Andrew Simmons chat

On 19 September 2010, Clyde Cash leaked an ancient instant messenger conversation between Chris and an IRC regular Falsion, going by the alias "Andrew Simmons".

The conversation lasts for over two hours on the night of 15 October 2008 and takes place in the midst of the Blanca saga. Andrew presents himself as the Cousin of Robert Simmons V asking Chris for advices to "Man him up", before the conversation runs off the rails.

In a Nutshell...

Andrew Simmons : I'm Bob's cousin and I want to help him by making him less of a pussy by stating that he shouldn't do things that you're doing Chris.
Christian Chandler : [Totally oblivious to Andrew's satire] YOU CAN DO IT! Mind if I try to act like a guidance counselor?
Andrew Simmons : Go ahead, I'll humble you on why I'm so awesome.

Transcript

Andrew Simmons (10/15/2008 10:02:39 PM): hi
Christian Chandler (10:02:45 PM): Hey
Andrew Simmons (10:02:49 PM): How are you doing?
Andrew Simmons (10:02:56 PM): Where's Bob?
Christian Chandler (10:02:58 PM): I'm okay.
Christian Chandler (10:03:03 PM): I have not heard from him.
Andrew Simmons (10:03:11 PM): Oh
Andrew Simmons (10:03:23 PM): I really miss him, tell him to come home
Andrew Simmons (10:03:27 PM): I won't beat him up
Andrew Simmons (10:03:30 PM): not too badly anyway
Christian Chandler (10:03:38 PM): okay, I'll pass that on.
Andrew Simmons (10:03:43 PM): yay
Christian Chandler (10:03:58 PM): anything else on your mind at the moment?
Andrew Simmons (10:04:08 PM): yeah bob is a faggot imho
Christian Chandler (10:04:23 PM): OTHER than Bob?
Andrew Simmons (10:04:47 PM): hmm
Andrew Simmons (10:05:02 PM): not really
Andrew Simmons (10:05:06 PM): I can't think of anything
Christian Chandler (10:05:14 PM): I see.
Andrew Simmons (10:05:28 PM): you know that girl [blanca], when you meet her are you gonna do it?
Christian Chandler (10:05:42 PM): not right away.
Andrew Simmons (10:05:45 PM): let me tell you, the first time is always kinda akward, no where near like what you imagined in that one leaked mp3
Andrew Simmons (10:05:59 PM): just hope you can get it up at least hahahahah
Christian Chandler (10:06:15 PM): lol
Andrew Simmons (10:06:50 PM): ugh, that damn thing is burned onto my brain. you're one sick fuck, but bob is the one I'm after not you. although I don't really like you much either
Andrew Simmons (10:06:58 PM): but seriously man what the fuck
Andrew Simmons (10:07:38 PM): anyway forget it i dont [sic] wanna know
Christian Chandler (10:07:38 PM): I would have thought you'd understand, since you get your cock sucked on EVERY NIGHT by women.
Andrew Simmons (10:07:48 PM): yeah that's true
Christian Chandler (10:08:17 PM): so, why are you offended by my fantasy between me, the man, and Blanca, the woman, ALONE in a Hotel Room.
Christian Chandler (10:08:18 PM): ?
Andrew Simmons (10:08:40 PM): cuz I'm a guy. and you are referring to the listener as the one you're doing
Andrew Simmons (10:08:46 PM): i'm not the only one disgusted at that shit
Christian Chandler (10:09:03 PM): The original Listener WAS the Woman.
Andrew Simmons (10:09:28 PM): whatever i don't want to argue semantics
Christian Chandler (10:09:40 PM): okay, bro.
Andrew Simmons (10:10:13 PM): you should smoke weed, maybe ease some of that stress you say you have
Andrew Simmons (10:10:18 PM): weed is good shit man
Christian Chandler (10:10:23 PM): I do not use drugs.
Andrew Simmons (10:10:28 PM): weed isn't a drug
Andrew Simmons (10:10:31 PM): it's natural
Christian Chandler (10:10:31 PM): yes it is.
Christian Chandler (10:10:35 PM): a drug.
Andrew Simmons (10:10:43 PM): the government is just being jerkops restricting that shit
Andrew Simmons (10:10:48 PM): herb never killed anyone
Christian Chandler (10:11:04 PM): it's killed a LOT MORE people than you think.
Christian Chandler (10:11:08 PM): Live WITH THE TRUTH
Andrew Simmons (10:11:12 PM): oh really?
Andrew Simmons (10:11:12 PM): who?
Christian Chandler (10:11:32 PM): go to truth.com, and you'll find out. "Live Above the Influence."
Andrew Simmons (10:11:42 PM): that's a thinktank. i want facts
Christian Chandler (10:11:52 PM): those ARE facts.
Christian Chandler (10:12:06 PM): and Medical Records and Research will tell you the SAME THING.
Andrew Simmons (10:12:19 PM): negative. it's a thinktank, an organization built to further a polticial [sic] agenda
Andrew Simmons (10:12:28 PM): even by supressing [sic] the facts in the process
Christian Chandler (10:12:43 PM): well, I am still in agreement with the "thinktank"
Christian Chandler (10:13:03 PM): but your opinion is yours alone.
Andrew Simmons (10:13:04 PM): then you're nothing but a tool. if you let misinformation form your beleifs [sic] then what are you?
Andrew Simmons (10:13:19 PM): i'd rather have my own opinions than be controlled by the masses
Christian Chandler (10:13:19 PM): I have read the same thing from text books as well.
Andrew Simmons (10:13:59 PM): are you happy being a puppet of someone else's political agenda?
Andrew Simmons (10:14:13 PM): talk to me when you have your own beleifs [sic] not someone elses
Christian Chandler (10:15:09 PM): I see.
