Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.
File Name: kc09109
Date: 1 September 2009
- Kacey is still shocked that Chris is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
- Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
- The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. Bob does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
- Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
- Chris needs to buy a sports bra because his manboobs bounce.
- Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
- Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a job and a house, and his dad wouldn't let him go alone.
- Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful high school graduation."
- Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
- Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
- Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "pedophilia."
- Third date = sex, Chris learned from TV. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
- Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
- Chris has masturbated so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
- Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a virgin, "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
- Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
- Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
- Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on King of the Hill.
- Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
- Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
- Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
- Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.
Transcript
Chris: Hello?
Kacey: Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
Chris: Hi, Kacey! How are you?
Kacey: I’m okay. How about you?
Chris: I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
Kacey: [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
Chris: I was [unintelligible]
Kacey: [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
Chris: Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
Kacey: No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
Chris: Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
Kacey: No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
Chris: Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
Kacey: I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
Chris: Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
Kacey: Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
Chris: I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
Kacey: [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
Chris: Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
Kacey: Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
Chris: Two meals in one day.
Kacey: That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
Chris: Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
Kacey: [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
Chris: Mmm, a portion… I do not.
Kacey: It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
Chris: Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
Kacey: No, no, no. For a portion.
Chris: Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
Kacey: Um, Chris. Are you there?
Chris: Yeah, I’m here.
Kacey: Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
Chris: Oh.
Kacey: But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
Chris: I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
Kacey: Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
Chris: Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
Kacey: [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
Chris: I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
Kacey: You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
Chris: Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
Kacey: [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
Chris: Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
Kacey: Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
Chris: Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
Kacey: Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
Chris: Okay.
Kacey: But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
Chris: Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
Kacey: Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
Chris: Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
Kacey: Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag.
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