Mumble 10

“	I can tell in my heart that Julie is 19. I'm sure that Max can vouch for her age.	”
Chris

The tenth of the Mumble chats involving Chris. The loyal fanbase try to persuade Chris to travel to Cleveland to rescue Julie from the clutches of her evil brother, Max. Chris (and his mother) have some doubts, mostly that it is a sting operation in the manner of To Catch a Predator (which had stopped filming by 2009). One of the trolls tries to tell Chris an anecdote about independence and asserting yourself to gain the respect of your parents as you grow up, but Chris interrupts him and talks over his story.

Summary

• Trolls talk on an unrelated subject before Chris arrives.
• Chris says that Max took Julie to HQ, and asks if he could be hurt or jailed for going to pick her up. Trolls aren't' sure.
• None of them have heard of HQ.
• Chris has 5 days to pick Julie up from Miscreant HQ in Cleveland, Ohio.
• A troll says that Clyde is testing Chris's love for Julie, and he should go.
• Chris whines about the 400 mile, seven-hour drive.
• He's 'feeling insecure' about the trip. Even though he's an adult, he should respect his parents' wishes.
• A troll says that no force can keep true love apart.
• It's Chris's birthday tomorrow, he was born at 5:30 in the morning.
• Chris says that love is priceless, but he has to do all the work to get to Cleveland.
• His mum will say not to go, and is worried. He can't convince her to let him go.
• Barb is jealous of Chris loving another woman more than her. He has to respect her wishes.
• His parents pay for his gas. Son-Chu is Barb's car.
• Chris was born at 5:30 EST at Martha Jefferson Hospital, Charlottesville.
• Barb is worried about Chris being set up to be hurt or turned into the police.
• She said the same thing when he was going to visit Blanca - She could be underaged and Chris could be arrested.
• Chris can tell in his heart that Julie is 19. Max can vouch for her age. In her scanned ID picture, the year was blurred out.
• Trolls compare 'To Catch a Predator' - The person always tells the suspect that they are underage. Chris wouldn't be charged, as they all know Julie is 19.
• Chris leaves.
• Chris returns. Max cackles evilly. Sounds like canned laughter. This makes Chris suspicious about the trip.
• Max is watching Family Guy Chris gets distracted and starts talking about the episode, saying he loves it.
• Aunt Corina's funeral is later; he can't go now.
• Trolls say that this is a birthday test from God and he should go. Chris insists on talking to his mom first.
• Max has intercepted the video that Chris made for Julie. The girl who told him this says that Julie is also a troll.
• The trolls say that this can't be true. Chris agrees.
• He believes in her, Julie is a wonderful sweet 19 year old who wrote him a very nice letter and sent it in the mail with pictures that her friend took.
• A troll says that Julie wouldn't be a troll, she's been trolled her whole life by the Georgian government.
• Chris researched Georgia when looking for Molvania. A troll says that his schoolbooks had a map of Molvania.
• The troll no longer has a map, he had to burn his schoolbooks to heat his house.
• Chris has seen a map of Molvania, but not its surrounding countries.
• Max says he isn't a troll.
• Wait, Chris misread. He is a troll.
• A troll references Mumble 9.5. Chris says that they got to him emotionally so he can't remember the details.
• The trolls can't do anything about Max. He is a bad boy. One suggests googling The Miscreants.
• A troll makes a joke. Chris laughs, says that it's funny, but says he isn't in the mood to laugh.
• A troll asks Chris if he can tell a story. Chris interrupts: "Sure. Once upon a time..."
• Chris is looking at The Miscreants' website.
• Chris looks over Miscreant operatives and operations, detailing various acts of trolling against him. He seems to have minimal reaction to this list of various 'friends' and what they were assigned to get from him.
• PandaHalo being alive yields no response.
• The trolls says that nothing on the site is too bad. The Miscreants are either afraid of or testing Chris.
• Chris says that the ED page stops him from getting a job.
• Chris thanks the trolls for their input. He'll update his mom and ask for gas money.
• The trolls says that he needs to assert himself against his mother; she should respect him on his birthday.
• Chris says today is Aunt Corina's funeral, so he has to wait to get his and his mum's emotions out of the way before he puts his foot down.
• Clyde enters, sings happy birthday to 'Mister Sonichu'.
• Chris asks if he's going to be hurt or arrested when he goes to Cleveland.
• Clyde says he only wants to make sure he will never touch a woman; as he's not a man. He welcomes Chris to Miscreant HQ.
• Chris is going to talk to his mom and will come to Cleveland in the next few days.
• Clyde says he's doing this because Chris is a terrible person.
• Julie is not a captive, she's having the time of her life.
• Chris is off to eat and rest for the funeral. Clyde will send chocolates. Chris will talk to his mum after the funeral.