Andrew Simmons (10:15:17 PM): You know why they don't have dating education classes in schools? You don't understand what sex education is. Sex education was a program enacted by the government to prevent people from having sex, I'm talking about teens.
Andrew Simmons (10:15:26 PM): What would a dating education program be? Stop people from dating?
Andrew Simmons (10:15:30 PM): There'd be no point
Andrew Simmons (10:15:55 PM): at least none that fits with anything that politics would involve itself in
Christian Chandler (10:16:17 PM): let me ask you, if I was to come to your neighborhood, and ask around, would your neighbors tell me the same about you that you have informed me of, that you are "da man of da hood?"
Andrew Simmons (10:16:35 PM): you'd have to be able to talk to girls and ask them
Christian Chandler (10:16:45 PM): and that your kitchen every night would be classified as "La Cocina en la Casa de Casanova?"
Andrew Simmons (10:16:48 PM): you can't though so it's pointless
Andrew Simmons (10:17:02 PM): yeah it is
Christian Chandler (10:17:19 PM): I can talk to women if I am on Neutral terms, and only wish to be informed.
Andrew Simmons (10:17:33 PM): I mean strangers, Chris
Christian Chandler (10:17:39 PM): Strangers too.
Andrew Simmons (10:17:47 PM): even an extrovert like me would feel akward [sic] asking about some guys sex life
Andrew Simmons (10:17:57 PM): i couldn't imagine an introvert like you doing so
Christian Chandler (10:19:30 PM): I see. Well, Andrew, I am feeling like I am being labled by an individual who only looks at people from a high point of view, yet the person is not as high up as perceived. do you feel like that person?
Andrew Simmons (10:19:45 PM): No
Christian Chandler (10:20:19 PM): how would describe yourself that you feel best describes you?
Christian Chandler (10:20:26 PM): as an individual.
Andrew Simmons (10:20:30 PM): Chris, one thing I've always been dying to tell you. When girls say they have a boyfriend, they are lying.
Andrew Simmons (10:20:45 PM): They do that to people who they don't want to date, because saying no is too hard to do.
Andrew Simmons (10:21:28 PM): You've gotta improve your appearence [sic], lose that fat stomach and chest of yours, stop bringing up things that people see as children's hobbies, leave the medallion at home.
Andrew Simmons (10:21:37 PM): Then girls will say that they don't have boyfriends
Christian Chandler (10:22:12 PM): I see. have you been rejected by women in the same manner, being Lied to by that possible fact?
Andrew Simmons (10:22:17 PM): Even if they do have one, your apperance [sic] can make them change their mind
Andrew Simmons (10:22:27 PM): Yes
Andrew Simmons (10:22:37 PM): I wasn't always as cool as I am now
Andrew Simmons (10:22:41 PM): I used to be a nerd too
Andrew Simmons (10:22:51 PM): I only bully Bob because I want him to toughen up
Andrew Simmons (10:22:53 PM): become a man
Christian Chandler (10:23:28 PM): I see, and how do you feel best describes how a man should be, from your humble opinion?
Andrew Simmons (10:24:07 PM): Someone who isn't afraid of going out there and doing whatever he feels like doing, not being restrained by feeling self concious [sic] about yourself or wondering if other people will agree with you, etc.
Andrew Simmons (10:24:32 PM): You gotta have balls. If you act like a little pussy, you won't get any pussy
Christian Chandler (10:25:03 PM): and what if women were offended by such loose restraints?
Andrew Simmons (10:25:08 PM): They're not
Andrew Simmons (10:25:23 PM): Trust me, I used to think that too. They aren't/
Andrew Simmons (10:25:34 PM): In fact, women are worse
Andrew Simmons (10:25:49 PM): There is no such thing as a virgin girl after the age of 12 anymore, man. Everyone is doing it
Andrew Simmons (10:26:03 PM): people having sex left and right these days. it's a new world out there
Andrew Simmons (10:27:02 PM): you can't be stuck up on petty outdated morality in this new century we live in.
Christian Chandler (10:27:46 PM): I see. how old were you when you did it with a woman for the first time ever, and how did you feel before that date?
Andrew Simmons (10:28:23 PM): 17. but i've heard people who've done it earlier than that. i mean, i feel bad for you being 26.. you're gonna get all the leftovers
Andrew Simmons (10:28:31 PM): how I felt...
Andrew Simmons (10:28:33 PM): i don't know
Andrew Simmons (10:28:37 PM): i never really gave it much thought
Andrew Simmons (10:28:46 PM): it just sort of happened
Christian Chandler (10:29:28 PM): okay, that's good; let's get in touch with that feeling. did you feel left out as well? socially flushed? normal? or somewhat good?
Andrew Simmons (10:30:29 PM): yeah, I used to feel left out. i was kinda overweight. I used to like anime and other really lame shit. But I stopped watching those kids cartoons, I started working out and before I knew it, I was able to get a girl's attention
Andrew Simmons (10:30:41 PM): and from there I just became who I am
Christian Chandler (10:31:36 PM): that's good. at what age, approximately, did you start to feel more grown up and started working out and all that?
Andrew Simmons (10:31:53 PM): I used to like the same Sonic cartoon you did, Pokemon too. But my mind matured and I started liking things that you'd probably find boring
Andrew Simmons (10:31:54 PM): hmm
Andrew Simmons (10:32:05 PM): i dunno it was sort of a gradual thing
Andrew Simmons (10:32:22 PM): it didnt [sic] really start at one age, but after the age of 18 i had grown out of all the stuff I liked before
Andrew Simmons (10:32:25 PM): i mean
Andrew Simmons (10:32:34 PM): anything that wouldn't be appropriate for my age of coarse
Andrew Simmons (10:32:51 PM): but that really happened by the time I was around 15 or 16
Christian Chandler (10:33:04 PM): good.
Christian Chandler (10:34:09 PM): tell me, did you anything in addition to working out, such as weight-loss medication, yoga, or whatever else was avilable for you to take or do at the time?
