Bob Chandler

"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see Robert Simmons V.

“	It was an interesting life I had.	”
Bob, at peace.

Chandler family
Bob Chandler
Birth name	Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
Nicknames	Internet Lumberjack [That fuck] Bob
Born	4 September 1927
Died	6 September 2011 (aged 84)
Gender	Male
Nationality	American
Race	White (1/4th Cherokee)
Marriage	Patricia (c.1960-????) Barb (1980-2011)
Children	Dr. David Alan Chandler Carol Suzanne Chandler Christian Weston Chandler
Parents	Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (father) Jean Holloman (mother)
Education	Auburn University (engineering)
Occupation(s)	Military communications, engineer

Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. (4 September 1927- 6 September 2011 ) was the father of Christian Weston Chandler, Carol Chandler and David Alan Chandler, and husband of Barbara Weston Chandler. Bob became a firm favorite with trolls due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when he walked in on Chris mass debating. His nickname, "The Internet Lumberjack," comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob was still viewed as a better parent than his wife Barbara. This is due to Bob being somewhat concerned with Chris's status as a virgin with rage, and the fact that he occasionally tried to guilt his son into being more considerate, bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising the selfish manchild. Of course, Chris was unfazed by these attempts.

Bob conversed with numerous trolls. A lot of information was gained from these chats, mostly due to his tendency to yammer on.

Bob died on 6 September 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by his family, his pastor and hospital staff. Bob is presumably spending the afterlife in Heaven - cutting down the internet of other blessed souls, but also taking the time to haunt the dreams of Chris's enemies, aided by his dead hell hound.

Biography

"I seen crosses burnin', fella."

Bob was born in Fort Worth, Texas and raised in Alabama. He was the first child of Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (1906-27 December 1977), an Insurance Agent from Alabama, and Jean Holloman (1906-10 May 1945), a Housewife from Texas.

Bob had been interested in the world around him since he was 10, and began collecting foreign stamps as a child in the 1930s. He also developed an interest in foreign music, eventually collecting 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.

Service and education

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful North Korea. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn a type of engineering degree, although it's never specified (mechanical, electrical etc.). As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.

Career

Bob worked for Western Electric for forty years. Using skills learned in the Army, he built for the company their first automatic something or other. Whatever it was, it's safe to assume that someone else would have if he hadn't. General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time. He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. Barbara claimed, in an e-mail to Miyamoto, that without Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).

Examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, include an automated steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for the production of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products and a vehicle logging system. Both Chris and Barbara have bragged that Bob designed controls that were used in plastic water container molding machines.

Bob himself was proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he was "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world. Would plastic water bottles lead to mankind's salvation or utter destruction? Only time would tell.

World consciousness

Bob learning how to cut that Internet down

Politically, Bob identified as a Republican, and did not vote for Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election.

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 February 2009, Bob doubted the existence of Molvanîa, Julie's country of origin. However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.

Later life and poor health

Robert had Medieval English ancestry

Bob lived on social security and his General Electric pension. He never really had people to chat with (he loved to ramble if the person showed some slight interest), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to "swing with the music" on his swing there.

Bob had had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wore an artificial pacemaker. In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build up in his legs, which is symptomatic of heart failure. This rapid decline in health worried him. He attributed his long life to the Cherokee in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived past 90. He continued to eat at Burger King daily.

On 1 March 2010, Chris Twittered that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [sic] heart failure". Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man. Bob had been the only thing keeping the Chandler household from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the very best.

Apart from the dying heart

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. News about his condition was hard to come by, as information only comes out once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies. But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a girlfriend he never had, made racial slurs and death threats towards a cartoon character, and raged against abstinence. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on /cwc/ contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a screen capture of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally made a brief mention in a public video that his father was "alive and well." Chris was half right.

A breakdown of Bob's final months reads as follows.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer.

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies and strongly disapproved of them.

On 29 August, 2011, Chris, now in his cross-dressing phase, mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in, and had "feet-bloatings".

