Bob Walks In

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The cybersex-chat with Julie, in which Chris is caught masturbating by this father, Bob.

Summary

What Chris imagines Julie looks like...

The Chandler family home only has one computer, and it's in the kitchen. Every time Chris wants to engage in cyber sex, he's spanking it in the middle of the kitchen/living room.

Valentine's Night, 2009: Chris was on a hot e-date with his ONE, TRUE AND HONEST SWEETHEART Julie. Chris was moaning sexy, sweaty nothings into the microphone as he furiously pounded his bent duck. Unbeknown to Chris, trolls were tipped off that Chris was firing some knuckle children and were dedicated to having Chris experience an awkward moment that would require Bob to watch his son stroking his bent duck, yelling like a horny retard. Three calls were made, the first two failing as Bob told them that Chris was "sleeping" (even though Chris was screaming "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" at the time). The final call, made by Miscreants agent Brian Bash, called up and told Bob "OH MY GOD, CHRIS MADE A VIDEO ON YOUTUBE AND SAID HE'S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF, YOU GOTTA STOP HIM!"

Bob dropped the phone, ran up the stairs and walked into his son's most intimate moment, and was, justifiably, horrified and appalled. In a rare moment of parental authority, he threatened to punish Chris by "cutting down the Internet". Chris, used to having things his way throughout his whole life, was appalled, confused and no longer aroused. The recording ends after Robert's many futile attempts to shut down the computer finally succeed.

This can be considered the pinnacle of the ongoing Chris-chan saga, as it represents a moment where Chris actually feels negative repercussions for his Internet behavior. It contains many memorable lines and is the height of emotional drama.

Daddy catches Chris having one off the wrist

“	Get away from the internet, I'm cutting it down!!!	”
Bob "The Internet Lumberjack" Chandler

“	NO DAD, NO!	”
Chris, during Goofy Time

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Transcript

Bob: Christian, what are you doing?
Chris: Nothing.
Bob: I’m getting all these crazy damn' calls. What're you doing?
Chris: Nothing.
Bob: Don't give me that crap. Now, what’s going on?
Chris: Dad, will you get out of here?
Bob: No. [string of Windows beeps] I will not. People telling me that you’re about to kill yourself on YouTube.
Chris: What?
Bob: What are you doing?
Chris: I’m not doin’ anything.
Bob: Want me to wake your mother up and find out?
Chris: No.
Bob: Then get out of here, and off that Internet.
Chris: Fine.
Bob: What is your trouble?
Chris: I am not going to kill myself.
Bob: Get away from that TV.
Chris: Fine.
Bob: Get away from the Internet. I’m cuttin’ it down, right now.
Chris: NO DAD NO!
Bob: Yes.
Chris: No!
Bob: What are you doin’?

[long pause, what sounds like the kitchen sink running, keys clicking on the keyboard, then single Windows beep]

Chris: Don’t do it, Dad.
Bob: I’m gonna shut this thing right down.
Chris: No.
Bob: Yes.
Chris: No! [pause] Dad, no. Stop!
Bob: Go wake your mother up; don’t bother me. Okay? [pause] Go wake your mother up! Don’t bother me!
Chris: Ugh.
Bob: Go and wake your mother up!
Chris: Ugh.
Bob: You tell mm-her what’s going on. This thing is gonna go down.
Chris: No!
Bob: Yes!

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