Difference between revisions of "Chris and writing"

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[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]
: ''This article discusses Chris's writing from a literary perspective. For Chris's general abilities with written English, such as with spelling and grammar, see [[Chris and English#Written language]].''


While [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has not shown his mastery at [[Chris and English|composing titillating pieces of literature]] as often as he has [[Chris and art|astounded us with his artistic skill]], he has nevertheless shown what he has been capable of '''writing''' through his [[Sonichu (comic)|outlandish webcomic]], several ill-guided blogging attempts and multiple short pieces of fiction and poetry.
[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn.]]]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I do believe it wouldn’t be published, not because of the [[Chris and art|art style]], but because of the story. I mean, no one wants to read this.|Comic artist Mara Wild, on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''.<ref>[https://areomagazine.com/2019/06/28/the-strangest-fandom-on-the-internet/ The Strangest Fandom on the Internet], 28 [[June 2019]]</ref>}}
 
[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.


== General problems ==
== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''


=== Tunnel vision ===
===Chris's English skills===
Writing is more than just putting words after one another. Well-built characters have things in their past and things in their behavior that need to be worked out in advance. Characters are connected to one another. The milieu of the stories needs to be fleshed out. The fictional universe has its past, present and future. Once these details are decided, the writer has to stick with them. All of these things are needed to produce great stories. Before writing anything, the author must ask "what ''will'' this story be about?" Once the story is finished, the author must ask "I need to write a back-cover blurb, so what ''was'' this story about?"
: ''Main article: [[Chris and English]]''
 
At the heart of it, Chris's writing is rather two-faced. Despite the subject matter frequently being [[The Incredible Lioness|completely unsuitable for children]], Chris shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. But at times, he throws in (and misuses) [[College|college-level]] vocabulary words and attempts to use advanced sentence structure; he is quite fond of semicolons, even if he uses them to link together two unrelated sentences, in order to make his stories more "professional". The result is a confusing, jumbled writing style.
Chris has problems comprehending the "big picture" of his works. He has a general vague idea of where he's going, but he's unable to work on internal consistency. He keeps introducing details that lead to illogical conclusions. For example, in [[Sonichu 10]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] is introduced as a direct response to trolling, but her introduction contradicts everything we know about how [[Sonee & Rosey|Rosey]]s grow: she can speak when she's barely out of her egg, and grows up in about a week.


He also has great problems explaining what his comics are supposed to be about, and what the general game plan is. If he even ''began'' to describe it, it'd be a start: "A bunch of Sonic/Pokémon hybrids slack off, boink each other's brains out and kick rent-a-cop ass, whenever the series creator isn't using the comic as a soapbox."
===General issues with the comic===
Chris frequently pauses from the action to describe exactly what a character is wearing and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] [[Autism|in unnecessary detail]], even when it has no relevance to the plot. Inversely, he frequently [[Evan|glosses over important things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Even in "action" scenes, Chris will frequently pause in order to introduce something completely irrelevant.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref> The overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet. Also, Chris has the habit of using the font Comic Sans to type, which while commonly used for material intended to be read by children, is generally considered lazy, cliched and ugly. Chris's use of the font is particularly incongruous, especially since it has been used to lovingly describe such scenarios in ''Sonichu'' as mass murder, [[Chris and sex|gratuitous sexual activity]] and [[Chris and coping#Power fantasies|blatant wish fulfilment]]. Luckily, in [[Sonichu 12-9]], he moved on to Proxima Nova. However, there are other comic book fonts that more closely resemble professional comics out there, some of which can be downloaded for free.


=== Exposition ===
Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. This isn't bad writing, as several movies like {{w|The Social Network|The Social Network}}, {{w|Mission Impossible: Fallout|Mission Impossible: Fallout}}, and even [[Star Wars|Star Wars]] had its plot being written up along as they were being filmed. But the difference is that those events made up in these films made sense while Sonichu's events are randomized. Chris regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and [[continuity|contradicts what has come before as he pleases]], unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience. He also often introduces and foreshadows seemingly important plot elements that [[Darkbind Sonichu|never substantially contribute to the plot]] or are dropped abruptly when Chris [[Anchuent prophecy|loses interest in them]].
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}


One of the big problems that plagues Chris's writing is that he relies too much on exposition rather than implications from the actions and dialogue. Chris drops us a bunch of information, and assumes that is all that needs to be told. Part of this is just due to his inexperience as a writer ''and'' a reader, but part of it definitely comes from his [[autism]]: sticking to bare facts and not considering the fact that people need different kinds of information that pique their interests.
===Chris as a graphic storyteller===


[[The High School Story]] is extremely exposition-heavy; indeed, it's a piece that has nothing ''but'' exposition. In this story, Chris is telling a tale like he would be telling about something that happened in real life (which, incidentally, is not very far from the truth) — the whole story could be used as an illustration of the "[[wikipedia:Show, don't tell|show, don't tell]]" rule.
To the surprise of nobody, Chris is no [[Alec Benson Leary|Alan Moore]] and ''Sonichu'' is no ''[[Asperchu|Watchmen]]''. Chris makes no effort to work to the strengths of the medium of graphic literature, and instead approaches writing comics more like a [[television]] series or [[anime]] in structure, using storytelling techniques and visual information that work in those mediums but not so well on paper. He is ignorant towards comic books and how they are supposed to work as a sequential narrative. Despite a desire to work for major companies like {{w|DC Comics|DC}}, {{w|Marvel Comics|Marvel}}, {{w|Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse}} and {{w|Archie Comics|Archie}}, Chris has never shown any real interest towards those companies and their publications, though he did seem vaguely aware of the miniseries ''{{w|Marvel Zombies}}'' in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|one of the Alec calls]], criticizing its [[Sonichu 10|violent]] and [[Parody|parodic]] nature despite admitting to having [[Naïve|never read it]]. Within ''Sonichu'' itself, his Mary Sue insert has referred to the comic as an anime (not a manga) and himself as its director, and has given it ratings such as TV-14, etc., which only apply to television standards. ''Sonichu'' isn't so much a work designed to be a comic, which balances graphic and literary story telling, but rather an economic storyboard and/or script for a hypothetical TV show or video game, peppered with his other secret weapon...  


When confronted with sentences like ''"Now, Terrah was a Great Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Menchi-Nasu High"'', your average reader will probably ask "yes, but what was that artwork ''really'' like? How exactly was she praised, and who praised her? This story doesn't tell that!" As is often demonstrated, Chris doesn't like to elaborate on things, and assumes everyone gets the whole picture from a single statement of fact.
=== Exposition ===
[[File:SchuComic10P3.jpg|thumb|If only there was some way that events and actions could be depicted visually, rather than as endless and tedious walls of Comic Sans.]]
[[File:SchuComic10P65.jpg|thumb|For fuck's sake.]]
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and a transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}


We don't hear of examples of Terrah's masterful brushwork or competent scene composition in her paintings, or hear of her painstaking attention to detail as she worked the clay, sweat on her brow, barely aware of the passage of time, in the eerie, slightly flickering glow of the fluorescent lights in the art classroom in the basement of the aging public school — a grossly underfunded institution that was barely equipped to let her reach her full potential. We don't hear of the suppressed tears of her classmates as they gaze upon the artwork that is utterly and totally full of Win. We don't hear of her teacher discussing the latest works of the little prodigy with other teachers over coffee. ''Because that would be showing.''
A common thread in discussions of Creative Writing is the doctrine of "show, don't tell" when writing fiction; rather than having events merely be told to the reader through characters, if possible, the author should feature the scene as it happened, with the characters being a part of it. This point was clearly lost on Chris.


Furthermore, Terra's artistic skill is not introduced into the story until it becomes a plot point, when she feels she should win an award based on it. If she is as artistically-inclined as Chris intends, this trait should be introduced much earlier in the story, as it is certainly far more plot-relevant than, say, the character's homophobia.
As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>


When answering a letter in [[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]], Chris shows that he's under the impression that this level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics. Also, he lets us know that he's just being [[Chris and money|cheap]], since he can save money on markers by just writing down what happened, instead of having to illustrate it.
When Chris ripped off the comic Rosechu's Story for use in [[Sonichu 15]], he added in heavy exposition. When criticized by fans, Chris commented:


This isn't to say that using only exposition would be always bad. "[[How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls]]" is an example to the contrary, because many myths are told in a highly expository manner, as a recounting of events that happened long ago. For example, when people read about God creating the light in Genesis 1:3-4, they usually don't ask what "it was good" ''really'' means; no one, aside from a few enthusiastic theologians, immediately asks what God's ''motivation'' was in creating light, or how He might have ''really felt'' that day. Readers can't expect answers to those questions, because the events happened long before they were written.
{{quotebox|[Rosechu's Story] definitely compares and contrasts to my own that goes beyond literal small talk. In my defense on the heavy dialogue: I have lots of wisdom and thoughts to share, so I digress.


