Mumble 6

Mumble 6 is the sixth of the Mumble chats involving Chris, held on 10th February 2009.

Summary

• Chris has received a letter from Nintendo of America stating that he hasn't been in touch with Shigeru Miyamoto. The trolls try to convince him that the letter is fake.
• Chris gives more advice on whether Falsion's friend is a homo by suggesting he'll be drawn to posters of men more than those of women in the fan's bedroom.
• Julie probes Chris on why he dislikes homos so much. Chris flounders.
• Chris first made his medallion because he wanted to, before he ever drew any comics and wears it all the time because it's like a nametag. Might make one for Julie.
• Someone hacked Sonichugirls.net. Julie is outraged.
• Chris doesn't hate all men, just the ones who are jerks, which is the 'majority of the male population'. When called on it, admits he doesn't know how he knows that men are jerks without knowing them.
• Chris doesn't remember saying that transgender people should have surgery. Now says that they shouldn't. Confuses transgender with intersex and says that if he had a child with both organs he would raise it as a boy.
• If Chris was dating a girl and she turned out to have a penis, he would freak out, throw up and dump her.
• Sonic replaced American Rabbit as Chris's favorite cartoon character.
• Chris' favorite soap opera is The Young and the Restless. He used to watch MTV's Undressed.
• Chris feels as if his life is a soap opera, as he's had a lot of drama.
• Chris hasn't decided if there will be a Chris Chandler show. Everyone says it's a great idea.
• Sonic 3D is Chris' favorite Sonic game.
• The Chris Chandler show would be improvised with no commercial breaks. When Jack Thaddeus calls him on the show needing to make money, Chris says that he doesn't know how to make commercials.
• Chris never received the Jet, Ebony and Vibe magazines that a troll called hottiee96 subscribed him to.
• Chris says he's irregular with comics because "It's called a life".
• Hamsty asks what Chris does, considering he has no job. Chris stalls, before saying that he can't describe his daily schedule on a whim at the moment and had better not say. He blames [[stress].
• Chris says that he gets stressed and needs a day to recover. Fans point out the contradiction of drawing comics to relax and using stress as an excuse not to draw them. Chris says that he feels uncomfortable with the questions.
• Chris does Sonichu's voice. It sounds like Chris, only slightly higher. Fans praise this fantastic rendition.
• Chris says that he would want Archie Comics to publish Sonichu.
• There will be no lesbian relationships in Chris' comics, as he promotes heterosexuality.
• Chris obnoxiously cuts off a fan who asks about Nintendo and copyright, saying "I don't know, I don't know, I'm not a business genius."
• They talk about anime and video games. Chris doesn't like the nudity in Shin Chan because dicks 'offend' him.
• Says that him drawing Sonichu with his dick out was different because he was wearing a condom.
• Chris confirms that he ripped off the workings of Sonichu's penis from a line from Brian in Family Guy.
• Chris does not like poo in a fetishistic sense.
• Chris can't remember why he admitted his dirty crapped briefs to Clyde.
• Chris is still trying to upload the Nintendo of America letter.
• The adult scenes in Sonichu are not 'lost content', they are 'removable deleted scenes' and the comic can be read with or without them. This is how he designed it.
• Chris will not undergo speech therapy because he had it when he was a child.
• Chris does a terrible high-pitched impersonation of someone with no front teeth.
• Chris cuts off a question about the PS3 being the main console of the gay community, as he's bothered by it.
• CWCville's employment situation is discussed. Sonichu & Rosechu's job is protecting CWCville and everything is free for them.
• Chris liked the Spice Girls, but didn't have a favorite.
• CWCville was founded just by Bob, shortly after Chris was born.
• Bob told Chris that Sonichu was viable as regards copyrighting. Chris has paid the Library of Congress $35 for copyright years ago and hasn't heard anything.
• Chris has uploaded the Nintendo of America letter. The fans deny that it's real and attempt to discredit it. Chris refuses to listen.
• Chris starts to leave, Clyde Cash enters. The HONEST and TRUE fans all decry this disgraceful human being.
• Clyde says that Julie is afraid of how her life with Chris will turn out, and that her parents will take her away. Chris protests that he's cleaned his room.
• Clyde says Chris needs to clean up his act to be with Julie, asks if he pays taxes. Chris says he's paid sales tax.
• Chris pleads the fifth when Clyde asks how much credit card debt he has. When pressed, he admits to having almost $2000 to offset his savings of $100.
• Chris says that if he decides he has to get a job when he and Julie are married, he will.
• Chris claims that he can cook 'anything that's within his cookbook'.
• Chris admits he was lying about looking for jobs he can do with his CADD degree, but he can start looking. Clyde calls him out on lying to Julie so much, and Chris whines about his "insultive tone".
• Julie says that she's read up on Christianity and there's no premarital sex. Chris says that Methodists are allowed.
• Chris claims to cook for himself the majority of the week. Says he cooks a lot of things for himself. When pressed, he says vegetables, meats and soups, depending on shopping. His parents cook separately from him, as they live on a different floor.
• Chris says he will look for a job, depending on who's hiring. Will think about getting a job now.
• Chris' schedule currently varies from day to day, but he does a lot of creative things. Yesterday he cleaned his room.
• Julie says that drawing comics is currently Chris' job and he should work on it. Chris promises that he will.
• Chris says Ich bin schwul and leaves.
• BlueSpike and the others laugh about Chris admitting to being a homo.