Andrew Simmons (10:34:26 PM): There is no pill to take that will make you fit. That's all BS
Christian Chandler (10:34:36 PM): yes.
Andrew Simmons (10:34:36 PM): Getting fit takes a lot of hard work and dedication
Andrew Simmons (10:34:44 PM): There is no "magic cure"
Christian Chandler (10:34:48 PM): I agree.
Andrew Simmons (10:35:09 PM): You have to change the way you eat, the way you think, and overall become something better than what you once were.
Andrew Simmons (10:35:16 PM): It's not easy, but it's worth it
Christian Chandler (10:35:46 PM): that's good. what of your eating habits did you change; how much less did you eat?
Andrew Simmons (10:36:48 PM): Well, you know stop eating things like pizza, fast food, processed food. I mean, you can look this kinda thing up in any health website really
Christian Chandler (10:37:01 PM): okay.
Andrew Simmons (10:37:02 PM): I'd suggest talking to someone who can help you with this better than I can
Andrew Simmons (10:37:08 PM): like a personal trainer or something
Christian Chandler (10:37:21 PM): did you have a personal trainer or someone to talk to then?
Andrew Simmons (10:37:49 PM): no, I kind of had to do things trail and error. but I wouldn't recommend that
Andrew Simmons (10:37:54 PM): *trial
Christian Chandler (10:37:58 PM): I agree.
Christian Chandler (10:38:29 PM): tell me about your parents, or how would you feel that you were raised?
Andrew Simmons (10:38:42 PM): i'd rather not, sorry
Christian Chandler (10:38:48 PM): that's okay.
Christian Chandler (10:39:05 PM): do you feel uncomfortable talking about that?
Andrew Simmons (10:39:14 PM): yeah
Andrew Simmons (10:39:21 PM): that's a bit too personal man
Christian Chandler (10:39:28 PM): I understand.
Andrew Simmons (10:39:46 PM): I mean I don't talk about your parents
Andrew Simmons (10:39:56 PM): those ED guys aren't right doing so either
Christian Chandler (10:40:06 PM): what infuences [sic] in your life do you feel led up to who you are?
Christian Chandler (10:40:08 PM): I agree.
Andrew Simmons (10:40:28 PM): i dunno
Andrew Simmons (10:40:32 PM): what do you mean?
Christian Chandler (10:40:50 PM): like your favorite toy, most favorite show, your childhood hero, etc.
Andrew Simmons (10:41:45 PM): Oh, I don't play with toys anymore. But I used to like all the stuff back then. I can't even name it all. The stuff from the 80's like Voltron, Transformers, etc. and even later on Pokemon. But I grew out of all that
Andrew Simmons (10:41:53 PM): There's too much to name from back then
Andrew Simmons (10:42:00 PM): I used to watch all that stuff though
Christian Chandler (10:42:18 PM): that's okay; if you can name only ONE, which would be your top choice?
Andrew Simmons (10:42:43 PM): Battle of the Planets, but honestly the Japanese version Gatchaman is better
Christian Chandler (10:43:11 PM): ah, so you were very interested in outer space adventures; lots of action.
Andrew Simmons (10:43:52 PM): i guess s
Andrew Simmons (10:43:53 PM): *so
Christian Chandler (10:44:02 PM): what intrested [sic] you the most from Gatchaman?
Andrew Simmons (10:44:34 PM): I don't know. Anime back then was kind of a rare thing, but it always seemed to be unique and really stood out from the crowd. Like Speed Racer or Voltron even
Andrew Simmons (10:44:42 PM): You'd never expect to see it here in the states
Christian Chandler (10:44:45 PM): I agree.
Christian Chandler (10:45:16 PM): did you ever want to be a space person or warrior?
Andrew Simmons (10:45:22 PM): Now it's all over the place
Andrew Simmons (10:45:26 PM): nah
Andrew Simmons (10:45:57 PM): Piloting a giant mech or something would be bad ass though.
Christian Chandler (10:46:10 PM): ah, like a Mobile Suit Gundam.
Andrew Simmons (10:46:14 PM): yeah
Andrew Simmons (10:46:26 PM): i was more of a fan of "robotech" (macross) myself though
Christian Chandler (10:46:52 PM): so you were more interested in giant, pilotable robots?
Christian Chandler (10:46:58 PM): that's neat.
Andrew Simmons (10:47:15 PM): yeah, war would be a lot more interesting if giant robots were involved
Andrew Simmons (10:47:25 PM): everything would be a lot more interesting with giant fucking robots
Andrew Simmons (10:47:42 PM): going to work in a mech would be kinda bad ass
Christian Chandler (10:48:21 PM): have you considered a possible carrer [sic] in mechanics, where you may work with cars, or possibly being able to design and build the giant robots?
Andrew Simmons (10:48:41 PM): no, that stuff is way out of my league
Andrew Simmons (10:48:44 PM): i'm no good at math
Christian Chandler (10:49:02 PM): it is true that math is a small, but important factor.
Andrew Simmons (10:49:03 PM): you need to be a genius to get into robotics
Andrew Simmons (10:49:14 PM): not many people are cut out for that
Christian Chandler (10:49:20 PM): so you do not feel that you are a geinus [sic]?
Andrew Simmons (10:49:27 PM): i'm just an average guy
Christian Chandler (10:49:47 PM): that's cool. did you know that even average men can become soo great.
Christian Chandler (10:49:48 PM): ?
Andrew Simmons (10:50:08 PM): yeah, but even then they're just average people
Andrew Simmons (10:50:19 PM): as long as you enjoy what you're doing what does it matter?
Christian Chandler (10:50:27 PM): I agree.
Christian Chandler (10:51:08 PM): and what do or did you enjoy doing the most of everything that you did?
