3 September 2009
- Chris says he's okay being just friends. However, one second later, he says that Kacey telling him they're just friends is like "stabbing him in the heart".
- Chris: "When I feel love, I feel da happy tingling, I feel happy, elated and ecstatic".
- Chris nervously asks if Kacey has ever drank alcohol, apparently Chris briefly drank a lot but now he only drinks "socially".
- Chris is confused and disappointed that Kacey still has feelings for Liquid Chris. Chris understands because he had strong feelings for girls in the past, but they were all trolls or they died.
- Kacey questions how Chris can be in love with so many girls.
- Chris gets mad about getting his PSN accounts hacked. Kacey points out that he's way more passionate about that than about those girls.
- Chris angrily recounts his one date with Faeryn and how she told him "I'm just not into you", and she totally "said that out of nowhere". Kacey asks what went wrong. Chris: "Maybe I did touch her a few times... but this was before I met you!" Kacey gets Chris to describe Faeryn, probably trying to get him to call her fat. He describes her as heavyset and a "wild fun one."
- Chris needs more "guy friends" to hang out with, Chris says he never socialized with guys growing up. Kacey says it's "kinda gay" that he only had female friends, so he backpedals and says that he had some male buddies growing up and they "hung out like straight men".
- Chris says that his autism makes it so he can't make any friends that are guys. Kacey says that Chris is bullshitting.
- Kacey says he was probably "too girly" for the other guys. Chris says he has done "boy things" such as playing soccer, volleyball, and football in high school.
- Chris blames his autism, his father, and other males for his not having male friends.
- Kacey says women are way more evil than men. Chris says "that's stupid," then goes on to say that he knows more about women than Kacey due to TV.
- Kacey asks if Chris has ever started a fight, Chris says he needs to "ponder about it" for a bit. He then says yes, with his father.
- Chris argues with his father a lot, gets pretty angry when talking about it.
- Kacey asks for a story, and Chris starts whining and raising his voice about his memory and how Kacey is asking too much of him.
- "I don't remember spoken words or what I've said".
- Chris says he's never started a physical fight, but he totally fought back when people beat on him
- Some kid punched Chris on the bus and knocked his glasses off. HE KNOCKED HIS GLASSES OFF. The fight was caused because Chris wanted to get off the bus before another kid.
- Chris claims he fought back (note that he tells a different version of this story to Jackie one year later).
- After this fight he got put on the Special Ed Bus, where some kid named Tony would tap him on the head and spit on him.
- Chris wouldn't move seats because he didn't want to find a new seat from what he would choose every day. "IT WAS MY CONSTANT ROUTINE THAT I RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS IN THE FRONT SEAT"
- Chris starts raising his voice and Kacey threatens to hang up.
- The "Special Aid Worker" on the bus didn't help Chris, Chris didn't like her because "she was all butch" and would raise her voice to Chris.
- Kacey suggests for him to type his stories up and to put them on CWCipedia. Chris thinks if the trolls hear about this they will mock him for it, but then says he'll think about it.
- Chris gets stressed out and asks permission to get off the phone.
Transcript
Chris: Hello?
Kacey: Hey, Chris. It’s Kacey. How are ya?
Chris: Hey, Kace. I’m okay. How are you?
Kacey: I’m okay. Just tired.
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: Long day at work.
Chris: Yeah, uh… [unintelligible] I fairly much-I fairly much got over what happened last night. And uh… you know, I’m still-I’m still gonna be friends with you. I just want to let you know about that.
Kacey: Y-you get over it? What do you mean by that?
Chris: C’mon, didn’t you get the email I sent you last night?
Kacey: Yeah, I did. You told me to watch some movies. I already did, and I was like, I don’t get it.
Chris: Telling somebody you’re gonna be – telling somebody whose hopeful expectations of something better than being just friends [unintelligible] just friends forever. That’s like stabbing him-that’s like stabbing him in the back or in the heart.
Kacey: And you think that trying to push attentions on somebody who’s in love with someone else isn’t like stabbing them in the heart?