===Plot construction and tension===
It beats saying one line, leaving it at that, and Not getting the explanation and thought across. Big difference between #TeenTitans and #TeenTitansGO: GO has decreased explanatory dialogue, and look at how crappy it is. The original show offers the greater detail in good ways.<ref>[[July 2019 social media posts]]</ref>}}
In any story, the best part about the story is the plot itself. It's what moves the story and what draws readers' attention to it. It could be said that ''coming up with interesting things that could happen'', ''coming up with interesting characters'' and ''telling how those characters interact and either make things happen or hinder the progress'' are some of the basic construction materials of any stories. If the story lacks any sort of interesting little hooks, readers will not give a damn about the story, and will stop reading and turn away. Sadly, when Chris builds plots, there's no drive or feel to it, thus making it seem like everything's ''there''. Many times, it is that way.


====The Challenge====
In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks (some notable offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref> *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.), which shows that the idea of onomatopoeia is lost to him. In these cases, examples including "SLICE", "THUMP", "WHOOSH" and, perhaps, "SQUEAK" would have told readers the same thing, but with a lot more emphasis on what's going on.
[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu using a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]
While Chris does have a ''few'' good ideas (derivative or otherwise), he tends to pull it through as quickly as possible, with very little real suspense. Chris has built a cast of recolored characters, and he has come up with some sort of events that these characters must go through. Sadly, though, he puts zero effort in making characters interact in any plausible manner. Chris's characters never have to actually ''prove'' to the reader that they're able to advance the plot: we ''know'' they'll do it, not just because Chris gives out future spoilers like hamburgers, but mainly because they're Chris's heroes and Chris's heroes NEVER fail.


In competently-put-together stories, heroes would need to prove to the readers that they're able to conquer the challenge ("It's not impossible: I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home; they're not much bigger than two meters"), or show that the heroes are ''learning'' to be able to conquer the challenge ("They say The User lives outside the Net and inputs games for pleasure. No one knows for sure, but I intend to find out"). Sarah Connor eventually figures out that weeping and cowering won't work and kicking Terminator ass is perfectly doable once she figures out how. Neo must first blow his frigging mind to become the One and destroy the Matrix. Frodo must face the fact that he's just a plain ol' hobbit (and hence saving the world is a little bit out of his league) and that the One Ring is messing with everyone's head, including his.
[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee! Hee!" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. The [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]


In Chris's stories, good guys win ''by default''. Many, if not all, of the battles in his series seem to be utterly one-sided and boring. Most of the time, this is caused by Sonichu or Chris having a power that is needed right then and there without any explanation. A good example of this is the battle between Sonichu and [[Liquid Chris|"IBAChandler"]] in Sonichu 9. IBA shows up for a grand total of ''one page'' before getting curb stomped by Sonichu using an attack he has never used before or since. In a way, it shows that only one Chris can exist, but at the same time, that fact that Sonichu defeated the person without even breaking a sweat shows that Chris has no real patience for thinking what kind of characters IBA and Sonichu ''are'', and if they ended up in a fight, what kind of battle would it be. Sonichu is a hero, hence he must win; IBA is a villain, hence he must fall. No further explanation is required in Chris's mind, and the one-page confrontation is just a courtesy for the reader.
=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''


====Drama====
Chris's characters, as they are written, are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. In his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|second call with Alec Benson Leary]] Chris explained that because he considers all of his characters to be very much real, living things that exist in [[C-197|some sort of cartoon universe]], giving them flaws would amount to tormenting a living creature (in the context of the conversation, Chris defended bleaching [[Asperchu]] into "Mitch Sonichu" because the character shouldn't have to suffer his original name). His general response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.


Drama is also a hard thing for Chris to do. In well-written stories, characters usually have to jump hurdles after hurdles to reach their goal. At times, they have to make certain choices that could either help them, or bite them in the ass in the future. Chris, being Chris, believes in the saying that they should "have their cake and eat it, too." Going back to Sonichu 9, Sonichu is confronted with a choice: let Reldnahc take over CWCVille or Rosechu dies. If Sonichu really were the Sonic ripoff he was, he'd probably attempt to save Rosechu and somehow be stopped in the process, then given the ultimatum again. Instead, Chris forgoes it and has Bionic and Darkbind save the day not even a page later. It is possible that many of Chris's ''deus ex machina'' moments could be derived from [[Sailor Moon]], in which the titular heroine, whenever she gets in over her head, is always rescued by a ''deus ex machina'' — in this case, by Tuxedo Kamen, her love interest.  
The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective, including [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|small children]].  


A competently-written hero usually will be able to save both the love interest and society at large, but it will take that much more drive, courage, ingenuity, and skill. If the character is going to completely win, then the audience expects a little extra effort to justify this, and a ''deus ex machina'' will not satisfy. A particularly blatant example of this is the cover art for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', which depicts Chris having already beaten his various enemies, thus diffusing any possible tension.
This in turn leads to only three basic stock personalities. All males (except for Chris) are superficial idiots who are only interested in fucking and enforcing Comic-Chris's [[CWCville|draconian laws]], all of the females (with the partial exception of [[Slaweel]]) are [[Women's rights|vacuous sluts who only want to fuck, shop and cook]] (in that order, no less), and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic-Chris]] comes off as a murderous, insane dictator of a militaristic city-state enforced by a paramilitary secret police and a pack of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|super-powered goons]] with immunity from [[Chris and the Law|prosecution]] and freedom to commit any [[Sonichu 10|atrocities]] they ([[Gun Comic|and he]]) please, utilizing a [[Magi-Chan|psychic hedgehog]] to spy on his citizens to make sure there are no [[homos|gay people]], and gleefully reveling in the pain he inflicts on those whom he deems unworthy.


A more succinct example of Chris's approach to dramatic buildup can be seen in [[Sonichu 10]]. Ever since Sonichu 5, Chris and the Chaotic Combo's main goal was to find and unite the seven Sonichu Balls to free [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] from the [[Dark Mirror Hole]]. From that point on, Chris, Sonichu and the others traveled through time, dealt with evil trolls and scoured the ocean to search for the balls. After two episodes of events that really don't mean anything, Chris is pulled out and, after spending most of the third episode dealing with trolls, he ''finally'' gets around to freeing Crystal. What should have been a momentous occasion is turned into a jaw-dropping ''"That's it???"'' moment when all Chris, as Collosal Chan, does is walk into the mirror, pick up Crystal and walk out as if he was just grabbing something from the other room! It's less of a momentous occasion and more of a ''"If that's all we had to do, then why did we spend so long WAITING for it?!"''.
Just as the protagonists are designed to be Chris's bland, homogenous vision of ideal heroism, the antagonists are simply evil for the sake of evil. The villains more often than not act with no apparent motivation whatsoever other than an abstractly contrived desire to bully Chris by sabotaging his heroic efforts to get a girlfriend. How they would prosper from this is unknown, especially considering that they have not once ever come close to defeating the Hedgehogs. Since Chris doesn't see the appeal in protagonists with flaws, he likewise doesn't see the appeal in villains with redeeming qualities (probably because most of his enemies are avatars of real people whom Chris genuinely believes are involved in a [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy]] against him). The closest thing to a sympathetic villain is [[Blake]], but only because he has a raging [[I am STRAIGHT|heterosexual]] libido just like all the other furries in the comic.


====Love====
Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating (in exposition, of course) something akin to "it just happened." With Blake, who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he defects to the side of good. His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] (who beat him almost to death a few issues prior) and a brief, nonchalant mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reasons the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. Blake isn't even the worst offender, either; no reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''. Despite last being seen as a rival to Chris, yet still ostensibly on his side, Wes is suddenly placed with the antagonists, long after seemingly becoming irrelevant in Chris's [[Chris and reality|reality]].


Another thing that Chris has no drive to prolong is the need for love interests. In many series, potential love interests, upon meeting, either hate each other's guts, are oblivious to one's feelings, or start out as good friends and work their way to being lovers. Ongoing comics tend to wait years for character A to finally fall in love with character B. Series centered around romance, especially ''shoujo'' [[anime]], tend to wait until the very end of the series for the characters to announce their true feelings, whereupon they "all live happily ever after".
===Dialogue===
[[File:December3SNTVsSonichu.jpg|thumb|Try to put these speech bubbles in order.]]
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialogue alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his total ineptitude with emotions.


Because of Chris's need to have true and loving couples, virtually every Sonichu and Rosechu has been hooked up with the exception of Magi-Chan and Silvana (and according to an IN-COMIC SPOILER ALERT in [[Sonichu 10]], they will be soon). Even worse, there's no build-up to these moments — they meet, hook up and screw all right there, often through the cop-out plot device of "love at first sight". Just read the past comics again — can you find the precise ''motivations'' Blake and Bubbles had when they got together? What did they like about each other? How about all those new lovehog couples who were unveiled in Sonichu 9? Chris likes to ramble about true love and respecting people's personalities, but the inter-personal chemistries of his ''characters'' remain mysteries to us.
Even when not textwalling, Chris's dialogue is highly unnatural. He appears to have no grasp of voice, with nearly all his characters using the same stilted tone, verbosity, and [[CWC-isms]]. This can easily be seen in early issues, where the phrase "[[boyfriend-free girl]]" pops up from multiple characters. This may be a symptom of his lacking theory of mind: he believes that, since he talks in this fashion, so does everybody else. The heavy-handedness, stiltedness, and single-mindedness of his dialogue can be seen as symptomatic of Chris's [[autism]].


