Trolls
| “ | they are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people. | ” |
| Chris on trolls[1] | ||
| “ | What a world we live in, with such trolls in it. | ” |
| Blake, in Sonichu #8. | ||
Trolls (numbered about seven billion strong) are the various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the Internet's most beloved and most hated autistic manchild, Christian Weston Chandler.
Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites to making him take nude pics and more.
Pre-ED
It is notable that Chris was bullied IRL before his discovery by 4chan and ED. It can be argued that the first known torment of Chris occurred when his life-long-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, Sarah Hammer, locked him under the house and tried to feed him a poisonous Honeysuckle when they were children. The next notable bullying occurred during the infamous mini-date with Hanna in 2005 which smashed his heart level to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through MySpace named Lindsay Kaye. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as 2003, when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of PVCC (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about Mary Lee Walsh and The GAMe PLACe hijinks.
But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....
The Few, the Proud, the Elite
Asperpedia Four
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of Asperchu), Evan (the creator of Simonchu, and therefore Simonla), Sean August Watley (the creator of Moon-Pals), and Mao (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).
BILLY MAYS
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of CWCville by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from Max. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely death.
Blanca Weiss
"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his Sonichu medallion. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of videos featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.
Not to be confused with LordSillyNipples, who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.
BlueSpike
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's sweetheart "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous hour-long audio recording in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion in his ass.
Bryan Bash
Bryan Bash is a close friend of Clyde Cash. He is the one who sent hookers over to Chris's house, as well as the person who called during the infamous "Bob Walks In" audio file, and is responsible for leaking an image of Chris having sex with the members of his Guitar Hero band (including a niggo). Additionally, he leaked the Father Call and the Kacey and Liquid Call to /cwc/ on 11 November, 2009, and he has also leaked conversations between Chris and Jack Thaddeus.
Clyde Cash
The nefarious Clyde Cash is the most infamous and legendary of bullies. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of bullies. He posed as Shigeru Miyamoto, raped Chris's beloved PandaHalo, and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial. Unfortunately it will not come to pass since Clyde is serving a life sentence for stealing the identity of Lee Hotti.
Emily
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the Jew in the Pickle Suit.
Jack Thaddeus
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various PSN-related trollings and also for the CWCipedia ads.
Jimmy Hill
Jimmy Hill (full name James William Thomas Hill, OBE) is the true original creator of Sonichu, the first openly gay cartoon character that became very popular in Europe back in 2009. He has since retired as a billionaire.
Jason Kendrick Howell
The original creator of the ED page.
The Jew in the Pickle Suit
An IRL pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.
Liquid Chris
A YouTube troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the TRUE and HONEST Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named Ian Brandon Anderson, who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.
Lordsillynipples
A troll from ED who was responsible for impersonating Blanca and being the first to obtain the now infamous Chris-chan Noodz on 11 September 2008, along with Chris's DVD. She is also responsible for creating the Man in the Pickle Suit and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of Clyde.
Robert Simmons V
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with visiting Chris's church and meeting Bob, he also had a hand in organizing the Emily date.
Shigeru Miyamoto
Shigeru Miyamoto (Japanese: 宮本 茂) is the creator of some of Nintendo's most legendary video game franchises such as Mario, Zelda, and Star Fox. In 2009, he took time out of his busy schedule to troll Chris by pretending to be interested in his yellow sonic abortion.
Sonichu and Rosechu
While there's no definitive proof of these two being trolls, they have been known to dispense advice for Chris from time to time, especially on the subject of relationships.[2] Considering the results derived from said advice, one cannot help but wonder about their true motivations.
Surfshack Tito
An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on two separate occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with The Wallflower. Recently, he has been involved in the destruction of Chris's beloved PS3.
Thorg
A troll responsible for creating a slanderous billboard in 2009 and exposing Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia in 2011. A major part of Chris's 2011 blackmail campaign.
Vivian Gee
The creator of the Sonichu audiobooks and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a hopeless, thick-skulled moron.
Devil Trolls
Aside from the several notable figures above, the Devil Trolls are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's Sonichu comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in Sonichu #9 and make their first full appearance in Sonichu #10.
Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such stress over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.
The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "IBAChandler" after Sonichu defeats him in Sonichu #9. They make their full appearance in Sonichu #10, as Chris-Chan Sonichu encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble those old Troll toys, minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.
Motivations
Chris's perspective
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a Mailbag correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:
| “ | "Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of Sonichu first, or that I am more Artistically Talented than they are." | ” |
| Chris, Mailbag #5 | ||
This is consistent with the advice given many children who are IRL trolled in school: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris never moved past high school mentally, he still believes he is hated because he is so much better than everyone else.
From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then a troll saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. Silvana, a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be Meg Griffin, kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.
Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is message he wrote in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added Twitter and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his CWCipedia article on The Wallflower, Chris has also decided that the trolls are also black.
Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a crime, and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that all trolling is equal to what he had done to him. A recent video actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number.
As the years passed, Chris's take on trolls has erupted into a massive flight of fancy. Because he has been refused admittance to The Game Place, Chris has now proclaimed that the entire store is a massive front for Internet trolling, with Michael Snyder as the ringleader of it all. As well, he seems to have chosen the CWCki forums as a major gathering place for trolls.
His parents' perspective
The Matthew Noble call in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly Lucas and Mimms), and Megan Schroeder, who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob was convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.
It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there is a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in myriad ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by prank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having angry screaming matches with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet a woman who didn't exist, and so on.
Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.
See also
References
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