Chris: I did not say that and I did not… I…
Kacey: Chris, you just can’t predict the future and you can’t force things on people, like I just want you to respect how I feel right now. I mean, actions speak louder than words. I mean… just, right now… I mean, I’m not saying I know what’s gonna happen, but you can’t wither. I mean… just, right now it’s like, you’ve gotta understand what I’m going through.
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: And for you to go behind my back and tell people that I’m gonna be your girlfriend… I mean, just, you know… you would ruin anything you could’ve had anyway. Just, right now is not the time, and you need to respect that. I’m not saying that I hate you or anything. I’m just saying… no.
Chris: Okay. I’m sorry.
Kacey: I mean, do you not understand how much pain I’m going through?
Chris: Yeah, I do understand. I do understand, you know? Yeah, the guy… he left you…
Kacey: Well, I don’t think you do. I mean, do you… do you even know what love is? What is love to you?
Chris: Love, to me, is like a lot of things. It’s complicated to talk about, like most anybody else would, but you know, when I feel love, it’s like I feel… I feel the tingle-I feel the happy tingling and I feel happy, elated, ecstatic… and the-and it just feels-it just feels really really good. And I still…
Kacey: Yeah, but love is pain too, you know, right?
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: I mean, love is just intensity.
Chris: Love is intensity?
Kacey: Yes. I mean, it could go either way. It’s not always good and it’s not always bad.
Chris: Yeah, okay. Actually, I understand that. Mmm… yeah, anyway… uh… I don’t really have much on my mind right now. Actually, I do have one question I had-I did want to ask you.
Kacey: Okay.
Chris: It may not be appropriate, but… yeah. Have you ever… drank? You know, alcoholic beverages.
Kacey: O-of course I have. I’m over twenty-one.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: I mean, I had my celebratory twenty-first birthday dinner at least. I mean, I don’t drink a lot, but… I-I have had drinks. Why do you ask?
Chris: I was just wondering, cause yeah, you know, I’ve had-I’ve had some myself and I don’t drinky as much either. [pause] I mean, it’s like, you know… uh… you know, at first I-I did more-did more often, because, you know, it just felt good, but then I realized that’s how bad it was. And then I-and then I stayed of it and I don’t do it as much.
Kacey: I-it’s not that bad if you do it in moderation. I mean, one drink won’t kill you or anything like that.
Chris: Yeah, one drink in a d-one drink in a day.
Kacey: Well, I mean, you can have more than one drink, it’s just that you don’t want to get to the point where it rules you, where like, you always have to have a drink.
Chris: Yeah. I don’t-I don’t feel like I have to have a drink every day.
Kacey: Well, that’s good.
Chris: Cause, you know, I’ll drink socially.
Kacey: Y-yeah, most people are social drinkers.
Chris: Yeah, okay. I just wanted to ask. Get that question out of the way.
Kacey: Okay.
Chris: Okay, umm… yeah, okay. So, you’re still having feelings for… uh… for Chris, yeah.
Kacey: O-of course I did. I was-I was gonna marry him. I mean, I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but … I fell for him really hard. I mean, you don’t know much pain I am-I’m in. I-I-It sucks that I can’t even see him, that I can’t hear him, that I can’t even touch him. I mean, i-it sucks. It hurts.
Chris: Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me before, you know. It’s like, you know, I had high expectations myself. You know, yeah, with the-with the women I talked to one at a time, of course you know, with them. And they either-they either turn out to be trolls or they died.
Kacey: O-or they died?
Chris: Yeah. Like… uh… Sarah Jackson for one was in an auto-automobile accident between her car and a truck. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie was involved in that brushfire last-brushfire last January.
Kacey: Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote love? [pause]
Chris: I don’t know. I do not-I have not kept count, but I’m talking about, like you know, yeah, w-we have actually talked to each other for a standard amount of time… and then they-and then they-either they turn out to be trolls or they died. [pause] And this is over the internet, by the way, like it happened between last-between last august and… uh…
Kacey: Would you really call that love though? I mean, if you can go in and out of it so easily?
Chris: I felt it. I felt it and I still feel for those-for those lost hearts, especially the ones…
Kacey: For all of them?