Transcript

“	Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.	”
Chris, describing his Oedipus complex

Fan 1: From what I read there's a way to take ownership of the files that are unaccounted for.
Chris: Hey everybody, I have -- I have a question.
Fan 2: From my understanding Max took Julie over to what is called "HQ".
Fan 3: Headquarters?
Chris: And uh, yeah. And uh, Clyde is setting things up over there. So is uh, just wanna know is Clyde planning on, like, to hurt me or get me into jail or anything like that if I go over to Cleveland to pick up Julie myself over at the HQ?
Fan: I dunno.
High-pitched Fan: I'm not sure, I'm just doing homework.
Fan: Uh hey, let me fix something here. Hold on a minute.
Chris: Alright, so nobody here knows, knows uh, has anybody here actually been to this HQ? This headquarters?
Fan: I dunno I just got here 15 minutes ago.
Fan: I don't know what that is.
High-pitched Fan: I just got here, too. I'm doing homework right now.
Chris: [sigh] Ahhhh...yeah, uh, Max, Julie's brother, uh, pretty much spirited away Julie, took her to the HQ, to the Headquarters, where The Miscreants, I think they were called are, and now, uh, Max wants me to come over to Cleveland within the next five days to pick up Julie from the Headquarters. And I'm just trying to find out, uh, if Clyde is planning, if he's going to put me, going to try to force me in jail or hurt me or anything like that.
Fan: Hmmm.
Fan: Hmmm.
High-pitched Fan: That would be unfortunate.
1Fan: I highly doubt it.
Chris: Highly doubt it.
1Fan: From what it seems Clyde is just trying to scare you.
Chris: I see.
Fan: Yeah, I think he's lying.
1Fan: I think that if you actually go up there it would show him that you are very serious about, you know, your feelings towards Julie, I had a whole big list of things I was about to say now and they just went boom. So to just to the chase here I'd just say go for it. And I'm pretty sure, if anything, Clyde would actually shake your hand and say, "Congratulations, you've finally done it."
Fan: Yeah, you should go and show him that you truly care about your sweetheart.
Chris: [sigh] Ok. [long pause] Yeah, you see, one thing is, uh, I mean I-I understand is that it's like a 400 mile 7 hour drive, according to MapQuest, between my address and... Max's address? But, yeah well Julie is living with Max, her older brother. Yeah, but anyway I was, anyway I was, still feeling like insecure about the trip, especially since like uh, you know even though I am an adult, I should respect my mother's and my father's wishes. And uh, still a little bit on the, you know, still gonna need a few dollars to get me to uh, Cleveland.
1Fan: Chris, I'm gonna say this.
Chris: Yes. I'm listening.
1Fan: If you truly love someone. Truly in your heart love someone, no force in the world, be it distance, be it a physical obstacle, anything, can stop you from being with that person. And protecting that person that you care about that much. This is one of life's little tests, Chris. And you need to take it head on.
Fan: Yeah. And I guess in less than 20 minutes you'll be 27.
1Fan: Happy birthday, by the way.
Chris: Actually, actually, thank you, actually, I was born at 5:30 in the morning. [long pause] Actually I understand love is priceless. But you gotta understand that there are limits on uh, on the distance. I mean love is priceless, but you know, I have to do all the work to get there.
Fan: Chris? Chris, what kind of mileage does your car get?
Chris: 35 highway. 25 city.
High-pitched fan: That's pretty good!
Fan: I wouldn't worry about it. And if you do get caught in some kind of trouble there are nice people out there that can help you. You have a cell phone, right?
Chris: Um, ok. Yeah.
Fan: There you go! You have no problem, man.
Chris: Yeah listen, that's another thing, that my mom, y'know my mom is like you know, she's gonna be telling me, don't go, don't go, I worry about you, and she watches a lot of television and it's like I'm trying, I've been trying, to get her to let me go to Julie in Cleveland...
Fan: Chris, I think you have to show your mom that you truly love Julie.
Chris: Yeah, but then my mom is also a bit jealous of me loving another woman... more than her. I mean I know, I mean I understand she's in a situation like, "cut the umbilical cord" you would say, I'm sure. But still, I have to respect my mother, very much.
1Fan: Well, Chris, you pay them for your room and board, right?
Chris: Yeah.
1Fan: Is there anything they do to support you that you don't pay for? Other than just, their moral support.
Chris: They uh, they give me food, and they uh, they also pay for my gas as well. And plus the car I drive is actually my mother's car.
Fan: Oh...
1Fan: Sorry, I gotta use voice activity because I'm tired of pressing my button here. And I'm gonna go on a rant here. Chris, I'm going to tell you a little story. Um, I've had the same problem back when I was younger, back when I was 18...