Andrew Simmons (10:51:16 PM): yeah
Andrew Simmons (10:51:40 PM): i enjoy every moment of my life. i don't worry about things like the past or future too much
Andrew Simmons (10:51:56 PM): you only get one life, why waste it?
Andrew Simmons (10:52:09 PM): i mean worrying about frivolus [sic] things
Christian Chandler (10:52:14 PM): that's a good method; living for the moment.
Andrew Simmons (10:53:13 PM): listen chris, you gotta be a man and take control of life, or life will control you
Christian Chandler (10:53:21 PM): I agree.
Andrew Simmons (10:53:37 PM): being a 26 year old virgin is not the way to go
Christian Chandler (10:53:44 PM): I hear you.
Christian Chandler (10:54:50 PM): so you feel like you have total control of your life; how is that working for you; I'm sure you must have had some temptations towards veering off?
Andrew Simmons (10:54:52 PM): I hope Bob will understand what I have done for him someday
Andrew Simmons (10:55:05 PM): Even if the way I did it was not really the right way
Andrew Simmons (10:55:24 PM): but nevertheless I've tried
Andrew Simmons (10:55:29 PM): hmm
Andrew Simmons (10:55:35 PM): Yeah, I guess so
Andrew Simmons (10:55:43 PM): It's working fine for me
Christian Chandler (10:55:50 PM): good.
Andrew Simmons (10:55:58 PM): What temptations?
Christian Chandler (10:56:34 PM): that depends on your point of view; like for example, the scent of a freshly baked chocolate cake while you were lifting weights.
Andrew Simmons (10:56:58 PM): Yeah, that was torture. But so is the thought of knowing you'd never get laid.
Andrew Simmons (10:57:08 PM): I thought more about the latter and overcame the former
Christian Chandler (10:57:28 PM): well-worthy of being praised.
Andrew Simmons (10:58:26 PM): I'm not crazy. Bob might think I'm a raging lunatic, but I've tried to help him for so long and nothing works. The guy is still a walking pussy deflector
Andrew Simmons (10:58:37 PM): I can't help but feel kinda raged at him
Andrew Simmons (10:58:43 PM): and wanting to tell him to be a man
Christian Chandler (10:59:32 PM): I see, and Bob's appearance and methods offend you in some way to ensue your rage; what specifically about Bob triggers your anger emotions?
Andrew Simmons (11:00:03 PM): He's all feminine he's a fucking pussy, I mean look at the guy, no confidence at all. He's never gonna get anywhere being all quiet and to himself like that
Andrew Simmons (11:00:19 PM): He watches Sailor Moon for gods sake
Andrew Simmons (11:00:28 PM): thats [sic] a cartoon made for japanese females
Christian Chandler (11:01:26 PM): so, it is simply the fact that Bob prefers things that females like, such as Sailor Moon, over things that boys prefer, such as Mobile Suit Gundam.
Andrew Simmons (11:01:58 PM): I don't watch cartoons anymore
Christian Chandler (11:02:14 PM): I understand; I am only providing examples.
Andrew Simmons (11:03:16 PM): Hmm... a better example I guess would be MMA or boxing
Andrew Simmons (11:03:22 PM): maybe football
Andrew Simmons (11:03:34 PM): I mean, stuff that guys are into
Christian Chandler (11:03:59 PM): let me go off-topic for a bit, which type of woman do you feel that you would enjoy better: a woman who was raised on Feminine things like Sailor Moon and makeup and all that, or a woman who acts manly, and was raised on MMA or boxing?
Andrew Simmons (11:04:40 PM): I guess the former. A girl who watches manly stuff would be kinda akward. But really, there's more options than that.
Christian Chandler (11:04:50 PM): I agree.
Andrew Simmons (11:05:24 PM): you know what MMA is right? UFC, the martial arts competitions
Christian Chandler (11:05:33 PM): so, you feel uncomfortable of those of a specific gender that more enjoys the opposite things.
Christian Chandler (11:05:45 PM): I understand the fighting initials.
Andrew Simmons (11:06:23 PM): well it's more like this. Bob's my family, I gotta look out for him
Andrew Simmons (11:06:29 PM): and right now he's not gonna get anywhere
Andrew Simmons (11:06:35 PM): at least in terms of girls, etc.
Christian Chandler (11:06:49 PM): so, you feel like an older brother to Bob, more than just a cousin?
Andrew Simmons (11:07:01 PM): A cousin is pretty much the same thing I'd assume
Christian Chandler (11:07:22 PM): well, I would not know; I'm not that close to my cousins.
Andrew Simmons (11:07:37 PM): Family is family to me. But if you're not close to your family, then I understand.
Andrew Simmons (11:07:47 PM): I guess I'm not really that close with Andrew either though
Christian Chandler (11:07:48 PM): Family is family to me as well.
Andrew Simmons (11:07:59 PM): At least, how he sees me
Christian Chandler (11:08:16 PM): I hear you.
Christian Chandler (11:09:20 PM): do you feel like possibly your source of anger may derive from how much you may want to be more of an older brother to Robert, instead of possibly a distant cousin?
Andrew Simmons (11:09:34 PM): No, I said it's the same thing
Andrew Simmons (11:09:53 PM): he's family to me, why would anything be different?
Andrew Simmons (11:10:31 PM): My anger is at how much he just fails at life
Andrew Simmons (11:10:42 PM): despite attempts to help him out
Christian Chandler (11:10:51 PM): I'd say nothing would be different, but take a guess on how Bob may feel; what else do you do for him that you feel may portray you more as a brother?
Andrew Simmons (11:11:14 PM): I don't know man
Andrew Simmons (11:11:32 PM): But it pains me to see him go to waste, become nothing but a little sissy
Andrew Simmons (11:11:36 PM): who will never get laid
Andrew Simmons (11:12:14 PM): He comes from a good family, the Simmons aren't losers
Andrew Simmons (11:12:21 PM): He needs to live up to that.