Let's put this into context:
=== Plot and Drama ===
Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affects his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest.


*It took Superman ''sixty years'' to marry Lois Lane.
Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Virtually every fight ends with the heroes winning almost immediately and with little difficulty. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even ''shorter'' and ''less climactic'' for the sake of emphasis. Likewise, any instances emotional drama between characters are resolved immediately.
*It took Spider-Man ''twenty years'' to marry Mary Jane Watson and another twenty to have it retconned.
*It took Sonic the Hedgehog ''ten years'' to admit his feelings to Princess Sally in the comics, and another year to break them apart.
*It took Sailor Moon ''two seasons'' to be able to have a happy moment with Tuxedo Kamen without something screwing it up for them.
*It takes Chris ''less than one episode'' to pair people up and have [[hanky-panky]]!


Another thing Chris refuses to do is ''break up'' his TRUE and HONEST couples. In many stories, even if a person gets the girl/guy in one story, it doesn't mean that they will ''keep'' them in the next. They could simply break up due to differences, due to someone wanting to go elsewhere and be allowed to leave or even killed. The break up can also lead to many changes in the character. Just look at Spider-Man: Marvel Comics spent most of an entire decade trying to split him and Mary Jane apart before going with a ridiculous idea. Archie Andrews can't decide between Betty and Veronica. When Anakin Skywalker was told that his force choke had killed his wife, Padme Amidala, it cemented his transformation into Darth Vader.
An early exception to the above can be found in Sub-Episodes [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_7:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target.22|#7 and #8]] in ''[[Sonichu 4]]'', in which Chris gets utterly curbstomped by [[Bagget]] and the [[Jerkops]] under his administration. Even then, Chris's defeat only really happened because ''no one was there to save him'', and was more or less made irrelevant with the arrival of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]]. The only time where a problem was resolved without an artificially cheery resolution was in [[Sonichu 11]], wherein [[Cera Rosechu]] fails to mend her relationship with [[Kevin the Jew]], though the character seems "over it" after crying a little about it.


To Chris, for a male character to have a boyfriend-free girl as their own is the ultimate victory. It's proof positive that they are STRAIGHT. Even though he loses his own [[gal-pal]]s on a regular basis, Chris refuses to do that with his characters. Chris's [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic self]] is the closest thing to an exception. His [[sweethearts]] almost invariably die horribly, but they still never break up. In an earlier [[Mailbag 11|Mailbag]], he mentions that any Sonichu/Rosechu who wishes to separate is sent to counseling as means to get back together. He also fought tooth and nail to keep Evan from having him take [[Simonla]] away. To Evan and [[trolls|everyone else]], she was nothing more than a throw-away character made to prove Wild's heterosexuality. To Chris, however, she was [[Wild Sonichu]]'s ''girlfriend'' and it would be horrible to have them split apart in any way. This is why Chris came up with the story of how Simonchu comes to CWCville to get back Simonla, only to be beaten and driven away by Wild Sonichu - to prove, once and for all, that they were meant to be together.
Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends rather conclusively with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A terse preview for the following issue completely dismantles all the tension in the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to neutralising tension is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (with experienced ones instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point ''in the comic''.


====Death====
As you might guess, on top of everything else, this makes the storyline for Sonichu '''unendurably boring.'''


Another thing Chris cannot write is [[Chris and death|death]]. Death in writing is something that changes people, just as in real life. Chris should know this. [[Patti Chandler|It's happened to him before.]] Death, especially towards someone very close to a character, brings out different aspects of a character. It motivates ("I shall become... a bat"), horrifies ("I've done something... I can never forgive myself for. I ''killed Lalah!'' Why? Why did this have to happen?!") and even be used against someone ("Run. Run away and ''never return.''"). Death can even haunt someone long after it has happened. In Chris's world, people can die, but it has little to no impact to the person.  
Ironically, the sole exception to this rule is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris himself]] - but even this treatment is baffling. As the activities of Comic-Chris are based on his Creator, he is unable to simply resolve Chris's [[Love Quest]] quickly and easily ([[Lovely Weather|but it doesn't stop him from trying]]). Thus, even while his doppelganger accumulates more and more superpowers and allies, he is still shown being curiously ineffectual, unable to handle [[W-M-Manajerk|most]] [[Wes Iseli|threats]] without help, and before long, his insipid romantic efforts have become the sole outstanding arc. However, this is less the result of Chris's skill at dramatic writing and more his lack of skill with love and life; that Comic-Chris fails even with every [[Yu-Gi-Oh|card]] stacked in his favor only reflects that the real one does, too, and whenever Chris thinks his Love Quest might be over in real life, he attempts to give it [[Wedding Comic|the typical easy resolution]] in the comics as well.


In Episode 20 of Sonichu 9, Sarah Jackaras's sister, Rita, informs her class that she had died in a car crash, which mirrored [[Sarah Jackson|Sarah Jackson's]] death. The class? Doesn't seem to give a fuck their teacher is dead. Especially after Rita takes over the class. In the following episode, PandaHalo is also killed, caught in an explosion, her Pokemon, BlazeBob and Chloe, mourn her death for ''a few panels'' before they decide to "move on". When Ivy is killed off, pages later, it's only mentioned in a fucking textwall along with the fact that they killed off a number of [[jerkops]]. All that is done is a single shed tear before moving on to fight Mary Lee Walsh. Even worse, in Sonichu 10, Chris and the Hedgehog Boys obliterate the 4-cent_garbage building, killing over a hundred trolls and leaving another 250 missing. All of this because of nothing less than teasing him. Even more, he, too, spends nothing more than a page over them and their deaths, taking it as a victory instead. However, come the end of the episode, Chris goes above and beyond this with the death of Simonla - he kills her off, then initiates what equates to a mock trial for her murderers and having all of his characters murder ''them'' instead, including the child of Simonla!
The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. Chris interjects new ideas very abruptly, and often with no real logic or progression, just because they caught his fancy. For instance, there's absolutely no reason for Chris to suddenly be using [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards and terms in [[Sonichu 5]]; he was just interested in them at the time he was writing it. There's no scene where Chris gets a magic deck of trading cards or anything to explain why he can suddenly cast spells. The same goes for [[Darkbind Sonichu]]; Chris was simply interested in The Legend of Zelda and Darkwing Duck at that time, and wanted to put the two franchises in his comic, and after publishing [[Sonichu 0]], Chris lost interest in the story and abandoned the story until [[Sonichu 10]]. When Chris loses interest in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed (off-panel, no less) so that Chris can proceed to his next plotline of interest. Other dropped narrative threads (such as [[Megan Schroeder|Meg-chan]] or [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]]) might only get a sentence or two tying up the loose end, and some (e.g. [[Jiggliami]]) are simply never referred to again.


====tl;dr====
The comic's narrative is yet further clouded by the unsteady rate at which Chris updates, along with his habit of occasionally working out of order. For example, Chris ends the last story in [[Sonichu 9]] with announcing that [[GodJesus]] had guided him to love with [[PandaHalo]] - only to have God and Jesus suddenly introduce him to Ivy in the very next issue with no explanation for why the Lord of Lords is backtracking on his dating advice to his favorite son.


As one can see, Chris doesn't like buildup or suspense; thus, he bluntly goes into something full-force, expecting his readers to accept it.
When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the [[Time Void]] subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris ''almost'' removes himself from the action for ''almost'' two issues, and when it unceremoniously ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.


=== Characterization ===
===Worldbuilding===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character Design|Character design]]''


People like fictional characters that feel like individuals and make distinct, human-like choices. People ''don't'' like fictional characters that are practically indistinguishable from other characters in the author's work, and behave irrationally, jarringly predictably and/or stereotypically. Hence, it's important to make major characters behave in a way that makes sense and makes them interesting. The industry calls this "character development". (Even the big artists sometimes fail at this very hard. "Princess Leia can sure handle a blaster and can sure insult the heroes for coming up with such a half-baked rescue plan! Princess Amidala, on the other hand, is... uh... that's a tough one, wait a sec... help me out here, guys... uh, she's... Natalie Portman???")
In a literary fantasy world, it is common to establish interesting details, backgrounds, and laws around the impossible things that happen inside it. This not only appeals to your average fantasy nerd's [[autistic]] incline to hoard information, but it gives intrigue and context to the story and the plight of the characters. As for Chris laws would only limit the span of his power trips, one need only look at his visual backgrounds to gauge his interest in implementing thematic ones, and details hold as much meaning as his passing interest in them i.e., Yu-Gi-Oh battles abruptly showing up and fading out just as quickly.


