IRC (23 July 2009)

On 23 July 2009, Chris made his first IRC appearance in months.

Background

Riley. Bill Riley.

Entering what he believed to be a secret "troll" chat, Chris adopted the troll alias of SonichuClone, a.k.a. Bill Riley (though he forgot that his hostname still said he was ChrisChanSonichu). When pressured for a picture, Chris provided one that was, at the time, on the first page of a Google image search for "man". The Jack Thaddeus E-mails reveal that Jack had instructed Chris to join the Chat, as part of a larger plot to make Chris hump his favorite console.

Notably disturbing are two instances where SonichuClone tries to persuade the trolls that compelling Chris to rape his pastoral counselor Rocky would be the perfect way to troll him. While there's a 0.001% possibility that Chris was particularly clever and tried to set a trap for the trolls by having trolls plan to rape Rocky, then notify the authorities, it is still 99.999% likely that Chris wanted to lose his virginity with Rocky and wanted the trolls to give him a good excuse to come onto her.

As always, Chris fails.

Transcript

Artist's interpretation of Chris 'incognito.'

Start of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer: Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009
Now talking in #trolltrain4andhalf
Topic is 'I'M BORED OF WAITING ON SAM STILL LIKE
SERIOUSLY�'
Set by vivitheg!~starroadg@adorable.bunny on Wed Jul 22
22:29:56
Ganondorf has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Ganondorf sets mode: +o Ganondorf
Ganondorf sets mode: +o vivitheg
Looking up vivitheg user info...
Looking up Ganondorf user info...
Luna has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Luna is now known as Guest6138
Guest6138 is now known as Pudding
Pudding is now known as Lila
GeckoMantis has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Lila is now known as Sabrina
Sabrina is now known as Serena
<Ganondorf> I WANT THE FUCKING TRIFORCE
Serena is now known as Stella
Stella is now known as Ruby
<Ruby> lets PARTY
champthom has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
champthom is now known as NumberTwo
Awesome_Sauce has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
<NumberTwo> BROTHERS!!!!!!
Awesome_Sauce is now known as NickDunbar
Retrieving #trolltrain4andhalf modes...
<NumberTwo> fffffffffffffffffffff
vivitheg changes topic to 'i'm sleepy�'
Looking up GeckoMantis user info...
Looking up vivitheg user info...
<NumberTwo> Twenty, twenty five minutes to go, I wanna be sedated.
<NumberTwo> Nothing to do, no way to go home, I wanna be sedated.
vivitheg changes topic to 'DEATH TO AMERICA�'
<NumberTwo> ALLAH ACKBAR!
<NumberTwo> ALLAH ACKBAR!
<NumberTwo> ALLAH ACKBAR!
Sonichu has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Sonichu has left #trolltrain4andhalf
<NumberTwo> GREETINGS, CHRISTIAN...
<vivitheg> What was that?
SonichuClone has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Looking up SonichuClone user info...
<Ruby> Herro
<vivitheg> Who are you?