Chris: [Interrupts] Alright but uh, alright...
1Fan: When I turned 18. Let me tell you this, because it's very relevant to the situation.
Chris: Let me just say, uh, a thing though. It's like, I don't want to leave home without saying goodbye, though. That's not the kind of person I am. It's that I want to give my mom at least a notice-amount of time that, like, y'know, I'm going over to Cleveland, and I wanna uh, make sure I have uh, her consent, like you know, she's saying "it's alright, have a safe trip, come back soon." It's not like uh, I mean at this point she doesn't want me to go. But I'm just sayin'. Hey, unmute the rascal, please.
1Fan: [Laughs once].
Muffled Fan: It was just echo.
Chris: Oh uh, I'm sorry. Anyway I'm done, you understood me there, rascal, right?
Troll: It's 5:30 in the morning where, exactly?
Chris: 5:30 Eastern Standard Time I was born in Martha Jefferson Hospital in Charlottesville.
Fan: Thank you!
Other fan: That's what I needed.
1Fan: Ok. [pauses]
Muffled Fan: [Says something like "it won't cost that much money, it's not that big a trip, I've taken]
Chris: Yeah, but also, you know she does worry about me and I could be set up to be hurt, or turned into the police and arrested when I get there.
Fan: What would you have to do to be taken by the police?
Chris: Yeah, but also, uh, same thing happened before when I was about to go to Blanca. My mom didn't want me to go because it could have been a setup, like she would have been setting me up, like she would have been underaged, and then right there I'd be turned into the police.
Fan: That's entrapment, Chris.
Chris: Yeah, but y'know, I can tell in my heart that Julie is 19. I mean, I'm sure that Max can vouch for her age. Because you know, even though she did send me her ID, her scanned ID as an image, her birthdate is blurred out. So it's hard to tell the year.
Fan: Besides Chris, have you ever seen To Catch a Predator? Whenever they do their sting operations, they always have their fake underage boy or girl, whatever, always tells the person multiple times that they are not of legal age, it's like "Oh yeah, you know I'm 13 right?" And the person doesn't care. Which is why they get caught with child pornography or whatever charges they get caught on.
Chris: Alright, well, she repeatedly told me, she repeatedly informed me she was 19.
Fan: So if it was in fact a sting operation of some kind, you would be charged with nothing. Because you were not told she was underage. Besides, all of us already know she actually is 19.
Fan: Mmm hm.
Chris: Alright. Yeah. Yeah. Wait a moment, I'll be right back, okay? I'll be right back.
High-pitched troll: Anyone know how to do quadratic equations?
Fan: I haven't done those since I was in high school. I don't remember.
Chris: [Sound of Chris clumsily sitting back down at his computer and letting out a small sigh] I just went downstairs to see if I could bring my mom up here so she could talk to y'all but she's asleep right now.
Max: [Diabolical laughter]
Fan: What the?
Chris: Wait a minute, just a moment ago did I just hear Max, who quotes himself as being named Julie's brother, did he just give an evil laugh?
Fan: I think so.
Fan: Looks like it.
Chris: Yeah, so that just brings up some suspicion right there. I mean I'm just doing... you did not have to mute him to hear what he had to say! Oh, he just told me on Skype he's watching Family Guy.
Fan: Which episode?
Chris: He says "Mine... thing is on voice activated" Oh, it's the one... oh, I love that episode! It's the one where Meg sings. Becomes a pop star. Gets a makeover.
High-pitched troll: Oh, I remember that one!
Chris: Yeah, I have that episode downloaded on my Playstation 3.
Fan: Chris, now is probably the best time if you're gonna actually go and do this, to do it. I know your mom's asleep, but...
Chris: I cannot do it now, I have to go to my aunt Corina's funeral this afternoon.
1Fan: True. It's just kind of part of life. In a sense.
Fan: God is testing you on your 27th birthday, Chris.
Chris: [sigh] He's tested me before on the same situation as well. But yeah I guess I should talk to my mom better about that. You know tell her that I'll let her know that I have been assured numerously that it's not a setup. I mean even Max will back me up on that.
1Fan: Chris, what if she says no?
Chris: Really. Hmm. Really. Hmm. So what you're saying here is all the times I've received calls from trolls, telling me to F-off, or I'm a S-head, they've just been basically wanting me to prove myself and not out to hurt me or anything.
Fan: Did you receive any calls today or something?
Chris: Yeah. It's just that I received a call earlier, and that's where I learned Max found the video I sent to Julie of her own consent, she asked me to send her a video, and then you see, he said it got uploaded to YouTube, so I assume that uh, I mean at first I was shocked but then realized that since her brother, uh, Max was a troll at himself at one point or another that he probably found it and uploaded it.