Christian Chandler (11:12:24 PM): I see. tell me, from your point of view, how do you feel a brother would help his little brother?
Christian Chandler (11:12:40 PM): aside from teasings and violence?
Andrew Simmons (11:12:54 PM): I don't know, I guess it would be the same. I mean, that's what brothers do right? I already feel like his brother
Christian Chandler (11:13:02 PM): that's good.
Andrew Simmons (11:13:10 PM): I guess maybe I'm overstepping my role, I guess you're saying
Christian Chandler (11:13:20 PM): no, no; you are okay.
Andrew Simmons (11:13:23 PM): I don't feel that way though.
Andrew Simmons (11:13:24 PM): Yeah
Andrew Simmons (11:13:25 PM): ok
Christian Chandler (11:14:15 PM): if I may offer my humble opinion, and I have watched a LOT of shows on the topic, a brother helps a brother by defending him from tougher opponents, thus builing [sic] up his courage from example.
Andrew Simmons (11:14:45 PM): But man, the Simmons are warriors dude. I'm talking about guys who fought in WWII. There is no reason for him to be such a little sissy like this
Andrew Simmons (11:14:49 PM): hmm
Andrew Simmons (11:14:57 PM): yeah I think I've seen shows like that
Christian Chandler (11:14:58 PM): I am not putting down the family name.
Andrew Simmons (11:15:03 PM): you're not
Andrew Simmons (11:15:06 PM): i just went off topic
Christian Chandler (11:15:12 PM): that's okay.
Andrew Simmons (11:15:58 PM): ok ok back to what you were saying
Andrew Simmons (11:16:00 PM): uhh
Christian Chandler (11:16:24 PM): so, from my example, if a brother wants to help hook up his brother with a girlfriend, or a laid-night if I may say, what is the best way to lead the younger brother?
Christian Chandler (11:16:39 PM): from example, so what do you think the older brother should do?
Andrew Simmons (11:16:43 PM): that's the problem. i don't know
Andrew Simmons (11:16:52 PM): that's probably why I just end up making him feel bad
Andrew Simmons (11:17:01 PM): or doing things he finds abusive
Christian Chandler (11:19:02 PM): from my perspective, I would think that the older brother would go to the mall, for example, with the yonger brother, point out the choice women, good women, and the wrong women in the crowds, to better his viewpoint on which ones to approach. Then, provide an example; the older brother asks a few women out, with the younger brother watching and listening; paying attention to all the details the older is setting from his example.
Christian Chandler (11:19:20 PM): then the younger would follow and fend for himself.
Christian Chandler (11:19:27 PM): from example.
Christian Chandler (11:20:09 PM): doesn't that sound like a good method to you?
Christian Chandler (11:20:53 PM): as long as the older isn't as rough in his teachings, the younger is more likely to follow from better example.
Andrew Simmons (11:21:54 PM): sorry i was on the phone, reading what you wrote now
Andrew Simmons (11:22:24 PM): Yeah, but Bob is kinda shy though. He doesn't even want to go with me
Andrew Simmons (11:22:44 PM): He even fights with me about it
Christian Chandler (11:23:10 PM): well, as a responsible brother, how do you feel is the best way of winning back his confidence in you, so he'll go to the mall with you?
Andrew Simmons (11:23:24 PM): It's not that. He's scared of going to the mall and talking to girls.
Andrew Simmons (11:23:42 PM): Really scared. He just doesn't want to do it
Andrew Simmons (11:23:54 PM): I think he might be gay
Christian Chandler (11:24:08 PM): well, the best way to help a frightened young is to offer positive influence.
Andrew Simmons (11:24:28 PM): Well, yeah I've tried but it doesn't work
Andrew Simmons (11:24:35 PM): that's why it just ends up being abusive in the end
Andrew Simmons (11:25:12 PM): Because he is a stubborn bastard who even fights with me to not to the mall or wherever. I've been nice to him as much as I can
Andrew Simmons (11:25:57 PM): Why is he friends with you anyway? I've always wondered if he was a closet case
Andrew Simmons (11:26:00 PM): you know, gay
Christian Chandler (11:26:02 PM): be kind to him; open up how you feel about him, and inform him on how you'd like to help. and if he still refuses, then you may take a step up; extend your hand, like a kind soul offering to help a homeless person, in full support.
Christian Chandler (11:26:18 PM): if you guide him in the right light, you can keep him straight.
Andrew Simmons (11:26:25 PM): Yeah
Andrew Simmons (11:26:28 PM): That's true
Andrew Simmons (11:26:44 PM): But if he refuses and fights with me then I can't do much about it
Christian Chandler (11:27:31 PM): that's okay; just be good to him, and he'll open up and go with you; it's a matter of building up his confidence from good example.
Andrew Simmons (11:27:53 PM): I wasn't always the mean abusive cousin of his, he really made me like this with his stubbornness
Andrew Simmons (11:28:00 PM): I mean I can try
Andrew Simmons (11:28:04 PM): but he just runs away from me
Andrew Simmons (11:28:11 PM): and treats me like I'm some sort of evil guy
Andrew Simmons (11:28:28 PM): and I mean, when someone treats you like that, you can't really be much else other than that
Christian Chandler (11:28:38 PM): that's all you can do; just try; be good to him as much as possible, but not too much.
Andrew Simmons (11:28:42 PM): kinda like how ED treats you like a bad person. Try convincing them that you're good
Christian Chandler (11:29:00 PM): I understand you there.
Andrew Simmons (11:29:16 PM): Also I'm not a part of ED, he is lying about that
Christian Chandler (11:29:19 PM): after talking to me, how do you feel about me?