This media needs a transcript. Help CWCki by transcribing the content. If the media is too long, transcribe select portions which are funny or informative.

⇐ Mumble Chat 5

Mumble Chats

Mumble Chat 7 ⇒

Transcript

[The various trolls greet Chris]

Troll: So what are you up to tonight, Chris?

Chris: Uhh, nothing much, just uhh... take'n care of things.

Troll: Aww, that's good.

[The audio cuts out here for a moment. Presumably, the same thing happened in the chat.]

Chris: Sorry, what?

Chris: Julie bought me here. You asked for me to come and I so I did.

Troll: Did you... come for your fans at all?

Chris: Uhh, yeah I came for my fans.

Troll: Cool.

Chris: Mmm. Matter of fact I have an update...

Troll: Oooh?

Troll: Ohh awesome!

Chris: But... well unfortunately yeah, it was in a video but it didn't get, uhh, processed fast enough... I've just had to start uploading it.

Troll: Yeeeah... YouTube's really slow at that... depending on what you use. It's a'right.

Troll: It's like... they need to invest their money more in technology.

Chris: Yeah. Anyway, uhh, as I have already told Julie and Sarah May, mm, I have received a letter in the snail mail today from Mr-

Chris: I have recevied a letter in the snail mail today from Nintendo of America's representative Mike Chandler- no relation- In response to what I have sent Nintendo of America previously. Anyway, it-it-it verifies my uh- families and friends and uhh... my theory so that, uhh, and I quote, Mr Shigeru Miyamoto did not have a meeting scheduled with you, nor has he be- has he been corresponding with you. Mr Miyamoto speaks and write only -

Troll: [Talking over Chris] I'll be right back.

Chris: [very annoyed] -very limited English...! ... and our game development teams do not accept unsolicited game development suggestions or other ideas. Although Mr Miyamoto made occasional business trips to the US, he spends the majority of his time in Japan at Nintendo's headquarters. So, in short I've- I've actually been talking to.... impostors.

[The trolls begin talking over each other at this point]

Troll: Well, you don't know if he's an impostor or not, I mean, I mean,

Troll: Oooooh....

Troll: You know...

Troll: I mean, look at that, it had your last name- it didn't really sound legit...

Troll: Hold on, guys hold on, hold on. Just lemme...

[Brief silence]

Troll: Well, it could have been intercepted by a troll because he did say that Miyamoto doesn't speak- speaks limited Jap- I mean, limited English, but... I've seen YouTube videos of him speaking a lot... urn... in English... and... I don't- I think that's a lie- that guy obviously doesn't know anything about Miyamoto.

Troll: You know, I- I've heard about stuff like this happening, you know, one of my cousins is in the business industry and he says with a lot of these big companies they get mix- things mixed up all the time. Maybe they thought they were sending it to like- maybe they thought you were someone else, or they sent it to somebody who had the wrong address, you know, they can screw stuff up an awful lot.

Chris: Well anyways, it's an official letter from Nintendo of America, because uhh... the envelope, is-is-is-is just like the previous envelopes I've gotten from Nintendo of America, as well as the uh... letter head on the... letter. It's typed.

[The trolls talk over each other here. The general drift is: "It's easy to forge..."]

Chris: [annoyed] It was typed.

Troll: Yeah, it's easy to forge.

Chris: [still annoyed] It was typed.

[Windows beeping in the background]

Chris: [yep, still annoyed] It was typed.

[More Windows beeping in the background]

Chris: And-and-and it has a signature on there.

Troll: Just because it's typed and it has a signature on there doesn't mean it's real.