Chris: Well, the ones that died. I-I can’t really say that I have positive emotions, you know, for that thirteen-year-old brat who pretended to be a twenty-year-one… twenty-one-year-old girl for two… two-three… two-three months. So, [mutters incoherently] …was the first one that got into my Playstation Network account and conned me-and he con-and that little brat conned me out of so much DLC and even the [unintelligible] version of Burnout Paradise when it was just twenty dollars. [pause]
Kacey: Yeah, uh… I guess that would make you angry.
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: I mean, you just seem-you just seem more worked up about the video games than you do talking about love though. I mean, look at-look at the passion you showed, and then I asked you about love and you’re like “whatever.”
Chris: [sighs]
Kacey: I think… that’s just not cool.
Chris: Yeah, you’re right. It’s not. I mean, it’s just that I never learned love beyond… c’mon… it’s like, you know, I never even had my first date up until a few weeks ago, when I-when I went out on that one date.
Kacey: W-with who again?
Chris: I only-I only out with one date-on one date in my lifetime and that was with Faeryn [mutters incoherently] a month-a couple- a month or two ago.
Kacey: Oh, was she pretty?
Chris: Yeah, she was pretty, but after-but after one date, she was like “Oh, I’m not into you.” And then she just broke it-and then she just broke it with me like that. I mean, I was not-I did not feel the pain immediately, because I did have-because I did have one, and this was at the Apple-we had our date at the Applebee’s. You know, it was a Monday night?
Kacey: Uh-huh.
Chris: Yeah, I had one. But, it’s like, you know, her-it’s like, the emotions didn’t get me right away, but then… y’know, after I sober… uh… after a while, I sobered up and then it all-then it all…
Kacey: Well, I mean, if you weren’t sober, did you do anything inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
Chris: Wait, what?
Kacey: You said that you weren’t sober. Did you do anything in the date that was inappropriate? Maybe that turned her off.
Chris: [sighs] Well, yeah, maybe I did touch her a few times.
Kacey: Chris, we’ve talked about this!
Chris: Yeah, I know, but this was-this was before I met you. This was before I met you.
Kacey: But, you should know that anyway, you’re twenty-seven.
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: Um… you know, it’s just common sense. Well, I mean… um… since you said she was pretty… uh… what did she look like?
Chris: Oh, yeah. You saw the picture. Remember that trading card I gave to Kim?
Kacey: O-oh, that was her?
Chris: Yeah, in the-in the second half of the heart-shaped balloon. Yeah.
Kacey: Um… I-I really don’t remember that well. I-I mean, it’s like, I just kind of looked at Kim’s picture, cause you remember, I just commented on that.
Chris: Yeah, you did.
Kacey: So, so… uh… maybe you could re-describe her for me.
Chris: Yeah, she heav-yeah, she was a heavy-set girl. Kind of a redhead. Short, short hair. Uh… I think she was about your height. Uh, no wait. I’m sorry. She was a little bit taller. Um… [pause] yeah, she was-she was like… uh… she was-she was a wild, fun one, kind of. She worked at a book sto-she works at a book store over at the downtown mall.
Kacey: Oh, okay. Cool.
Chris: Mmm, all the details, I can’t remember off the top of my head, but the point it is… end-end of date num-at end of date number one, she just told me “I was not at all that into me-all that into you.” She was not all that into…
Kacey: [interrupting] What prompted her to say that? Did she just say that out of nowhere? Or did you-did you… proposition her? [pause]
Chris: Yeah, she pretty much said that out of nowhere.
Kacey: That seems odd. Well, if she would do something like that, she probably wasn’t very nice to begin with. I mean, I don’t do that when I meet guys. I don’t go up to the m and go, “By the way, I don’t like you!”
Chris: Yeah, I agree with you. [pause] But, you know, the point is though, I do-I do get lonely a lot, especially during night-during the nighttime, when I’m not talking to anybody.
Kacey: Well… uh… maybe you should go out and get some friends, like I, you know, suggested.
Chris: Yeah, Kim and I were just talking about that. Yeah, need to make more-need-need some more guy friend-need more guy friends to hang out with.
Kacey: Oh, yeah. That’s definitely good. You definitely should.
Chris:' Mmm… yeah…
Kacey: Some boys nights out.