Andrew Simmons (11:29:36 PM): I dunno, you seem like a pretty decent guy
Andrew Simmons (11:29:43 PM): I don't agree with how you've spent your life though
Andrew Simmons (11:29:47 PM): for the past 26 years
Andrew Simmons (11:30:02 PM): I mean being a virgin and all
Andrew Simmons (11:30:29 PM): and the things with ED could have easily been avoided
Christian Chandler (11:30:41 PM): well past may matter to some, but it's the ending result that counts; I am a decent guy; it just takes time for people to see that.
Christian Chandler (11:31:29 PM): so, what good things can you do for Bob that can help build his confidence in himself and you?
Andrew Simmons (11:31:34 PM): Yes, but your reputation is ruined now. It's going to be hard to live a normal life. You've gotta become someone better than who you are to the point where the article doesn't even seem to apply to you anymore
Andrew Simmons (11:31:41 PM): to the point where it all seems made up
Christian Chandler (11:32:03 PM): and so I am ignoring their words, for the better.
Andrew Simmons (11:32:30 PM): That's not good enough though. I just saw you on a news site, I mean, your public opinion as a whole is pretty fucked
Andrew Simmons (11:32:57 PM): let me find the link
Andrew Simmons (11:33:32 PM): damn ED's results have clogged up Google now
Andrew Simmons (11:33:41 PM): and other people linking to ti
Andrew Simmons (11:33:43 PM): *it
Andrew Simmons (11:34:17 PM): found it
Andrew Simmons (11:34:18 PM): http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/61fps/archive/2008/09/19/wtfriday-the-adventures-of-sonichu.aspx
Andrew Simmons (11:34:36 PM): anyway you get the idea
Andrew Simmons (11:35:17 PM): But, I think you could get through this over time though
Christian Chandler (11:35:39 PM): well, that is their opinion, and I take that with a grain of salt and move on with my life.
Andrew Simmons (11:35:45 PM): alright
Christian Chandler (11:35:58 PM): so, let's go back to helping Bob.
Andrew Simmons (11:36:11 PM): yeah i agree
Christian Chandler (11:36:34 PM): what can you think of doing that you feel can help build up his confidence in you and in himself?
Andrew Simmons (11:36:44 PM): i don't know
Christian Chandler (11:37:06 PM): well, you can offer to fix him dinner one night.
Andrew Simmons (11:37:16 PM): he won't eat it
Andrew Simmons (11:37:23 PM): he'll say it's poisoned
Andrew Simmons (11:37:40 PM): or something like that. the guy is really stubborn like that
Christian Chandler (11:37:52 PM): well, you don't have to tell him that you made it until after he's eaten and enjoyed it.
Andrew Simmons (11:38:03 PM): if I tell him at all, he'd be pissed
Andrew Simmons (11:38:14 PM): he'd try to start hitting me or something
Andrew Simmons (11:38:17 PM): really
Andrew Simmons (11:38:36 PM): although he knows not to fuck with me but when he's mad he doesn't care
Christian Chandler (11:38:45 PM): well, what if he truly enjoyed the meal and thought it was really delicious and good?
Andrew Simmons (11:39:06 PM): I can't cook anyway
Christian Chandler (11:39:15 PM): okay, I did not know that.
Andrew Simmons (11:39:15 PM): I'm not his wife
Christian Chandler (11:39:21 PM): that's fine.
Christian Chandler (11:39:47 PM): we have talked about opening yourself up to him honestly with your feelings.
Christian Chandler (11:39:58 PM): talking about them.
Andrew Simmons (11:40:30 PM): whatever I don't really care anymore
Andrew Simmons (11:41:34 PM): i mean, fuck it. you know what I mean
Christian Chandler (11:41:35 PM): well, we don't have to strain our brains right away; you may take your time; think about it, ask yourself "What can I do for Bob to make his day better and build up his confidence?"
Andrew Simmons (11:41:44 PM): let him die sad and alone
Christian Chandler (11:41:47 PM): write up a list of things you can do for him.
Andrew Simmons (11:41:59 PM): what the hell can I do about it?
Andrew Simmons (11:42:07 PM): i mean look, has anyone been able to help you?
Andrew Simmons (11:42:09 PM): no
Christian Chandler (11:42:54 PM): look, you are only denying yourself; you CAN help Bob, just have more confidence in yourself being able to help him.
Christian Chandler (11:43:22 PM): Ask yourself what you can do for him.
Christian Chandler (11:43:27 PM): make the list.
Christian Chandler (11:43:35 PM): and help him.
Andrew Simmons (11:43:37 PM): let him live his own life, I can only do so much. He has to be able to help himself
Andrew Simmons (11:43:57 PM): I'm not his babysitter
Christian Chandler (11:44:15 PM): he CAN help himself, if he is taught how to help himself from example.
Christian Chandler (11:44:25 PM): I'm not calling you his babysitter.
Andrew Simmons (11:44:29 PM): I'm not a good example
Andrew Simmons (11:44:45 PM): Tell him to find someone who can help him out, like you maybe. But then again, maybe you're not a good example either
Christian Chandler (11:45:02 PM): why do you feel that you are not a good example?
Andrew Simmons (11:46:01 PM): I dunno, I mean the guy is fine the way he is right? What will he learn from me, to bang chicks and do things he finds objectionable?
Andrew Simmons (11:46:10 PM): You said drugs were bad for example
Andrew Simmons (11:46:14 PM): would you want him following me
Andrew Simmons (11:46:23 PM): smoking weed
Christian Chandler (11:46:54 PM): okay, that's a good reason, but what if you gave it up, or only do it when NOT around Bob.
Christian Chandler (11:46:55 PM): ?
Christian Chandler (11:48:03 PM): Bob can help you in return for you helping him; he leads you better by example of NOT smoking weed, and you lead him by example of how to talk to women.
Andrew Simmons (11:48:37 PM): hmmm
Andrew Simmons (11:48:45 PM): why should I?
