Kacey Call 7

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc09109 Date: 1 September 2009

• Kacey is still shocked that Chris is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
• Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
• The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. Bob does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
• Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
• Chris needs to buy a sports bra because his manboobs bounce.
• Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
• Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a job and a house, and his dad wouldn't let him go alone.
• Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful high school graduation."
• Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
• Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
• Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "pedophilia."
• Third date = sex, Chris learned from TV. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
• Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
• Chris has masturbated so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
• Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a virgin, "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
• Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
• Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
• Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on King of the Hill.
• Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
• Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
• Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
• Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

Transcript

Chris: Hello?
Kacey: Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
Chris: Hi, Kacey! How are you?
Kacey: I’m okay. How about you?
Chris: I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
Kacey: [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
Chris: I was [unintelligible]
Kacey: [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
Chris: Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
Kacey: No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
Chris: Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
Kacey: No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
Chris: Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
Kacey: I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
Chris: Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
Kacey: Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
Chris: I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
Kacey: [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
Chris: Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
Kacey: Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
Chris: Two meals in one day.
Kacey: That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
Chris: Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
Kacey: [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
Chris: Mmm, a portion… I do not.
Kacey: It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
Chris: Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
Kacey: No, no, no. For a portion.
Chris: Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
Kacey: Um, Chris. Are you there?
Chris: Yeah, I’m here.
Kacey: Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
Chris: Oh.
Kacey: But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
Chris: I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
Kacey: Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
Chris: Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
Kacey: [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
Chris: I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
Kacey: You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
Chris: Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
Kacey: [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
Chris: Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
Kacey: Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
Chris: Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
Kacey: Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
Chris: Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
Kacey: Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
Chris: Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
Kacey: Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
Chris: I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
Kacey: That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
Chris: I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
Kacey: Is the water very cold?
Chris: Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
Kacey: Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
Chris: Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
Kacey: Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
Chris: And water, yes.
Kacey: Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
Chris: Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
Kacey: Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
Chris: We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
Kacey: Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
Chris: I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
Kacey: Why do you have three refrigerators?
Chris: I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
Kacey: Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
Chris: Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
Kacey: Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
Chris: He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
Kacey: Okay.
Chris: You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
Kacey: I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
Kacey: Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
Chris: Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
Kacey: [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
Chris: I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
Kacey: Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
Chris: Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
Kacey: Mmkay.
Chris: So, I have no idea about that.
Kacey: Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
Chris: Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
Kacey: Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
Chris: Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
Kacey: Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
Chris: Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
Kacey: A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
Chris: Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
Kacey: Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
Chris: Okay. [pause]
Kacey: Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
Chris: Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
Kacey: If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
Chris: Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
Kacey: Alright, that’s good.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
Chris: Carry my arms around?
Kacey: Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
Chris: Um… I think I was…
Kacey: Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
Chris: Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
Kacey: Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
Chris: Uh-huh.
Kacey: …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
Chris: Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
Kacey: Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
Chris: Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
Kacey: That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
Chris: Alright.
Kacey: A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
Chris: Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
Kacey: Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
Chris: Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
Kacey: I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
Chris: Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
Kacey: Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
Chris: Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
Kacey: They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
Chris: Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
Kacey: Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.

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