Chris is averse to creating characters that are in any way different from other characters. The characters are superficially different, but they ''all'' behave pretty much the same manner.
=== <span id="Visual clarity"></span>Visual Clarity ===
 
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appear to be [[Chris and religion|Santa Claus and Chris with a beard.]]]]
In [[Common Questions]], Chris described [[Silvana Rosechu|Silvana]] as his ''least'' favorite character because it was created under "Troll Influences" and he "felt forced" to make her a hermaphrodite. This, however, is fairly odd, because Silvana is among the more interesting characters that Chris has created, for better or worse; she has a unique perspective, unique abilities, and she's using those abilities to her advantage. Her personality is still the same canned stuff, but at least the character does something that the other characters are ''incapable'' of doing. Artists shouldn't feel sick when creating characters that are unpleasant to them ''personally'' — how else would we get great villains?
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
 
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]
It is not enough that the characters have traits listed in some list — those traits should also be ''used'' in the fiction. Chris likes to harp on how his Rosechus are sweet and nice and how his Sonichus have different attitudes, but that just doesn't show all that much in the comic itself. The perfect example of this principle would be the [[Guitar Hero]] "bandmates" Chris came up with. It's fairly certain that ''Chris'' has came up with interesting backstories for these characters — or, he may not have done that. If the facts aren't shown in actual stories, ''it doesn't matter.'' What is certain that ''we, the audience,'' have not been told about those stories in any canonical source. The public has seen these characters exactly in three places: One of Chris's Guitar Hero videos, [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], and the character drawings. These sources tell the reader precisely two facts about each character: They bang instruments, they get banged by Chris. The only possible way for Chris to rectify this situation would be to use these characters in some story where they would let their personalities and unique talents show. Until that day, we're left with those moderately uncomfortable meager facts.
[[File:Son11p17.jpg|thumb|15 years of drawing ''Sonichu'' comics and Chris still can't lay out dialog.]]
 
Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his work clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand (or perhaps care) that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.
Another thing that people don't like about characters are those who are too overpowered, can never do wrong, and is loved by all. Commonly referred to as [[Wikipedia:Mary Sue|Mary Sues]] and Gary Stus, they kill people's interest in the story because everyone knows they're going to win no matter what.
 
Chris's heroic characters, even Chris himself, are the sheer definition of Mary Sues. Look at Sonichu: he has incredible super powers, gains powers when he needs them, and won the heart of a girl without even ''trying''. Chris offers no challenge to his characters because he doesn't like challenges.
 
===Spoilers===
 
Spoilers are events within a story that has yet to happen in specific parts of it. Because of this, many readers try to avoid rampant spoilers that could possibly ruin the story if they find out that a certain character is killed, the protagonist defeats the antagonist (thus ruining any suspense that could have been made by the reader wondering whether or not the hero will even survive long enough to kill the antagonist or vice-versa), or find out about a certain event that has been foreshadowed but has yet to happen. Unfortunately though, Chris seems to love to spoil major plots within the comic instead of allowing the plot to travel along for the reader see for themselves. While some "spoilers" in question are incredibly expected, most readers would probably like to get through one issue/episode without having the plot spoiled by someone.
 
A recent example of this is when [[Magi-chan]] "spoiled" the fact that him and [[Silvana]] were going to [[hanky panky|"get together"]] sometime in the future. While we basically know that sooner or later every character is going to be paired with another character of the opposite sex, it really makes this particular one ironic is that he pretty much said that the closest that he'd get to going out with another character would be a hermaphrodite after he single-handedly rid the world of [[homos]]. Another spoiler is when he mentioned that [[Metal Sonichu]] and [[Count Graduon]] were going to team up in [[Sonichu 11]]. This particular event would've created a great (and unexpected) battle and would've tied in the whole cliffhanger at the end of [[Sonichu 1]] and would've created a potentially impressive battle between the good guys and Graduon. Unfortunately (but not surprisingly), Chris decided to drop this particular event '''years''' before such an event was supposed to take place. It's even more disappointing since Chris recently promised to avoid the Internet and stop creating new Sonichu comics until it's published; because of it, this event will likely never happen unless Chris decides to publish his comic online again.


== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''


{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}
{{quote|I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her [[China|fancy]]; have her tickle my [[Duck|fancy]], and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}


Chris's lyrics vary from acceptable for the sort of cheesy tie-in music usually written by D-list hack writers, to hilariously awful and full of painful rhymes, giving us lines such as "[[Feel So Lonesome|if no girl comes, I'll break my arm]]."
In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for the romantic. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].


His poetry, however, is far worse: it's simply abysmal, consisting of one assault after another on the English language. Painful rhymes [[Saddest Heart in the World|are even more present than in his songs]]; other times, he [[Valentines Day Hymn|breaks the mood of the poem]] to throw in some of his trademark [[random-access humor]]. Chris also tends to use rather dated language in his poetry, not unlike in his written messages to his fanbase; however, it is not "how do I love thee" dated, which is generally acceptable (though a tad clichéd sometimes), but the sort of mushy language used in Valentine's Day cards like the ones kids hand out in elementary school, or perhaps the dialogue on many [[I Love Lucy|old television shows]]. This language is especially evident in his poems "Valentine's Day Hymn" (which is not a hymn, or any sort of song at all, as it lacks both a discernible tune and any sort of rhyme or meter scheme) and "Saddest Heart in the World."
He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with bizarre neologisms (''Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?''<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>). Sometimes he can't even manage to make it rhyme (''Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity''<ref>[[Saddest Heart in the World]]</ref>). The result is poetry that occupies the uncanny valley between metric and free-verse form.  


== Chris and short fiction ==
Not even the Bard of Avon is safe from Chris. In [[Sub-Episode 3]], a famous line from ''{{w|Macbeth}}'' has a stupid couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end (I shatter hearts as I please! I hurt them hard with the greatest of ease!<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_20 Issue 4 Page 20]</ref>), while [[Bubbles]] mutilates a line from the ''{{w|The Tempest}}'' in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_95 Issue 8 Page 95] (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")</ref> Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.
[[Image:F1p13.jpg|thumb|right|To be fair, his writing does have a certain infamous appeal to it]]


Chris shows the [[Fail|same amount of skill]] when concocting prose as he does when crafting poetry. Earlier works, like "How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls" and "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]", show a slightly juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. But overall, these pieces have certainly childlike charm, and are actually moderately impressive for a 4th grader.
== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]


Then you realize Chris was eighteen fucking years old.
''[[Nintendo Power Magazine]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.


{{quote| Needing to hit the monster in the same manner, Super Sonic rushed again at such a speed. And once again, he ran in and [[Kacey Call|came out the mouth]].|Chris, proving the [[Beel|devil]] is in the details.}}
Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact; Chris saw fit to document anything and everything that happened, including [[Honor roll|sleeping through class]]. At this early stage it seems that Chris was unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience the disapproval of peers that concerned him, as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.  


Recently an impressive new work has emerged along with the [[CWCipedia]]. Dealing with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|yet another female adaptation of Chris]], "[[The High School Story]]" is another fascinating and vaguely creepy look at Chris's literary process. While the narrative and sense of drama have been amped up considerably, [[Chris and English|confusing grammatical and syntax problems]] are far more present. Whereas most [[Fan:Chris Gets Laid|pieces]] [[Fan:The Death of Sonichu|of]] [[Fan:CWCVille 1984|fiction]] utilize the rules of the English language to better express their story, Chris made the bold move to [[Sex|screw]] the rules entirely.
Chris's next journalistic effort came in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] with ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'', which operated under the characteristic presumption that the details of his daily life were of inherent reader interest. Funnily enough, his style is reminiscent of {{w|Yellow journalism}}, being characterized by:


{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight Homophobe would attack that bully with No Mercy; beat the crap out of that person.|Chris, momentarily forgetting the story in order to encourage [[gay]] bashing}}
*Little regard for conventional journalistic ethics or consistency.
*[[Sonichu's News Dash#An indirect appeal to Mary|Scare headlines]] in huge print, often of [[Sonichu's News Dash#New Sonichu comics|minor news]].
*Lavish use of pictures, or imaginary drawings.
*Use of faked interviews, misleading headlines, pseudoscience, and [[Sonichu's News Dash#Chris's dating tips|a parade of false learning from so-called experts]].
*Emphasis on full-color Sunday [https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchusNews2.htm supplements], usually with comic strips.
*[[Ego|Conflicts of interest]]: Topics that affect the author directly, a big no-no in journalism (except in opinion pieces).  
*Dramatic sympathy with the "underdog" [[Sonichu's News Dash#Chris on PowerWeb|against the system]].