Chris: Uh, yeah, Kim can tell you more about what we talked about in that conversation. But, yeah, it’s not that easy…
Kacey: Well, why can’t you?
Chris: Why can’t I make guy friends? Well…
Kacey: No, why can’t you tell me? I mean, should I get my information from Kim?
Chris: Well, I can’t ‘member all the details. I can tell you what I remember.
Kacey: No, that-that’s fine. Just… um…
Chris: Yeah… uh… anyway, it’s like, you know, yeah. I just basically-I just never cared for guys that much and… uh… I didn’t-I rarely socialized with guy-with men-with boys grow-growing up. Mostly-I mostly socialized with girls.
Kacey: D-don’t… okay. I mean, I don’t see why. If you-if you get friends with someone, it doesn’t really matter what gender they are. I mean, it seems like you’re being kind of biased, for no reason. I mean, that’s kinda gay.
Chris: [sigh]
Kacey: Look, most guys who have a lot of girlfriends would be like that. [chuckles]
Chris: Yeah… uh… well, I mean, I will admit, I did have a few-I did have a few buddies in my-I did have a few buddies in my lifetime. But, yeah. But, it’s like, you know, they… came-they came and gone. You know. But, you know, we hung out like-like-like a coup-couple of-like straight men, you know. It was okay. But, any-but, anyway, most-anyway, other than that… uh… I just never really-rrreally socialized with men as much as I did with women. Uh… boys…
Kacey: But, like I said, i-it feels like you did that because… you’re… biased. Not because the guys weren’t-were really mean or anything.
Chris: Yeah, well-yeah, think about this, though. I mean, this way like, all growing up, this-this is go-this is going on. My neighborhood consisted mostly of young girls. [stammers] …we were the same age. You know, we played together and all that. And, you know… [pause, sound of clock ticking, mutter incoherently] …I had more gal pals than I did… dude-than I did dude buddies.
Kacey: Oh, I mean… what about in school? There had to be way more guys in school you could interact with.
Chris: Yeah, I did-I did talk-I did- I told ya, I made-I had a few buddies in high-between the school life… but the point is, you know, yeah. I did not-I just did not have that many guy friends. [pause] It just never happened for me.
Kacey: I-I mean, but was it because… of you, your biasness, or just because… I don’t know.
Chris: I would say it would contribute to my autism. You know…
Kacey: Autism doesn’t make you hate genders, Chris.
Chris: [yelling] Oh, forget about genders! It’s like, you know I rarely talk to pe-autistic people rarely talk to other people, and they rarely…
Kacey: That’s bullshit, you know that, right?
Chris: [sigh]
Kacey: I mean, yes, they have social problems, but… I mean, you’re talking to me now. I have experience with this. Don’t try to bullshit me and play that card.
Chris: Yeah, okay, but I’m just saying, it’s like, you know… it was more… It’s like, okay, growing up I had the girls in the neighborhood. I was introduced to the girls and they were nice to me, they were friendly to me, and…
Kacey: Okay, and who’s to say the guys wouldn’t be? Maybe you just didn’t do a lot of guy things. Maybe you were too girly for them or something. Cause that’s the only way I could see, like, little boys picking on another boy. [pause]
Chris: I have do-I have done boy things. I’ve played sports.
Kacey: Like what?
Chris: You know, like basketball, volleyball, baseball…
Kacey: Volleyball’s not really I guy-sport. That’s really a girl-sport.
Chris: [interrupting] Soccer! Soccer. I’ve played a foot-I’ve played a little football.
Kacey: Well, I mean, then you should’ve been able to talk to lots of, you know, other boys your age. [pause]
Chris: Yeah, and all consider this: my father, he just constantly picked and picked on my nerves. He calls it teach me how to spaaaaar argumentatively and in talking. He just-he just called it that excuse. But, because of like, you know, he has to put it in that sense… it just, pretty much, paints a very sharp-very sharp, high-definition picture in my head about how boys would likely…
Kacey: That’s just your dad, Chris! That doesn’t represent every male in society. Maybe he’s just trying to be your father. Maybe he’s just trying to teach you something.