Bill Riley

<SonichuClone> Hey, My name is Bill.
<Ruby> Bill WHO
<SonichuClone> Bill Riley
<vivitheg> Bill o reilly?
<SonichuClone> No, Bill Riley
<Ruby> lol
<NumberTwo> Fair enough...
<Ruby> where r u from?
<vivitheg> Who invited you?
<Ruby> asl?
<SonichuClone> I live in Maryland.
<vivitheg> This is invitation only
<NumberTwo> INVITATION ONLY!
<Ruby> A/S/L?
<SonichuClone> Yeah, I am a close buddy of Jack Thatius.
<SonichuClone> Thadius
<Ruby> shut up guys he might be hot
<vivitheg> of course, hot guys always welcome
<vivitheg> lol
<Ruby> lol
<SonichuClone> You bet I am, ladies. :)
<vivitheg> You got a picture?
<Ruby> Mmm how big?
<vivitheg> PICTURE!
<vivitheg> I WANT A PICTURE!
<Ruby> pics or gtfo
<Ruby> Whats ur cock size, Partner?
<SonichuClone> Okay, hang on. I gotta look it up on this computer.
<SonichuClone> about 5 Inches, give or take.
<Ganondorf> WHERE IS THE TRIFORCE OF COURAGE
<Ruby> Eh
<vivitheg> shut up ganon
<NumberTwo> WE WANT INFORMATION
<Ruby> Ball size?
<SonichuClone> I don't play that game.
<Ruby> How big is the sack?
<vivitheg> SHUT UP
<vivitheg> YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID
<vivitheg> I JUST WANT A PICTURE OF NEW GUY
<SonichuClone> 2 inches in diamater.
<vivitheg> hot
<SonichuClone> let me find my pic.
<Ruby> thats a small sack, bucko
<vivitheg> so small is good
<vivitheg> well imo
<SonichuClone> small sack, LOTS OF CUM
<Ruby> hmmm
<vivitheg> well, we're going to be holding a meeting in 15 minutes
<Ruby> know how to use it?
<SonichuClone> Yeah, I am here for that.
<vivitheg> okay
<vivitheg> well just stick around
<vivitheg> BUT FIRST I WANT A PICTURE!
<SonichuClone> I'm down with it; I've been hating that Chris Chan for MONTHS.
<Ruby> ME TOO
<vivitheg> eh
<Ruby> I'm here cos Chris Chan's cock is too small
<Ruby> I h8t small cocks
<vivitheg> lol
<Ruby> So, I troll him.
<vivitheg> of course you do sweetie
<vivitheg> ANYWAY, PICTURE WOO
<Ruby> ;)
<Ruby> we can share this new cowboy vivi
<SonichuClone> I hear that.
<vivitheg> of course Ruby
<Ruby> Double dip, twist!
<SonichuClone> I found my pic, but I forgot how I share it; do I upload it on the IRC, or do I share a link?
<Ruby> tinypic.com
<vivitheg> upload it to like imageshack
<Ruby> upload there
<vivitheg> or tinypic wherever
<SonichuClone> cool.
<vivitheg> SQUEE
<vivitheg> I CAN'T WAIT
GeckoMantis is now known as TheRealCapnCrunch
<Ruby> mmmmm
JackThadeus has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
<vivitheg> WHAT UP JACK
<JackThadeus> welcome gentle trolls
<Ruby> Cowboy, can you double dip me and Viv?
<NumberTwo> WELCOME, BROTHER JACK.
<Ruby> I'm so wet right now
vivitheg sets mode: +o JackThadeus
<Ruby> I'm masterbating with my playstation controller
<SonichuClone> http://tinypic.com/r/2nvup01/3
<Ruby> i have it set on vibrate..........
<SonichuClone> LOL! :)
<vivitheg> snap! you're a bit old
<vivitheg> but I BET YOU GOT EXPERIENCE
<vivitheg> DONTCHA!?
<SonichuClone> I only LOOK Old; I'm actually 30
<Ruby> mmmm
<vivitheg> shit, you should do something about that
<SonichuClone> I get that a lot. ;)
<Ruby> looks like a soap opera star
<Ruby> I can dig it
<JackThadeus> You guys seen Boku No Pico?
<vivitheg> oh jack you
<Ruby> lolol
<JackThadeus> awesome boy porn
<Ruby> mmmmm shota
<Ruby> fap fap
<JackThadeus> want me to link pics guys?
<vivitheg> delicious
