BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5

BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5 was a continuation of the third PlayStation Network chat between "Julie" (BlueSpike) and Chris, held on 18 February 2009.

This chat is notable because of Chris's stunning lack of geographical knowledge, his blatant racism and for talking about his father.

Summary

• Chris wants to know if Julie saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, a romantic comedy.
• Chris reads the plot summary from the box. He wants that to be their first movie together.
• Some audio troubles.
• Chat moves into impersonations. Chris impersonates various Simpsons characters.
• Uncle Ruckus is Julie's favorite impersonation, so Chris does an impersonation as well as singing 'Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There'.
• Chris is old fashioned and wouldn't date a black chick, but he definitely would fuck her.
• He doesn't mind Chinese people but likes Japanese people. Does terrible accents for them both... which are identical. He even admits as much but claims it doesn't matter since they basically speak the same.
• Julie is mad that Bob doesn't like Molvania, Chris says it's because he can't find it on a map. Bob has been to Korea (in Europe) during the Korean war in the Signal Corps.
• Julie wants a Jewish impersonation. Chris imitates Mort from Family Guy.
• Julie realizes that Korea isn't in Europe. Chris claims it's on the "west" coast of where-ever it is, then retracts that and says "east" instead.
• Julie wants to know why Bob is sour. Chris says he is old but Bob can be pleasant.
• Bob was fixing a CD player, looking for a power cord in their landfill of a house.
• Bob worked at GE, has designs in Cleveland and Riveroma.
• Chris says Riveroma sounds like a river and "hopes the river is wide enough", as per the song. He then claims he made this line up.
• Julie wants to know about Indians, but can't decide if she means Indians from India or Native Americans.

Transcript

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (00:00:00)

[We join Julie and Chris in medias res, carrying on their previous discussion.]

Julie: Do you accept that though?

Chris: I accept that.

Julie: Thank you Chris, that means a lot.

Chris: 'kay.

Julie: So is there anything you want to talk about?

[pause]

Chris: I dunno, uuuuhm... [pause]

Basement Rosechu: [faint, in the background] Opera!

Chris: H-Have you uh... [pause]

Julie: What?

Chris: Have you seen Nick & Norah?

Julie: Nick & Norah?

Chris: I- Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

Julie: No, I haven't seen it yet.

Chris: It's a fun movie.

[Chris and Julie talk over each other]

Julie: Oh. What's it about?

Chris: I just watched it- I rented it.

[pause]

Chris: Yeah, it's basically a romantic comedy.

Julie: Mm.

Chris: Uhhh... Nick and Norah met at... uhh at a concert-type thing. And it's like they first meet as strangers, and then she- and then she finds out that he's the guy that uh, did the uh, mint CD's for... his ex. And that uh you know, her f- his ex uh, threw it in a garbage can and uh, Norah's been taking them and copying them to her iPod.

Julie: Ahh, a'right.

Chris: E-anyway, it's a fun romantic comedy.

Julie: It sound pretty good.

Chris: I'd like- uhh, if you want, that can be the first movie we share together. I can re-rent it.

Julie: Sure I would enjoy that.

Chris: A'right. Actually uh, lemme uh- uh- I'll read you the description from the back of the box here.

Julie: Okay.

Chris: Says here: After a chance encounterrrrr... Nick and Norah embark on a journey to New York in the rock scene on a quest to find the secret show of a legendary band and wind up finding each other. [pause] Stars uh, Michelle Sarah and Kat Dennings.

Julie: Oh.

Chris: There's the cover.

Julie: Oh. Cool.

Chris: That heart is in uh- is a pair of earphones.

[audio returns to being quiet]

Julie: I see, yeah.

[faint sound of mouse clicking]

Chris: [Due to Chris's mumbling and low audio volume his precise words are inaudible, but the general gist is that he is describing the cover of the movie.] -you can see on- on the cover here. I have a mini poster of that movie.

Julie: Oh.

[pause, more mouse clicks]

Impressions (00:02:38)

[audio returns to normal]

Julie: Oh. Oh. Yes..

Chris: Yeeees. [Chris is doing a poor Mr Burns impression]

Julie: Indeedily, deedily, daddily, do?

Chris: Eeexcellent.

Julie: Hah!

[pause]

Chris: I gotta little thing- Mr Burns there.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Eeexcellent.

The picture of a married woman Chris is pretending to be (and faps to).

Julie: Oh- can you do your impersonation of Homer?

Chris: [pause] [inaudible; very poor Homer impersonation] -but it's okay! Doh doh doh doh!

Julie: [pause] Crap. Good impression!

Chris: [high pitched screeching] Oooh, look at me, I'm Marge, I'm Homer's wife.

Julie: Huh. That's a great impression.

Chris: [horrific sucking noise, as though Chris was enjoying a nice, healthy, 100% all meat pickle]

Julie: Heh.

Chris: That's Maggie.

Julie: Chris, can you guess what my favorite impression is?

Chris: Uhh- Donald Duck?

Julie: That's a good one but... that's not my favorite!

[pause]

Chris: Uncle Ruckus?

Julie: A-hah! That's the one.

Chris: [Chris does a poor Uncle Ruckus impression] [inaudible]- them God-damn new niggers over dere [sic]. Now just singing a song I just made up and you sing along if you know the words. But then again how can you know the words to this song I just made up, I haven't told them to you before.

Julie: Heh. Can you sing the song later p-please?

Chris: [horrific, off-key warbling] Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Nooo nooo no no no no no no way no no not dem new niggas over dere!

