Mumble 8

The eighth Mumble chat took place on 17 February 2009. Chris confirms he drank (recycled) his semen. There are discussions about lesbian sex, the homos (with awesome raging from GeckoMantis), and an Oscar-winning performance by Sarah May (RIP).

Summary

• Donald Duck impersonation
• Megan's favorite band is Guns N' Roses.
• Chris will not call Rick Astley a homo.
• There is a feud between Molvanîa and Russia.
• What is Chris's favorite Dragon Ball character? "I like Gohan's girlfriend!"
• Chris is asked to list the 10 commandments and the 7 deadly sins. He reaches for his Bible because he can't remember.
• Mr. Roboto gets kicked.
• Chris says his pastoral counselor (Rocky) told him premarital sex is okay.

[15:40]

Chris on premarital sex with Julie: After you get here, we could talk to my pastor about it further.

Julie: I've said it many times. I discuss it in my letter.

Chris: I'm just sayin'. After you get here, we could talk to my pastor about it.

Troll: We don't want you to go to hell.

Chris: God is forgiving.

[17:00]

Troll: Chris it seems like every time you find a way to justify yourself and find loopholes through your bible just so you can have premarital sex and everything, I don't fucking get it. You're trying to justify yourself for having a Playboy and you always just suggest that your counselor knows everythi—

Chris: ENOUGH!

Troll: NO, I'M NOT HAVING ENOUGH! FUCK YOU! FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL DOUCHBAG!

Chris: Sometimes I don't know everything. So? Excuse me... for that.

Chris: Listen, I appreciate your help. But when it comes to religion I think that our own individual interpretations among each of us individually respectable is as important to us... my interpretation and y'alls interpretation which are respectable... um...

Troll: —which are right—

Chris: ...are important.

Troll: Then why so much hate against gays? If religion can be interpreted any way...

Chris: Okay, um, I take back all the times I said I hated all the homos. But obviously when I said that I was under a whole bunch of stress and I just felt most uncomfortable around them and men in general and so I guess I just picked the wrong word.

[24:00]

Chris on female friends: I did not have as many sexual urges as I did when I turned 21.

[to be summarized]

[45:30]

• Chris is willing to do a threesome involving two men. Julie is willing to do it with Chris and Emily then.
• Yeah, Chris agrees that it's not gay if balls aren't touching.
• Chris wants them to engage in tribbing and he'll put his dick between the two pussies.

[47:20]

• Sarah May thought Chris wanted her and Julie to have a threesome.
• Since Chris asked Sarah first, she can have the first threesome with Julie.
• Two women is Chris's limit.
• Sarah doesn't want this to be a first-come, first-serve thing.
• Chris has strong feelings for Julie more, but he has strong enough feelings for Sarah.
• Chris is against polygamy.
• Chris is asked if he loves all these women at the same time. He takes a long time to think.

[51:50]

• Both women can't get pregnant because Chris would wear a condom.
• Condoms kinda turn Julie off.
• If one breaks, Chris can always switch it.
• The trolls explain the concept of friends with benefits. This is just too much for Chris to take in right now.

[56:00]

• The speed at which Chris produces his comic depends on how he is feeling.
• A troll says he can draw even with work and college, so Chris should be able to draw more.
• Chris will try to get a page done a day.
• Derrick explains stream-of-consciousness writing. Chris talks about storing shit in his memory, which is totally the opposite style.

The following are not in order:

• Chris confirms he drank (recycled) his semen.
• "I don't go to McDonald's often, maybe 2 or 3 times a week."
• Chris says he measured his dick with a ruler (yet he never uses the ruler in his comic).
• Sarah May: "YOU CALLED ME JULIE AGAIN. HOW COULD YOU CHRIS?"
• Sarah May's attempted suicide.

Sarah: Goodbye Chris...

Chris: NO! SARAH! I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND!

Julie: Sarah may be gone but—

Chris: I still have you.