Christian Chandler (11:48:46 PM): You've said it yourself that you had control of your life, now you can better yourself to truly become a better man.
Andrew Simmons (11:49:07 PM): Give me a reason that's not from a thinktank
Christian Chandler (11:49:09 PM): Bob is your Little Brother; Be a Good Big Brother to him.
Andrew Simmons (11:49:16 PM): Weed isn't bad though
Andrew Simmons (11:49:24 PM): He may think it is
Andrew Simmons (11:49:26 PM): but it's not
Christian Chandler (11:50:01 PM): still, keep the thought that you would like to be his Big Brother; let That Thought be your alternative to weed.
Andrew Simmons (11:50:35 PM): no it shouldn't
Christian Chandler (11:50:36 PM): people can become better from other people.
Christian Chandler (11:51:14 PM): If not for any other reason, Be a Good Brother, for Rober [sic] Simmons V.
Christian Chandler (11:51:25 PM): Robert
Christian Chandler (11:52:09 PM): Just repeat to yourself, "I am Andrew Simmons a Big Brother to Robert Simmons."
Andrew Simmons (11:52:29 PM): I'm his cousin
Christian Chandler (11:52:46 PM): I mean metaphorically.
Christian Chandler (11:53:08 PM): Forget the word "cousin" for now; just repeat the phrase to yourself over and over.
Christian Chandler (11:53:21 PM): "I am Andrew Simmons, a Big Brother to Rober [sic] Simmons."
Christian Chandler (11:53:55 PM): there ARE people who volunteer to be a Big Brother to a younger child.
Andrew Simmons (11:54:33 PM): sorry
Andrew Simmons (11:54:34 PM): can't do it
Christian Chandler (11:55:03 PM): are you sure that you "Can't", or that you "Won't"?
Christian Chandler (11:55:26 PM): it is not what you CAN'T do; it is the FACT THAT YOU CAN.
Christian Chandler (11:55:31 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:55:48 PM): nah
Christian Chandler (11:55:59 PM): YOU CAN.
Christian Chandler (11:56:26 PM): YOU ARE CAPABLE.
Christian Chandler (11:56:30 PM): YOU ARE NEEDED.
Christian Chandler (11:56:36 PM): BOB NEEDS YOU.
Christian Chandler (11:56:39 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:56:56 PM): hmm
Andrew Simmons (11:56:58 PM): I can?
Christian Chandler (11:57:13 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:57:32 PM): Really?
Christian Chandler (11:57:39 PM): Yes, YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:57:40 PM): Really?
Christian Chandler (11:57:49 PM): YES, and ONLY YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:57:51 PM): ...really?
Christian Chandler (11:57:55 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:57:59 PM): Are you sure about that?
Christian Chandler (11:58:08 PM): I AM POSITIVE. YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:58:19 PM): I'm not feeling you man. I don't think I can
Christian Chandler (11:58:33 PM): Stay with me. YOU CAN.
Christian Chandler (11:58:37 PM): YOU CAN.
Christian Chandler (11:58:40 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:58:46 PM): U
Andrew Simmons (11:58:47 PM): er
Andrew Simmons (11:58:48 PM): I
Andrew Simmons (11:58:50 PM): I can
Andrew Simmons (11:58:51 PM): 't
Andrew Simmons (11:58:53 PM): I CAN'T
Christian Chandler (11:59:00 PM): NO, YOU CAN.
Christian Chandler (11:59:14 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:59:14 PM): Really?
Christian Chandler (11:59:18 PM): YOU CAN.
Christian Chandler (11:59:23 PM): AND YOU WILL.
Andrew Simmons (11:59:24 PM): Really?
Christian Chandler (11:59:29 PM): YOU CAN>
Christian Chandler (11:59:45 PM): YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (11:59:58 PM): hmm
Andrew Simmons (12:00:00 AM): k
Christian Chandler (12:00:13 AM): good, say it with me, YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (12:00:26 AM): YOU CAN
Christian Chandler (12:00:41 AM): lol. no, say it with me, I CAN
Andrew Simmons (12:00:52 AM): YOU CAN
Christian Chandler (12:01:28 AM): lol again. YOU CAN.
Andrew Simmons (12:01:35 AM): YOU CAN
Christian Chandler (12:02:01 AM): Andrew Simmons CAN.
Andrew Simmons (12:02:07 AM): no he can't
Christian Chandler (12:02:16 AM): Andrew Simmons CAN.
Andrew Simmons (12:02:20 AM): nah
Christian Chandler (12:02:25 AM): Andrew Simmons CAN.
Andrew Simmons (12:02:37 AM): not really
Christian Chandler (12:03:05 AM): YOU ARE ANDREW SIMMONS, and YOU CAN DO IT!
Andrew Simmons (12:03:13 AM): OMG I HAVE THE POWER!
Andrew Simmons (12:03:23 AM): I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRR
Andrew Simmons (12:03:33 AM): to say no I can't
Christian Chandler (12:03:33 AM): YES.
Christian Chandler (12:03:37 AM): NO
Christian Chandler (12:04:03 AM): YOU ARE ANDREW SIMMONS, YOU HAVE THE POWER, and YOU CAN!
Andrew Simmons (12:04:12 AM): ok
Christian Chandler (12:04:22 AM): good.
Christian Chandler (12:04:32 AM): so, WHO ARE YOU?
Andrew Simmons (12:04:48 AM): I forgot. I have amnesia
Christian Chandler (12:04:54 AM): lol
Christian Chandler (12:05:09 AM): SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Andrew Simmons (12:05:17 AM): I'm Batman
Christian Chandler (12:05:26 AM): lol
Christian Chandler (12:05:37 AM): YOUR NAME IS ANDREW SIMMONS.
Andrew Simmons (12:05:43 AM): Oh fuck, it is?
Christian Chandler (12:06:17 AM): okay, obviously I have built up your confidence enough to joke around.
