Mumble 9.5

Mumble 9.5 is the continuation of the ninth of the Mumble chats involving Chris.

Transcript

“	Ahhh Jesus Christ	”
Chris, Once again showing us his devout Christian ways

Clyde: We've given you so many chances to improve yourself, I've tried to help you
Chris: Clyde to your big question I didn't have my (something) on
Clyde: I've been trying to help you this entire time, but I've grown tired of you doing nothing
Chris: I have been doing something
Clyde: What have you done?
Chris: I have been making plans, I have been thinking very hard about getting a job and about going to Julie and convincing my family that she is, that she is a real woman. [sigh]I'm probably, I'm not lying, spending about 50 to 100 dollars of my own money just to try, just to try go up and visit her
Clyde: How much money?
Chris: 50 to 100
Clyde: That's not a lot. (Something). That's chump change in today's society. A long time ago one of our former former (something) Vivian (something) but anywayed to help you but you didn't listen
Chris: Well look I'm sorry. look I'm sorry about look I'm sorry about a lot of my past mistakes about not listening to everyone ok, but I've been under a lot of stress
Clyde: What is this stress? You always cite stress
Chris: Stress STRESS, Stress of the mean people that ha has give me such bad mark uh that have made a bad name and such
Troll 1: Chris you don't know what stress is, you don't have a job you don't go
Chris: [interrupting] I have a lot of stress in my life, my Aunt Corina and I have to go to her funeral and I'm going to be very sad that day and the funeral is happening on my birthday of all days
Clyde: Shouldn't you be more sad about her than your birthday?
Chris: I am very upset about my Aunt Corina, she was a very sweet woman
Clyde: But you seem to be complain about it being on your birthday
Chris: Look, stop talking about that ok. I love my [Clyde butts in with a half formed sentence] I feel sympathy for my Aunt Corina. She smoked and when she went to the hospital she died at age 75 her her her (something) deteriorated her left lung and her liver and her brain
[both Clyde and Chris go to speak]
Clyde: Go ahead, sure, why not
Chris: and they kept her alive as long as they could, they could, till she breathed... her last breath
[chris pulls out an academy award wining performance of tears]
Chris: [between sobs and with a heavy heart] We knew that she was dying (chris is too emotional here to make out what he is saying) and that we were able to say we loved her one last time, over the phone. [sob]
Clyde: well they did their best
[Trolls mock and imitate chris]
Clyde: Silence, let him cry, let him cry. (something) but this does not excuse for all your other past actions.
[Chris has made a miraculous mental recovery from his emotional state]
Chris: [loud sigh] look I'm unfit, I'm possibly retarded ok my mind doesn't think so swift. I I uh I'm likely even to make mistakes on the fly without realizing it. Sometimes I don't even give thought to something I've said (something) but I can give a lot of before when I move from, pe uh, move from, uh, move from Panda to Julie, because I though, I thought she had died in that fire. I was I uh my heart was petra uh about that possibility after I about that fire in Austra- uh post, It made me so sad [sobs creep back into Chris's voice]
Clyde: Now this I can't believe. I believe your Aunt Corina and I'm sorry for your loss but about Panda, NO
Chris: I cried my heart out
Clyde: and then you just moved on, just like that
Chris: NO, I uh, no I did not move on just like that
Clyde: But you claimed she was your love your love. You don't know what love feels like chris
Chris: I do know what love feels like
Clyde: What does it feel like then chris? Can you describe it?
Chris: [sigh] it's... uh [sigh] it's indescribable, it's a priceless feeling, it's like you know you feel most elated, it's like your standing on top of a mountain with the wind blowing through your hair and it's a good wind. It's just uh love feels so good. True love feels so good especially when it uh comes between two people who have known each other for a long while and have got to know each other through pleasant conversation. And uh you know the bonus rounds are there too I mean I'll admit that but what I enjoy most are the pleasant conversations and learning about the kind sweet uh kind sweet women that they are [sigh] and that they care me and respect me very much and it just makes me feel so much better to know that I'm respected by the women. Because I felt, because it's like I don't get a lot of respect from people, from bad people like y'all being mean like right now. And this is just [tears welling and emotion rising] is making me want to cry.
Clyde: You said the women. are you talking about a singular person or all women?
[once again chris has composed himself amazingly well]
Chris: No, no I said women, women
Clyde: You mean you want to be respected by everyone? All the women. You want to love them all?
Chris: No
Clyde: or is it down to one person?
Chris: No uh wait. Now your twisting my words around
Clyde: I'm just saying whatever you say