Niggos (00:04:50)

Chris will definitely sleep with them.

Julie: Mmm! Oh, that's really good. Can I ask you a serious question though?

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: What-What do you think about black people?

Chris: [pause] In general a black- black people are okay and they are respectable.

Julie: Yeah!

Chris: I have nothing against black people personally.

Julie: Ahh.

Chris: And uh-

[Julie cuts into Chris]

Julie: Oh, sorry.

Chris: I'm sorry.

Julie: No, you go.

Chris: Okay. Yeah well, it-it does- when it comes to the women, I-I'm... I am willing to be friends with them, and I'll sleep with them, just like uh any other woman, but I would not want to date a black woman.

Chris, predicting his hatred of Mao in the future.

Julie: Why not?

Chris: Mm- just called me old fashioned, the way I was bought up.

Julie: Oh, a'right. Well what about um... what about Chinese?

Chris: I don't like Chinese people.

Julie: Ahh.

Chris: They're okay.

Julie: Mm.

Chris: Yeah I like [Chris does a very poor Japanese accent] Japanese people too.

Julie: Mmm hmm, yeah.

Chris: [Chris does a very offensive Chinese accent] Look at me, I'm Chinese! Look at me, I'm Chinese!

Julie: Hah. Hah hah! [audio cut] -Japanese.

Chris: [normal voice] What?

Julie: Wait was that Japanese or Chinese?

Chris: [offensive accent returns] Yeah well no matter-ie they all speak-ie funny.

Geography, Father Talk (00:05:55)

Julie: Hah. Phh- bwhwa. Ah. [suddenly serious] Chris, do you think we could talk about your father for a bit?

Chris: Sure.

Julie: Yeah. Like, why doesn't he believe Molvanîa? It makes me really mad!

Chris: I guess just because he can't find it on the map.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: ... for one thing. And he's traveled to uh, U- Europe at least, he's been to uh- I think it was North Korea... during the Korean war- he-[Windows beeping] he was in the signal corps.

Julie: Mmm.

Chris: Worked on the uh, technish-technical stuff and all that.

Julie: Mmm. Well I just thought of something- what about um-

Chris: [soft] What was your thought?

Julie: -do you think you could do a Jewish impersonation? I'm sorry, but could you?

Chris: Jewish impersonation...?

Julie: Yeah you know, a-an impersonation of a Jewish person.

Chris: I don't know, I guess I could uh- I guess I could imitate Mort.

Julie: Sure!

Chris: [pause] [nasally, neigh inaudible rasping, feeble attempt to imitate Mort] Peter- Peter I need to know where the bathroom is because I took an uh, dead thumb in the uh, break-van and I really gotta go poop.

[Transcriber's note: Seriously, I've been over and over this, I have absolutely no idea what Chris is babbling about in the quote above since the audio quality is horrible and the terrible, offensive accent makes it almost impossible to make out. I am GUESSING that he is basing this quote on the opening scene of Family Guy's Road to Germany, where Mort says to Peter: "Peter! May I use your restroom? I took a laxative and a stool hardener, and urhg. They're fighting it out in there...!"]

Strange, Bob was actually serving quite near to Molvanîa.

Julie: Huh. Wait, I just realized- Korea isn't in Europe.

[Windows beeping]

Chris: It isn't?

Julie: No, it's... it's not.

Chris: Hmm. Well, maybe I'm mistaken then, but I know it's on the uhh... west coast of that... area there.

Julie: Ahh.

Chris: Oh no wait- not west, east.

Julie: Yeah. Hmm.

Chris: I got- I got the left and the right mixed up.

Julie: Well it's a'right.

Chris: You know that's funny sometimes how people can get their left and their right mixed up?

Julie: Yeah. [pause] Wait, that's Asia. Not in Europe.

Chris: Okay. Hmm... yeah. Asia.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: That's right.

Julie: Uh huh.

Back to Bob. (00:07:55)

[pause]

Julie: So.

[pause]

Chris: Right, so we talk about B- we talk about my father.

Julie: Yeah. It's like, why is he- I-I really don't wanna be rude- but why is he so sour and everything?

Chris: Why is he so sour?

Julie: Yeah, why is he so [beep] sour about everything?

Chris: Uhh, just because he's old.

Julie: So he finds more ways to argue... wait, what's the expression you used?

Chris: Oh yeah, he- he starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump.

Julie: Yeah, you're right.

Chris: But you know uh, when he's not- when he's not picking out an argument he can be a pretty pleasant conversationalist.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: He could be a tour guide.

Julie: What was he doing anyway, uh- fixing a CD player?

Chris: Uh yeah he's got uh, one of the battery operated CD players we had laying around and uh... he was t- he was testing... that.

Julie: Ahh.

Chris: He asked me if I knew- if I uh knew where he could find the power cord to it, but I haven't... seen it- seen one in there.

Julie: Oh.

Chris: Mmm. So that's- yeah. I did tell you he worked at General Electric, designed the controls for the plastic molding machine.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah apparently uh, he had some designs over in the- over in the uh- o-over in [Skype noise] -Cleveland or a nearby city, [inaudible] I think it was?

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Riveroma?

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Sounds like river.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: I hope it's wide enough.

Julie: Yeah. Me too.

Chris: I just made that up.

Julie: Hey Chris, what do you think about Indians?

Chris: Uhh, are you talking about uh, Native Americans or people from India?

Julie: Uhm... Native Americans. No wait- yeah, actually.

[tape runs out]

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