Chris: Yeah, but still, I mean like, you know… and also, I have watched television and I have often seen…
Kacey: Chris, we’ve talked about this. Television does not equal real life. You can’t use it as a basis.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, you definitely find in real life that… uh… men often do pick fights, in real life.
Kacey: No! Women pick more fights than men do. It’s what women do. I mean… you’ve gotta be kidding. Haven’t you ever heard of a catfight?
Chris: I’ve heard catfights.
Kacey: Yeah, women are way more evil, of the two genders, I promise you.
Chris: Now that’s-now that’s stupid. No, no, no…
Kacey: That’s not stupid at all! [chuckles] Obviously, you haven’t been around women enough. I mean, I’m a woman, I would know these things.
Chris: I have been around woman a lot in my lifetime, believe me. [pause]
Kacey: Well, I mean, I just don’t think you could speak for that unless you’re a woman, and you’re not a woman, are you?
Chris: No, I am not.
Kacey: Then you wouldn’t really know, now would you?
Chris: I guess that-would not know, I’m not a mind reader. [pause, belches] Excuse me.
Kacey: You’re excused. But, I mean, I, yeah, I think Kim’s right. I think you should go out and get some more guy friends.
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: I mean, okay, you’re a guy too. Have you ever started a fight?
Chris: L-let me ponder about that… that would be diving into my memories, right there.
Kacey: H-how can you ponder about it? You’ve either started a fight or you haven’t. If you’re saying “all guys start fights,” then you should’ve.
Chris: [sigh] Yeah, okay, well, I have-I have started fights, in retrospect. In return, I have picked on my father’s nerves, and gotten to start argument-and started fights with him.
Kacey: Okay, how?
Chris: You know-you know, it’s like, you know… I don’t know. It’s… like a current topic that comes up… I just… I don’t know, I just… find a nerve-I just randomly find a nerve that he’s bothered about and… uh… it’s like, you know, I end up picking on that and then he-and then he raises his voice at me, and then we get into an argument.
Kacey: You know, that sounds like stuff women do, but can you give me an example?
Chris: [high-pitched yelling] I… just gave you an example!
Kacey: You didn’t give me a real one, like you didn’t tell me like, what you said.
Chris: [still frustrated] Well, I don’t remember all the audio details.
Kacey: You don’t remember any details.
Chris: I do. I remember…
Kacey: Don’t raise your voice at me.
Chris: I remember-I remember details. It’s just, they’re mostly photographic. I can’t-it’s like, you know, I don’t ‘member spoken words or what I said.
Kacey: Pho… [sighs] never mind.
Chris: But, ye- I mean, but, yeah, it’s like, you know, when it really sinks in, I can-I can remember what was said. When it really sinks in.
Kacey: Well, I mean, okay, have you ever started a physical fight, like you accuse other boys of doing? [pause]
Chris: Yeah, I can honestly say I have not started a physical fight, even though I was physically beat on myself a few times in my life.
Kacey: Did you swing back? I mean, did you do anything? [pause]
Chris: Yeah, I did fi-I did fight back. [pause]
Kacey: When? Like, do you know of a time when you did that?
Chris: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know this one-yeah, I know the one time when on the scho-on the… uh… school bus, on the way home. It’s like, you know, I was a constant-I was, like, in constant... you know, I was sitting in the front seat of the bus, and this guy was sitting across the aisle, in the front seat as well… and uh… it’s like, you know, we were in constant competition with each other, and then when he… and then-and one of those times, when he really wanted to really get the jump on me and be the first out of the bus… it’s like, you know… yeah, he gave me-he gave me a physical… hit in the… hit in the-I don’t remember exactly where. But, yeah-but, yeah. Then I pun-then I punched back and then… and then… a couple more punches and then… he kno-he punched me so hard in the face, it knocked my glasses off. He knocked my glasses off! [pause]
Kacey: Well, did you bleed?
Chris: Yes, I did bleed.
Kacey: Like, from your nose or something? Or your lip?
Chris: Yeah, I had a few bleed spots from my face. I think-yeah, I had a nosebleed.
Kacey: What did your parents do? O-or was that when they took you off the bus and put you on the bus short?
Chris: That was when-right after that happened, they took me off the regular bus and they put me on the stupid handicapped bus.
