Kacey Call 6

31 August 2009

• Chris got some calls from a troll pretending to be from gamefaqs.com (Chris pronounces "GameFAQs" as if "faqs" is a word).
• Chris thinks he defeated a troll by calling him back and telling him to shut the fuck up.
• Chris's parents drop him off at the mall so he can draw comics while they go use their senior discount at Ihop.
• If Chris went to Ihop with his parents it would "mess things up" because they're using their senior discount to buy Chris sandwiches.
• Chris wrote a list of nice discussion topics because he doesn't want Kacey to yell at him again.
• First topic: Hannah Montanna. Kacey says it's for 12 year old girls, Chris thinks it's pretty good and wants to buy it on Blu-Ray.
• Second topic: Chris's college days. His first good memory is the time a hypnotist came and included Chris in his act.
• First the hypnotist wanted Chris to insult him, so Chris called him "Uncle Screwy Louie". He still thinks it's funny.
• Then the hypnotist said "when you open your eyes you'll see everyone naked". Chris didn't really see anyone naked, but he played along as smiled at the ladies.
• Another good college memory is when he was included in a quiz show game. Chris didn't make it very far, but at least he tried.
• Chris was in touch with his "girl crush" Kellie Andes for a while after graduation; recently he found out she's married with two children.
• Chris could tell by looking a prom picture of her that she was already taken by some guy, when he saw that it put him into shock for a while.
• Chris made a few friends and acquaintances at PVCC, "but they kinda came and gone", especially after he got kicked out of English class. He "became shy" after that.
• Chris talks about a teacher, or as Chris calls him "this one black guy" at PVCC, and how upon first being there he "had bad vibes about him". He picked almost as many arguments as his father! Chris says the teacher would constantly put him down and what-not, with mean insults like "That's not right, do it over bla bla bla"... Kacey points out that's not putting him down, that's teaching. Chris did not like his tone of voice. "The way he carried on and such. He talked more calmly to the other students, I actually observed."
• Chris was happy to graduate from PVCC, because "It felt more like a Hellhole than Heaven". Chris was sad to graduate from High School, because he didn't receive any awards.
• He's still whining about not getting any awards; he got a star pin but "that's SMALL in comparison to other awards". Kacey tells him to stop being childish and grow the fuck up; Chris ignores her and whines more.
• Chris watched Labyrinth because it's Kacey's favorite movie. Kacey talks about David Bowie's "bulge"; Chris gets uncomfortable and tries to change the subject because he is STRAIGHT.
• Chris "tried reading" Harry Potter but couldn't get into it. Also competition with Pokemon or whatever.
• Chris suddenly tard rages because a troll keeps calling him. He doesn't understand why he keeps calling after Chris told him to stop.
• Kacey asks what books Chris has read recently. He of course says Pamela Anderson's Star, then admits he hasn't read anything else. Kacey tells him he should read Catch 22. Chris thinks a "Catch 22" is a kind of "sexual touch".
• The only books Chris owns are Goosebumps and Fear Street.
• He also read The Giver, so he spends like five minutes recounting what happens in that book.
• Chris tries claiming that he has multiple personalities, Kacey tells him he's full of shit.
• Chris says he JUST NOW changed over to his other personality, so now he's Christopher instead of Christian. He is serious.
• "Christopher" says he only caught some of the conversation and doesn't know what's going on.
• Kacey tells him he might have a brain tumor.
• Christopher gives up and says he just switched back to Christian.
• Christian says "Christopher" came out recently while he was playing Guitar Hero. He thinks there is a difference between his two personalities' voices.
• Chris says he'll talk to his doctor about this serious problem.
• Kacey isn't taking his stupidity seriously, so Chris suddenly backtracks and says he just made up this multiple personality shit to mess with the trolls.
• Chris stopped taking some of his meds and now he feels more confident.
• Chris has been taking Lipitor for the last 2 years to keep his cholesterol down. He's like "It was optional, but I thought it was a good idea".
• Chris says he mostly eats grilled chicken sandwiches from McDonald's. He thinks this is healthy. He also only eats Hungry Man dinners "once or twice" a month, mostly he eats Healthy Choice frozen dinners.
• Chris says he walks about an hour a day around the neighborhood, and thinks this is "strenuous".
• Kacey thinks Chris is going to die.