Troll: In fact, wouldn't typing it make it more easier to forge since it's not handwriting?

Troll: And a signature doesn't mean anything, I mean, you nev- I mean you don't know this guy so... it's just somebody's signature.

Chris: Look, I'll tell y'all- look, I'll tell y'all what, I'll scan the envelope AND the letter and put it on the Sonichu site [annoyed] LATER [pause; the trolls talk all at once] and y'all- and y'all- can fig- and y'all decide from that.

Troll: We're tryin to help you, Chris. We're trying to help you and do what's best for you...

Troll: We're trying to make sure nobody's trying to trick you.

Troll: Yeah.

Troll: We're here to back you up.

[silence]

Julie: Yeah. I can always play it on my PS3, or my Nintendo Wii when I ever get one...

Troll: Hex Bawx.

Julie: I hate the Hex Bawx.

Troll: I'm a PC player myself.

[The trolls talk all at once for about 10 seconds]

Chris: I'm gunna go get the scanner and make it ready to scan.

[some trolls mutter back and forth, mostly silence]

[lengthy pause]

Troll: ... [whisper] cocks!

[The trolls laugh; sound of things moving around and other noise in the background]

Julie: Can I ask you something, Chris?

Various Trolls: He's scanning. He's scanning things.

Chris: Yeah, I just got back with it and I'm... scanning it.

Julie: Oh hey Chris?

Troll: Excellent...!

Chris: Yeah Julie? [Chris sounds disinterested]

Julie: Can you do me the favor?

Chris: Sure, what?

Julie: Can you tell everyone what I taught you today- the new, uhh, Molvanîan word?

Chris: Oooh- ooh. Yeah. Julie uhh... Julie is from Molvanîa... it's uh neigh- it's uh-it neighbors- it neighbors other countries such as Germany and Slovakia. [pause] Anyway, uhh, she taught me how to say "I love you" in Molvanîa.

[A troll screams in entirely understandable horror, possibly comprehending what will occur next...]

Chris: Ich- Ich baan schwill. [sic]

[Julie says something in the background, something about 'a'right now, okay, keep going']

Chris: Yeah I just pretty much said it. Ich baan schwill. [sic]

Julie: Ahh, a'right. I love you too!

Chris: Yep.

Troll: You have a gift for languages, Chris.

Troll: Really!

Troll: I can see why you pick up Spanish.

Troll: First Spanish, and now Molvanîan. You're moving on up!

Chris: Well, right now I just have like a few... greetings. And the 'I love you' there.

Troll: Before you know it you might be speaking Japanese with Mr Miyamoto.

[Chris seems to forget that, just minutes ago, he had decided that 'Miyamoto' was an impostor and doesn't mention it.]

Chantelle: Or French? [the honey-voiced troll speaks a little French in a sultry tone, but Chris just talks over the top of her]

Chris: Well, uhh, I know a little bit of Japanese. Like... konichiwa. [awkward pause] And sayonara.

Chantelle: Do you know any French words?

[More Windows beeping in the background]

Chris: Uhh... wee wee mon amime [sic].

Chantelle: Ahh... mmm. I see.

[Chris says a bit more mangled French; it's difficult to make out but obviously terrible.]

Chantelle: [forced, slightly scared giggle] That's uh, that's that's... very nice. Merci! Merci beaucoup... [another giggle]

Chris: Merci!

Chantelle: That means 'thank you'!

Chris: I know.

Chantelle: Okay, just making sure! [another 'please don't rape me' giggle is squeezed out]

Julie: So, uh, Chris. How are things?

Chris: Things are, uh well at home. I'm safe and well, and I'm looking forward to you arriving, Julie.

Julie: Hmm!

[awkward silence]

Troll: Uhh, what happened last time? You were interrupted by... something.

Chris: Sorry, what?

Troll: 'member last time you came? I don't know what happened, but you had to sign off for some reason.

Chris: I don't 'member that, it was like a long time ago... that was pretty much a long time ago at this point.

Troll: Uhh, never mind.

Troll: Yeah...

Troll: I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. [snort]

Chantelle: [sweet, cute giggle]

Troll: Well, it happens, it happens. Sometimes you can remember things from birth... and like, from, childhood years... and sometimes you can't remember things from last week!

Troll: Stress does influence memory, so it's understandable.

Troll: Yeah... I suffer from that... occasionally.

[awkward pause]

Troll: So Chris, seen any good movies recently?

Chris: Mmm... good movies, good movies... I saw Saw V?

Troll: And how was that?