This story in particular displays Chris's inability to immerse himself in a character that is not simply some strangely conceived version of himself.
Chris [[Ego|being Chris]] also incorporates elements from {{w|Tabloid journalism}}, such as:


== Chris as a comic writer ==
*[[Mary Lee Walsh|Sensational crime stories]]
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''
*Gossip columns about [[Christian Weston Chandler|celebrities]] and [[Bionic the Hedgehog|sport stars]]
=== Lack of cohesive script ===
*Junk food news
Like all forms of narrative art, a comic needs a script. Serious writers do not keep the scripts in their heads; most comics are scripted either in very rough sketch form, or textually, or both. When discussing the [[Sonichu (game)|video game plans]], he said his game ideas are in his head, and he'd probably say the same about the comic. ''If'' Chris has a grand plan for the comic, he's using the same "pure gold on first try" mentality as in everywhere else. Interestingly, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|a recent phone call]], Chris reveals that he takes 30 minutes to type up the text needs for a certain page.


The most telltale sign of this lack of script has been his ability to derail the story either to deal with trolls or to issue apologies. [[Sonichu 10]] is ''easily'' the worst case scenario. The story had already been hyped up as the story where Chris would take care of Mary Lee Walsh and free Crystal from the mirror, but real life and constant troll attacks intervened. The story quickly veered into a horrific wish fulfillment scenario as he murders trolls left and right, steal and alter characters to make him feel better then try to issue apologies just so he can get away scot-free. And what about those two major events? Both of them completed in ''one page''.
After watching Sachumo's [[Chris Chan Documentary (Sachumo)|Documentary]] about him, Chris gave his own ideas about the production of a similar piece. To the surprise of no one he wanted to focus [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|more on the positives]], like the people whose lives have been made better by [[Trolls|interacting with him]].
 
It's easy to see here that, despite how hyped-up his other plots are, they are easily derailed and shoved aside just so he can deal with those "SLANDEROUS TROLLS".
 
=== Textwalls and unreadable bubble layouts ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, ''try'' reading that]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]
As far as dialogue writing goes, aside from the lack of proofreading and editing, Chris's biggest sin is textwalling. Characters just can't shut up at times, and this leads to him forgetting that comics are meant to show the readers things, and not turn into inconveniently typeset novels without any of the requisite bits of narration and scene-setting. He has absolutely no organization to his speech bubbles, sometimes forcing readers' eyes to jump all over a page to try and put together what he was trying to say, including using '''numbers''' to disclaim the flow of a conversation. Chris owns a copy of Photoshop, which can be used to create speech bubbles with minor effort, provided one invests some time in learning how to do that. (Learning, of course, is not really up Chris's alley.) He also appears to draw his pages in one go, hand-writing the speech bubbles first and later replacing them with [[computer]] lettering; this approach leaves precious little leeway if you don't plan things perfectly on the first try. Most comic artists write their script first, draw the images while leaving some space for speech bubbles, and composite the whole thing together in a graphics app — this allows for more flexibility and opportunities to tweak the artwork. In [[Mailbag 19]], Chris says the reason he does things this way is because he "feel[s] preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references. Look it up in most other Comic Books; they have loads of dialogue." He then goes on to say that "with [his] dialogue pages, it saves marker ink in comparison to most pages."
 
In other words, he's a lazy fuck who doesn't want to draw everything, so he takes the easy way out.
 
When Chris draws his comic pages, he draws them while attempting to squish ''everything'' onto the page. He leaves nothing to the imagination, trying to show everything that has happened on one page. One of the earliest examples of this can be seen with [[Sonichu 0]] with the Pikachu running into action at the same time Sonic turns into Super Sonic and attacks Perfect Chaos. Where most comics tend to have six panels of action at most, Chris crams a whopping ''ten panels'' onto the page. The result of trying to cram as much action as he can is an amazing mess, making readers completely unable to tell what is going on. Such manhandling of the material once again shows an utter lack of planning, preparation and refining-based approach.
 
=== Kudzu plot ===
Newer issues, written under increasing troll pressure, also introduce one big problem: Chris likes to put in tributes to "fans," and those plotlines never go anywhere. Similarly, he's also attacking real-world enemies and trolls in the comic, and he does a shoddy job integrating these plotlines to the comic. As a result, people who are not aware of the goings-on in trolling are boundlessly confused by all these developments, and people who ''do'' have some sense of how Chris is being trolled have no idea how he can fix this quagmire of tangled plotlines he's gotten into. People can see he's trying to yank a root; ''we'' know that root has been rigged with deadly explosives, and Chris won't believe it if we tell him.
 
Leaving loose strands was a problem with Chris's work earlier (Just what the ''hell'' happened to the Metal Sonichu, anyway?) but it has really worsened in the recent works. Sometimes, he realizes his plot is getting weird and out sync with all of those brilliant plans in his mind, and trims the kudzu plot with a giant machete. Chris has no energy or creativity to fix hastily introduced characters properly, and when he does fix them, it's not pretty.
 
[[Jiggliami]] and [[Blanca]] appear in [[Sonichu 8]], but they serve very little purpose besides making a quick appearance, although Jiggliami's discovery helps the good guys defeat the bad guys' plans. In real life, Chris had been betrayed by the ''evil'' troll, and [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|in the fateful September 11th video]], claimed Jiggliami as his character. After Jiggliami and Blanca had made their appearance, Chris shooed them off the comic. That is not passive ''neglect'' of the characters: he ''literally'' said that Jiggliami went away and had a successful career elsewhere.
 
Indeed, if there's a literary equivalent of rape, this is as close as it will ever get. After Chris's and Blanca's "break-up," Chris used her character ''just to spite Blanca'' and then tossed Jiggliami on the wayside. He could have used his "original" characters in this episode with no harm done to anyone, but he ''insisted'' on using Jiggliami in this comic. If this had been a [[parody]] of Jiggliami and the ''evil'' troll Blanca (as was done to Jimmy Hill in the [[Sonichu 10]] preview), this might have been appropriate too. A regular comic writer might have said "goddamn it, I've been trolled, I can't use any of this rubbish that the trolls made." But not Chris; he ''claimed Jiggliami and Blanca as his own characters and used them in a comic like he would have used any of his own characters, then threw them away in cold blood''.
 
Not content to engage in such literary abuse of characters he doesn't own once, he's apparently did it ''again'' with [[Evan]]'s Simonchu character. Despite Evan's repeated requests to remove [[Simonla]] from the comic<ref>[[Mailbag]]</ref>, Chris not only tweaked Evan's character and introduced Simonchu as Simonla's "brother" in his Haiti earthquake poster, but also [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|replied to Evan in a breathtaking way]], basically saying that in his mind the character is part of Sonichuverse now and the voices in his head tell him so and that's the end of the discussion. He then claimed the Simonla character was completely original, and attempted to "retract" evidence of her being obviously inspired by Simonchu by editing her CWCipedia page. When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called him out on this and faced Chris with the prospect of legal action, Chris eventually relented, and Simonla was killed ingloriously by an exploding toilet.
 
In another ghoulish example of fixing up tangled trolling plots, [[Ivy]] was introduced in the Date Ed episode of [[Sonichu 9]], while she was still Chris's girlfriend. No doubt this was intended as a major plotline, but not at all surprisingly, it never came to fruition. After a romantic start, in which Ivy and Chris meet ''within their minds, across a gap in time and space'' with [[Chris and religion|God And Jesus as matchmakers]] (or something along those lines; Chris is [[Time Void|trapped in the mirror]] and Ivy is in the Dating Ed class), Ivy was never mentioned in the following episode at all, except for a brief mention that ''[[Chris and death|she died]] off-page in a gruesome elevator accident while the city was being destroyed''.
 
This order of events is what the people will see when they read the Sonichu 9 in the order it's in on CWCipedia. Yet, readers who are aware of news from the troll front were aware of Ivy's situation long before Chris killed Ivy-the-character in an elevator and knew Chris ''had'' to fix this somehow. Things became even more muddled, because Chris had leaked several other comics with Ivy ([[Wedding Comic]] and [[Giant Penis Comic]]) in which Chris is together with Ivy in CWCville and they even go so far as to get married — while in the official comic timeline, Chris and Ivy never met physically! Chris can leave the Time Void at will to taunt people (''canonically'' shown in [[Sonichu 8]] elevator scene!), but can he get out of the time void to get [[hanky-panky]] from various women, too?
 
Something similar happens in [[Sonichu Special 4]] where Chris (again, somehow free of the never-ending void of time and space that has consumed him) shoots [[Liquid]] in the knees to save [[Kacey]] for some reason that is never explained. Notably, Chris is unfazed by the death of his [[Wedding Comic|wife]] and moves straight on to Kacey through the Sonichu Specials, not even showing an ounce of written emotion for his dearly departed [[Ivy]] by the time Sonichu Special 4 rolls around. (And what makes this even more confusing is that, in the canon of the comic, Ivy doesn't die until after Chris saves Kacey). What's more, Liquid ''has no plausible reason to exist within the comic''; his canonical appearance in Sonichu 9 is utterly unexplained. He just appears and gets beaten for no reason. Granted, it ''could'' be an in-joke, but still, with the plot as tangled as it is this is highly unlikely and is an emphasis on Chris's fail at having any sort of consistent, logical characters and plot.
 
