List of Sonichu characters

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The following is a list of Sonichu characters, in order of appearance.

Sonichu #0

Christian Weston Chandler

Main articles: Christian Weston Chandler (comic character), Chris-Chan Sonichu, and Colossal Chan

Chris-chan's alternate self and Mary Sue, who believe it or not is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much more slender than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even more psychotic than Real Chris, having murdered hundreds of people in a terrorist attack, permenantly cripped several others, carried out a mini holocaust on homosexuals, and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed. For making a parody webcomic. And this is just in Sonichu 10 alone. His medallion allows him to don a fursuit when he shouts the phrase Electric Hedgehog Power!, and he can access his Hobo-Chan form with use of the seven Sonichu Balls.

Christian first appeared right on the front cover of Issue 0, ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in Issue 2, which portrayed him as a descendant of the Cherokian Clan and fullfiller of the Anchuent Prophecy. Chris has since made himself and his love quest the centre of attention and main focus of the comic in every issue since, (with a few exceptions).

Sonichu

Main articles: Sonichu (character) and Ultra Sonichu

Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolour who is an unholy fusion of Sonic the Hedgehog and a Pikachu. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By Sonichu 2, Christian had taken over as the main character, and by Sonichu 3, Chris had added a new batch of recolours who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until Sonichu 8, where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in Sonichu 10, despite Chris's return, as he transformed into Ultra Sonichu had helped Chris in his killing spree.

Rosechu

Main articles: Rosechu and The Incredible Lioness

Sonichu's worthless, 1-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. This is Chris's idea of how women behave, likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape Jason Kendrick Howell.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Main article: Sonic the Hedgehog

Sega mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic (aside from Sonichu). He makes a few appearances in the comic. Most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in Sonichu 1, after Rosechu gets kidnapped. Again.

Sonic also appears on the front cover of Sonichu 11, and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'

Perfect Chaos Monster

File:Perfect chaos.jpg
Perfect Chaos as seen in Sonic X
File:SchuComicPage6.jpg
Perfect Chaos as seen in Sonichu #0

Perfect Chaos, or "Perfect Chaos Monster" as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the Sonic game Sonic Adventure. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of Station Square. Sonic the Hedgehog defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the positive energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.

This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of Sonichu in the premiere issue of his new comic book series. The Sonichu series begins with a male Pikachu wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an unexplained phenomenon which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the Sonic Adventure game so that Sonic is little more than an assistant to Chris's original character). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild.

After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of Sonichu.

Trainer Kel

Main article: Kel

Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into Rosechu. Continued to take care of Rosechu until Sonichu took over as her new pimp. She was never heard from for a long time, but when Sean August Watley later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became very upset. When Sean was executed in Sonichu 10, Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.

Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparantly had came through the CWCipedia article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with Naitsirhc at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring. This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non cannon.

David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite

A Dragonite Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his sexual services to Rosechu when the latter was in heat, noting that he's "loyal". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "just too big" even for her loose, gaping China, and suggesting Kel have sex with him herself. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will never know.

Strangely enough, David may have been retconned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on CWCipedia. David, who appeared in Issue 0 (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created gender-benders before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a lesbian relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.

Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc

Main article: Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc

Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the Pokémon villain Giovanni, and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When Chris fell into the Dark Mirror Hole, his Medallion also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "straight" twin. Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after Black Sonichu, which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In Sonichu 10, Christian pins him down and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, homosexuality makes you evil. He was then returned to Kel.

Zapdos

An electric type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by Naitsirhc to capture Rosechu and battle Sonichu in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's DNA, which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.

Jerkhief

Main article: Jerkhief

Leader of the Jerkops. The Jerkhief is a massive African American man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"

He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the CWCville Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his Chris-Chan Sonichu form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of good!

Jerkops

Main article: Jerkops

Villainous foot-soldiers of Mary Lee Walsh, the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his Love Quest. They are supposedly brainwashed slow-in-the-minds and College students. In spite of this, Christian has no qualms in killing them, and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders, (Aside from Mary and Count Graduon) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.

Metonic

Main article: Metonic

Evolved form of Sonichu. Appears only in Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

Vamprosa

Main article: Vamprosa

Evolved form of Rosechu. Appears only in Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.

Barbara Chandler

Main article: Barbara Chandler

Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from Naitsirhc in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in Sonichu 0.

Black Sonichu/Blake

Main article: Black Sonichu

Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's DNA, which Naitsirhc obtained in battle. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for Giovanni, and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with Bubbles. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic rape at the hands of a trannie.