<Ruby> plz
<JackThadeus> meh mayber later after we get bizness done
<vivitheg> ANYWAY, where's your stupid ass daughter jack
<TheRealCapnCrunch> hey guys hows it going i just got back the meeting start yet
<vivitheg> SHUT UP CAPNCRUNCH YOU FUCKING MORON I HATE YOU
<NickDunbar> ...Goddamnit Capn
<Ruby> Wheres cowboy?
<Ruby> Bill, hello
<JackThadeus> Ok people
<vivitheg> WHERE'S YOUR STUPID DAUGHTER OR IS SHE OUT OF THIS JACK
<Ruby> damn Jack is it buisness time already? I was about to get fucked by Bill.
<JackThadeus> Do you know the real reason for chris to follow the demands?
<vivitheg> duhhhhhhhh
<vivitheg> fuck microsoft, shit.
<JackThadeus> She was suppose to be here
<JackThadeus> i left her an email and everything.
<Ruby> ikr where the fuck is she
<vivitheg> WHATEVER, PROBABLY TOO BUSY DOING COCAINE lol
<Ruby> lolol
<JackThadeus> probably out with Maurice
<vivitheg> and cocaine
<JackThadeus> & Jamal
<vivitheg> and cocaine
<Ruby> and the rest of the jackson five
<Ruby> slut
<vivitheg> do ho ho ho
<vivitheg> ANYWAY, cowboy
<vivitheg> you know what's going down?
Ruby slaps SonichuClone around a bit with a large trout
<SonichuClone> :D
<JackThadeus> We want to piss off the Xbox 360 tards
<Ruby> Took you long enough
<vivitheg> fuck microsoft fanboys seriously
<Ruby> lol yeah
<JackThadeus> and ruin their sells
<vivitheg> we need to end the console wars
<vivitheg> SONY WILL WIN WOO
<Ruby> Hot huh, Bill? <TheRealCapnCrunch> nah the xbox is the shit
<vivitheg> okay i'm banning you
vivitheg sets mode: +b *!*@gecko.mantis
Timer 1 activated
<Ruby> HAHAHAH
Timer 1 halted
TheRealCapnCrunch was kicked by vivitheg (fuck you�)
<Ruby> what a small cock
<NickDunbar> So clueless
vivitheg sets mode: -b *!*@gecko.mantis
<vivitheg> ugh so stupid
<JackThadeus> A true fan of Sony would Hump/thrust the shit out of the ps3 console.
<vivitheg> so naive
<Ruby> yeah
<Ruby> a guy with a big cock would do it
<Ruby> and women would suck that shit
<Ruby> they'd eat all dat cum
<vivitheg> and none of us have big dicks HUH JACK EHHHHHHHHHHH
<vivitheg> HEH
FireBurnt has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
<JackThadeus> Plus anything would be better than seeing that crappy white console being humped
<vivitheg> shit son.
<Ruby> yeah
<JackThadeus> Xbox360 don't know hwo to make good GAMES
<vivitheg> but he's expressed resistance to the idea
<NickDunbar> Y'know why they call it the 360 right?
<NumberTwo> I do not know, why?
<Ruby> Yeah why
<NickDunbar> Because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk away
<vivitheg> look, jack you gonna get him banned from psn permanently right if he doesn't agree?
<NumberTwo> LOLOLOLOLOL
<FireBurnt> you turn 360 degrees and moon walk away
<vivitheg> SHUT UP YOU JOKERS
<JackThadeus> 360 should be named 180, as in you see the console and wanna turn to go away
<JackThadeus> amirite?
<vivitheg> ugh jack listen to me
<FireBurnt> yeah
<JackThadeus> Yes My 2nd
<vivitheg> oh okay good
<Ruby> You fucking shriner, FireBurnt
<vivitheg> i want to ban him though, it'll be awesome
<vivitheg> can i do it?
<Ruby> Did you burn ur brain AND dick off in that fire of '06
<JackThadeus> only if we DONT have the sony humping video
<JackThadeus> that is when i'll consider it
<Ruby> right.
<JackThadeus> & I am not afraid of myself getting banned at the process