Kacey: Well, I mean, you got to leave class a little early. Wasn’t that cool?
Chris: No, I did not have to leave class early. I left cla-I left class at the same time as everybody else.
Kacey: Oh, okay.
Chris: Buses-all the buses left at the same time.
Kacey: Sorry, most schools… uh… those buses leave earlier.
Chris: [sigh] Yeah, those-those buses did not leave earlier. They left at the same time. [pause] Anyway, I-anyway, I did-anyway, I cared not-I cared not care much for any of those handicapped bus rides, especially with the one reta-
Kacey: Why?
Chris: Okay, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one slow-minded individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.
Kacey: Why didn’t-why didn’t you just move?
Chris: I was sitting in my usual seat, you know, front…
Kacey: Well, why didn’t you just move? [pause] I mean, if somebody’s doing that to you, isn’t it common sense to move?
Chris: I did not want to move. My constant-my con…
Kacey: Well, then it didn’t really matter that much…
Chris: My con… [quickly quiets down] My constant…
Kacey: Uh-uh.
Chris: I’m talking. My constant routine…
Kacey: Doesn’t mean you need to…
Chris: …was riding on the right side of the bus.
Kacey: [sternly] Don’t you. Don’t you! Stop! You raise your voice at me again and I will-I will leave this phone call.
Chris: Okay, but still. It was my constant routine that I ride on the right side of the bus, on the front seat, and this guy was, like, two seats behind me.
Kacey: Okay, well then he really shouldn’t have been able to reach you, and even then, if it was bothering you that much, couldn’t you tell the bus driver or just move? Would it really have killed you to move?
Chris: Actually, no. Uh… yeah, I did-I did not like breaking my routine-oh, wait. I did eventually move. But, any-but, yeah, I did tell the bus driver. I also told the special aide… person that rode on the bus practically every bus ride. I did not care for much-much for her either. I mean, like, you know, I tried being friendly-I tried being friends with her, but… still, it’s like, you know, she was all-all butch and…
Kacey: Chris!
Chris: Very forceful. It’s like, you know, I just didn’t care much for her.
Kacey: What do you mean “she was all butch?”
Chris: You know, she constantly raised her voice, for one thing.
Kacey: Maybe she was just trying to establish authority. But, how does that make her butch?
Chris: Her tone of voice was butch.
Kacey: A-are you saying she had a deep voice?
Chris: Yes, she did have a deep voice. Yes she did.
Kacey: Have you ever thought of writing these stories down in the CWCipedia, so that people might be able to understand you more? You know, see what you’ve gone through?
Chris: I can’t think of everything for me to put on the Cwcipedia, and plus that kind of information is one that-only the trolls would just mock me about. “Oh, you rode on the handicapped bus! You were…”
Kacey: Yeah, but you’re… okay, but the trolls already know that, don’t they? Wh-maybe if you put these stories on there, your fans would appreciate you more.
Chris: I’ll think about it. I’ll think about that. [pause] Yeah, it’s a whole-so much-so many stories in my lifetime I-and I do remember them all. It’s just, you know, most of them are buried in my head, and it would take me a while…
Kacey: Well, I mean… well, how about… uh… old essays from high school, you know, so even-at least I could see more of your high school life? Like old English essays or something?
Chris: Yeah, okay, I have some of those.
Kacey: Okay, I would definitely be interested in seeing those on the CWCipedia soon.
Chris: Okay. I will definitely think about that and… uh… and I will consider putting-putting-looking-finding those and putting those in the CWCipedia, and I emphasize finding those…
Kacey: Well, don’t think about it. I wasn’t you to do that, okay. Can you do that for me?
Chris: I’ll put up a few on the CWCipedia, yeah.
Kacey: Thank you. Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Chris: Okay. [pauses, then sighs] Yeah, I’m kind of tired right now. Ummm… is it okay if we end-if we end-end it for now, tonight? We can talk-we can talk again tomorrow night.
Kacey: No, that’s fine.
Chris: Okay. Alright, well you take care. Stay safe.
Kacey: Okay.
Chris: Talk to you later.
Kacey: Alright, bye.
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