On the trolling side, [[Sonichu 10]] shows just how tangled the comic can get when Chris attacks his enemies. Chris claims he has a big plan for the comic, but he couldn't possibly foresee the [[Asperchu]] trolling saga &mdash; yet, here he is, granting messianic blessings for Asperchu characters and destroying Asperpedia, painting himself in corner almost right away by [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|apologizing to the creators]]. The comic changed directions almost daily when new things happened in the Asperchu comic and when Chris attempted to communicate with the comic's creators. If Sonichu 10 starts to look confusing, who can blame anyone for feeling that way?
 
=== Dialogue ===
Whenever authors decide to write a comic, they usually try to give characters speech that reflects the character's personality. Dialogue is also used to reflect the scene as well as the interaction between character A and character B. Most comic writers, however, try to give the character rather limited dialogue in an effort to get the reader to focus on the art of the panel or the scenes rather than the dialogue. But like everything else in the comic, Chris tries it, half-asses it, and rips off various other sources while trying to play it off as "original." Most times, it features unfunny jokes, sexual innuendo (mind you, this is a comic intended for children), and "witty banter" before the recolors take down the bad guys for the hundredth time within the span of 6 pages or less (because unlike Chris IRL, they can't fail).
 
Chris also tends to turn most dialogue into textwalls that can take up a whole page. This is usually done whenever a [[Magi-chan|Deus ex machina]] needs to update the recolors on the current situation, when a character needs to go into a long, drawn-out speech which will usually end with the speaker most likely getting his ass kicked, or whenever two characters are going through a long exchange and Chris is too lazy to draw panels, a background, or even dialogue in a consistent manner that doesn't require the reader to assume that they are reading it the right way. Sometimes Chris actually includes numbers so readers will at least get a good idea as to where to start and how to finish each page.
 
Another thing to consider is inter-character interaction. For one who prefers to write dialogue than to draw comic pages, he rarely offers any interactions between characters that give us a hint as to why characters love or hate each other. When a Sonichu meets a Rosechu, they usually go through very limited interaction that eventually ends with the partners meeting, speaking one sentence, dating, and then [[chris and sex|hanky panky]]. Can anyone really say for certain why Sonichu is attracted to Rosechu (unless she has a thing for yellow stalkers who show up without an explanation) or even why any character decided to hook up with his or her respective partners based on dialogue? The answer: '''NO''', because Chris can't be bothered giving reasons as to why something happens. It's Chris's comic and we're merely observing his sick mind for our own entertainment.
 
Another thing that Chris has started to do with his characters is use them as mouthpieces for himself instead of other characters. A big example of this comes in the form of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. In [[Sonichu 8]], Jason's shown to be an evil villain (or as evil as Chris can show), unwilling to stop attacking Chris at 4-cent_garbage and going so far as to launch a pickle at Rosechu without a second thought. Two issues (and about a year) later, Jason quickly gives up after Chris starts rocking out. Not only that, he's starts condemning two other trolls there, namely [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being [[homo]] [[trolls]] while he was ''straight''! This shows that Chris just ''has'' to get in the last laugh in something and he'll go through even villains just to do so.
 
In other words, Chris can't write dialogue even though he insists on writing textwalls in what should be a visual medium rather than drawing, which is just as shitty.
 
== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|right|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]
 
Chris has had a few journalistic aspirations in the past, as easily evidenced by [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and the [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]]. Of course, to say any of these publications would be up to some journalistic standard is just false — the ''Nintendo Power'' magazine is complete and utter fabrication (if only ''wishful'' fabrication) from cover to the, er, nonexistent back cover.
 
To Chris's credit, the homemade magazine is likely not a legitimate attempt at journalism, and is merely an attempt to make himself look like a True and Honest fan of ''Nintendo Power'', and to express his wish that the new games he described would be produced and published. Everyone who looks at the magazine will immediately see it as a piece of wish-fulfillment fan work — a "future issue" of ''Nintendo Power'' where all of his dreams come true. He's not trying to pull a Spax3-esque "''Mega Man 9'' was published for NES too, gamerfannns" stunt.
 
The News Dash follows the same formula as his blogging later on: self-centered rambling on what happened to him and what kind of not-very-exciting developments he has in store for the comic. And, of course, there's the most important part of the newsletter: the dating ad.


== Chris as a blogger ==
== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his "News Dash" mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog ''format'': entries posted in chronological order. Instead, Chris stuck new updates where the heck he could find new space that day, resulting a rather Time Cube-like appearance.
{{quote|(Okay, so it looks like @[[instagram]] also has a character limit per post; I can still work with that.)|Chris in the middle of writing a wall of text.<ref>[[March 2021 social media posts#CWCisms and Tetris]]</ref>}}


He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his ''News Dash!'' mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on (such as they were; most updates were simply denouncements of [[Mary Lee Walsh|a certain Dean]]). The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format; instead of archiving and replacing old content with newer material, Chris simply stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting in an erratic and bizarre page layout. He also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results were only marginally easier to read.


To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
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*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]], his current blog.
*[[CWC Blog]]
*[[Twitter]]
*[[Twitter]]


The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Fail|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].
The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, on a blog, one publishes one's opinions and [[Love Quest|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just another place for him to spew truth and [[honesty]], as well as to try to incite action against his detractors.


Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].
Another arguably more important fault with Chris's blogging is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring'''. Successful bloggers post about their life in much the same way as anybody else, but they know that they need to keep it entertaining to read. While Chris did unintentionally cause the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].


Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!| Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.   
Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris showed that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.   


{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}
{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.|Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}


The [[CWC Blog]] is Chris's most recent blog, where he shouts his authoritarian decrees to his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]. Given that it's entirely insulated from slanderous [[trolls]] telling him to get a job, Chris will probably be ranting for a long, long time.
==Chris as an essayist==
{{Main|Manchester High Leaks}}


When the [[Twitter]] feed was added to [[CWCipedia]], Chris started using Twitter, though it's fairly obvious that he doesn't quite get the point of the site. Twitter is a microblogging site where the posts ("tweets") have been consciously limited to 140 characters to force users to express themselves concisely. In 13 January 2010, when Chris was unable to use his normal blog, Chris posted a message broken up over ''24 tweets''. This is, of course, a good example of how not to use the site for full advantage.
While in [[Manchester High School|high school]], Chris was persuaded to stop napping long enough to write [[Manchester High Leaks|several graded essays]]. The lessons he failed to learn from these experiences continue to influence his prose style. Chris's education in essay-writing seems to have been limited to the basic five-paragraph essay. Chris was trained to think of the intro paragraph as the "appetizer"; the body paragraphs, respectively, as "veggie", "potatoes/rice/pasta" and "meat"; and the conclusion as "dessert" ([[Obesity|anything related to food seems to reach Chris]]). Despite having such a sophisticated structural apparatus at his disposal, Chris's essays were shallow and incoherent (in part this was a product of the assignment restrictions – his essay "Work vs. Student Life", for example, was only 100 words long, which even for a competent writer is unusually strict). His history essay "Japan, 1912-1949", which appears to be his first foray into the genre, lacks a clear thesis sentence, well-organized body paragraphs, or a meaningful conclusion (not to mention using WWI sources in points about WWII). His teacher understandably deemed it "very confusing & unclear". Another history essay, "Who was our best President?", does a better job of segregating main ideas within the three body paragraphs, but remains extremely rigid and rote. His "Canterbury Tales" essay has no real structure at all and simply retells one of Chaucer's morality tales in a rambling narrative. For this assignment, he received only two out of ten points for "Clarity of Expression."


== Chris's reading habits ==
These limitations and oversights have carried over into what nonfiction writing Chris has done as an adult. Nearly all of his nonfiction prose has been autobiographical (and what fiction he writes generally involves [[The High School Story|suspiciously familiar material]]). The only real exception has been "Chris Chan's Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future",<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education CWCipedia article|CWCipedia]</ref> his clarion call for [[Dating education|Dating Education]], which he submitted to a contest in 2009. Here there is nothing to suggest that Chris ever learned even the basics of essay writing, with its buried thesis, its unsupported paragraphs, its idiosyncratic capitalization, and a ''fucking frowny face''. Chris's essays about his favorite subject – himself – similarly show little regard for writing standards. "Story of My Current Days" has a thesis of sorts, but the body is simply a clumsily-structured retelling of events which Chris expects the reader to glean meaning from without any assistance from him. His much expanded [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|Wikipedia profile]] has a self-serving thesis and is helpfully carved into subheadings, but remains fluid and disjointed. The several essays he wrote for the [[CWCipedia]] share the same first-draft problems of sentence-long paragraphs and an unappealing potpourri of boldface, italics, and capitalization.
 
Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' novels which are notable only for their  sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven [[Lies|false]] when [[Fail|he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'']].
 