Chris: [sigh] Look I could uh, its a, look when I talk about the respect from a woman I'm talking about honest respect like after she's got to know me from the inside like uh most women should get to know their man, before they go have a relationship with them or or whatever. And if Julie just, you know between Blanca and Sarah Jackson and Panda, Sarah May and Julie. I was very happy that day when I felt such respect when I felt the true honest respect of them. And there's noth- you know uh you know I'm sorry to have forgot to have mentioned Sarah May when I mentioned Julie (something) when I was asked a question about naming friends. I'll admit I'll admit I was wrong. I was wrong I was wrong and I thank Julie very I mean Sarah Mayver, damn it, I did it again. I got mixed up. You, Y'all mixed it up when you mixed up my emotions because I'm upset all this. Anyways anyways Aunt then got to the hospital and I felt so sorry for
Clyde: No need, no need for lies to keep up the false stories. They are all trolls. They are all trolls. Chris have I not got this through your head. Panda is sleeping right now if you could be more quiet. Sarah May is perfectly fine. Blanca, Blanca well I don't know where she's off to, the other two people behind Blanca I don't know and Sarah Jackson is still alive. They are all trolls chris. It's because you don't know what true love is
Chris: I know what true love is
Clyde: If you knew what true love was then you would realize that they were trolls
Troll 7: Yep
Chris: Look, trolls, look, trollers or not I still cared about them very much
Clyde: What?
Chris: Trollers or not I still cared about them very much
Troll 3: you're just bullshitting
Chris: And I and I I got so, I got so many good memories of them. Some bad sure and some even bad but good
Female troll: Chris all those memories are false
Troll 2: You deluded pig
[two people speak at once]
Troll 1: every scenario, all us
Clyde: We were behind it all
Chris: look I know y'all, I know y'all are feeding me lies right now
[huge reaction to this, everyone talks over each other]
Clyde: You still believe that they were not trolling, this is the thing. Really? Even after Blanca destroyed your medallion, after Panda sudden mysteriously disappeared when she doesn't even live in that part of Australia, well not any more she doesn't, but anyway. You still believe it
Troll 4: You are stupid chris. You do not learn from your mistakes
Chris: Look [sigh] I do learn from my, I have learnt from my mistakes
[several people speak]
Chris: I have learnt to take so many bullets and lies that were aimed directly at me, I learnt to take them like uh, like (something) in the wind. Just let them fly by. let them fly by. I have learnt to sort the truth from the false. Panada true, definite true, definitely comes from the woman, from the people themselves
Clyde: Why would you see through that one (something) Julie after Sarah May and Panda. Urgh, I'm disgusted by that. But we'll make sure she never meets you
Troll 5: Anyway
Chris: Look y'all are just, look y'all are just trying to make me feel bad because I have, because I have been delayed, because I was delayed in drawing comics as often as I should be
[eruption of sarcastic "oh yeah"s]
Troll 2: You idiot, this isn't about the comics
Troll 6: How's Megan by the way?
Chris: I DON'T KNOW I haven't seen her in a long time.
Troll 6: I wonder why
Clyde: Silence Silence, Ok, I want to ask you one last thing, well not one last thing but a useful thing. Why do you think Megan left you? Can you think why now? I think I've asked you this before
Chris: I can only think because I got too much in her personal space and I violate her with the drawing
Clyde: That was probably your only chance for true happiness and you screwed that up, and you're still doing it time and time again
Troll 7: Yo that drawing's fucked up yo
Clyde: And you still manage to post it up on your website. Why?
Chris: I don't... [sigh]
Troll 6: Clyde's correct Chris
Chris: [sigh] It's a sexy drawing and it's a sexy website and I thought it was appropriate.
[several people respond]
Chris: Besides in the drawing the eyes are censored out, it's not like you can recognize the woman
Clyde: Censorship does nothing once you've admitted it Chris.
[trolls agree with Clyde's sentiment]
Chris: [sigh]
Troll 6: And besides we thought that was your sister for the longest time
Chris: [sigh] [whispering] Jesus, Jesus
Troll 8: I thought that was a better theory actually
Chris: Ahhh Jesus Christ
Troll 6: Maybe you shouldn't have said anything Chris?
Chris: Maybe not but y'all didn't have to twist my words round on everything make up all these dang stupid false slanderous theories and what not
Troll 7: Dude yo that's bullshit
[trolls disagree with Chris's sentiment]
Troll 1: We're just going off what you've told us
Troll 8: Exactly
Clyde: [Unclear] What did you expect would happen?
Troll 2: You lowlife. I hope you bleed in slanderous hell
Troll 1: We've never slandered anyone. We just take what you've said and post it for people's interpretations
Chris: That's my point, you've misinterpret me
Clyde: Well you're going to have to correct yourself one day, you have to (unclear)
Chris: I have been correcting myself, every day from the lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've realised I've made
Troll 8: really?
Chris: I've gone through so many self revalations and uh,and uh,and personal upgrades for the better
Troll 7: Like yo PSP
[trolls laugh]
Chris: Forget about the friggin games systems
Clyde: Surprising from a man who spends over a thousand dollars on it. You see chris you have a problem. You need to stop buying video games, you need to sell them all. They're no good, they're not helping you
Troll 1: It's only when you lose everything that you're free to do anything
Troll 8: The man speaks the truth
Chris: [sigh]