<vivitheg> god then i hope he doesn't do it then
<Ruby> If he doesn't do that video, he's a fucking no dick pussy
<vivitheg> anyway cowboy, what do you think of this whole thing?
<JackThadeus> I have an extra console in my person for the situation to happen.
<Ruby> kewl
vivitheg slaps SonichuClone with a HUGE-ASS TROUT.
<Ruby> SonichuClone
<vivitheg> yo cowboy
<vivitheg> pay attention bro
<FireBurnt> you there?
<SonichuClone> Yo, I'm just waitin' for the BIG Plan; what's next for the r-tard
<SonichuClone> ?
<Ruby> lol
<vivitheg> lol
<NumberTwo> lol
Mysterious_Stranger has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
<Ruby> whadya mean, newbie?
<JackThadeus> why you gotta censore?
Mysterious_Stranger is now known as The_C_Man
<SonichuClone> I ain't censorin'
<vivitheg> well, what do you think about the ps3 thing
<Ruby> better not be
<JackThadeus> r-tard*
<SonichuClone> he's a motherfuckin retard
<vivitheg> that's what we wanted to know
<The_C_Man> Sounds pretty solid
<JackThadeus> ok then
<JackThadeus> the big plan
<SonichuClone> I LOATHE the 360. Damn Red Ring
<FireBurnt> this is a chat you know we chat here not wait
<Ruby> yeah he is, and he's goanna be a no dick retard if he doesnt do this
<vivitheg> yeah, fuck the 360
<SonichuClone> YES
<vivitheg> i'm ambivelent on the wii though
<vivitheg> what do you think about the wii?
<Ruby> agreed, I like Animal Crossing
<Ruby> It's cute.
<JackThadeus> You ever played any 360 games?
<SonichuClone> it's alright; I've only checked it in a store demo.
<JackThadeus> SonichuClone, aren't they terrible?
<FireBurnt> i say we plan a away to destroy all 360s but they're doing that by themselves
<vivitheg> do ho ho ho ho
<The_C_Man> Ooooh, that shit's gonna be TIGHT yo
<Ruby> you so black C WOMAN
<SonichuClone> I hated the 360 fuck-ups.
<vivitheg> of course
<vivitheg> Bill Gates...more like...Bill Gaytes
<vivitheg> heh amirite?
<NumberTwo> lol
<JackThadeus> Gears of War...shit...more like TEARS OF WAR
<Ruby> lol
<NumberTwo> VERY
<Ruby> lol ZING
<The_C_Man> Yeah dawg, dat shit'z gay
<JackThadeus> Star Wars: The Force unleashed? more like Star Whores: GAYS IN A LEASH
<NumberTwo> lol
<vivitheg> anyway, let's introduce cowboy here to the gang
<vivitheg> you know jack obviously
<vivitheg> leader of us all
<vivitheg> And I'm Vivian Gee
<The_C_Man> Man, dat sum homo shit
<vivitheg> nice to meet ya
<NickDunbar> D'oh ho ho
<JackThadeus> greetings
<SonichuClone> HAIL Jack! :)
<JackThadeus> :D
<vivitheg> FireBurnt is some crazy pyromaniac
<Ruby> I'm Ruby Serenity Minge
<vivitheg> and the other people are a bunch of faggots
<JackThadeus> Now SonichuClone
<Ruby> yeah he burnt his dick off
<SonichuClone> I'm a bit clueless on one detail, HOW is it you can get the retard banned from his fuckin' PSN?
<JackThadeus> everyone here has at least 3 reasons of hating/trolling Chrischan, The MAn Child.
<JackThadeus> What are your 3 reasons, my friend.
<JackThadeus> ?*
<SonichuClone> Killed Clyde; Called me a homo after I trolled him, I think he even sent me a virus to take down my computer; I just fuckin' hate the batard.
<SonichuClone> *bastard
<JackThadeus> ok
<JackThadeus> On psn
<JackThadeus> you have 3 strikes then your out deal on the psn
Minovsky has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
<JackThadeus> Chris has been banned 2 times now