== Tl;dr ==
 
Chris has no concept of a consistent plot, cannot write coherent dialogue or poetry, and he has never been able to pull an original character with a consistent personality [[dirty crapped briefs|out of his ass]]. In short, he can't write for shit.


== See also ==
== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[CWC's Diary]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]


== Sauces ==
== Sources ==
<references/>
<references/>


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{{Sonichu}}
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[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Latest revision as of 07:57, 9 September 2024

This article discusses Chris's writing from a literary perspective. For Chris's general abilities with written English, such as with spelling and grammar, see Chris and English#Written language.
Look at that cover, goddamn.
“ I do believe it wouldn’t be published, not because of the art style, but because of the story. I mean, no one wants to read this. ”
Comic artist Mara Wild, on Sonichu.[1]

Chris's writing is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

General problems

See also: Chris and art, Sonichu (comic)

Chris's English skills

Main article: Chris and English

At the heart of it, Chris's writing is rather two-faced. Despite the subject matter frequently being completely unsuitable for children, Chris shows a juvenile, simple writing style. But at times, he throws in (and misuses) college-level vocabulary words and attempts to use advanced sentence structure; he is quite fond of semicolons, even if he uses them to link together two unrelated sentences, in order to make his stories more "professional". The result is a confusing, jumbled writing style.

General issues with the comic

Chris frequently pauses from the action to describe exactly what a character is wearing and expound upon trivial aspects of characters in unnecessary detail, even when it has no relevance to the plot. Inversely, he frequently glosses over important things that may have relevance at some point. Even in "action" scenes, Chris will frequently pause in order to introduce something completely irrelevant.[2] The overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet. Also, Chris has the habit of using the font Comic Sans to type, which while commonly used for material intended to be read by children, is generally considered lazy, cliched and ugly. Chris's use of the font is particularly incongruous, especially since it has been used to lovingly describe such scenarios in Sonichu as mass murder, gratuitous sexual activity and blatant wish fulfilment. Luckily, in Sonichu 12-9, he moved on to Proxima Nova. However, there are other comic book fonts that more closely resemble professional comics out there, some of which can be downloaded for free.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. This isn't bad writing, as several movies like The Social Network, Mission Impossible: Fallout, and even Star Wars had its plot being written up along as they were being filmed. But the difference is that those events made up in these films made sense while Sonichu's events are randomized. Chris regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience. He also often introduces and foreshadows seemingly important plot elements that never substantially contribute to the plot or are dropped abruptly when Chris loses interest in them.

Chris as a graphic storyteller

To the surprise of nobody, Chris is no Alan Moore and Sonichu is no Watchmen. Chris makes no effort to work to the strengths of the medium of graphic literature, and instead approaches writing comics more like a television series or anime in structure, using storytelling techniques and visual information that work in those mediums but not so well on paper. He is ignorant towards comic books and how they are supposed to work as a sequential narrative. Despite a desire to work for major companies like DC, Marvel, Dark Horse and Archie, Chris has never shown any real interest towards those companies and their publications, though he did seem vaguely aware of the miniseries Marvel Zombies in one of the Alec calls, criticizing its violent and parodic nature despite admitting to having never read it. Within Sonichu itself, his Mary Sue insert has referred to the comic as an anime (not a manga) and himself as its director, and has given it ratings such as TV-14, etc., which only apply to television standards. Sonichu isn't so much a work designed to be a comic, which balances graphic and literary story telling, but rather an economic storyboard and/or script for a hypothetical TV show or video game, peppered with his other secret weapon...

Exposition

If only there was some way that events and actions could be depicted visually, rather than as endless and tedious walls of Comic Sans.
For fuck's sake.
“ Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and a transformation, later... ”
Chris, not even trying anymore

A common thread in discussions of Creative Writing is the doctrine of "show, don't tell" when writing fiction; rather than having events merely be told to the reader through characters, if possible, the author should feature the scene as it happened, with the characters being a part of it. This point was clearly lost on Chris.

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as The High School Story) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not TRUE and HONEST. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.[3]

When Chris ripped off the comic Rosechu's Story for use in Sonichu 15, he added in heavy exposition. When criticized by fans, Chris commented:

[Rosechu's Story] definitely compares and contrasts to my own that goes beyond literal small talk. In my defense on the heavy dialogue: I have lots of wisdom and thoughts to share, so I digress.

It beats saying one line, leaving it at that, and Not getting the explanation and thought across. Big difference between #TeenTitans and #TeenTitansGO: GO has decreased explanatory dialogue, and look at how crappy it is. The original show offers the greater detail in good ways.[4]

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks (some notable offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*,[5] *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.), which shows that the idea of onomatopoeia is lost to him. In these cases, examples including "SLICE", "THUMP", "WHOOSH" and, perhaps, "SQUEAK" would have told readers the same thing, but with a lot more emphasis on what's going on.

Mary Lee Walsh threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee! Hee!" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is not a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. The Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, however, is widely believed to destroy everything.

Characterization

See also: Character design

Chris's characters, as they are written, are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. In his second call with Alec Benson Leary Chris explained that because he considers all of his characters to be very much real, living things that exist in some sort of cartoon universe, giving them flaws would amount to tormenting a living creature (in the context of the conversation, Chris defended bleaching Asperchu into "Mitch Sonichu" because the character shouldn't have to suffer his original name). His general response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective, including small children.

This in turn leads to only three basic stock personalities. All males (except for Chris) are superficial idiots who are only interested in fucking and enforcing Comic-Chris's draconian laws, all of the females (with the partial exception of Slaweel) are vacuous sluts who only want to fuck, shop and cook (in that order, no less), and Comic-Chris comes off as a murderous, insane dictator of a militaristic city-state enforced by a paramilitary secret police and a pack of super-powered goons with immunity from prosecution and freedom to commit any atrocities they (and he) please, utilizing a psychic hedgehog to spy on his citizens to make sure there are no gay people, and gleefully reveling in the pain he inflicts on those whom he deems unworthy.

Just as the protagonists are designed to be Chris's bland, homogenous vision of ideal heroism, the antagonists are simply evil for the sake of evil. The villains more often than not act with no apparent motivation whatsoever other than an abstractly contrived desire to bully Chris by sabotaging his heroic efforts to get a girlfriend. How they would prosper from this is unknown, especially considering that they have not once ever come close to defeating the Hedgehogs. Since Chris doesn't see the appeal in protagonists with flaws, he likewise doesn't see the appeal in villains with redeeming qualities (probably because most of his enemies are avatars of real people whom Chris genuinely believes are involved in a conspiracy against him). The closest thing to a sympathetic villain is Blake, but only because he has a raging heterosexual libido just like all the other furries in the comic.

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating (in exposition, of course) something akin to "it just happened." With Blake, who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he defects to the side of good. His sudden infatuation with Bubbles (who beat him almost to death a few issues prior) and a brief, nonchalant mention of mistreatment at the hands of his master are all the reasons the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. Blake isn't even the worst offender, either; no reason is given for Wes Iseli's defection to the enemy at all. Despite last being seen as a rival to Chris, yet still ostensibly on his side, Wes is suddenly placed with the antagonists, long after seemingly becoming irrelevant in Chris's reality.

Dialogue

Try to put these speech bubbles in order.

Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references."[6] On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialogue alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his total ineptitude with emotions.

Even when not textwalling, Chris's dialogue is highly unnatural. He appears to have no grasp of voice, with nearly all his characters using the same stilted tone, verbosity, and CWC-isms. This can easily be seen in early issues, where the phrase "boyfriend-free girl" pops up from multiple characters. This may be a symptom of his lacking theory of mind: he believes that, since he talks in this fashion, so does everybody else. The heavy-handedness, stiltedness, and single-mindedness of his dialogue can be seen as symptomatic of Chris's autism.

Plot and Drama

Chris's confused understanding of reality and fantasy affects his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his TRUE and LOYAL fanbase shares this interest.

Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Virtually every fight ends with the heroes winning almost immediately and with little difficulty. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even shorter and less climactic for the sake of emphasis. Likewise, any instances emotional drama between characters are resolved immediately.

An early exception to the above can be found in Sub-Episodes #7 and #8 in Sonichu 4, in which Chris gets utterly curbstomped by Bagget and the Jerkops under his administration. Even then, Chris's defeat only really happened because no one was there to save him, and was more or less made irrelevant with the arrival of Crystal. The only time where a problem was resolved without an artificially cheery resolution was in Sonichu 11, wherein Cera Rosechu fails to mend her relationship with Kevin the Jew, though the character seems "over it" after crying a little about it.

Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends rather conclusively with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A terse preview for the following issue completely dismantles all the tension in the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to neutralising tension is such that in Sonichu 10, Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (with experienced ones instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point in the comic.

As you might guess, on top of everything else, this makes the storyline for Sonichu unendurably boring.