Clyde: You have, We have estimated you have over twenty thousand US dollars worth of video games, all at some points of your life. Why would you spend so much
Chris: [sigh] Well I started from childhood, I was brought up, I was brought up with video games. I started with a commodore 64, when it was brand new. Just saying.
Troll: Chris that is not a valid excuse
Chris: It's the truth
Troll: That doesn't make it valid
Clyde: Chris let me ask you this. How many of the games that you've owned in your lifetime have you actually completed?
Chris: I have beaten the vast majority of them. I have beat most every sonic the hedgehog game I own.
Clyde: If you have that much free time on your hands maybe you should get a job
Chris: Hey you know what, for one thing I would get a job, but you know they would punch my name on the internet, they would find that damn ED page and then
[trolls all speak]
Clyde: Ok ok, yes you're right, you're right. We have slandered you, well we haven't slandered you. It's only the truth, the truth. I had to say slandered because you say that so much, but anyay. Ok lets say you just did have your own eight hundred dollar uhh, whatever you call it, tugboat, which is a stupid name. It's a government check. You have your eight hundred dollars to spend and how do you spend that?
Chris: [sigh] I got uh, I pay my, I pay my, I pay my family's bills, I give them a monthly rent, I pay my credit card bills
Clyde: But then you still (unclear).
Troll 1: You're right, chris probably could not get a job but he can not also support himself on his tugboat. So [loud typing noise] he can't support his family anyway. too bad
Troll 7: Yo I can hear that typing, What's with that?
Clyde: I know that you've revealed that to date you have credit card debts, you're already two thousand dollars behind. How do you expect to raise a family? How do you expect to help Julie?
Chris: uhh [more loud typing]
Troll 5: Ignoring the question I see
Chris: No
Clyde: Look, if you go onto your youtube, beg your fans to bring down us the Miscreants, but you know, your combined powers can not stop us. Nothing can stop us
Troll 8: Every time we get knocked down we'll get right back up again
Troll 10: and you'll never keep us down
Troll 11: and everything that you have typed is through no one's fault but your own. You have, Youhave to reap what you have sown chris
Troll 1: the best thing you can do is you know, go back out into the real world with your sign, you know. Wouldn't that be, just like old days? You wouldn't have the internet trolls all over you. You just go outside
Chris: [sigh]
[rapid fire error noise]
[more loud typing]
Troll 1: What are you afraid on the sun?
[trolls all talk at once]
Chris: I am not, I am not afraid
Clyde: (unclear) then why have you not, you know, uhhh I don't know. When's the last time you've been outside chris?
Chris: [sigh] I've been outside, I go outside every day
[Clyde says something, phone ringing]
Chris: I enjoy the air, anyway look, max wants me to tell you that uhh, Julie will be at HQ in ten minutes
Troll: (unclear)
Clyde: (unclear)I meanenjpy the air? I doubt it. I honestly think you're lying chris again?
[more load typing]
Chris: I am not lying to you! Ev- most everything I tell you is the truth and if I make uh I if I make a certain, if I say the wrong things its because I didn't know better at the time
Clyde: What do you mean you don't know better? You don't know what the truth and what the uh, flase is?
Troll 5: You can't tell right from wrong?
Troll 8: You lied to everyone when you said you were going to (unclear)
Chris: [sigh] Because they, because, because they were, because they were big time theories and my families wouldn't support me, I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO MAKE A TRIP
Troll 8: So why lie to us
Troll 12: My my aren't we a suffering joe
Troll 8: stuttering stanley, stuttering stanley
Clyde: Ok we don't need stupid insults, we need real insults, you know. I mean chris, again, last time you've been outside. Detail it for us. Don't just say you just went out for air, that's a lie
Chris: [sigh] I went out with my father this morning for one thing, to go get, to go get breakfast.
Clyde: Where? I'd like to know
Chris: And plus, and plus, plus he likes the comapny he takes the newspaer with him. I read the comics and he reads evry- uh he reads the rest
Troll 7: [laughs] comics
Clyde: You know I feel kind of bad for your father. All he wants is someone you know, intellignet to talk with but all he has is you
Chris: He has my mother to
Clyde: Well that to but someone of a male comradery, someone who can (unclear). You're not a very good son I take it
Chris: I AM A GOOD SON and they have raised me very hard and they have spent a lot of moeny on me and I love them very much and appreciate them very much for that
Troll 13: Almost too much. You seem to value their input more than you actually should. You are 26 years old, you are technically an adult but uhh-
Chris: Yeah but, it's not like, it's not like uhh. Look I have emotions and feelings and I uh I'm I'm more likely to stick to a routine and in order for me to make a big change I had to end upgiving it a lot of thought first
Clyde: Look Chris, this is the sad sad truth. You are going to grow up and die alone. I'm sorry to tell you this.
Chris: [sigh] Look leave me, just just shut up and leave me alone, leave me alone
Clyde: We tried to help y-
Chris: [interrupting] Leave my love life alone
Clyde: Whatever
[Chris seems to be reduced to tears and leaves, trolls all speak]

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