Surprise Sex

<SonichuClone> You know what we should do, we should make him force himself on his counslor; forgot her name, and film it.
<SonichuClone> *have him film it.
<JackThadeus> Which Counselor?
<Ruby> lol why?
<Ruby> Explain.
<SonichuClone> the counsoler he sees weekly
<The_C_Man> Whoa, dat shit's nuts
<JackThadeus> don't know
<vivitheg> uhhhh is her name julia?
<JackThadeus> don't care
<Ruby> EXPLAIN
<JackThadeus> listen
<SonichuClone> IDK, I think it started with an "R" if I recall.
<JackThadeus> Chris has 2 strikes on the banning
<Ruby> OH YEAH Rocky
<JackThadeus> the 3rd will console bann him for good
<SonichuClone> That's it.
<JackThadeus> yes
<JackThadeus> If he wants to complain
<JackThadeus> then he will have to hang himself in the process
<SonichuClone> hells yeah!
<vivitheg> lol like he told sam right?
<JackThadeus> So if he wants to shoot himself in the head he has no choice but to comply
<Ruby> Where IS Sam
<vivitheg> probably cocaine...ing.
<JackThadeus> but I do intend on following my end of the bargain
<Ruby> She needs to be off the case if shes doing this shit...
<JackThadeus> That much I promised him.
<vivitheg> of course, then we see a happy sony fan and PISSED OFF 360 FANS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<vivitheg> WOO.
<SonichuClone> YES!
<Ruby> You're so awesome Jack, you have the biggest cock
<vivitheg> (when he doesn't)
<JackThadeus> I know...
<Ruby> So honest...
<The_C_Man> SHit yeah, nigga got a WANG BANG
<Ruby> And humble...
<Ruby> Did you guys know Chris fucking shits himself 2
<Ruby> he's such a retard
<SonichuClone> DUDE!
<Ruby> lol ik
<Ruby> SonichuClone, you ready to be face sat?
<JackThadeus> Chris has 12 hours to comply before I call psn and report the both of us.
<vivitheg> shut up Ruby
<Ruby> lol
<vivitheg> you always gotta ask that
<JackThadeus> The video much be within 8 minutes of him begging me for his psn and humping/thrusting himself upon his console.
<vivitheg> of course, showing how loyal he is to sony
<Ruby> Jack, you are like an electrode
<vivitheg> that way we have something to hang over the head of 360 fans
<vivitheg> they have nothing
<vivitheg> we have chris
<vivitheg> yawn, i'm sleepy
<JackThadeus> So what did you think of clyde, my former lover, sonichu clone? mind if I call you SC for short?
<Ruby> we need some pep
<vivitheg> i liked cowboy better
<JackThadeus> w/e proceed please.
Ruby slaps SonichuClone around a bit with a large trout
The_C_Man is now known as Nigafingaonnatrigga
The_Mistress has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
<SonichuClone> He was a cool man; I enjoyed our conversations.
<SonichuClone> and smokin weed too. :)
<The_Mistress> Hello everyone.
<Nigafingaonnatrigga> Sounds like a tight nigga. Whatchoo talk about
<Ruby> lol
<SonichuClone> SC is cool; sounds like Soul Calibur.
<vivitheg> sup mistress, we got a newcomer here
<vivitheg> anyway jack continue
<The_Mistress> Oh really?
<JackThadeus> What have you conversed with clyde about awhile back?
Nigafingaonnatrigga is now known as NigaTriggaFinga
<JackThadeus> i'm blurry on the details
<JackThadeus> never told me while we were in bed/smoking weed.
<NigaTriggaFinga> Weed iz da BOMB
<Ruby> I love Soul Calibur
<Ruby> I am Talim
<SonichuClone> Shit about Chris, and whatnot. Yeah, this was about a year ago, the last time I talked to him.
<SonichuClone> I like the picture he shared on the net to deceive the retard.
<JackThadeus> If u could do 1 thing to chris, SC, what would you do?
<SonichuClone> really off-the charts.