He also has his own superform, in the same vein as Ultra Sonichu, named Silver Blachu. It is never seen though.

Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in a few of the Classic Sonichu strips, stalking Rosechu.

The Chaotic Combo

Main article: Chaotic Combo

Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the Rainbow that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. The group is composed of:

Flame the Sunbird

Main article: Flame the Sunbird

Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the Legendary Master Sunstone, and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokemon, yet he readily uses Pokemon attacks, such as Drill Peck.

Sarah Hammer

Main article: Sarah Hammer

Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the Queen of the Cherokian Clan in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furfag just like himself. As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against Count Graduon. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone.

Wes Iseli

Main article: Wes Iseli

Sarah's boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the Wasabi Clan, a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee. When Chris fulfilled the Anchuent Prophecy by becoming Chris-Chan Sonichu, Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become Wes-Li Sonichu. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating Count Graduon. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in Sonichu 5, and attending Mary Lee Walsh's villain conclave in Sonichu 7.

Mary Lee Walsh

Main article: Mary Lee Walsh

Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of Piedmont Virginia Community College, against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Sonichu #1

Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik

Main article: Doctor Robotnik

Arch-nemesis to Sonic the Hedgehog. Enlisted to aid Giovanni in capturing Sonichu.

Team Rocket

Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures Pokémon (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in CWCville.

Team Rocket is run by Giovanni and his retarded homosexual son, Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.

They are also responsible for the creation of Blake.

Giovanni

Main article: Giovanni

Leader of Team Rocket. Determined to capture Sonichu at any cost, Giovanni teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, thanks to the timely intervention of Sonic the Hedgehog.


Dr. Bill Schwartz/Bill the Scientist

File:Bill.jpg
His face is was a mystery.
Dr. Bill Schwartz the Scientist

One of the more popular characters in Sonichu lore, Bill the Scientist was a genetics researcher for Team Rocket during the organization's brief alliance with Ivo Robotnik. It was Bill's duty to prepare Sonichu's DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of the clone until it took on a black color.

Bill is currently believed to be getting high somewhere with the Boulder-Dropping Whale, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle. Chris disputes this unorthodox fan theory in Twitter, saying Bill is still in employ of Giovanni, and will be returning in comic. He then contradicts this when he appears later in Sonichu 10, stating that Bill stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days. Bill later appears, along with Kel and Allison Amber, to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.

Metal Sonichu

The Sonichu rip-off of Metal Sonic, he is one of the few characters even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Sadly though, he blames Robotnik for it. After being defeated by Sonic and Sonichu in Sonichu 1 he crashes into the fucking moon, however, he survives this attack, as evident by his hand rising out of one of the craters resulting in a cliffhanger. His current whereabouts are unknown, but Count Graduon is also on the moon now, so it is possible they are an alliance. The fans have speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the piece of shit and he will never be heard of again, but Mailbag and Twitter updates hint that in Issue 11, Graduon will return from the moon, possessing Metal Sonichu — and by saying that Chris totally ruined this awesome completely predictable plot twist. Damn you, Twitter!

  • MetalSonichu.jpg
  • 220-ACMSchu.jpg
  • 221-ACMSchuBck.jpg
  • 222-YuMSchu.jpg


Amy Rose

Main article: Amy Rose

Sonic the Hedgehog's love interest. Met Rosechu one day in CWCville Mall, and the two discussed their uncanny resemblance, and their respective vapid love lives.


Hanna

Main article: Hanna

Woman who trolled Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his Attraction Sign. Chris, epic lulzcow that he is, not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.

Sonichu #2

Keeper of the Destiny Cave

An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his Medallion to transform into his fursona. After revealing the Anchuent Prophecy to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with Yawning Squirtle, if he's smart.

Golem

Weapon used by Count Graduon after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with Mary Lee Walsh. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked CWCville, Chris-Chan Sonichu,Wes-Li Sonichu, and Saramah Rosechu teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2.

Count Graduon

Main article: Count Graduon

The Evil released when the Anchuent Prophecy was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the Cherokian Clan. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with Mary Lee Walsh, and has secretly manipulated Silvana Rosechu to become his trannie rape weapon against the heroic Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

Sonichu #3

Sonee & Rosey

Main article: Sonee & Rosey

The (irritating) baby versions of Sonichu, Rosechu, and their recolors. They made their debut appearance on the first page of Sonichu #3.

Venusaur

See Pokémon

A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered Wild Sonichu's egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.

Scyther

See Pokémon

For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of Wild Sonichu's father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.