Transcript

Guy: What's up?
Chris: Ahh, doin' okay, doin' okay. Got some stress, but I'm okay.
Mr. Roboto: Stress is bad.
Chris: Hm, haven't updated in a while-
Mr. Roboto: We enjoy the new- we enjoy the preview for the new comic.
Chris: Now, now just a, just a minor recent event that I won't go into, uh, it's just a minor inconvenience really. But it made me- mmm, basically in a nutshell my computer got turned off and I didn't turn it back on for a coupla days.
Mr. Roboto: That is terrible. It remind me of the time my mama had taken away my computer. Because I, I spent too much time on it. And she said "You spend too much time on computer!"
Chris: Huh. Goodness. Yeah. Yeah, but we don't have to go into that.
Julie: Hey Chris, there's something I forgot to ask.
Chris: Yeah?
Julie: Do you think you could do your Dona- your Donald Duck impersonation for me, please?
Mr. Roboto: He already did that before, didn't he?
Chris: (in his horrible Donald Duck voice) So ask me how was my day. What are we doin'? (quacks)
(Julie and others laugh)
Julie: Chris, how about, how about the- how about the Uncle Ruckus for everyone, please?
Chris: (equally horrible Uncle Ruckus voice) Don't trust them new niggers over there! Sing along if you know the words.
(pause)
Mr. Roboto: Um, I do not believe Ruckus ever says that. And I am from Russia, so I do not see much of the show though. (pause) Well, you should come see Russia, Chris. It is nice.
Chris: I'm sure it is.
Mr. Roboto: Yes. It is very- although we have high corruption in our government, we are fine people, and we work hard for our lives.
Chris: I do not disagree with you.
Mr. Roboto: Wait, you said that- are you saying that corruption is good thing?
Chris: No. I, I don't like corruption. I'm just saying that I agree, I agree with you on the fact that y'all are proud people. And respectable. (pause) Okay?
Guy: Like gays.
Chris: Hm. I guess, yeah.
Guy: (in camp gay voice) Obviously.
(pause)
Chris: Hm.
Guy: Chris, what's up?
Chris: Umm...nothing. Umm, lemme think...mmmmm...
Guy: I can't believe I'm talking to the real Christian Weston Chandler. It's mad.
Chris: Well, take a deep breath and accept it. 'Cause it's real.
Mr. Roboto: We love you, Chris. That is why we are impressed by the fact that you would do this for your fans.
Chris: Yep.
Guy: Accept no substitutions.
Guy: This is wicked awesome.
Chris: Yep. Accept no substitute. Hm.
Guy: Nothing but net.
Chris: Uhh, actually it's more like dot com, more like dot com now.
Julie: What did you say?
Guy: Nothing but dot com and [???]
Julie: Actually, what did you say a few minutes ago? I couldn't hear you.
Chris: Hm. Say a few minutes ago? I, what, when I was talking to the nice Russian guy?
Julie: Yeah.
Mr. Roboto: Yo.
Guy: I didn't know, actually-
Chris: I'm sorry, what?
[Julie and a guy talk at the same time]
Mr. Roboto: What did you say about me?
Chris: Uh, I said that you were a nice guy.
Mr. Roboto: No, I was tal- I'm- excuse me Chris, but what Bryan Bash was saying to me. I could not hear him.
Bryan Bash: Um, that's your username, isn't it? "Nice Russian Guy"?
Mr. Roboto: No, it is- no, it is Mr. Roboto. I enjoy the band Styx very much. We just get them here.
[Bryan bash laughs]
Chris: Okay, good. So-
Guy: Hello there, Chris. Sorry, I was having a bathroom break. [pause] And for the record, I love Styx too.
Mr. Roboto: Styx is good band.
Chris: I never heard Styx, but I will not disagree with you.
Guy: Um, have you ever sung "Come Sail Away"?
Chris: Um, I am afraid I have not heard that. Sorry.
Guy: Or "Renegade".
Chris: That one neither. I'm sorry.
[pause]
Guy: You've never heard "Mr. Roboto"? Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto?
Chris: I've heard that used in cartoon shows, and other shows like that, other shows outside the cartoon.
Guy: Uhh-
Chris: I've heard the expression, but I've never heard the song. I didn't even know there was a song. So, um... just a minor ignorance because I did not know about it.
Guy: Oh, it's cool. Um, have you ever heard of the band Rush?
Chris: I've heard that, I've heard that band, yeah.
Guy: Rush is pretty awesome.
Julie: Chris, have you ever heard about Guns N' Roses?
Chris: Yeah, Guns N' Roses, that was, uh, Megan's favorite band.
Guy: I like Elton John, personally.
Guy: [interrupts previous guy] Speaking of Megan, whatever happened to her?
Mr. Roboto: You are gay for liking Elton John.

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