Julie: Oooh, and what did you think of it?

Chris: I thought it was- I thought it was neat and very interesting... I mean I saw the previous four. ... which I have on DVD. But I got Saw V on Bluray.

Troll: Sounds pretty crazy. Was it scary?

[awkward pause]

Troll: Were the special effects realistic enough to make it seem... scary... enough?

Chris: Yeah. [pause]

Troll: Did it have enough traps? That was my complaint.

Chris: Yeah, I mean uh, I think uh, I think the scariest thing from that movie would be after that- after that guy removed his arm from the- from the saw, and it was like split down to the elbow. But you know-

Troll: I remember that.

Troll: Oh, wow!

Chris: But then- but then you realize from the behind the scenes footage that that actually was just a fake arm.

Troll: Yeah, well, they wouldn't do that in real life because they would have to, like, pay a lot of people...

Chris: Yeah.

Troll: I mean, like, the special effects they use nowadays is pretty impressive.

Chris: Yeah.

Troll: The men were jerks in that movie, the saw vic- the jigsaw victims. I mean like they let that poor girl- uhh... that poor girl die at the beginning the trap...

Chris: Yeah. It's like they could- it's like they didn't- it's like, it's like they didn't know at the time they could have gotten away with all five of them alive at the front line through the whole... setup [???]. But uh, still, you know, I mean, the whole setup they had going there... the girl... the woman actually had her head going through a hole in the wall, while there was a whole fake, empty neck atop of it.

Troll: Yeah... yeah. I just can't believe how much the men were jerks in that movie. They weren't... especially....

Julie: Yeah. That movie make me kinda mad...

Troll: Sexist!

Troll: Do you think they'll make a sixth... Saw movie?

Chris: [ Chris speaks as though he were a great authority on the matter ] Yeah, I think they'll make a Saw VI, I mean- I figured they... you figured they gave the role of Jigsaw over to Detective Hoffman, so he could probably do something in the next one. Plus, I'm still wondering, what was the fate of the uh... doctor. You remember from the first Saw, that uh, that actually cut off his foot?

Chantelle: Mmm hmm!

Troll Chorus: Yeah...

Chris: Well, y-you find out that basically... you find out he's into crawling away [sic? I haven't actually seen anything other than Saw I and II...]. You find him doing that in Saw III. But yeah you don't see anything of him in Saw f-...four, except for that one time when they actually- they talk about that little piece of evidence that went against him in the first Saw.

Chantelle: [Chantelle coughs her sexy, sexy cough] Mmm. Excuse me.

Troll: Yeah... Uhh... I never really was into horror. What is it that, uh, makes horror movies so enjoyable?

Chris: Hmm. I would say probably the, uh, story, and uh...

Julie: Oh hey Chris, can I ask a question?

Chris: Yeah?

Julie: What's your favorite kind of movie?

Chris: Mmm- I mostly like, uh, romantic comedies.

Troll: Oh, those can be good. [More Windows beeping]

Chris: Yeah, they're fun. I've uh- I've uh- gone back to the Moonlight Confession episode of Shuffle. That's uh, that's episode 10.

Troll: I prefer animated movies myself, you know... Disney, Pixar...

Troll: So do I.

[A soft, computer generated 'bong!' noise can be heard in the background]

[Chantelle gasps in the background, a soft noise like the first breath of air on a summer's day]

Troll: I just watched Finding Nemo recently... just this weekend.

Chris: I liked Toy Story.

Troll: That was a good one.

Troll: That is such a classic!

Troll: My friends and I quote that ALLL the time whenever we watch it.

Chris: To ef-fenity [sic] and beyond. [Chris gets the 'tone' of the catch-phrase completely, completely wrong; it sounds like some kind of deranged, toneless rap ]

[short, stunned silence]

Troll: There's a snake in mah boot! I always liked that line.

Troll: I [inaudible] Oh, I'm sorry.

Chris: Sorry, you were saying?

Troll: I was just saying, I have a toy Woody, which when you pull the string it says "I have a snake in mah boot"...

Chris: Yep, those were sold in the toy stores.

[INCOMPLETE. Will work on it a bit more tomorrow. The plan is to do a bit every other night or so until my fragile sanity gives out or I finish. The only thing keeping me going is the soft, soothing voice of the french-speaking female troll who I've named Chantelle because it's a sexy name and this chat needs sexy names. Time mark: 00:12:01 of 1:36:19. Holy fucking shit this thing is an hour and a half long, LOOK AT THAT LENGTH GODDAMN.]

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