In Sonichu 8, Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take revenge, but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".

Ever since that fateful day, Wild has sworn to take revenge on the poachers, a complex scheme which apparently involves moving to CWCville, hanging out at Spring Break parties, and attending Dating Education classes. As for his father, by now the poachers have probably stuck him in a jar with a scorpion and forced them to fight to the death.

Note: Although the correct pronunciation of "Scyther" is "sigh-ther", this is routinely ignored in the Audiobooks.

Swampert

See Pokémon

A female Swampert adopted Bubbles Rosechu upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to and end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

Boulder-Dropping Whale

The Boulder Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.
An actual Wailord.

As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles Rosechu, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles' timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for Sonichu characters has earned him a cult following among fans, who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Originally identified as a common whale in the Audiobooks, Chris stated in a blog in January 2010 that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale; however, BDW appears to have large white niggo lips, which Wailord lacks, and it has only one pair of fins and a less streamlined tail. This makes sense, however, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in Sonichu 8 which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord. Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a fan favorite.

On 12 January 2010, Chris posted in his blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals Bill, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle, getting high as fuck.

Nuns

"The Lord has sent us an egg, sister. Tonight, we'll have omelets"

The two nuns that raised Angelica, even though real nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words bless and Lord frequently.

In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from, as some sort of gross souvenir of the day they discovered her; Chris stated in the videobooks that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, and they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.


G.D.W. Shinabe

Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris' many horrible Excel Saga references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in Puni Puni Poemy, a follow-up project to Excel Saga.

In Sonichu, Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts Punchy Sonichu and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for Great Director Watanabe, a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in Puni Puni Poemy, and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.

If Christian's Sonichu article on CWCipedia is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo.

Mypoe

A classic example of fanservice in Sonichu

Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of Puni Puni Poemy, depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble Excel instead. In Sonichu, Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged Punchy Sonichu to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a weak point, and should be removed (a concept stolen from Dragon Ball). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the Dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.

Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the fans.

Mewtwo

See Pokémon

A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for Magi-Chan Sonichu, whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

B-Manajerk

Main article: B-Manajerk

Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his Love Quest at Mal-Wart. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, Merried Seinor Comic, confront Chris after the Jerkhief tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with Mecha-Jerkops, and Chris is aided by Darkbind Sonichu. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his Medallion.

Merried Seinor Comic

Main article: Merried Seinor Comic

Companion of B-Manajerk, 'Merried Seinor Comic', also known as 'Kirby', is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's Chris was loitering in that day. In Sonichu, he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, Darkbind Sonichu arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.

W-M-Manajerk

Main article: W-M-Manajerk

The ruler of the Mal-Wart region, 'W-M-Manajerk' confronts Chris shortly after B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other Manajerks, W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his Medallion with the Heart Torch of Fail to summon his "dream sibling", Crystal Weston Chandler. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to Mary Lee Walsh, who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.

Darkbind Sonichu

Main article: Darkbind Sonichu

Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the Manajerks at the Mal-Wart region, but leaves just before the W-M-Manajerk shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.

Darkbind would later return to repel Mary Lee Walsh's invasion of CWCville in Sonichu #6, and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven Sonichu Balls to re-awaken his beloved Zelina Rosechu.

Mecha-Jerkops

Main article: Mecha-Jerkops

Mechanical Jerkops used by the Manajerks to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by Darkbind Sonichu, suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops.

Sonichu #4

Sonichu #5

Sonichu #6

Sonichu #7

Mighty the Armadillo

Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Armordillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the Sonic The Hedgehog video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by Sonichu readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.

When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" Bionic the Hedgehog, he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.

Sammy

Main article: Sammy

A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical "Family Guy" style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate caricature of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.

Janekops

You have the right to remain sexayyyyy

Female Jerkops. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in Sonichu 4, by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform retarded people into new Jerkops. Presumably, then, any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Jerkops with tits would be seen standing guard at PVCC in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.


Sonichu #8

Thurston Howell III

The "S" in "Sonichu" stands for "Subtlty".

In Sonichu 8, Christian Weston Chandler sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis Jason Kendrick Howell with a scathing parody of Encyclopedia Dramatica. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no anime or Family Guy characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found Thurston Howell III and Lovey Howell, the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series Gilligan's Island. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.

Appearing outside the 4-cent_garbage.com building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointles exercise, as Chris has already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his website, YouTube videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in 2008.

Greta Squall

News anchor for "FQX News". Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.