In early September, 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. It was discovered later that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was covered in bug bites and he posed a contamination risk.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died at age 84. Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12-19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927-2011".

Obituary

Both Barb and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

• Text going into unusual detail about what Bob did at General Electric.
• The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that Rocky Shoemaker counsels Chris from.
• A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to donate money to Barbara and Chris.

Original text

May you always watch over our sweet autist.

Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.

He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.

He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.

He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.

Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.

A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.

Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler.

Relationships

Previous family

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia. She's most likely the mother of his two other children, David Alan Chandler and Carol Suzanne Chandler, with whom he was both out of contact in his later years. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named Savannah until she was 8 years old.

Barbara

With Barb

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing. According to Chris, Barbara did the pursuing: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards. They got married in 1980.

According to Chris, Barbara did not have sex with Bob for at least two decades before his passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.

Cole

Bob married Barbara when her son Cole was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole said he would celebrate "when that fuck Bob finally drops," but it is unknown if he has yet to as of 9 September 2011. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred, though we have no evidence yet that Bob hated Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.

Chris

“	Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.	”
Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.

"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thought (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.

Bob's joke that Barack Obama would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in Sonichu 8.

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

“	well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.	”
Chris, IRC (31 December 2008)

After several occasions where trolls had communicated with Bob personally and found him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it's become obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts. More likely he was criticizing Chris's behavior and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, which Chris fears and despises.

Bob had reportedly explained to him that he had taken care of his autistic ass for 29 years and so Chris should be more grateful. Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that his father was obligated to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help". Chris would run for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the Kacey and Liquid Call.

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a complex network of enemies spanning the entire world, due to the success that he has earned from his very popular Sonichu franchise. In the Matthew Noble call, it appears that Bob seemed to share Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of stress seem "petty" in comparison.

Once during a phone call with trolls, Bob stated that Chris had accomplished significant goals in his adult life. However, it is unknown if Bob actually believes that, or it was just something he was saying because he didn't want to admit to complete strangers that his son was a total failure in life and a leech on society.

He would never get past that notion, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's e-mails with Vivian Gee and Jackie, Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's escapades in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a fag.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.

Audio and video appearances

The Internet Lumberjack in his final form

In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's sweethearts than Chris himself.

• 26 February 1994: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes.
• 14 February 2009: Bob Walks In to Chris mass debating.
• 18 February 2009: In BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5 and 3.7, Bob rambles to Julie.
• 15 March 2009: Bob talked to Robert Simmons V at church while Chris went to shit himself.
• March 2009: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with Emily.
• 27 March 2009: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the Tour of Christian's House, but is not visible.
• 27 August 2009: Bob enters Chris's room and scolds him for making the house tour video, (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
• November 2009: Bob and Snorlax make a brief appearance at the end of the Kacey and Liquid Call.
• 15 August 2010: In his final outing on the damn internet, Bob gets a call from the GAMe PLACe and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.
• Prank calls: Bob answered several of these.

Gallery

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  "The hell is this crap?"

• 

  Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2011.

• 

  That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at Christmas time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.

• 
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  The epitome of handsome.

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  Bob with Aunt Corrina.

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  Notice Chris's discomfort.

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  Bob wouldn't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.

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  Bob: fashion icon.

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  When Bob wasn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoyed gardening.

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  Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.

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  Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.

Fan videos

Bob
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Stardate	10 September 2011
Made By	TheSevenRiders
Subject Matter	Metal Gear Solid
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

Tribute to Bob Chandler
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Stardate	11 September 2011
Made By	8x13Wolf
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

Chris Chan - Tribute to Robert Chandler
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Stardate	12 September 2011
Made By	OVRFND
Subject Matter	Metal Gear Solid
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

RIP Bob Chandler
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Stardate	29 September 2011
Made By	furnacewoodsband
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

Sources

Tired of "Good Fan Art"? Visit our constantly expanding Gallery of Evil Fan Art! There's even a whole section dedicated to Bob Chandler!

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