Andrew Simmons (12:06:20 AM): Sorry I just hit my head against the wall
Andrew Simmons (12:06:24 AM): I can't remember anything
Andrew Simmons (12:06:36 AM): Who am I? i don't really know
Christian Chandler (12:06:48 AM): I'm trying to help you.
Christian Chandler (12:07:17 AM): and if at this moment you are going to be closed-minded to me, there's nothing else I can do for you.
Andrew Simmons (12:07:20 AM): No, Chris. I'm the one helping you.
Christian Chandler (12:07:47 AM): Good night.
Andrew Simmons (12:07:50 AM): wait
Andrew Simmons (12:07:51 AM): ok
Andrew Simmons (12:07:52 AM): fine
Andrew Simmons (12:07:57 AM): what did you want me to say?
Christian Chandler (12:08:09 AM): okay.
Andrew Simmons (12:08:27 AM): I'm Andrew Simmons btw nice to meet you
Andrew Simmons (12:08:35 AM): I just got my memory back
Andrew Simmons (12:08:42 AM): now what
Christian Chandler (12:09:03 AM): Repeat to yourself, "I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V."
Andrew Simmons (12:09:07 AM): "I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V."
Christian Chandler (12:09:24 AM): that's good. repeat that over and over again.
Andrew Simmons (12:09:28 AM): "I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brot
Andrew Simmons (12:09:34 AM): oops
Andrew Simmons (12:09:35 AM): sorry
Christian Chandler (12:09:44 AM): that's good.
Andrew Simmons (12:09:55 AM): ok i got it man
Andrew Simmons (12:10:00 AM): now what
Christian Chandler (12:10:14 AM): Go help Bob become a ladies' man.
Andrew Simmons (12:10:23 AM): alright he's not here though
Andrew Simmons (12:10:28 AM): tell me where he is//
Christian Chandler (12:12:14 AM): okay, I'll tell you what, write an e-mail to Robert, tell him that I have advised you on how to be a better man, and how you are going to positively help him, and send it to my address @ ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com; I will Forward it to him.
Christian Chandler (12:12:46 AM): I Promise.
Andrew Simmons (12:13:00 AM): I'll just tell him when he gets back
Christian Chandler (12:13:11 AM): okay.
Christian Chandler (12:13:35 AM): take care and stay safe.
Andrew Simmons (12:13:50 AM): you can't talk any longer?
Andrew Simmons (12:13:57 AM): this has been awfully one sided. all about me
Andrew Simmons (12:14:00 AM): what about you?
Christian Chandler (12:14:10 AM): I'm okay, and I HAVE learned from you.
Andrew Simmons (12:14:16 AM): learned what?
Christian Chandler (12:14:22 AM): how to be a better man.
Andrew Simmons (12:14:27 AM): details
Andrew Simmons (12:14:37 AM): in what way?
Christian Chandler (12:14:49 AM): how to open up more to them with delightful conversation.
Andrew Simmons (12:14:56 AM): to whom? girls?
Andrew Simmons (12:15:00 AM): i didn't even get to that
Christian Chandler (12:15:02 AM): to women, yes.
Christian Chandler (12:15:06 AM): you did.
Andrew Simmons (12:15:18 AM): i told you how to stop them from telling you they have a boyfriend
Christian Chandler (12:15:32 AM): EXCATLY [sic].
Andrew Simmons (12:15:45 AM): Yeah, leave the medallions and toys etc at home
Christian Chandler (12:15:47 AM): you have told me what to say in response to that lie.
Andrew Simmons (12:15:51 AM): start working out
Christian Chandler (12:15:54 AM): yes.
Andrew Simmons (12:16:08 AM): get some better clothes. i mean goodwill is not really where young people go to get clothes
Andrew Simmons (12:16:15 AM): just a basic white button shirt is good
Christian Chandler (12:16:20 AM): yes.
Andrew Simmons (12:16:55 AM): Also about Blan..ca... er.. I ... nevermind
Andrew Simmons (12:17:03 AM): she's not a troll right
Andrew Simmons (12:17:09 AM): even if she is, time will tell
Christian Chandler (12:17:09 AM): yes, she is not a troll.
Andrew Simmons (12:17:27 AM): But internet relationships aren't good IMHo
Andrew Simmons (12:17:33 AM): they're nothing but trouble in the end
Andrew Simmons (12:17:38 AM): *IMHO
Andrew Simmons (12:17:51 AM): but whatever, you can make up your own mind about that if this works out or not
Andrew Simmons (12:17:58 AM): I'll be there to help you out afterwards
Christian Chandler (12:18:03 AM): okay, thank you.
Christian Chandler (12:18:25 AM): all you need to mainly concentrate on is helping Robert.
Andrew Simmons (12:18:45 AM): I'm pretty sure someone originally set Blanca up to this though, some poor bastard tried to use her to get close to you. I just don't see it ending we-... forget it, you'd never beleive [sic] me anyway
Andrew Simmons (12:19:09 AM): i'm pretty sure I know a certain group that... well nevermind
Andrew Simmons (12:19:15 AM): good luck anyway
Christian Chandler (12:19:23 AM): thank you.
Christian Chandler (12:19:29 AM): take care.
Christian Chandler (12:19:41 AM): I'll let Bob know that I have helped you.
Andrew Simmons (12:19:46 AM): alright
Christian Chandler (12:19:55 AM): hopefully he'll come back.
Andrew Simmons (12:20:32 AM): anyway, try to get in shape. you were fine but you've started to really let yourself go man. really I'd like to help you as much as bob
Andrew Simmons (12:20:45 AM): you need it
Christian Chandler (12:20:53 AM): yes, thank you.
Christian Chandler (12:20:58 AM): Peace.
Andrew Simmons (12:21:00 AM): anyway, take care then
Christian Chandler (12:21:05 AM): u2

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