Sonichu #9

Florance Fisher

SchuFlorence.jpg

One of the few black characters in Sonichu that isn't evil. She is rejected by Reginald, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles South Park's art style, and was probably traced.

  • Rita Jackaras
  • Barely mentioned:
    • Amy Testa
    • Clem Jennings
    • Geraldine
    • Fred Shiflet
    • Emily Ryan
    • Unnamed computer-lab attendant
    • Clyde Raymond - Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at Clyde Cash
  • Robots (Transformers rip-offs, because Chris can't ruin your childhood enough):
    • Prower - Punchy's Motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from Transformers Animated
    • Scoundrals As Vessels - evil PVCC Decepticon, Repaint of Swindle from Transformers Animated
    • Son-Chu - Chris's gay ass car with the Sonichu vanity plate
    • Bumble-Lumba - recolor of Bumblebee from Transformers Animated. Also a pizza delivery car
    • Excelina - recolor of R.C. from Revenge of the Fallen.
    • Armoraxe - recolor of Sound Wave from Transformers Animated. Even has a guitar as a weapon.

Both were created by PandaHalo. [1]

Sonichu #10

Bugs, enjoying what appears to be a joint.

Bugs Bunny

A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, Bugs Bunny appeared briefly in Sonichu 10 to scold Jimmy Hill for his infringement upon Sonichu's copyright. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.

Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend Sonichu.

Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez

Two of CWCville's policemen (true blue, not Jerkops) who show up in Sonichu 10 to apprehend Inos. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of Sonichu.

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of Family Guy. He takes a particular interest in Sonichu's son Robbie.

Louis is the black officer - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in Mailbag 50. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "little Lou"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in Virginia, calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

It is also worthy of note that Louis Perez could be named after the character from the Saw franchise (possibly a relative, as Lindsey Perez from the movies is female). Chris has previously stated, that the Saw series is one of his favorite movie franchises in one of the Mailbags. Both characters are black policemen, making the "inspiration" much more likely. Constable Lou may also be connected to Sergeant Lou of The Simpsons, which would make Gerald Officer Eddie.

The Asperpedia Four on trial. (clockwise from the top: Mao, Alec, Evan, Sean)

The Asperpedia Four

The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:

  • Alec Benson Leary - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
  • Evan - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
  • Sean Watley - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
  • Mao - Asperpedia admin. Is broken and killed by Chris.
Simonla's killer.

Others

  • Sackboy
  • Jimmy Hill
  • Clyde Cash - a homo troll whom Chris forces to kill himself.
  • Jack Thaddeus - another homo troll whom Chris forces to kill himself.
  • Meg Griffin - Revealed to be Silvana in disguise.
  • Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu - an alternate universe variation of Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu creation. Is cured of Asperger's and transformed into Mitch Sonichu by Ultra Sonichu.
  • Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu - the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Wild Sonichu, Bubbles Rosechu, Angelica Rosechu, Punchy Sonichu and Magi-Chan. Transformed and cured of their Asperger's by Ultra Sonichu.
  • Metal Asperchu - A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven Chaos Pickles. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.
  • Basement Rosechus
  • Inos
  • Simonchu
  • Toilet Exploding Voltorb - The Pokemon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.
  • Sandy Rosechu
  • Judge Slack Lewis
  • Marvey Blaziken - A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a Bird. serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's Mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.

Sonichu Special 2

It is said that perfect wedding days can feel like sweet blissful happy blur for everybody. Ching Chong certainly feels that way, but not in the usual sense... she was told about "recycling".

Ching Chong

A small Chinese girl that Ivy tutored in art. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "Navy" while innocently browsing the Encyclopedia Dramatica website. Chris offered formal excuses to her in a Captain's Log video. In the comic she appears as the flower girl.

Other Characters

  • Canino Houndhowl - receptionist for wedding, a creation of Megan that Chris ripped off
  • Gecko and Mantis, a pair of Raptor Chefs.
  • Lilith - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
  • Rachel - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
  • CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
  • My Little Pony
  • Spas - a feline pianist

Sonichu Special 4

  • CChanSonichuCWC - The REAL CHRIS who is falsely portrayed as a madman who kidnapped Kacey and likes to cut people
  • Kacey - The Damsel in Distress
  • Megatron - used to injure a man who is already disarmed.
  • Kacey's family - All are thankful to Ian Brandon Anderson for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs
    • Matt Devoria - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
    • Kacey's mother
    • Kacey's brother
    • Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "geeky twerp"

Sauce

  1. ↑ From the CWCipedia Sonichu page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" "Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."

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