Ironically, the sole exception to this rule is Chris himself - but even this treatment is baffling. As the activities of Comic-Chris are based on his Creator, he is unable to simply resolve Chris's Love Quest quickly and easily (but it doesn't stop him from trying). Thus, even while his doppelganger accumulates more and more superpowers and allies, he is still shown being curiously ineffectual, unable to handle most threats without help, and before long, his insipid romantic efforts have become the sole outstanding arc. However, this is less the result of Chris's skill at dramatic writing and more his lack of skill with love and life; that Comic-Chris fails even with every card stacked in his favor only reflects that the real one does, too, and whenever Chris thinks his Love Quest might be over in real life, he attempts to give it the typical easy resolution in the comics as well.

The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. Chris interjects new ideas very abruptly, and often with no real logic or progression, just because they caught his fancy. For instance, there's absolutely no reason for Chris to suddenly be using Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and terms in Sonichu 5; he was just interested in them at the time he was writing it. There's no scene where Chris gets a magic deck of trading cards or anything to explain why he can suddenly cast spells. The same goes for Darkbind Sonichu; Chris was simply interested in The Legend of Zelda and Darkwing Duck at that time, and wanted to put the two franchises in his comic, and after publishing Sonichu 0, Chris lost interest in the story and abandoned the story until Sonichu 10. When Chris loses interest in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as Ivy, will then be killed (off-panel, no less) so that Chris can proceed to his next plotline of interest. Other dropped narrative threads (such as Meg-chan or Blanca) might only get a sentence or two tying up the loose end, and some (e.g. Jiggliami) are simply never referred to again.

The comic's narrative is yet further clouded by the unsteady rate at which Chris updates, along with his habit of occasionally working out of order. For example, Chris ends the last story in Sonichu 9 with announcing that GodJesus had guided him to love with PandaHalo - only to have God and Jesus suddenly introduce him to Ivy in the very next issue with no explanation for why the Lord of Lords is backtracking on his dating advice to his favorite son.

When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the Time Void subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris almost removes himself from the action for almost two issues, and when it unceremoniously ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.

Worldbuilding

In a literary fantasy world, it is common to establish interesting details, backgrounds, and laws around the impossible things that happen inside it. This not only appeals to your average fantasy nerd's autistic incline to hoard information, but it gives intrigue and context to the story and the plight of the characters. As for Chris laws would only limit the span of his power trips, one need only look at his visual backgrounds to gauge his interest in implementing thematic ones, and details hold as much meaning as his passing interest in them i.e., Yu-Gi-Oh battles abruptly showing up and fading out just as quickly.

Visual Clarity

An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appear to be Santa Claus and Chris with a beard.
Holy balls, try reading this.
Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off and you have to follow the numbers.
15 years of drawing Sonichu comics and Chris still can't lay out dialog.

Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his work clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand (or perhaps care) that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

Chris as a poet and lyricist

See also: Chris and music
“ I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured. ”
Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion[7]

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for the romantic. He also pads out gaps with random-access humor and curiously dated language.

He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with bizarre neologisms (Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?[8]). Sometimes he can't even manage to make it rhyme (Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity[9]). The result is poetry that occupies the uncanny valley between metric and free-verse form.

Not even the Bard of Avon is safe from Chris. In Sub-Episode 3, a famous line from Macbeth has a stupid couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end (I shatter hearts as I please! I hurt them hard with the greatest of ease![10]), while Bubbles mutilates a line from the The Tempest in Sonichu 8.[11] Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.

Chris as a journalist

"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong

Nintendo Power Magazine was a publication released by Nintendo about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, A Week With Christian Chandler. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of honesty: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact; Chris saw fit to document anything and everything that happened, including sleeping through class. At this early stage it seems that Chris was unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience the disapproval of peers that concerned him, as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with Sonichu's News Dash!, which operated under the characteristic presumption that the details of his daily life were of inherent reader interest. Funnily enough, his style is reminiscent of Yellow journalism, being characterized by:

Chris being Chris also incorporates elements from Tabloid journalism, such as:

After watching Sachumo's Documentary about him, Chris gave his own ideas about the production of a similar piece. To the surprise of no one he wanted to focus more on the positives, like the people whose lives have been made better by interacting with him.

Chris as a blogger

“ (Okay, so it looks like @instagram also has a character limit per post; I can still work with that.) ”
Chris in the middle of writing a wall of text.[12]

Chris's blogging is a continuation of his News Dash! mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was his web page, in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on (such as they were; most updates were simply denouncements of a certain Dean). The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format; instead of archiving and replacing old content with newer material, Chris simply stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting in an erratic and bizarre page layout. He also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results were only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:

The location may change, but the style is consistent and unmistakable. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, on a blog, one publishes one's opinions and experiences in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems sharing intimate details about his life, he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just another place for him to spew truth and honesty, as well as to try to incite action against his detractors.

Another arguably more important fault with Chris's blogging is that Chris's blogs are fucking boring. Successful bloggers post about their life in much the same way as anybody else, but they know that they need to keep it entertaining to read. While Chris did unintentionally cause the occasional laugh, most entries are outright annoying.

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous Adam Stackhouse blog. Seething with anger, Chris showed that — just like with Wikipedia — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

“ In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those JERKS in 2nd and 3rd. ”
Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen

Chris as an essayist

Main article: Manchester High Leaks

While in high school, Chris was persuaded to stop napping long enough to write several graded essays. The lessons he failed to learn from these experiences continue to influence his prose style. Chris's education in essay-writing seems to have been limited to the basic five-paragraph essay. Chris was trained to think of the intro paragraph as the "appetizer"; the body paragraphs, respectively, as "veggie", "potatoes/rice/pasta" and "meat"; and the conclusion as "dessert" (anything related to food seems to reach Chris). Despite having such a sophisticated structural apparatus at his disposal, Chris's essays were shallow and incoherent (in part this was a product of the assignment restrictions – his essay "Work vs. Student Life", for example, was only 100 words long, which even for a competent writer is unusually strict). His history essay "Japan, 1912-1949", which appears to be his first foray into the genre, lacks a clear thesis sentence, well-organized body paragraphs, or a meaningful conclusion (not to mention using WWI sources in points about WWII). His teacher understandably deemed it "very confusing & unclear". Another history essay, "Who was our best President?", does a better job of segregating main ideas within the three body paragraphs, but remains extremely rigid and rote. His "Canterbury Tales" essay has no real structure at all and simply retells one of Chaucer's morality tales in a rambling narrative. For this assignment, he received only two out of ten points for "Clarity of Expression."

These limitations and oversights have carried over into what nonfiction writing Chris has done as an adult. Nearly all of his nonfiction prose has been autobiographical (and what fiction he writes generally involves suspiciously familiar material). The only real exception has been "Chris Chan's Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future",[13] his clarion call for Dating Education, which he submitted to a contest in 2009. Here there is nothing to suggest that Chris ever learned even the basics of essay writing, with its buried thesis, its unsupported paragraphs, its idiosyncratic capitalization, and a fucking frowny face. Chris's essays about his favorite subject – himself – similarly show little regard for writing standards. "Story of My Current Days" has a thesis of sorts, but the body is simply a clumsily-structured retelling of events which Chris expects the reader to glean meaning from without any assistance from him. His much expanded Wikipedia profile has a self-serving thesis and is helpfully carved into subheadings, but remains fluid and disjointed. The several essays he wrote for the CWCipedia share the same first-draft problems of sentence-long paragraphs and an unappealing potpourri of boldface, italics, and capitalization.

See also

Sources

  1. ↑ The Strangest Fandom on the Internet, 28 June 2019
  2. ↑ Issue 0 Page 44
  3. ↑ Mailbag 19
  4. ↑ July 2019 social media posts
  5. ↑ Issue 9 Page 52
  6. ↑ Mailbag 19#Textwalling
  7. ↑ For My True Love, I Would…
  8. ↑ Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu
  9. ↑ Saddest Heart in the World
  10. ↑ Issue 4 Page 20
  11. ↑ Issue 8 Page 95 (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")
  12. ↑ March 2021 social media posts#CWCisms and Tetris
  13. ↑ CWCipedia article|CWCipedia
The writings of Chris-Chan

Poetry: "Valentines Day Hymn" | "For My True Love, I Would…" | "Hard Love Quest" | "I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas" | "Saddest Heart in the World" | "Song of Christian" | "Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu" | "An Inspired Poem for Jackie" | "PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013" | "Ride or Die" | "Weston Haiku"

Prose: "How the Pokémon Came into Our PokéBalls" | "A Week With Christian Chandler" | "My big 18th party" | "Bionic the Hedgehog" | "Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs" | Sonichu's News Dash | "Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares" | "Story of My Current Days" | "The High School Story" | "A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story" | Chris's Response to the Terrorism Attacks in Paris | Chris's letter to Cathy Weseluck | Chris's letter to Kelly Sheridan | "The Awakening of a CPU, AKA The Idea Guy Corruptions" | THE DIMENSIONAL MERGE IS HAPPENING NOW! | Sonichu Journal Pages | Whispering Spell (Restore Magic) | Dimensional Barrier Shatter Spell | SNT Vs Sonichu 2.5-Plus | Jail letters

See Also: Signature

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