Fan: Um, Chris.
Chris: And also, on that note, the girl who called me to tell me about that, uh, accused Julie of being a troll herself on that note.
Fan: Was she? She can't be a troll.
Chris: Yeah, I know. I believed -- I mean, I believe in Julie and I still believe in her that she is not a troll, and that she is a wonderful, sweet caring 19-year-old, who wrote me, who hand-wrote me a very nice letter, and sent it to me in the mail, and sent me her printed pictures that her friend took of her.
Fan: Yeah. Yeah. She wouldn't be interested in trolling. She's been trolled all her life by the Georgian government. Based on what she told me.
Chris: I'm sorry could you repeat that?
Fan: She doesn't have time to be a troll, she's been trolled all her life by the Georgian government.
Chris: The Georg -- OH, the country of Georgia. Yeah, I did research on that when I was trying to find Molvania on a map.
Screwhead: It's weird, my books, my old books have Molvania on the maps.
Fan: You couldn't find it?
Chris: So wait a minute Screwhead, you're saying that you have a book, that has Molvania?
Fan: That's funny, I was told it was unrecognized.
Screwhead: I have old books, but maybe the Mexican government is to recognize a country. You know, different from the American government.
Chris: Say, Screwhead, can you uh, can you uh, darn the echo, but anyway, could you find on the internet, a map of Molvania and its neighboring countries? I mean because I can tell right now that it's been neighboring Georgia. From what I understand, from what Julie told me, and her other friend told me as well.
Screwhead: Chris, you know that Mexico's not a very developed country. It didn't have internet until a couple years ago. So I'm pretty sure that...
Chris: [Loudly interrupts] Yeah, I understand that, I understand, I also understand that Molvania's 50 miles radius.
Fan: So I don't think I can find it. The old books are long gone. We had to burn them because we had to heat our house with fire, and we had to burn them.
Chris: Oh, that's sad, but I'm talkin' 'bout, you know, I'm asking if you know where I can find a map like you had in your books on the internet.
1Fan: You would just have to look around, I would assume.
Chris: You know what, I did internet searches, but it's like I find a map of Molvania, the country, but I'm not finding a map of Molvania and its neighboring countries.
Fan: I'm so sorry Chris but I don't think I can find it, I don't think there's a scan or something of the book, it's like, a schoolbook or something and they change every year, it's, I don't think so, sorry.
Chris: I see. Um, but listen, Max is telling me that he is not a troll and he uh, ask y'all what they think, because he said that y'all don't seem to care.
Fan: Mmm. I dunno.
Chris: Oh, oh. He said tell them that he is a troll. I misread it.
Fan: Uh...
Fan: Chris, you said that some trolls came in here earlier. What did they tell you?
Chris: Clyde was a [client?] among that group. Whole buncha stuff. They got to me emotionally. So it's hard for me to remember the details.
Fan: Oh. I see. I'm sorry, Chris. You should enforce security on this channel.
1Fan: Did you get any calls from the trolls today?
Chris: Yeah but ayway. Just answer Max's question, he sent, you know, he is a troll, and what you think, because y'all don't seem to care what he's saying here.
1Fan: What's he gonna do?
Fan: We can't do anything.
High-pitched Troll: He's a bad boy.
Fan: He's a bad boy, but I don't think you can do anything about that.
Chris: I told them what you did, Max. About spirting away Julie. To headquarters. To your headquarters.
1Fan: Chris, like I said earlier this is them testing you. We really can't do much but give you our support.
Fan: Mmm hm.
1Fan: We can sit there and shout at the trolls all we want, but, in the end, this is up to you, man. You have to go out and do something. You've got to get her back.
Fan: This is the start of a new life for you. In about six hours.
Chris: Oh, he said you'd prefer if I can call it Miscreant Headquarters. [Chris gets confused] Oh, actually he says he'd prefer it if I called it Miscreant Headquarters.
1Fan: [Mock contempt] I don't care what they are.
Fan: You could Google it. It's like an organization, right? Maybe they have a web page or something
Chris: [General sighing noises]
Fan: Rascal is not interested.
1Fan: Rascal is more interested in things like soda.
[Laughter from the Trolls and Chris]
Chris: Thats a little funny. I'm just not in the mood to laugh right now.
1Fan: Well, I mean, we don't blame you. It's kinda a serious situation you're in right now.
Fan: I think i found the website. Hold on a second
Chris: Uh, don't worry about looking it. He told me to Google it, so I'm loading my web browser now.
Fan: It's [unintelligible] only. I don't know if you can find it, really.
1Fan Chris, can I tell you a story?
Chris: Alright, once upon a time...

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