Doubling Down on the Surprise Sex

<SonichuClone> Force him to dis himself by forcing himself upon one of his surperiors.
<JackThadeus> why do you want him to go see a supperior?
<SonichuClone> IDK, so he can compare himself and see how REALLY SMALL he is.
<SonichuClone> :)
<JackThadeus> Did you hear? Ivy committed suicide over her Dad not letting her move to Virginia to be with Chris.
<SonichuClone> DAMN!
<SonichuClone> how much did that bitch have?
<vivitheg> she tried to call chris once more it was funny
<vivitheg> lol
<Ruby> Yeah she was so desperate
<JackThadeus> Her dad found out about she called him
<JackThadeus> are you talking about money?
<Ruby> lol
<JackThadeus> she had no money'.
<Ruby> She hung herself because her dad forbid her to see him. Lol she died in vain over a small cock.
<JackThadeus> *crooked cock
<Ruby> hahaha
<Ruby> ik I can't believe Chris thought she was a troll! The one girl who actually loved him. Pathetic. And now she's dead cos of would be next for you on him?
<JackThadeus> Then I will spend the remaining money on his psn accounts.
<SonichuClone> How much does he have?
<JackThadeus> and then call the psn
<JackThadeus> since i know a friend in the office that can ban him.
<JackThadeus> Vivi created a virus to go to his psn.
<JackThadeus> after the ban commences
<vivitheg> THEN HE'LL HAVE A FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE US DOLLAR BRICK
<Ruby> No more PSN, no more Console! He's goanna loose everything.
<SonichuClone> I was talking about, though, AFTER you ban him forever and like weeks later, then what?
<JackThadeus> Well I do have some aces up my sleeve for THAT moment.
<SonichuClone> Do tell.
<JackThadeus> I have a brother
<JackThadeus> who works at that NBC station in Charlotsville
<SonichuClone> go on.
<SonichuClone> or are you just going to expose him for the bad shit on the internet?
<JackThadeus> I have saved facts tha ED has. A hungry news reporter is BEGGING to report on chris
<JackThadeus> on how much of a internet slob he is.
<Ruby> lol yeah
<JackThadeus> We will give him NEGATIVE media attention
<JackThadeus> (like he had any "POSITIVE" attention from the start >>)
<SonichuClone> I hear that.
<JackThadeus> just like what I did with the radio stations
<SonichuClone> radio?
<SonichuClone> what happened?
<JackThadeus> Hold on a sec I got the radio links
<JackThadeus> there were like 6 or 7 of them
<JackThadeus> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyCRuXjSKs8 this for starters
<SonichuClone> Awesome! :D
<JackThadeus> And here is the thing IF chris were to follow our demands.
<SonichuClone> did you do any of these others on this list here?
<SonichuClone> oh?
<vivitheg> we have a new plan.
<JackThadeus> IF chris is to follow our demands, I will follow my end of the deal.
<Ruby> We did all.
<vivitheg> it's a glorious plan
<JackThadeus> And then we will troll that Joshua Martinez guy that knows Chris.
<vivitheg> that guy's a faggot
<Ruby> yeah he's a mexican
<Ruby> sorry
<Ruby> *mexiCANT
<JackThadeus> & then Chris Crocker after him.
<SonichuClone> who?
<Ruby> a faggoo
<SonichuClone> never heard of Crocker
<JackThadeus> I felt bad chris when Josh tried to steal the psp from Chris.
<Ruby> lol how can you not know who Crocker is, SonichClone?
<vivitheg> jesus lay off the alcohol
<SonichuClone> yeah, I may have heard of him while I was 6 feet under. :D
<Ruby> what?
<JackThadeus> heh
<vivitheg> 6 feet under?
<vivitheg> what
<SonichuClone> Jack gets me.
<Ruby> lol
<SonichuClone> Drunk, Vivi
<JackThadeus> sorry too much to drink.
<Ruby> What the fuck u talking about
<vivitheg> oh, i bet it's an injoke
<vivitheg> or something
<SonichuClone> yeah, an inside drunk joke. :D
<NigaTriggaFinga> Shit man, dat's crazy.
<vivitheg> anyway, it's a big shift for us to move targets
<JackThadeus> I found Chris' ex-BF, Max Molvania...aka Julie.
<vivitheg> where the fuck has he been
<Ruby> lol yeah chris sux his cock
<JackThadeus> he was a traitor & actually Fell for chris.
<vivitheg> really? fuckin christ
<JackThadeus> I had to finish him off.
<vivitheg> gasp
<JackThadeus> So does anyone know how far chris will finish his music video?
SonichuClone has quit IRC
<vivitheg> where's your damn friend jack
<vivitheg> why did he leave
<vivitheg> i wanted a pic of his dick
<NickDunbar> Hm
<Minovsky> chris wants to do rocky
<Minovsky> he wants to do her hard
Logging for #trolltrain4andhalf started
End of #trolltrain4andhalf buffer Thu Jul 23 19:35:32 2009

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