Transcript

Chris: Hello?
Kacey: Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
Chris: Hi Kace, how are you?
Kacey: I'm okay, just a little tired from work, how are you?
Chris: Uh, I'm okay, I'm a little too tired from uh, being trolled.
Kacey: Aw.
Chris: I keep answering incoming calls from the trolls. Uh, especially, uh, to- Especially, uh, you know, incoming calls from the one... troll who pretended to be an employee over at GAME FACKS [sic] dot com- You know, G-A-M-E F-A-Qs, uh... Anyway, uh... They say- Anyway, they say it was the guy that's been ordering all the uh, free catalogues and boxes and what-not, sending 'em to my house with the stupid Ian Brandon Anderson name on the address. Uh, yeah but I'm handling that and dealing with--
Kacey: Well you should tell them to fuck off and leave you alone. I mean...
Chris: I'm sorry, what?
Kacey: You should tell 'em to fuck off and leave you alone. They won't be expecting that.
Chris: Yeah, my father- My father did tell them that. Actually, after we got home from the uh, church yesterday, he told 'em that. And they called a couple more times today and he's finally giving up.
Kacey: Yeah but you shouldn't be bothering your father with that, I mean YOU should be able to do it.
Chris: Yeah well I mean--
Kacey: You should be able to fight your own battles.
Chris: Yeah I mean- I mean, he's been calling the house phone and my father- And my mom and dad have been ans- Have been monitoring his calls with their caller I.D. which is downstairs. In their lair only.
Kacey: Well then they shouldn't pick up either.
Chris: Hm. Yeah well mostly they do not pick up. Uh, anyway, also this, uh, guy... that pretends to be a legal rep from- from uh, [Sounds like "Van Dye", somebody correct this]? Van Dye or something... Yeah he's practically calling non-stop, and that's just been- That's just been bothering to me. I finally- I finally managed to to, uh- I think I finally shut him up though. Uh, yeah--
Kacey: I think you should just keep telling them to fuck off, I think you need to take a better offensive stance on this. They're not going to expect that from you, you just need to be like... Like, just be strong.
Chris: Yeah, you think I haven't tried telling 'em to uh, to back- to back the fuck off, I have done that before.
Kacey: Yeah but you really have to be a man about it, you need to really say it in a tone, you can't show them any fear, any whining or anything, you need to just WOW them.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah well anyway, I think I finally got- I finally got the Van Dye guy to shut up, I, uh, you know, I called him back and I told him to call toll-free HIS phone number, OR shut the fuck up and stop calling my cell phone number. And then I said goodbye and hung up on him.
Kacey: Well, that's a good start.
Chris: Yeah. (Forced laugh) Yeah, so anyway, um...
Kacey: Well if you've got their numbers you should call back and do that yourself, I mean, don't wait for them to come on your turf, you need to show them you mean business.
Chris: Yeah...
Kacey: I mean, they have your number anyways, it's not like it would hurt.
Chris: Yeah, I should definitely be calling 'em back and telling 'em to, uh... Yeah. I will do that. Uh, but anyway--
Kacey: Yeah, shouldn't let them take control of you. You need to control THEM.
Chris: Yeah.
Kacey: Turn the tables, you know.
Chris: Yeah. I will do that. I will do that, but any- Yeah. Anyway, something else on my mind, my father and I were planning on going down to Social Security tomorrow or Wednesday, talking about what they can do for us with the, uh, job and all that.
Kacey: Well that's good, I mean it is on the website though, so it shouldn't harm you, but maybe they'll have someone who can help you through, but remember, don't let them do everything for you, and you should probably do it tomorrow, you know... Just because, I mean why not get it done as soon as possible?
Chris: Yeah. Well--
Kacey: Get it done faster.
Chris: Yeah--
Kacey: That will surely show those trolls.
Chris: Yeah. You know one thing though, uh... I would do it myself but unfortunately I don't know the right questions to ask, my father is the one that has- has more knowledge about that sorta thing, so yeah. But definitely like, uh--
Kacey: But you need to get the knowledge. So, YOU should be doing this, your dad can't do this for you, this is about you being independent.
Chris: Yeah I know, but I don't know the right questions to ask.
Kacey: Well, they're gonna show you what you have to do, I mean the... It's common sense what questions you're gonna have to ask. Like, "How much can I make? How many hours can I do?" this is stuff you already know, you shouldn't sell yourself short.
Chris: Yeah--
Kacey: Or ask your dad beforehand. Don't make him do it for you, just be like-- See you don't even have to ask him, just be like "Do you have any suggestions?"
Chris: Yeah I--
Kacey: This is something that you need to do yourself.
Chris: Yeah I need to ask suggestions, yeah. I should probably ask him to write down the right list of questions for me. But then he'll probably- Then he'll likely insist on wanting to come and, uh- Yeah, come along anyway. And plus like, you know, yeah, my mom's just finally offered me to, uh, to uh, to drive her car today, but unfortunately I had to let her drive, yeah, she was going to IHOP, and I wanted to do some- get some drawing done at the mall while we were out, uh, cuz you know, if I'm not going to [indecipherable] family, but they would drop me off at the mall while they're at IHOP, cuz if I go with them to IHOP that will mess up their uh, senior discount deal. And then they might not be able to get me the sandwiches that I would have- The sandwich I would have that night. It's a pretty good sandwich, by the way.

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