm finding out to do that on here. Look, let me do this work and, uh, I'll come onto Mumble another time. So, uh, unless, uh, Clyde had something else he wanted to, uh, say as another reason why he dragged me away from my...WORK.
[crosstalk]
Clyde: What work? Christ, man.
Chris: I'm tryin' to get the website back up.
Clyde: That's not work, nobody cares about your goddamned website, okay?
[crosstalk]
Clyde: Why don't you go back outside? Why don't you go back outside and see the real world? That's what I've been trying to do.
Chris: Well, I'm gonna be goin'...
Clyde: When was the last time you went outside?
Chris: Well, I got news for you, Clyde. I'm w-I'm going to be going back out there and actually find myself a woman locally after I get over this virus.
Clyde: Face it, Chris, you're never going find that woman.
Chris: Oh yes I will.
Clyde: How?
Chris: I'm gonna be very social and civil about it. Goodbye.
Clyde: No you're not.
[crosstalk as audio ends]

⇐ Mumble Chat 11

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