Bob Chandler

"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see Robert Simmons V.

“	This ain't my time yet.	”
Bob laughing at death

Chandler family
Bob Chandler
Birth name	Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
Nicknames	Internet Lumberjack That fuck Bob
Born	4 September 1927
Died	6 September 2011
Gender	Male
Nationality	American
Race	White (1/16th Cherokee)
Parents	Robert (father)
Education	Auburn University (engineering)
Occupation(s)	Military communications, engineer

The Internet Lumberjack in his final form

Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. (4 September 1927- 6 September 2011 ) was the father of Christian Weston Chandler, Carol Chandler and David Alan Chandler, and husband of Barbara Weston Chandler. Bob became a firm favorite with trolls due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when he walked in on Chris mass debating. His nickname, "the Internet Lumberjack," comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob was still viewed as a better parent than his wife Barbara, due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a virgin with rage, and the fact that he occasionally tried to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

Bob had conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information became known through these talks.

Bob passed away on 6 September 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.

Biography

"I seen crosses burnin', fella."

Service and education

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas and raised in Alabama.

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful North Korea. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree. As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.

Career

Bob worked for Western Electric for forty years. Using skills learned in the Army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time. He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. Barbara claimed, in an e-mail to Miyamoto, that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products and a vehicle logging system. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls that were used in plastic water [container] molding machines.

World consciousness

Bob learning how to cut that Internet down

On the other hand, Bob himself was proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he was "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.

Speaking of the world, Bob had been interested in it since he was 10, and had become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He had collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures. Bob traveled the world in his day for business and pleasure.

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election.

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 February 2009, Bob doubted the existence of Molvanîa, Julie's fictional country of origin. However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.

Health and late life

Robert had Medieval English ancestry

Computer-generated model of Bob's near-shattered heart.

Bob lived on social security and General Electric pension. He never really had people to chat with (he loved to ramble if the person showed some slight interest), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to "swing with the music" on his swing there.

Bob had had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wore an artificial pacemaker. In a recent prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build up in his legs which can cause heart failure. This rapid decline in health worried him. He attributed his long life to the Cherokee in him. Let's hope that Chris hasn't inherited the traits for this longevity. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.

A major question in the troll community is what will happen now that Bob has died.

What about Bob?

"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"

On 1 March 2010, Chris Twittered that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] heart failure. Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, Chris does not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man. Before his death, Bob was the only thing keeping the Chandler household from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the best.

Apart from the dying heart

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learn something once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies. But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a girlfriend he never had, made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character, and raged against abstinence. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on /cwc/ contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."

"Know this, Robert. Thy demise shall be a Whopper!"

Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." He was clearly neither at the time, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made a brief mention in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

On September 6, 2011, Bob passed away, presumably from congestive heart failure. Luckily for Chris, he did not die on pancake day.

BobWatch™

On 10 August, 2010 a phone call took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of The GAMe PLACe. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted a whiny video about the incident the night that it happened, which remained on his YouTube channel until he purged all of his videos on 22 November. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob was.

On 19 August, 2010 it was revealed that the elderly man with heart failure was still eating breakfast at Burger King on a daily basis. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 24 March, 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer.

On 20 July, 2011, it was revealed that by that time Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies and strongly disapproved of them.

On 29 August, 2011, Chris mentioned in a video that his father was no longer getting out much because he was sickly and his feet were bloated. Foot swelling is a symptom of late-stage congestive heart failure. With his mobility limited, Bob became a shut in, which only compounded his heart problems.

On 6 September, 2011, Bob dies, and a mournful internet is left to cut itself down in honor of the fallen lumberjack.

Obituary

Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.

He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.

He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.

He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.

Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.

A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.

Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler.

Relationships

Previous family

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia. She's most likely the mother of his two other children, David Alan Chandler and Carol Suzanne Chandler, with whom he was both out of contact in his later years. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named Savannah until she was 8 years old.

Barbara

With Barb

To continue with the music theme, Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing. According to Chris, Barbara did the pursuing: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards. They got married in 1980.

According to Chris, Barbara did not have sex with Bob for at least two decades before his passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years. This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

Cole

Bob married Barbara when her son Cole was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole said he would celebrate "when that fuck Bob finally drops," but it is unknown if he has yet to as of 9 September 2011. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred, though we have no evidence yet that Bob hated Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.

Chris

“	Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.	”
Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.

"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."

Bob wished Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thought (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.

Bob's joke that Barack Obama would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in Sonichu 8.

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

“	well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.	”
Chris, IRC (31 December 2008)

After several occasions where trolls had communicated with Bob personally and found him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it's become obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts. More likely he was criticizing Chris's behavior and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, which Chris fears and despises.

Bob had reportedly explained to him that he had taken care of his autistic ass for 29 years and so Chris should be more grateful. Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that his father was obligated to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help". Chris would run for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the Kacey and Liquid Call.

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a complex network of enemies spanning the entire world, due to the success that he has earned from his very popular Sonichu franchise. In the Matthew Noble call, it appears that Bob seemed to share Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of stress seem "petty" in comparison.

In line with that thread of distraction and self-delusion, Bob actually believed that Chris had accomplished significant goals in his adult life.

He would never get past that notion, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's e-mails with Vivian Gee and Jackie, Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's escapades in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a fag.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.

Audio and video appearances

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's sweethearts than Chris himself.

• 26 February 1994: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.
• 14 February 2009: Bob Walks In to Chris mass debating.
• 18 February 2009: In BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5 and 3.7, Bob rambles to Julie.
• 15 March 2009: Bob talked to Robert Simmons V at church while Chris went to shit himself.
• March 2009: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with Emily.
• 27 March 2009: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the Tour of Christian's House, but is not visible.
• 27 August 2009: Bob enters Chris's room and scolds him for making the house tour video, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
• November 2009: Bob and Snorlax make a brief appearance at the end of the Kacey and Liquid Call.
• 15 August 2010: Bob gets a call from the GAMe PLACe and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.

Gallery

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  "The hell is this crap?"

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  Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2011.

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  That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at Christmas time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.

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  The epitome of handsome.

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  Bob with Aunt Corrina.

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  Notice Chris's discomfort.

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  Bob wouldn't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.

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  Bob: fashion icon.

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  When Bob wasn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoyed gardening.

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  Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.

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  Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.

Sauces

Tired of "Good Fan Art"? Visit our constantly expanding Gallery of Evil Fan Art! There's even a whole section dedicated to Bob Chandler!

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